120: Choose Your Hard - Grief & Life Mindset w/ Kendra Allen

Melissa was already crying at the start of this episode. When she first lost her daughter, Leyden, she could barely leave the house, let alone get to a grief counselor’s office. But that is what she did. And that grief counselor is the special guest today, Kendra Allen.

Melissa was a puddle at Kendra’s office in the beginning. But everyone deserves to have a space held for them. And Kendra allowed that space for Melissa. And what Melissa thinks is powerful is not only the tools in which she was taught the ways that widened her understanding of grief but the space that Kendra fostered. 

Melissa’s goal today is to inform you and educate you on the many aspects of grief that aren't spoken about and allow you to have a lens into the version of Melissa that could barely show up. As Melissa is publishing a book and hosting a podcast, the public sees a version of her that is much more healed. But Kendra is one of the only people who witnessed her at her rawest. 

Melissa started this episode crying and uncertain how the conversation would go. But she was brave and moved forward. Melissa and Kendra speak on many things. Disenfranchised loss. Miscarriages and infertility. Why the second year after a loss is often more challenging. And much more. 

No matter where you are on your grief journey, this episode will provide a space to learn and be heard. Whether or not you do the grief work, you’re moving forward. So why not do the work?

Highlights

1:20 - Meeting someone during the rawest time of grief4:25 - The mindset to survive the early stages of grief6:33 - Kendra predicts Melissa's future8:16 - Expanding the scope of grief10:12 - Separating yourself from your grief journey12:30 - Exposing disenfranchised loss15:21 - Choose your hard17:41 - Grief doesn't change a person24:04 - The hidden opportunities of grief28:00 - Exploring secondary losses34:55 - One of the hardest grief lessons to learn39:19 - What is ambiguous loss?43:35 - The four tasks of grief47:43 - The #1 resistance to healing52:45 - The difference between letting go and integrating58:25 - Creating positive outcomes in therapy

Resources

What’s your Grief websiteWhat’s your Grief on Instagram

About the podcast

Grief and Guts is for anyone navigating:

Bereaved parentsAging parentsDivorceEmpty nestFertility journeyJob lossRelationship endingMovingThe loss of sense of selfThe loss of life envisioned

Meet the host

When Melissa Dlugolecki lost her daughter, Leyden, in a case termed a catastrophe, she didn't want to live...never mind love life, again.

As a bereaved mother, when Melissa lost my daughter, Leyden, she never thought she would be happy again. Melissa felt guilty when she started to smile.

​As a former educator, Melissa felt trapped by the politics, paperwork, and constricting schedule of the education system.

Yet after building a 7-figure business, traveling the world, launching a podcast, writing a book (more to come), and coaching thousands of individuals, she has found one thing to be true for all of us…

We have the power to create our own happiness, regardless of circumstances. And there are certain processes and strategies effective in doing so.

It’s not just a “think positive” method or a “go harder” approach. I intertwine a dance of intangibles around our energy management with tangibles such as action steps, communication strategies, and ways to feel our best.

Growth isn't always forward progress. It's messy. It's hard. But it is worth it. And while you work your way to whatever goal you are pursuing, just keep showing up. Life is too short to feel stuck.

Connect with Melissa

Learn more at Melissa’s websiteJoin the conversation on Instagram

Credits

The podcast was edited and mixed by Andrew at 51 features. Connect at andrew {at} 51features {dot} com.

Catch up with me on socials!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissadlugolecki/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melissa.dlugolecki

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-dlugolecki-b24988141/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@melissadlugolecki

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MelissaDlugolecki