1:12: Ancestors I: Examining yesterday's actions to understand today's reality

In episode twelve, Tim and Tuesday talk about how we honour and interpret our ancestors’ actions, roles, and impacts — think reverberations of colonialism and class — to grasp the underpinnings of our current world.

1.12 —— SHOW NOTES

Tim: I’ve been doing a lot of work around what it means to have been raised and educated within my class. I realized the need to own the impacts of my ancestry on me and my life, my brother, my sister, parents and friends. This provided a new invitation to see it and take it in—not only how I’m often approached which is colonizer-based. Tues: We are talking about ancestors on two levels: our direct ancestors and their impact on our families and ancestors at large (our people and their impacts). That’s not always a straight line. Tim: We are already ancestors by virtue of being alive. We need to begin to think of ourselves as ancestors.Tues: For me it’s the whole view that says, ‘can I soften my heart to let in that whole view; while very much holding that right now our pasts, our presents and our future is absolutely impacted by our positioning related to that colonialism.’Tim: This is about analyzing our own society with the same rigor we apply to other areas of our society. What is the emotional and psychological state of the people in senior leadership positions? How is that playing out?Tues: The systems aren’t broken. They are doing what they were designed to do.Tim: This ends with how I raise my own children. The power to change is in my house. And something else also starts here, which is what so much of our work and friendship is—the ability to be in whatever happens next and knowing what has come before.

POEM: ‘The Boxer’ by Tim Merry

They abandoned me

They should have been there

I was left

Bereft

Alone

Curled up under a duvet cover from home

Wishing to not be seen

Heart beating, scared

“Why did you leave me here?”

Fear 

Pulsing

Red, jagged and spiralling 

From solar plexus out

Running frantic energy through my body

All the way to my fingers and toes

But nowhere to run, nobody I know

To run to

“Where were you?”

This was meant to be grand adventure

Not trauma

Not weeping at 43

Only feeling me

When the tears flow

Hand on heart

We never should have been apart

Our family

You and me

In the empty space

Stepped the boxer, braced

For any attack

Come one, come all

I am ready, poised, watchful

Weaving

Fists up, back to the wall, there is no leaving

Sadness turned to anger

Reading to explode

Unload

When things get beyond control

Protecting my soul

When you did not

I surrounded myself with a team of defenders

Boxer

Charmer

Actor

Fixer

Worker

Joker

Lover

Anger

Server

Connector

All to keep the world at bay

Because it was not safe 

To come out and play

Now slowly I am peeping out

My blurry eyed head

Over parapet walls

There is me 

Looking in

To the place I protected

Where I am not longer connected 

Meeting eye to eye

Starting to cry

More tears to flow

More of myself to know

If I dare go slow

With the flow

Of what the wisdom of my psyche

Is unveiling to me now

At 43

I am coming back home, to me

Song of the day: Oppression, Ben Harper

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Find the song we played in today’s show—and every song we’ve played in previous shows—on the playlist. Just search ‘Find the Outside’ on Spotify.

Duration: 38:24

Produced by: Mark Coffin @ Sound Good Studios

Theme music: Gary Blakemore

Episode cover image: source

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