Greetings Footballlanders!


Fantastic news! Over the weekend we chatted with a guy whose flatmate was from Qatar. He said that they’re counting down the days until the world’s first football theme park opens in their country, and all anyone can talk about is how many seconds they’re going to last on Steve Mechanical Bull. We’re beyond excited at bringing our vision to Doha, and all for the cut price of 1 billion dollars minus the price of a laptop and a nice pen. 


This week we’re proud to unveil THREE new rides:


The Diving Header


Ryan, our intern turned co-president of Footballland, has made a bold claim. He claims that his new ride, The Diving Header, is not only the best ride at the theme park, but it also has the best queuing system of all time. But Mark is unimpressed. Will the best ride idea ever even be voted into the park?


Eddie Howe’s Supermarket Sweep


Mark has been playing too much Fifa Ultimate Team and watching too much daytime TV. The result is a mad dash around a football supermarket picking android clones of elite footballers off the shelves. Will they be too damaged to play? Will they get horny after becoming activated? Mark answers these pressing questions and more. 


Manager Marriage Counselling 


Marriage counselling isn’t exactly the first thing couples look for when visiting a theme park, but Anthony is convinced that old-school British managers such as Neil Warnock, Sam Allardyce and Alan Curbishley would be perfect to get those unsteady unions back on track! 


Do you have a ride idea for Footballland? It could be brilliant. It could be bewildering. It could be barely related to football. Send it in and we’ll discuss it on the show! 


With love, 

Anthony, Mark and Ryan  

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