Whack Attack

You are about to experience a whack attack. Listen, you know people who are having a hard time...people who are obviously uncomfortable. They always say, "I'm all out of whack." So let me tell you that tonight, I am very definitely IN Whack. What's left of my Louie-Louie Generation body has just about conquered a beastly bug, and I am feeling remarkably lifelike.
I'm sitting here in my big, black, comfortable leather pappa chair in my living room, which really helps make me comfortable in my fanny and in my feelings. When things get out of whack for me, sitting in it always helps me get back into whack...where I belong.
Most people are out of whack way too often. They're not comfortable in their fannies and their feelings. Even some of my fellow Louie-Louie Generation guys who should know better get their shorts all knotted up. They get jealous of the young guys. They think the young guys all live lives involving large hot tubs full of naked Victoria's Secret models. Ha. According to Big Louie, his own bad self, the Chief Mustard Cutter of the Louie-Louie Generation, the fact is that the typical evening of excitement for Pimple People guys is watching the third re-run of the scores on ESPN, while eating the last few kernels of popcorn from the bag they just brought home from the movies.