DSD-006 How to Say NO gracefully

I wrote my second book which becomes available in May and I was making contacts with people I know online whom I’ve had some interaction with requesting endorsements for the book.  My first contact said “Yes.”  My second contact said yes as well.  But the 3rd said “No.”

Listen to these quotes on reasons to say “No”:

“To create the life you want… you have to get really good at saying ‘No.’” Jeff Walker "To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the gentle art of saying No.” Leo Babauta “The ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects that you are in the driver’s seat of your own life. It gives you a sense of empowerment.” Vanessa M. Patrick, an associate professor of marketing at the C. T. Bauer College of Business at the University of Houston.

He wasn’t saying NO to a commitment that would alter his life purpose.

He wasn’t saying NO so he could keep being productive with less stress.

He wasn’t saying NO just so he would feel empowered and in control.

Here’s what he did say…

“Thanks for considering me. At this time, I'm going to say NO simply because I need to get to know you a bit better before I feel comfortable endorsing a book. I hope that makes sense. For me, endorsing a book is a pretty big deal, so I want to make sure I know not only the message but also the person.”

Here’s a guy who’s made a daily habit of saying NO. (He must have kids.) He took less than a day to reply to me. 

The NO didn’t hurt.  OK, it hurt a little bit.  It always does.  But when you read the entire “refusal,” an explanation makes the NO not hurt at all.  (DId I say that right?)

When people say NO to you, many times you take it personally.  “What’s wrong with me?”  “What’s wrong with what I asked of you?”  “What’s wrong with our relationship?”

When we think about daily habits shaping our lives, we must first learn to say NO to ourselves.

NO to sleeping in so we can keep our morning routine NO to the TV so we can read and study to improve ourselves NO to the good so we can say YES to the better or even the best NO to the carbs and sugars so we can say YES to a slimmer, streamlined me! NO to pleasing everybody because, well, you can’t so stop trying.

Our interaction didn’t stop there.  Here’s what happened next.

My reply…

“[By name] that is about the best, well thought through and most honest “no” I have received.  I look forward to getting to know you better.  Have a great week.” 

His return…

“Thanks for being so gracious! I look forward to getting to know you. What I’ve seen so far impresses me.”

What if...

What if I’d stopped communicating after his initial NO? Probably no more communication, no interaction. What if my reply to his NO was worded negatively?Or even short and impersonal?  Probably no more communication, no interaction. What if I kept asking, even just once more?That would have been begging.  How would it have changed his mind?  He’d know me better.  He’d know me as someone who didn’t value his first answer.  What kind of endorsement would I have received then? Not a good one.

We’ve continued to communicate online ever since. We’re getting to know each other. It’s too late for him to endorse my book.  It’s already going to press.  I’m OK with that.  I am receiving something more valuable.  We’re making a connection, creating a friendship, albeit online. 

I made a request.  He opened up a dialogue, a dialogue that continues even to this day. 

He has a habit of saying NO for all the right reasons.  Yes, he has kids; three of them.  I knew it.

- - - - -

There are a lot of podcasts you could be tuning into today, but you chose mine, and I’m grateful for that. If you enjoyed today’s show, please share it by using the social media buttons you see on the right side of this page.

Also, kindly consider taking the 60-seconds it takes to leave an honest review and rating for the podcast on iTunes. They’re extremely helpful when it comes to the ranking of the show and you can bet that I read every single one of them personally!

Lastly, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes to get automatic updates every time a new episode goes live!