A Dirty Dog

Now, I realize that what I am about to say will put me high up on your list of surly, soulless, scoundrels. But I don't want a dog in my life right now. I also realize that it is statements like that which cause a great many, mostly unnecessarily fatal fights between men and women. And I understand that one of the, things my Lady Wonder Wench is thinking now is, "If I throw a stick will he run after it...and just keep running ?"
My buddy Al and his wife have a dog they named Ike. They treat Ike like their child. My feeling is that I have had enough children. And besides, I fear that the mixing of human and dog DNA could well result in the creation of an animal, which, instead of barking, would look up at you and say, "Let my people go." I can't help it. Right now, I want to be the only animal in Lady Wonder Wench's life.
I know how to deal with this. A Gold fish.