145. Finding Our Way: The Eight Steps to a Beautiful Marriage

Welcome back! Chris and Melissa here, and last week, Melissa shared a post on Instagram about the eight things we did to rebuild our marriage after being separated. We often get asked, "How did you go from the brink of divorce to creating such a beautiful marriage?" And while it's not perfect (because no marriage is), we've learned a lot along the way.

Sometimes, people are just curious about our journey. Other times, they're seeking tools and resources to improve their own relationships. We've always given bits and pieces of advice when asked, but consolidating our experiences into one post was something new. And the response? Overwhelming. It was saved hundreds of times, and even some marriage therapists we admire reshared it, validating our journey and the principles we believe can apply to any marriage. So we thought we would share with our podcast fam! 

Whether you're feeling hopeless in your marriage, think it's just "okay," or believe it's fantastic but can always be better, these eight steps can make a difference. The first and most crucial step was both of us making a conscious decision to fight for our marriage. It sounds simple, but there's a difference between deciding to do something and truly committing to it. We had to move from just being in the marriage to actively choosing it every day.

One profound realization was understanding that neither of us was "stuck" in the marriage. Recognizing that we both had agency in our relationship was empowering. It shifted our mindset from feeling trapped to realizing that we had a say in how our story would unfold.

Another significant step was taking 100% responsibility for our marriage's success. Instead of keeping score or waiting for the other to change, we focused on what we could control: our actions, our reactions, and our mindset. We realized that true happiness couldn't be contingent on the other person's behavior. Entrusting someone else with your happiness is not only unwise but also an unfair burden to place on them.

We had to learn to be responsible for our own happiness. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking, "If only they did X, Y, or Z, then I'd be happy." But that's a dangerous game. Instead, we learned that the most impactful thing we could do was to focus on being the best versions of ourselves.

In essence, our journey wasn't linear. There were highs and lows, progress and setbacks. But with each step, we grew stronger together, learning more about ourselves and each other. And we're excited to share these insights with you, hoping they can help you in your own relationships.

Hit play, and join us and find out The Eight Steps to a Beautiful Marriage! 

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Episode Minute By Minute:

00:44 Intro to today’s episode on the 8 things Chris and Melissa did to rebuild their marriage

03:28 Making a conscious decision together to fight for your marriage 

05:18 Rebuilding a marriage takes time and it’s pushing through setbacks 

07:47 Chris and Melissa talk about each person taking 100% responsibility 

13:10 Chris dives into personal development vs trying to fix others around you 

14:39 Melissa talks about trying to work on your spouse rather than working on yourself 

19:32 The importance of marriage counseling and finding the right one for you 

22:56 Melissa talks about staying away from people who want your marriage to fail

24:30 Chris and Melissa talk about being committed to weekly date nights 

28:52 Breakdown of great date night ideas 

30:52 How to focus more on the things that you do have rather than the things you don’t have 

34:00 Finding happiness again and believing that your marriage will work again