Koni Scavella, PhD: Overcoming financial loss & betrayal with Iconic Resilience

🔥   Big setbacks, including financial decisions gone wrong, can break entrepreneurs. But it doesn't have to be that way.

🔥   Highly successful visionary entrepreneurs tend to exhibit not only more resiliency than their less successful counterparts, but also life, outlook, and professional habits that continually expand their capacity for resilience.

🔥   That's why Koni and I are continuing our conversation. This time we're talking about a 100k loss, dealing with betrayal, and her turning point that took her from being burned by the industry to resiliently committing to figuring it out.

Listen in to find out about:What it means to be psychologically unemployableRemembering who she was againLeaving her multi-6 figure corporate jobTransitioning from corporate to working with entrepreneursSearching for mentors & MastermindsBelieving in herself enough to invest in a 100k famous-multi-mentor program...that evaporatedDealing with betrayal, humiliation, embarrassment, and immense loss of trustShe never lost the conviction that she could make a million dollars in a year.How learning what it felt like to be betrayed in that way taught her how she wanted to build her business going forwardThe turning point that took her from being burned by the industry to resiliently committing to figuring it outand so much more!Learn more about Koni:

Community: http://TheIconicEntrepreneur.com

Workshops: http://The7FigureWorkshop.com

Books: http://KoniScavella.com/SOAR

The SOAR Quiz: http://KoniScavella.com/quiz

Website: http://KoniScavella.com

Facebook: https://Facebook.com/KoniScavella

Linked In: https://Linkedin.com/in/KoniS

Instagram: https://Instagram.com/KoniScavella

YouTube: https://YouTube.com/KoniScavellaTV

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Transcript:

83 - Koni Scavella, PhD: Overcoming financial loss & betrayal with Iconic Resilience

[00:00:00]

[00:00:56] Intro

[00:00:56] Trina: welcome back to the field guide to awesome folks. In my last episode. [00:01:00] I spoke with Leslie Rochelle.

Leslie is a soul led leadership coach who supports new and emerging leaders to bridge the inner and outer connection with self. Cultivating the skills and confidence that support their foundational leadership platform. So they can powerfully claim their leader within. She's a wife, mama coach mentor, international bestselling author. And the founder of Leslie Rochelle coaching and consulting.

Companies love to promote new executive leaders up from their ranks. It reduces cost time to productivity and increases employee retention and team morale.

However research has shown that 40% of new executives fail within 18 months, whether it's the cultural fit, inability to build teamwork or they're unsure of their role as a new leader. So that's why I spoke with Leslie Rochelle about her leadership journey, as well as widely held [00:02:00] misconceptions and small shifts that can transform your leadership capacity.

Both of your sense of fulfillment and impact will skyrocket when you make these shifts.. If you missed it, make sure to go back and check it out.

but don't go yet, folks.

We're continuing our conversation. With. Koni Scavella.

Koni is a speaker, author and business and strategic advisor. For CEOs and entrepreneurs seeking a quantum leap in their lives and business simultaneously.

An entrepreneur for 17 years with degrees in theology and physics. She has worked with new startups, fortune five hundreds and Inc 500 companies in healthcare, real estate. Education sports, finance, oil and gas, retail ministry hospitality. Entertainment. And Connie, and I will be talking about becoming the difference maker reverse engineering, her success and niching [00:03:00] profitably. It can be so easy to take success for granted. - That is until your process stops working. That's why we're talking today with Koni Scavella about how she got her aha from experiencing failure after a string of successes.

Big setbacks, including financial decisions gone wrong. Ken brake entrepreneurs. But it doesn't have to be that way. Highly successful. Visionary entrepreneurs tend to exhibit not only more resiliency then their less successful counterparts. But also life outlook and professional habits that continually expand their capacity for resilience. That's why Connie and I are continuing our conversation. This time, we're talking about a 100 K loss dealing with betrayal and her turning point that took her from being burned by the industry to resiliently committing to figuring it out.

[00:03:59] Trina: Join me in [00:04:00] welcoming Koni. Scavella. .

[00:04:03] Interview

[00:04:03] Trina: So often we, we love talking about the successes

[00:04:07] Koni: Yeah. Hmm.

[00:04:10] Trina: they're fun and we love them, but we also need to take a look at the failures of when they happened and how they happened and what was going on doing that. The lessons learned because I feel like when we do that as well, there are people who are in it right now.

[00:04:36] Koni: MmmmHmm

[00:04:37] Trina: They're in those those points of failure right now. And when they hear and see how someone else overcame it and what became possible for them after it's like a Ray of hope and the stories become real and the possibilities become more real. And so are you comfortable [00:05:00] talking about some of the failures that you experienced in the past that you've overcome

[00:05:04] Koni: Absolutely.

[00:05:05] Trina: and what those were were like for you?

[00:05:08] Koni: Yeah, I'll give you two. Okay. And these were pivotal ones. They were huge for me. And I think a lot of people could probably relate to both of them. One is financial. One is emotional. All right. If we have enough time to do

[00:05:24] Trina: We have time.

[00:05:25] Koni: Okay. All right. And let me start with the financial one.

And so for me, I was here's something, a lot of people don't know is that over my career, like a lot of people, I I'm psychologically unemployable. I am a great employee. Right. All the way to the C-suite. I can do it all. I don't like it. I mean, there were so many times driving to my job, even though I know. Multiple six figures in jobs that I [00:06:00] sometimes I'd literally stop, pull over, throw up cry, wipe my mouth and go straight on.

Right. Because I hated it so much. And but I just kept going and I thought, well, that's all I can do. Then I finally remembered who I was again. I thought I'm going to go do my thing. I gave myself a an F-you date, the date that I'm going to go to the company and say, oh bye. Right. And I had it planned out..

I had the day I had how I was going to do it. I was going to come in late at night and had a prominent office. And I was going to come in late at night, clean everything out, and then they'd all walk in and oh, where is she? And I was so excited. I knew the date and then I decided do it early, right? The date was July [00:07:00] 4th. That was my independence day. And I thought, no, I can't take it anymore. And so I left in April, I got, I'm doing it, going back out on my own. I had, I had consulted with corporates, but what I really wanted to do is not have those chains in those boxes.

I had to fit in as a corporate consultant. I wanted to work with entrepreneurs. I love that. Like, somebody has a dream. It's like, get this out of me, help me make this grow. That's my passion. And I come from four generations of entrepreneurs. That's my thing. It just lights me up. So I'm like, I'm doing, I'm going.

I left a extremely high paying position. But I knew I smart. I can do it. I've had my own companies, no big deal. I hadn't done this. And this was in not too long ago. Early 20, 19 yeah, early

[00:07:51] Trina: So not long at all.

[00:07:53] Koni: No, no. And I had extreme success consulting. Right. But not in this venue with entrepreneurs [00:08:00] exclusively.

And so I thought this is it. This is easy. I'm going to go out and do this, but I know I've always succeeded. Well at look, why do I succeed? Always had good mentors. So you know how to, as we see all of these options, it wasn't so bad at this time to hit different masterminds and things like that. And I had attended a lot of them trying to get out and do it on my own, but I never did.

And I was at that job. For four years, I said, I'm, I'm building

[00:08:32] Trina: a long time. It feels like a long

time.

[00:08:35] Koni: It felt like 20,

[00:08:37] Trina: Yeah.

[00:08:38] Koni: but here's the lie. This is what made me like that self hatred, right. That just like, I'm lying to myself. And I kept saying, well, when I make on my business, what I make in my job I'll walk away. But that was a false safety net.

Right. And so I kept that up because I was [00:09:00] super successful at my work. And then the more successful, I put more time into it and less into the other and it became this the cycle. Okay. It really was a cycle of doom and gloom. And so I finally do leave and I start out and I go to this event and I had kind of planned out who my mentors were going to be.

It just so happened that three of the candidates were all coming into this one big event. And it w big event downtown. And there were 12 of the big gurus. Right. All of the names everybody knows, and this is amazing. And so I go to this event and I come in as a guest for one, for one of the people. So it was nice.

I didn't even have to pay and they all come up and they give their spiel. And there's 10 of. Amazing. I'm like, wow. And of course, you know, the pitch is coming and at the end, they're all specialists in different areas. It could be video and [00:10:00] email and, and coaching and hiring and training and all these things, internet.

And you're like, gosh, which one do I pick? You know, when they say here's our offer, we're all coming together. And we're all going to be your coach in one group. And I thought, oh, this is perfect. They all know what they're teaching me. This is everything unified. This is exactly what I want. And then they tell us the price and it's a hundred thousand dollars.

[00:10:29] Trina: Holy moly. Yeah.

[00:10:31] Koni: I'm like, well, you know, I guess you paid $10,000 anyway, a person over time. And so I, you know, I'm doing this check with my family. What do you think? They're like, absolutely not. Don't do this. I'm like, you, you know, come on, it's my turn, I'm fighting for this. Right. And so they offer financing and okay.

I've great credit. I do the financing thing, but this so happens to be at the same time that my mother is actually dying. [00:11:00] And so I'm going back and forth across country, up time with her trying to do this thing and I fly over there and then I'm supposed to have my orientation call. I sign up and I have a 15 minute call now.

Oh, we need to reschedule it for next week, which is fine. And that was the end. Never heard from anything. I was devastated. That was a hundred thousand dollars. I was on a loan for, and I had no business. I not working. Nobody, they all scattered like termites. As I try to find this, all of these famous people, if I, it everyone's jaw would drop.

If I named them all and they're still out there and nobody would help me. It was the me, the main person who did this whole charade and there was four or five of us that fell into [00:12:00] this and it was awful. And I worked and worked and tried, and I begged, I risked exposing that I didn't care at this point.

Right. I was going to put all their names out there. Bottom line, I was so hurt. I was hurt. And have you ever been

[00:12:19] Trina: like such a betrayal of trust.

[00:12:22] Koni: it's betrayal. My mentor, Dr. David Hawkins would say, that's the equivalent of a spiritual rape, where everything you put your faith into is stripped away and you don't know who to trust.

If that was the best of the best all together. And they do that, what's going to happen next. And it made me so angry because I locked up my heart. I didn't want to trust, and then I didn't even want to be in this business. I didn't want to have anything to do with it. And it took a long time. One person gave me a portion of his money back. They didn't all get paid either. They all got paid some, but not all of it. And that was [00:13:00] it. And I was humiliated. I was embarrassed. I had to go back to my family and say, I know, you know, you were right. I'm an idiot. And, but I didn't stop. I'm like, but that was what I wanted. Right. I wanted that.

And I never got the money

[00:13:16] Trina: And you trusted yourself enough in the moment

[00:13:19] Koni: Yep.

[00:13:19] Trina: to go all in, to go all in

[00:13:23] Koni: I knew I can. Yeah. And I knew I could make a million dollars in a year. That was the deal. Right. Of course I can, if I have all that, I can do that. So this was everything I wanted. And then it was all taken away and I was like, huh. So it took a little, a few months to recover from that.

But it became the silver lining because. I understood the betrayal. I understood a really dark side of this industry that I had no understanding of how slimy and sleazy and how many liars [00:14:00] and cheats there are out there. And I got behind the scenes and I saw these businesses that said they were so amazing.

They were shell games. And I was like, wow, I would never ever want somebody to feel what I felt that actually became the silver lining. And that that's when I decided to put my business together. So what do I want to do? I said, I want to do exactly what I wanted there. Right? I want to give everybody everything they need to have a business, not these little pieces and parts, you know, and hacks and tricks. A whole business, a whole business. And so eventually that became a blessing, right? Because I thought, how do I make a whole business and take people to a million dollars in a year? And that's my business now, but I don't think it would happen if I didn't fall so hard.

Right. At the same time. That is during that time, my mom passed who was like my best friend, my whole

[00:14:57] Trina: I'm so sorry for your loss.

[00:14:59] Koni: Thank you. [00:15:00] She's she was angelic. She was like I always say she was a combination of mother Theresa Jackie. Oh. With all her style and grace and she looked like Meryl Streep. So put all that together.

And I was absolutely blessed in a world where people are like, oh, I'll take your parents. Right.

[00:15:16] Trina: Yeah.

[00:15:18] Koni: So, and that goes a long way. Right. A lot of people don't have that benefit. I was very, very, very blessed to have that upbringing. And so that was. I thought that was my lowest of lows. Right. The money is gone.

The job is gone. My trust is gone. My faith has gone. Now. I don't even know what I want to do. Like that was what I wanted to do now. I don't even want to touch it. So

[00:15:44] Trina: what was that? What was the turning point that took you from that place of, you know, you just felt so burned, burned by the industry to heck with it. I'm going to do what I want to do [00:16:00] and figure it out. What was that?

[00:16:03] Koni: yeah, I'd love to say it just happened like the next week, but I was like dumb a couple more times.

[00:16:09] Trina: Yeah.

[00:16:11] Koni: And so, because I was still an open wound. Right. You know, they say until you heal from something, you don't really have the ability to not keep attracting it. And so I kept attracting. The same thing. I found it this time, I thought, well, I'm not going to do that.

I'm smart. I'll get a separate coach and this and a separate coach in this. I hired each coach, $20,000 a piece. I went backwards, $120,000. I'm a straight a student. I have a PhD in advanced, theoretical physics. I did everything they said to the letter and I went backwards $120,000. I could not understand.

I am just bleeding, bloody everywhere. And then yet to the world, I have to look like I got it together right [00:17:00] together.

[00:17:01] Trina: an important point, right there is you're going through struggling and trying to put on a fresh face to the rest of the world, like a fro a false front saying I'm doing great. And when really you're struggling.

[00:17:18] Koni: Huh. Huh.

[00:17:20] Trina: And so what kind of job does that do on your psyche, on your emotions?

[00:17:25] Koni: makes it impossible to attract anybody. Right. Because I don't feel worthy of, even though I know I'm great at what I do, I just didn't feel worthy if I can't make right decisions. What is going on? The other thing that happened was as I was looking at, why, why am I keep doing this? And I realized the golden key on all of it was yes, I needed mentors.

I've always had mentors my whole life, and that was vital. But this time I was looking at them [00:18:00] incorrectly, I was looking at these people as savior. Right as idols. And I thought I know nothing about this, just because I hadn't taken my business online in coaching. I'd done it and finance and other things.

I hadn't done it online in coaching. I hadn't done it with the entrepreneur. I'm thinking based on everything they tell me it's so different. It's not right. It's humans wanting a goal, but I believed them so much that I took all of my self-worth and put it on them. And it made me empty. Right. Because I took everything that I was, gave it to them and I was left with nothing.

And once they take that, I'm a shell. Right. And then I feel like a fraud. So it was hard. It was the hard year, hard, hard, hard year. And then it was at December that 2019, all of this happened very quickly. And then I looked up and it was November. It was almost Thanksgiving. I'm like, no way. I'm [00:19:00] not going to end the year.

And the red, I'm not going to have a losing year. I've never done it my whole life. I am not going to do it. And then I just stopped everything. Just basically threw everything out and said, okay, CA I've been a winner in everything. Right. And then you have to start accumulating your wins. Okay. Did this? I

[00:19:22] Trina: And trusting your wins because I think one of the challenges that a lot of people who are, who struggle with imposter syndrome is they have a whole series of wins, but they look back at them and think, oh, well, I was lucky. Or I snuck by, you know, somehow I got that. They, they didn't realize that I wasn't worthy enough for it.

[00:19:47] Koni: right.

[00:19:48] Trina: So it's looking at your past accomplishments and really feeling them as an accomplishment.

[00:19:56] Koni: And being totally self focused in a healthy [00:20:00] way, because you know, it's not what other people look at me as, or how they think of me or people would say, oh, well, you modeled it. Oh, you were in the C-suite and oh, you did all of

[00:20:11] Trina: Oh, it was easy for you.

[00:20:13] Koni: Right. Let me tell you it's the hardest job. Believe it or not ever was the modeling because you aren't put down for your skills or your talent.

You're put down, you're denied for something. You can't do anything about you can't change it. Nope. We wanted someone five, nine and a half. Nope. We need size seven shoe. No no freckles. No, we want freckles. Now only one dimple. I mean, It was like, oh, you're 108 pounds. Nope. We need someone 105 O M G.

Right. And you think, wow, you have this great life. No, that was the hardest, hardest thing. And you go on 10, 15 you know, go seas. It's like going on 10 job applications, you know, interviews a day and they say, no, no, no, no, [00:21:00] no, no, no. And then you wake up the

[00:21:01] Trina: How many times can you hear? No, and feel good about yourself and the answer is one or a million and have it not care. And you just show up and be yourself and show up authentically unapologetically.

[00:21:20] Koni: exactly. In order to make it in all of those places. Right. I'm at all these different levels. Is I had to stop treating it as me and start treating it as a business. Then I made it 10 years and modeling is because I treated myself as a business. I was a product, right? Yes. I was like a slab of meat on a hook going through.

But that was the business. And I learned to market that brand rather than make it about me. Again, I had great mentors guiding me from, you know, 14 years old. Thank [00:22:00] goodness, you know, and I didn't go down the wrong path with the drugs and the drinking and all of that. But when I understood it was a business, that's why it became something that made millions.

[00:22:11] Trina: Yeah, and it is true. I think it's true for many entrepreneurs. I think it's more so true for coaches because of the industry of coaching. We are quote unquote, selling ourselves. We're selling our philosophy, we're selling our coaching. But also because we believe so strongly in what we do. We are very immeshed in it.

We're very attached to it. And so it's very easy to conflate our business and what we do with who we are and our value as a person.

[00:22:55] Koni: Absolutely absolutely. In in

[00:22:58] Trina: a blessing that you [00:23:00] learned, learned that early on.

[00:23:02] Koni: you know, it's so funny. I wrote a book about the whole process. And that was part of the, the 12 years of studying predictable human behavior and human consciousness. And the second step in the whole process is the, oh, and the letter sore. That's the name of the bookstore. And in that, oh, is one of the most devastating things that happens to people and that, oh, as far as the behavior that brings us down and there's an antidote of course, but the, oh is what we call outsourcing.

And if I looked back, that's the thing that I kept doing. I kept just like a company would outsource their labor to overseas and maybe China or Taiwan or something like. We outsource our behaviors, our feelings we outsource for validation and approval, others comparison, or was it Roosevelt said, comparison is the thief of [00:24:00] all joy.

So by doing that, it, it destroys us. Right. And it happens all the time. Usually when we talked about first thing in the morning, right. What is that first thought? Well, how many people, the first thought is reach over, grab your phone, scroll, social media, and that determines your day. And you can't compare to everyone's a side because it's not even real anyway.

And so outsourcing. It's a huge issue. It's the problem with where we are in a society where we have all been compelled to stay home, go online, and then not be social where you can actually pick up what people are really like and that intimacy and the energy of them. But all we get is a one dimensional scene of that.

And then we share that and there's no way you can compare a three or four dimensional human being to a one [00:25:00] dimensional facade on a computer screen.

[00:25:04] Trina: Well, social media is so much of people showing their bright and shiny, and it's kind of like, The lockdown has shown us is that, we're all on zoom now. So we're all pretty from, the chest up and business on the top party on the bottom.

And the same thing is true. I think for much in the way of associate social media still. And so we're comparing our messy back-end with everybody's shiny front end.

[00:25:34] Koni: Yeah, absolutely. And it led to this whole cookie cutter environment. Right. And people are like, oh, well this is what's new. This is what's current. I'm going to do this. And especially in the space of now everyone's told, oh, just be a coach. Everyone can just be a coach. You knew something. You knew how to tie your shoes.

You should be the expert coach at shoe tying. Wow. [00:26:00] And you'll make a million dollars at it in your

[00:26:02] Trina: Oh my God. Yes. Yes. I think it's, it's been a disservice

[00:26:07] Koni: Yes.

[00:26:08] Trina: out there because it comes across as building a coaching business is easy and you were perfectly qualified to be a coach. Now I have certifications. I have training to be a coach, but I've also had very good coaches who haven't been classically trained as a coach.

The difference is they've had experience and, and not just doing the thing that I want to do because coaching isn't teaching coaching is taking people into learning more about themselves and really creating a process that they can follow on their own. Because as a coach where we're working to working ourselves out of a job, that's the goal of it kind of like consulting.

You know, you're not always going to be there. You want to set people up for success.[00:27:00] But there is quite a big industry out there to turn everyone who is sick of their job into a coach.

[00:27:10] Koni: Yes. The, the whole knowledge wave and expert a wave.

[00:27:14] Trina: And it's not coaching it's teaching, you're teaching people how to do things. Hmm.

[00:27:18] Koni: yeah, exactly. And, and I think it's, you know, everybody has that space. I love that. Right. This is one of the things that, that makes people excellent is you've got find your snowflake. What does that one thing right. Makes you so different from everybody. And that you can be unique and you can focus on that.

Why is that important? Because you're singularly focused on the one thing. And when you're focusing on one thing, just like when we were kids, we take the piece of glass over the grass, right. And the light shine, the sun into it, that kind of focused energy would make it burn. It would [00:28:00] light it up. Right.

And so there's. A good aspect of that. Right. And then focus on what you know, but there's a broader aspect on that is the whole one hit wonder thing. So, you know, one thing, and you just became the expert, so to speak because of a fad of the marketplace. But what happens afterwards, what you can predict.

And I always see, like, I always like to know what's the history behind somebody and, and there should be a buyers formula for people out there to know how do you find the right coach, but how do you become that person that is the right person for everybody. And you want to make sure that number one, are they an expert at what they do or have they just come from being a digital marketing agency and then they decide.

Oh, I'm a blogger. And now today I'm a Bitcoin expert or whatever. Okay. And just following the trends or do they have a history of excellence in what they do, but also [00:29:00] excellence in everything? Have they been an expert at multiple fields? Do they have what's called in, in the forest of requisite variety.

Right. So if you look at the greatest animal in the jungle, it's the one that has the most variety of skills and can do the most things, you know, hence the lion. So is it that kind of a person that they can do everything and you know, also the aspects of you know, in, in business, they say you want to find some, you have an option of getting something done for you done with you or done by you.

[00:29:30] Trina: Yes.

[00:29:31] Koni: And it's the same thing with being an expert coach. What aspects of you? Can you be that mentor in like, I've been there, I've done that before, right. And you can guide them. So when I was in the racing field, right, the driver would always have his helmet wired and the crew chief would be there, but we would also plot spotters around the track.

Right. So we could say, Hey, on turn three, there is an accident. Or, you know, [00:30:00] turn five is wet. Oh, the chicane you know, watch out and, you know, there's, there's too much tired tread on the track. So go inward. Right. And you have somebody who can spot ahead of where you're trying to go and have that mentor capability.

And then the consultant is the one that says, do this press on the gas, harder, let up on the brake here, don't do this right. And tells you exactly what to do. And then the coach is the one that says, great job, speed it up, man. You're doing awesome. Right. So how can you take all of those, the coach, the mentor, and the consultant and bring it into what you do, because that's what people are really looking for.

They're not just looking for, they want the whole skeleton, they just don't want the shinbone and the shoulder blade and the, you know, and the thoracic, you know?

[00:30:50] Trina: for a real solution.

[00:30:51] Koni: Exactly. And, and so having that whole thing, we call it ease and plastic. That's my favorite word. I have you, are you familiar with [00:31:00] that word?

It's an old, old English word is in plastic means one who has the ability to unite disparate parts into one unified whole. And that is what we'd like to look at as a business, right? Can we offer all these different parts of a business in one. Can you offer in yourself all of the different things that somebody would need for that problem that they're trying to solve in one place?

Or do they have to get this from you and this from somebody else in this, from somebody else and then need four or five different coaches. Right. So how can you be ease and plastic in your business?

[00:31:40] Trina: And that might even be, and you can correct me if you're taking in a different direction. But if you are the mindset expert, and then you have someone who is the copywriting expert, and then you have someone who you have a team supports, but all in one place.[00:32:00]

[00:32:00] Koni: And have it unified, right? Because if you, sometimes you can't right. And you can't get them, but do they at least have the same philosophy and are they of the same you know, direction that they're trying to go? Some people say, oh no, you have to do ads right away, for example. And then some people will say, Nope, don't do ads until you're making 10 to $15,000 a month.

Well, which one is it? Okay. So it still has to be in that unified field. We call it a biosphere, right? A sphere of life, all of these things have to be in and to make your business come alive. And so what's in your biosphere that will make you different. So you can stand out from everybody else, not be cookie cutter.

And once you can distinguish yourself as that, then you can disrupt the more. And then you can dominate it and that's it. That's the three steps, right? So that's how you can take what you do, but the way you do all that and not worry [00:33:00] about imposter syndrome is so easy. You just be better than you say you are.

Imposter syndrome is saying your better than you are okay. And to kill imposter syndrome is just be better than you say, which means inherently. You're going to be a lot more humble than all the hubris out there.

[00:33:24] Trina: Yeah. And oftentimes you are better than you say,

[00:33:28] Koni: Exactly.

[00:33:29] Trina: if you have a history of success, you are probably better than you think you are likely and as entrepreneurs. And I think you really illustrated that in your story of how you you've evolved as an entrepreneur, is that when you get into something that you've not done before, you're learning about it, you're starting a business on it.

You know, you don't know everything about it. You are an imposter, you are embodying your inner [00:34:00] imposter. And so I also think with being an entrepreneur, when you're creating something that hasn't been created before, or at least not be created by you. You have to be forward thinking when you also talk about disrupting the market, you have to do something that hasn't been done before, but you have the vision of it.

And so if you feel like you're a little bit of an imposter, good, because you're doing it right. You're doing it right.

[00:34:31] Koni: Yeah, absolutely. And, and entrepreneurship is just hard. It is anyone who tells differently is probably the imposter and it's all in the context. Okay. So if we are an entrepreneur we are always going to be entering into new territory. And you can't know the territory until you're in there. Right? Someone once told me in my professional career, as I was leaving, I was like, gosh, [00:35:00] how do you ever, do you ever feel like good enough for that job?

She goes, no, you don't know that job until you leave it. And it was so true every time I left or was fired 18 times get it. I was like, oh, I know what that should have been. I know how that looked. And every other time I was better and every single change, you know, 18 firings and, you know, five multimillion dollar companies, every single one, I was better and better and better because I took with me and I learned from each one of those.

But if you just do it and you don't learn or you're hiding it, or you're playing small, or you're not willing to fall down. And get up and get up and get up. Then you won't make it. You'll be operating from what we call reversion and living in the past. Well, that didn't work before, or it's always been that way or

[00:35:58] Trina: we'll always be that way going [00:36:00] forward.

[00:36:00] Koni: yes.

Yes.

[00:36:02] Trina: Some of the characteristics that I see again and again in highly successful entrepreneurs, such as yourself, is you define failure differently. You respond to failure differently. You expect failures to happen. And it seems as if you ha you have a very different physiological experience of failure, how true do you find that to be for yourself and in your experience?

[00:36:36] Koni: You nailed it. You absolutely. Now that, to me, I've never failed. Right. The only time I would fail is if I'm giving up and like throw it out, but it's feedback. And I used to date a pilot and so he failed his, his check ride. You know, where you have to go and, and you know, prove that you can actually fly your 7 37.

[00:37:00] He failed it. And so he had to stay behind. And so every night, just to get good, he'd go in at, like from 11, till about three in the morning and go into United. Go on, on the simulator. And so I'm like, let me come with you. And he's like, okay, I'll sneak you in. Right. Totally illegal. And so I'm in there and I'm, and what I had to do while he was trying to fly, I'd have to throw up all these obstacles.

Okay. Here's wind. Here's when shear here's fog, here's rain. Hey, your, your engine went out a bird winning. I mean, I'd have to flip all these switches and make all these things happen to try and get them to fail. And he just had to respond and, and make sure he could get through them all. So, he passed, but then I said, okay, he goes, you do it now, you fly.

I'm like, really? And so I'm in this cockpit of a 7 37 simulator and I'm like, oh, I'm so nervous. He goes, no, actually the takeoff is more [00:38:00] dangerous than the landing and that's true in entrepreneurship, isn't it, as we're trying to take off, that's where all the things happen. Right. And so I'm doing, I think I'm going along and then he starts hitting all these buttons and all these things pop out at me and like, oh wait, whoa, what did he say I have to do on this and or this?

And then there was this programming, right? As all these things, my, my jet is about to crash. And then the overhead announcement comes up, pull up, pull up, pull up, right, pull up, pull up, pull up. And. It's so true in running a business. Right? All these things are coming at you planned and unplanned. And if I crash right it's because I didn't follow the command to pull up.

How do I look from a higher perspective? And don't go down with it, pull up. Okay. Let me get a different vantage point. What else can I do? What else can I do? Right. [00:39:00] As long as I'm still in the air. I'm

[00:39:02] Trina: And listening to the messages that your body is telling you to pull the heck up

[00:39:07] Koni: Yes.

[00:39:08] Trina: down, maybe stop for a second, figure out what's going on.

[00:39:12] Koni: What's your bearings, right?

[00:39:14] Trina: Slow down to speed up.

[00:39:15] Koni: Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. So I just think there's so much in life that we can learn from as entrepreneurs and coaches. And when we think it's failure, it's not, it's just feedback. Right. And every time he'd flip a switch, it was just feedback. It didn't mean, oh, you're done.

No, I wasn't done. I just got feedback. A warning sign came on. Oh, okay. Now it's time to course correct. And so it's never really failure. It's how do you look at it? How do you respond to it? Are you a student? Is this like a scavenger hunt? Okay. Well, where can I find the answer? I mean, that's how you have to look at it.

And if you don't have that kind of mindset, if you have more of a doom and gloom kind of mindset, it's [00:40:00] changeable, right.

[00:40:00] Trina: It's changeable.

[00:40:01] Koni: completely changeable and

[00:40:03] Trina: just have to decide, you just have to decide.

[00:40:07] Koni: Exactly.

[00:40:08] Trina: Koni, thank you so much for such a long, beautiful conversation. What do you have exciting coming up in the next 12, 24 months?

[00:40:19] Koni: Oh, I, I am so excited all the time. So a couple of things. And so because I believe so much in people being their unique self every oh, about every two months I teach a free workshop called the celebrity factor where you actually take yourself and up your celebrity factor, not the influencer side of things.

That is not at all what we're talking about, but we're talking about being iconic thinking of those, you know, the Audrey Hepburn's and the, the classic black and white. Looks, you know, even the Jackie Kennedy-esk type of [00:41:00] things that you see and they have such longevity and, and there are classics and you

[00:41:08] Trina: The difference between style and fads

[00:41:11] Koni: yes, yes.

And the Coco Chanel. Right. So that aspect of it, where, you know, you can say something and everybody almost gets that same picture. And to boost that because that's how your business stays, right? Otherwise you are a fad and you're just hopping from platform to platform. And so it's important to be independent of the market and the platforms, but to be your own icon.

So, I do that five, six times a year, and then I do have a new book coming out. I've written two so far soar and the power of her wish. And then the new book is called beyond mindset. And it's really. About a lot of these principles that we talked about, how do you go beyond not the fixed and the growth mindset and your positive or your negative.

It's about really elevating your whole [00:42:00] consciousness and into whole different field where the miraculous happens all the time. And when you have that level and you elevate your mind, your business will skyrocket as well.

[00:42:14] Trina: Brilliant. And listeners, those links will be in the show notes,

[00:42:18] Koni: yes.

[00:42:21] Trina: Koni, It has been an absolute pleasure and honor talking with you today.

[00:42:26] Koni: Thank you so much for the invitation and I wish you, well,

[00:42:30] Trina: thank you. Thank you. Thank you again, Koni.

[00:42:35] Koni: My pleasure.

[00:42:35] Outro

Hey folks. Over the next few weeks, I have a combination of some more great interviews. And solo episodes. Next week is a special solo episode with me. On emotional intelligence specifically on how to increase your EEQ starting with a super simple 30-Second practice.

Highly successful [00:43:00] entrepreneurial leaders tend to also have a higher than average EEQ. So it's easy as busy visionary entrepreneurial leaders with many demands on your attention to get caught up in the busy-ness of business and to take your emotional intelligence for granted.

The problem happens when you are dealing with subtle stressors, like chronic tolerations and small frustrations. Or getting irritated at minor mistakes, whether made by you or someone on your team, a client or a vendor. Or Either dreading conversations or experiencing miscommunications or getting frustrated with team members for not delivering to your expectation. Or even noticing yourself getting irritated at things you aren't usually irritated by. Then getting irritated at yourself for getting irritated in the first place. Or even noticing tiny mistakes or issues that slow your [00:44:00] businesses. Momentum. And give you that sinking exhaustion that has you girding your loins, ready to wade into fixing the things that should have been done right the first time. It's easy and common to have the thought of, well, that's the price of doing business. It doesn't have to feel that way though. Yes, mistakes and errors will happen.

And business will feel like work. And does require us to put in the effort. And we can't control anything outside of our own selves. But you don't have to feel like you're tolerating less than ideal and suffering through the process. There is a way to shift your own mental, emotional, and physical experience that can improve your results in your business, get you better results from your team and give you a more fulfilling life as an entrepreneurial leader. Next week I'll be sharing a simple 30-Second method. To increase your EEQ to [00:45:00] shift your mind, body and emotions so that you can start catching your mental, emotional, physical stress reaction either before it starts or before you get too deep into it.

Stay tuned folks. You don't want to miss this.

 

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