033: Just Say No to People Pleasing, You Have a Choice - Victim or Victor, and Learning to Put Yourself First Because Survival with Heather Thorkelson

Meet HeatherHeather Thorkelson is a coach who works with entrepreneurs to grow their impact and visibility while growing their bottom line. She has been location independent for 7 years and runs her businesses from all over the world, including, on occasion, Antarctica. Heather is also the owner of Twin Tracks Expeditions, a polar expedition company.BUT THIS CONVERSATION, YOU GUYS. THIS CONVERSATION! TWO VICTORS HAVING COME THROUGH ABUSIVE CHILDHOODS THE BETTER FOR IT.Resilience, determination, a fuck-you attitude to the stuff that just doesn’t matter, learning to survive from an early age, the sweet relief that comes when you realize you’ve healed enough to allow someone else to have your back, and the amazing qualities we inherited from our abusers. Heather has an absolutely heartbreaking and fascinating backstory and I know so many of us can relate to having to literally raise ourselves because of our screwed up parents.So, so good. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!IN HEATHER’S WORDSon people pleasing “So I, I’ve never been that way. I’m still very much not that way. I am unable to understand. I’m unable to actually properly empathize with people who, who people please, and especially the extreme ones that compromise themselves so much. I don’t get it because for me, life has always been about survival, so I have to put myself first. Sorry for everyone else, but like I have to put myself first because there’s no safety net, you know, there has never been a safety net.”and even more on people pleasing “…it’s not going to be a popular opinion, but whatever. I think we tend to look at people pleasers as sort of a little bit weak and the extreme people pleasers, we look at as a little bit pathetic because it feels like there’s something missing in them. Why do you have to run around making sure that everybody’s better before you are? That’s fucked up! You’ve got to change that narrative.”on putting yourself first for survival “…when you’re in that kind of fight or flight environment from as long as you can possibly remember, quite frankly, you don’t really give that much of a shit about anyone else, you know? I don’t mean to sound really harsh and nasty like I’m not, I’m, you know, I’m capable of nurturing. I have good relationships…”a recent conversation with her mom “I’m not going to say what you want to hear to make you feel better about the choices that you made. And some people might think that that’s really harsh, but I don’t think it’s harsh. My whole life got massively fucked because of the decisions that she made.”finding the silver linings “Most people don’t ever want to give any credit to their abusive parent. I’m totally happy to give him the credit for this. I got his brains and I got his sense of humor and like what the hell would I do without my brains?”And my very fave…The way that you become the victor of your own story is you write that story. It doesn’t matter what happened before. Everyday that you wake up, you are writing your story. It’s a work in progress. It’s not a done deal. You are not a victim. You are not that person. You’re not! Whatever thing that happened to you, you are who you choose to be.When you wake up today and tomorrow and the next day and a year from now, you might look back on the first 30 years and go – well –  that was a giant cluster fuck but for the past year, God dammit, I have been doing an amazing job and I am super proud of who I am becoming.CONNECT WITH HEATHERWebsite | Instagram | Facebook | Twin Tracks ExpeditionsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.