S02 E29 | Tickly Thomas Tuchel, It'll Be All Dwight On The Night & Punt It Upfield

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Greetings Footballland earholders!

It’s another week of dreamweaving here at Footballland HQ. We’ve been accidentally given $1 billion by the state of Qatar to build the world’s first football theme park and by jove we’re spending that money wisely. Plastic surgery to make 5 tickling fetichists look like Chelsea manager Thomas Tuchel? CHECK. A giant velcro catapult to chuck missing children back towards their worried parents? CHECK. An art installation hosted by Burnley’s Dwight McNeil? CHECK CHECK CHECK.

Here are this week’s rides:

TICKLY THOMAS TUCHEL

Really starting to worry about Anthony, to be honest. He’s convinced that there are people out there that get off on being tickled. He’s then suggested that we take 11 people (5 who get off on being tickled, 6 who absolutely hate being tickled) and plastic surgery them into the shape of Thomas Tuchel, then let them loose around the park as, what, greeters? The idea is that Footballland patrons must decide whether to tickle or be tickled. It’s completely absurd. Did it get voted in? Of course it did.

IT’LL BE ALL DWIGHT ON THE NIGHT

So Ryan isn’t all that much better than Anthony this week. He wants Dwight Yorke to present a daily blooper reel at Footballland for all the guests that had an accident while at the park. But then he hedges his bets in case this idea is awful and chooses instead to have every footballer called Dwight, plus the reanimated body of Dwight Eisenhower, performing some sort of art installation in one of the Os of Footballland. Does it get voted in? Of course it bloody does.

PUNT IT UPFIELD

But topping it all off this week is Mark, who seemingly forgot he’s already pitched a ride based on long hopeful balls with STICK IT IN THE MIXER. His latest variation on a theme is based around that assist that Alisson did recently and involves velcro. Does it get voted in despite no one being quite sure what it is? Yep, you guessed it.

Do YOU have a ride idea that involves plastic surgery, velcro, Dwight McNeil, or none of the above? You are more than welcome to pitch it to us here at Footballland. We’ll discuss everything you throw at us.

Enjoy the ep and see you next week!

Anthony (CEO)

Mark (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)

Ryan (Intern)

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