Fruitbowl: An Oral History of Queer Sex

S5E10 - Firsts Vol.4: Internet Hookups

There’s a tendency to devalue first times that come as a result of the internet. There’s no meet-cutes; no love at first sight. The getting-to-know-you window happens on your device. Most of them are one-offs we will never see ever again. But, like it or not, this is the way most of us find first time partners now though there are signs that dating apps are losing users and people are starting to rely more on in-person opportunities. The most compelling part of first time internet hookups is...

S5E9 - Firsts Vol.3: High School Hookups, Part 2

As I was building this second high school hookup episode, I realized that many of the stories have striking similarities. People who grew up thousands of miles apart, often in different decades, had similar coming of age experiences. So I decided to create an entire episode featuring story pairs that are like fun-house reflections of each other; further proof that, even though queer adolescence is often full of deep insecurity and loneliness, there is likely someone out there who is going thr...

S5E8 - Firsts Vol.2: High School Hookups, Part 1

For queer people, our sexuality is not something that just switches on one day. It reveals itself over time - usually during adolescence - and the experience is often internal and private. Our first explorations into physical intimacy with other people often serve as a kind of test to see if we like it and help us start to define the role that sex will play in our lives as adults. High school is “go time” for these explorations and life quickly becomes a steaming stew of hormones, insecuritie...

S5E7 - Firsts Vol.1: First Crush

Listen on Apple Podcasts  Listen on Spotify. Who was your first crush? That first intense infatuation with someone special? A famous actor? A singer? An Athlete? Or was it someone you knew like another student at your school, a hot neighbor or a teacher who gave you extra attention? Whoever it was, first crushes are often the first indication that we have queer tendencies. This can be validating but also a little scary. In case you’re a size queen and want an extra long version of this epis...

S5E6 - Sex Ed Vol.3: Mastering "Self-Love" (Puritan Description Edition)

Help support independent queer media. Get exclusive access to an UNCUT version of this episode with more than 30 extra minutes of stories by joining Fruitbowl’s Patreon community. Learn more at fruitbowlpodcast.com/donate Listen on Apple Podcasts  Listen on Spotify. Note: the descriptions of this episode were altered to avoid censorship by the major podcast platforms. America’s puritanical roots are never more exposed than they are when the subject of "self-love" is discussed or, more oft...

S5E6 - Sex Ed Vol.3: Mastering Masturbation

Get exclusive access to a LONGER, UNCUT version of this episode with more than 30 extra minutes of stories by joining Fruitbowl’s Patreon community. Help support independent queer media. Learn more at fruitbowlpodcast.com/donate Listen on Apple Podcasts  Listen on Spotify. America’s puritanical roots are never more exposed than they are when the subject of masturbation is discussed or, more often, avoided by schools and parents. Some religions explicitly discourage it. But when it comes to...

S5E5 - Sex Ed Vol.2: My First Porn

Patreon members get exclusive access to an UNCUT version of this episode with 20 extra minutes of stories. Learn more at fruitbowlpodcast.com/donate Listen on Apple Podcasts  Listen on Spotify. Many of us grew up in families and communities that never once acknowledged the existence of queer people: no exposure to queer authors, filmmakers, artists. Pornography is often the first media we see that acknowledges queer sexuality. In this episode, you will hear stories of pornography found unde...

S5E4 - Sex Ed Vol.1: Secrets of Sex

Listen on Apple Podcasts  Listen on Spotify. Now we’re getting down to the nitty gritty. For this first episode we’re going back to the beginning of our coming of age when we had no clue what sex was or what it even meant. Maybe we heard about it from our parents, our friends or maybe we even went to a library. Many of us got the wrong information or maybe it just didn’t make sense but whatever we learned we definitely wanted to know more. Here’s a list of contributors for this episode alon...

S5E3 - Origins Vol.3: Mother's Nature

Femininity and queerness go hand in hand; that’s the conventional wisdom, anyway. So it follows that our mom’s should be supportive, non-judgmental, embracing of our idiosyncrasies and accepting of children who don’t conform to conventional expectations of gender. But it doesn’t always work out that way. In this episode, Dave introduces a collection of stories about moms who teach us, disappoint us and, occasionally, surprise us. Here’s a list of contributors for this episode in the order in...

S5E2 - Origins Vol.2: Our Flawed Fathers

There are as many cliches about fatherhood as there are about queer people. Dads are little league coaches, the leaders of prayers, the final word in family debates, trusted voices of wisdom who guide their children through adolescence and prepare them for adulthood. Join Dave as he introduces a chorus of queers who describe their complex relationships with their fathers and what their patriarchs did (or didn’t do) when they found themselves in charge of kids who drew outside the lines of th...

S5E1 - Origins Vol.1: Families & Hometowns

Welcome to Season 5 and a new episode format! Instead of just one person’s story, Season 5 episodes will present a variety of different stories and anecdotes from the Fruitbowl archive centered around a common theme. In this inaugural episode we focus on stories about families and hometowns. Adam describes being bullied and what happened when he eventually allowed himself to enjoy masturbation. Originally recorded in Oct. 2019. Find Adam’s full episode HERE (S2E3). Elliott reflects on the ...

S4E18 - Breona, 34. Mt. Vernon, WA

Breona is a professional sex therapist and author who lives not far from her hometown of Mt. Vernon, WA: home to the annual tulip festival. Growing up, Breona didn’t have many resources to answer her questions about sex. An early investigation to online porn was discovered by her parents and inspired her mother to have The Talk with her, but questions remained about being “in love” and responding to her body’s sexual instincts. College provided opportunities to finally dive into the “full men...

S4E17 - John C., Tallulah, LA

Listen on Apple Podcasts Listen on Spotify John C. has had an unpredictable professional career and sexual history. He grew up in the deep south with racist family members and neighbors. Sexual experimentation with a friend happened early on, but, later, in college, things got complicated when a coworker raped John after a night of drugs and drinking. Jealous partners during his years as an aerobics instructor and boyfriends who didn't "get" his drag performance were additional obstacles. B...

S4E16 - Zachery, 24. Seattle

When I was preparing to record my intro to Zachery’s episode, I started to compose a long reflection on the recent tragedy in Colorado Springs where a 22 year old monster with a rife decided to murder 5 innocent people in a gay bar, but every attempt I made trying to articulate my rage and sadness seemed trite and cliché. So I decided to simply dedicate this episode to the victims. Some listeners might wonder why I don’t have more famous people on Fruitbowl and the reason is simple: famous p...

S4E15 - Dave, 49. Derby, KS

Fruitbowl’s creator and producer, Dave Quantic, provides his first full-length Fruitbowl interview in this “very special” episode hosted by editor Ryan Weadon. Dave’s sexual orientation came into focus early on while growing up in small-town, suburban Kansas in the late eighties, but the only place he could meet other queer people was cruising bathrooms and public parks in near-by Wichita. An assault and HIV scare inspired him to come out in college and, eventually, to his family. Since the...

S4E14 - Steven M., 50. Tucson, AZ

Steven grew up in his “shit-kicking” town of Tucson, AZ and even though it was liberal compared to the rest of the state, he was still a target for bullies because of his lisp and his habit of staring at other guys in the locker room. But summer adventures with his Dad in Ojai, CA taught him that a wondrous queer world waited for him outside of Tucson. Since recording his original Fruitbowl interview in 2019, Steven has gone through some major life events that he talks about in a follow-up c...

S4E13 - Lizzie, 29. Seattle

Lizzie grew up in super-liberal Seattle with super-cool, neo-hippie parents who had lots of queer friends and didn’t bat an eye when Lizzie let them know that she was … not straight. Lizzie took the lead when it came to her first time with a guy and you’ll enjoy hearing about her other adventures with a girl from her gym, an Irish bartender and a French Canadian who swept her off her feet - enough for her to risk being detained by Canadian police at the border. When she was young, Lizzie also...

S4E12 - Getting Fresh with Eric & James

On this special Getting Fresh episode of Fruitbowl editor Ryan Weadon takes the reins as host and introduces a conversation Dave had with Eric, a nurse and Monkeypox survivor who lives in Portland with his partner Dave. Eric describes what it’s been like dealing with the virus and the challenges he’s had emotionally. Click HERE to visit the webpage for this episode that will feature Eric’s written answers to Dave’s pre-interview questions in case you wanted more information about his specific...

S4E11 - Andrew, 31. Philadelphia

Listen on Apple Podcasts  Listen on Spotify Andrew was a self-described baby drag queen when he was little, putting on makeup and heels and performing for his parents. So when he told his mom at age 10 he was gay, her reaction was, “I know.  Do you still wanna go to the mall?” But just because Andrew was out didn’t mean adolescence was a walk in the park. A self-described awkward kid, he struggled with ADHD and anxiety. At age 8 he was sexually abused at a theater camp and, in his teens, st...

S4E10 - Mike B., 69. NYC

Gay men had a lot of variables to balance while coming of age in the 70s and 80s: the sexual revolution & liberation, drug culture, AIDS, social stigma and intimacy and Coming out wasn’t easy while he was working on Wall Street. Through all of it, Mike tried to stay true to himself while figuring out that, as sexual beings, we are in a constant state of evolution. Later in life, Mike became a leader and activist, sitting on executive boards of many national gay organizations. Now he dedicat...

S4E9 - Puddin', 35. Atlanta

Originally from a small town in Georgia, Puddin’s coming of age was divided in two. Outwardly, he was a devout Christian of the Pentecostal tradition and aspired to be a church leader and during sermons, homosexuality was always used as an example of the worst kind of sin. Privately, though, he struggled with his sexuality and was the target of abuse by a family member. After his family found out, he tried several different faith-based solutions for “curing” himself and, in the process, met ...

S4E8 - Debra, 71. Palo Alto

You might assume you don’t have much in common with a 71 year old lesbian, but consider these three points: 1. Debra came of age at the dawn of the sexual revolution; 2. She’s a legend in the lesbian kink community and has some really fun kink play stories; 3. She is a total badass and a one of a kind human. Growing up in famously liberal Palo Alto, Debra was a precocious young woman, hungry for knowledge but a proposal from a “perfect” boyfriend in her 20s felt premature so she broke his hea...

S4E7 - Getting Fresh with Gayish - ORGIES

In this Getting Fresh episode, Dave welcomes his in-studio guests: the creators of the Seattle-based Gayish podcast, Kyle and Mike and asks them about their podcast’s origin and its unique format: unpacking gay stereotypes one episode at a time. Then we listen to a listener-submitted story that describes the writer’s first time at an orgy and we discuss our own orgy adventures and our different experiences and expectations when it comes to group sex. Speaking of group sex, the orgy story was ...

S4E6 - Kenny, 30. Hutchinson, KS

Kenny is the definition of a survivor. After experiencing abuse by a family member and getting kicked out of the house by his single mom while still in high school, Kenny lived in his car until he decided to move in with his first boyfriend. A move to Chicago for a job seemed like an opportunity to start fresh until he was laid off and had to turn to sex work in order to support himself. But despite all the challenges, he refuses to feel shame about his past and his sexuality. His advice: e...

S4E5 - Lilian, 36. Sedalia, CO

Lilian grew up in Sedalia Colorado, a small community outside of Denver. Growing up, Lilian was a good little straight boy who judged other kids for having pre-marital sex. It wasn’t until college in LA that Lilian began her journey into becoming a self-described non-binary, genderfluid transgender woman who is a solo-polyamorous, relationship-anarchist pansexual lesbian slut. An advocate for sexual liberation, Lilian describes the unique sexual relationships she has with various friends. Sh...

S4E4 - Drew, 39. Los Angeles

Growing up in a small California town in the late 90s, Drew didn’t have any exposure to queer people or culture except for the brief mentions on broadcast sitcoms. NBC’s “Must See TV” was a particularly rich source of information. A secret relationship with another guy in his high school confirmed Drew’s budding sexuality but it wasn’t until college at UC Santa Barbara that he had his first legit boyfriend. Years later, a shocking discovery made him question their relationship but it also pro...

S4E3 - Ari, 33. Portland

Ari grew up in Milwaukee until age 10 when his family moved to Tucson, AZ. The new environment brought him out of his shell in spite of being raised in a religious family. Raised as a girl, Ari had the most difficulty with his mom when it came to his family’s acceptance of his identity first as a lesbian, then as a trans man. Ultimately, Ari had to prioritize his own mental health and happiness over his mom’s objections about his “lifestyle.” Eventually, he made his way to Portland, OR wher...

S4E2 - Getting Fresh with Justin & Jason

Introducing the premiere episode of the Getting Fresh series reboot. For season four, these episodes will feature informal conversations with interviewees whose main Fruitbowl interviews are more than a year old. In this episode Justin updates us about how his relationship with his husband has evolved during the pandemic and the accommodations that the couple has made for their “extra curricular” partners. We also touch on Fort Lauderdale’s Pig Week and Justin’s creative work as a comic cre...

S4E1 - Justin, 48. Providence, RI

Raised by feminists who had strong opinions about women’s rights, pro-choice advocacy and lesbian visibility, Justin knew early on his sexuality wasn’t pre-determined. But even in liberal college-town Providence, RI he was a target of less-evolved classmates. When presented with his first opportunity for sex experimentation, he chose the D and hasn’t looked back. But ambivalence about masculine tropes and romantic love kept him from finding community with other gay men. It wasn’t until he ...

S3E21 - Saira, 30. Wilmington, DE

This episode features a voice that will be familiar with Fruitbowl fans: our very own host with the most, Saira B.! After just a few minutes of listening, you’ll soon learn why Saira (who, BTW, uses ALL the pronouns) is the perfect person to represent the amazing diversity of experiences of Fruitbowl interviewees. Raised in Wilmington, Delaware to academic parents who trusted their kid to explore cities like Philly and NYC all by herself, Saira was always informed about his body’s different ...

S3E20 - Adam T., 37. Barre, VT

Adam grew up in what he describes as a “Rated R household.” Prince was an early emissary of carnal pleasure who made a deep impact on Adam as a future professional musician. His parents split when he was 2 but his mom remarried and both his dad and his stepdad represented two different versions of masculinity. But homosexuality was still a taboo subject so Adam had to educate himself through early experimentation with friends and porn. After graduation, instead of coming out, he shut the doo...

S3E19 - Mike, 33. Austin, TX

As a first generation Vietnamese-American, Mike felt an obligation to make the most of his opportunities that his immigrant parents fought so hard to provide him. But even though his family was part of a robust Vietnamese community in Sugarland, TX (a suburb of Houston), Mike still felt like an outsider. Unlike most of his friends, he wasn’t fluent in Vietnamese and his emerging sexuality only made him feel more separated. Even after leaving for college and coming out to his family, Mike mai...

S3E18 - Donovan, 46. San Diego

As a kid, Donovan loved to dance and even took lessons beginning at age 9, but growing up in San Diego, he soon realized that the many military bases in the area fueled a toxic culture of masculinity and homophobia and any behavior outside the norm put a target on his back. Once, after seeing a movie, he was called a faggot and assaulted. So even though he had some early experimentation with same sex intimacy, he didn't officially come out until college. Married now and living in Palm Spring...

S3E17 - Andre, 31. Chicago

Andre can’t remember a time when people thought he was straight. Raised as a girl by an independent single mom who took a “tough love” approach to parenting, Andre grew up with a rich inner life but had few friends. “Lesbean” was the preferred insult in grade school, so Andre made up a fictional boyfriend in order to avoid talking about sex.  Even after entering college and coming out as trans, Andre identified as asexual until he met his first girlfriend when they were the only ones who sho...

S3E16 - Dan, 46. Seattle

Dan grew up just north of Seattle and his adolescence was uniquely queer-positive in that it featured supportive parents and plentiful queer friends even in high school. But Dan had his share of challenges including insecurities about sexual performance, penis size and a long journey to discovering his preference for polyamorous relationships. An early education in flirting came courtesy of a friendly dominatrix. And Dan describes some fun role playing as a "boy" with his Daddy and Big Broth...

S3E15 - Karilla, 28. Portland

Karilla’s story, in so many ways, reflects the common stages of personal growth that so many queer people go through: in our early years, insecurity about our sexuality and adults who fail to help guide us; during high school, sitting on the sidelines and watching as our friends perform all the typical hetero coming of age rituals; in college, painful memories about first love and the lessons we learn from heartbreak; and choosing our family and finally accepting and loving ourselves. And did...

S3E14 - Ryan C., 37. San Francisco

For those of us who are more, ahem, “mature”, being out and proud during our adolescence was just not an option - especially in Colorado where Ryan spent most of his coming of age years. In his interview, Ryan does a good job of articulating what it’s like when your body tells you you’re gay before you can even admit it to yourself. Sometimes surprising things can happen when a Tony Little VHS tape is near by. Ryan also describes being a part of Gainer culture and the different ways our bodie...

S3E13 - Nathan S., 32. Portland

Nathan's story is, at once, extremely unique and totally relatable in that he comes from an Egyptian-American family but was raised in an insular Christian community in New Jersey where being gay was a red line that was not to be crossed. The youngest of his family with two much-older sisters, Nathan didn’t always fit in as the leader of his high school bible club. Fortunately, his best friend, Michelle, was the leader of the school’s Straight/Gay Alliance. Years later, Stephen would ask Mich...

S3E13 - Nathan S., 29. Portland

Nathan's story is, at once, extremely unique and totally relatable in that he comes from an Egyptian-American family but was raised in an insular Christian community in New Jersey where being gay was a red line that was not to be crossed. The youngest of his family with two much-older sisters, Nathan didn’t always fit in as the leader of his high school bible club. Fortunately, his best friend, Michelle, was the leader of the school’s Straight/Gay Alliance. Years later, Stephen would ask Mich...

S3E12 - Patrick, 32. Ojai, CA

You'd think living 2 hours from LA would provide plenty of opportunities for a queer kid to explore queer culture; but when you live in a trailer on an abandoned citrus orchard with limited introductions to other people and spotty internet, eighty miles can seem like a million. Nonetheless, Patrick eventually learned about sex and found other queer people, in spite of his mom's objections. A first experience with a mustached stranger from craigslist left a deep impression and, ever since, Pa...

S3E11 - Elliott, 27. Portland

Elliott was raised in Caspar, Wyoming and has packed a lot of living in their 27 years including their own coming out, marriage, divorce, navigating their gender journey as well as figuring out their relationship to their faith, kink and the apps. Elliott also has a lot to say about the act of "squirting" and how to achieve it with a willing partner and also best practices for negotiating intimacy with cis men who might not be experienced with sex with trans people. We also decided that Ellio...

S3E10 - Alex, 36. Long Island

Alex grew up in Huntington, NY on Long Island for the first part of his adolescence and, at first, it almost seemed like a fairy gay-mother was watching out for him: a gay-friendly sex education class; a meaningful introduction to a trans woman; and a promising acknowledgement of gay life from his mom were all early examples of acceptance of gay life. But things with his family soon went south when they moved to Florida and in his early 20s he had to separate from them and make his own way. ...

S3E9 - Erik, 43. Tacoma, WA

Erik came out early to a supportive family and an older sister who was also gay, but it took him a while to find his queer crew: one that honored creativity and alternative options for a gay kid who didn’t necessarily fit into the typical identity of musicals and Madonna. Instead, Prince was an early influence on Erik’s queer life in addition to his musical tastes. An unrequited love in high school proved difficult to shake. Fortunately, Erik’s best friend, a lesbian, convinced him to snap o...

E4 - GETTING FRESH with FRUITBOWL: Meet Saira B. & Season 3 Update

S3E8 - Shavit, 31. Israel/NYC

Shavit was raised on a jewish Moshav in Israel and knew from an early age that he preferred men. When he came of age, his dad took him on a week-long road trip in Europe in order to have “the talk.” The week ended in a Roman hotel room with access to porn. But even though sex wasn't stigmatized in his communal community, being gay was definitely not embraced as an option.  Fortunately, Shavit’s parents shipped him off to Jewish camp in the states every summer during his high school years. T...

S3E7 - Tai, 34. NYC

Raised in Connecticut, Tai was often singled out by other kids because of his Chinese heritage. His parents split up when he was young and his mom came out as a lesbian which, predictably, made his own coming out pretty smooth with his mom and her partner but not so easy with his dad. Even though he knew he was gay pretty early on, Tai didn't have sex until college and, once he bottomed for his first boyfriend, he just kept on doing it until later in his 20s when he got the hang of topping. ...

S3E6 - Salvador, 39. Oakland

Salvador (who identifies as genderqueer and uses he, she and they pronouns) was raised in Whittier, California, between LA and Orange County. Growing up, he didn’t know that their twin was also queer, so most of her sexual explorations were conducted in secret: checking out queer erotic fiction and books about gay sex at the library and cruising the local mall’s bathrooms. The summer between their first year and sophomore year of high school, he struck up a romantic friendship with a footba...

S3E5 - Paul, 61. Chicago

As a gay man who came of age in the 70s, Paul has had a front row seat for the highs of the sexual revolution, the excesses of the 80s as well as the lows of the AIDS crisis.  A self-described “snoop,” Paul discovered a sex manual in his parents bedside nightstand drawer and, as an early bloomer, experimented with masturbation from an early age. After a struggle with addiction, Paul rediscovered the joy and affirmation of masturbation and decided to start his own jack-off club in Seattle aft...

S3E4 - Nathan, 37. San Francisco

I have a deep archive of interviews I am turning into podcast episodes and I'm planning on working hard this year to share them with you. I confess to not knowing what order I will share them. I kind of make it up as I go along. But after finishing the first three for this season, I knew we needed to hear from someone who DIDN'T grow up in a hostile and/or religious fundamentalist environment. But just because Nathan's mom accepted his sexuality from the very beginning - and at a young age -...

S3E3 - Deaunte, 34. Seattle

Deaunte grew up on the “souf” end of Seattle and lives just a few minutes away from Rainer Beach High School where he graduated high school. But between now and then he’s lived in Florida, Philly and Washington DC which was the first place he lived where he regularly met black gay doctors, politicians and, most importantly, activists. Since learning of his HIV positive status and surviving a meth addiction, Deaunte has committed giving back to his community by being honest about his journey....