Big Mood, Little Mood with Daniel M. Lavery
418 episodes - English - Latest episode: 13 days ago - ★★★★ - 938 ratingsEvery week, Danny M. Lavery brings on a guest to answer questions from listeners before diving into conversation about relationships, dissatisfaction, drives, regrets, estrangement, embarrassment, self-assessments, and feelings from the monumental to the minute.
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Episodes
How Do I Look?
June 08, 2021 18:00 - 42 minutesDanny Lavery welcomes actress Gates McFadden. McFadden is the host of the new podcast, Gates McFadden Investigates: Who Do You Think You Are? Lavery and McFadden give advice to a letter writer who’s not thrilled about his wife’s botox injections. Also, McFadden talks about her transformative experience at the Jacques Lecoq school in Paris, and connecting with her former Star Trek co-stars on her new podcast. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday, sign u...
Man-Baby Syndrome
June 01, 2021 18:00 - 47 minutesDanny Lavery welcomes author of How to Write an Autobiographical Novel, Alexander Chee. Lavery and Chee give advice to a letter writer whose partner revealed his abusive, jealous personality only after moving in together. Also, Lavery and Chee talk about finding a good therapist, couples therapy via 90s films, and all sorts of monogamies. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday, sign up now for just $1 for your first month. Need advice? Send Danny a questi...
That Orson Welles Feeling
May 25, 2021 18:00 - 1 hourOn this first episode of Big Mood, Little Mood, Danny Lavery starts to shed his almost 5 years of being “Dear Prudence”, and stretches out with his first guest, Aubrey Gordon. Gordon is a columnist for SELF Magazine and the author of What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat. She also co-hosts Maintenance Phase, a podcast that debunks and decodes weight loss and wellness trends. Lavery and Gordon give advice to a letter writer who is unsure where she stands with her husband after 18 yea...
Bite Fight
May 18, 2021 18:00 - 55 minutesListeners: This will be the last week of the Dear Prudence podcast, as Danny Lavery is ending his run as Prudence. But keep listening to this feed—Danny’s new show, Big Mood, Little Mood with Danny Lavery, will premiere next week! Prudence is joined this week by Kate Duffy, a licensed clinical social worker in New York. Prudie and Duffy dig into letters about what to do when your husband bites your finger hard during an argument, should you intervene when you hear a neighbor yelling at a chi...
Unconscionable Ex
May 11, 2021 18:00 - 50 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Maddy Court, a writer and zinemaker. Her first book, The Ex-Girlfriend of My Ex-Girlfriend is My Girlfriend, an almanac of relationship advice for queer women with art and comics by Kelsey Wroten, is forthcoming from Chronicle Books. Prudie and Court tackle letters about how to protect your daughter from sexual harassment in her first restaurant job, should you tell your mom to stop talking about how much she regrets her past, what actions to take when you find...
Too Much Information
May 04, 2021 18:00 - 55 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Anna Sale, the creator and host of Death, Sex & Money, the podcast from WNYC Studios. Her new book, Let’s Talk About Hard Things, will be published on May 4th. Prudie and Sale dig into letters about whether you should join a lawsuit against an academic advisor who was both harmful and helpful, what to consider when your wife donates money to strangers on Instagram, how to handle a sister that needs to share every little detail about her life with you. Slate Plu...
Claiming Distant Ancestry
April 27, 2021 18:00 - 45 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Harry Eskin, a moving-image archivist based in Los Angeles. Prudie and Eskin dig into letters about if you should apologize for past conversations where you claim a heritage that you truly don’t identify as, how to talk to your mother about the way she neglected your sibling when you were children, should you preemptively write an apology on Linkedin for a racist costume you wore for your employer 10 years ago. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode ...
It's All Good
April 20, 2021 18:00 - 52 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Charlie Jane Anders, the author of Victories Greater Than Death, the first book in a new young-adult trilogy coming in April 2021, along with the forthcoming short story collection Even Greater Mistakes. She’s also the co-host of the podcast, Our Opinions Are Correct, along with Annalee Newitz. Prudie and Anders tackle letters about how to support your brother in his new relationship when you’re uncomfortable with their age gap, what actions to take when you’re...
Citation, Please
April 13, 2021 18:00 - 54 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Leigh Bardugo, the New York Times-bestselling author of Ninth House and the creator of the Grishaverse (coming soon to Netflix). Her short stories can be found in multiple anthologies, including Best American Science Fiction & Fantasy. Prudie and Bardugo dig into letters about how to support your non-binary child while avoiding their abusive father, how to handle your boss’s wife who’s always sharing hateful gossip with you, what to consider when you miss a rel...
Undocumented Success
April 06, 2021 18:00 - 51 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Sarah Jaffe, the author of Work Won’t Love You Back: How Devotion to Our Jobs Keeps Us Exploited, Exhausted and Alone, and Necessary Trouble: Americans in Revolt, both from Bold Type Books. She’s also the co-host, with Michelle Chen, of Dissent magazine’s Belabored podcast. Prudie and Jaffe tackle letters about how to support your undocumented partner through their job search, what to consider when your partner stays in touch with her past abusive partners, wha...
Married To The Work
March 30, 2021 18:00 - 51 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Claire Cox, a writer and high school teacher and author of the forthcoming novel Silver Beach. Prudie and Cox dig into letters about what to do when your wife wants you to review all her work emails before she hits send, how to steer clear of your abusive mom so you can see your siblings, what to do when your boyfriend gets defensive when you make suggestions that could help him at work, how to handle a cool reaction from colleagues at your decision to leave t...
Do As You Peas
March 23, 2021 18:00 - 53 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Jaya Saxena, a staff writer at Eater. Her latest book, Crystal Clear, an essay collection about how humans assign meaning and power to objects, was published in December with Quirk Books. Prudie and Saxena tackle letters about how to handle a sister who’s adamant that you change to a vegan diet, how to tell your husband that you will file for divorce if he gets a pet, what actions to take when your sister-in-law is neglecting her baby, how to handle a family t...
Caring or Controlling?
March 16, 2021 18:00 - 55 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Rax King, the James Beard award-nominated writer of Tacky (forthcoming from Vintage Books in 2021) as well as the host of the podcast Low Culture Boil. Prudie and King dig into letters about whether you should hire someone who shares a last name with the most prominent Nazi who ever lived, what to consider when your wife tells the same stories over and over again, what actions to take with a partner who asks you questions with irritation about every thing you ...
Abortion Support
March 09, 2021 19:00 - 51 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Karen K. Ho, a business and economics reporter for Quartz based in New York City. She has been published in Time, GQ, Glamour, Vox, Toronto Life, the San Francisco Chronicle, the Columbia Journalism Review and the new, critically-acclaimed true crime anthology Unspeakable Acts. Prudie and Ho tackle letters about how to decide if you will pay for your son’s girlfriend’s abortion, should you wait to break up with your boyfriend until his leaves the job that you ...
Mom's Food Issues
March 02, 2021 19:00 - 1 hourPrudence is joined this week by Julia Turshen, the author of the critically acclaimed cookbooks, Now & Again, Feed the Resistance, and Small Victories. Her new cookbook was released this month, and it’s titled, Simply Julia. She’s also the host of the podcast, Keep Calm and Cook On. Prudie and Turshen dig into letters about what to consider with a daughter who you fear smokes and eats too much, how to handle an ailing mom who makes you feel bad about your weight, how to get colleagues to st...
Cats In The Kitchen
February 23, 2021 19:00 - 51 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Uma Kondabolu, the mother of comedian and prior Prudie guest, Hari Kondabolu. Prudie and Kondabolu tackle letters about how to hold boundaries with a daughter who keeps begging for money, how to handle parents who won’t eat at your home because you allow cats in the kitchen, what to do when you’re put off by your family’s love of owning firearms, what to consider when your husband’s will leaves everything to his elderly parents and not your own children, what ...
Forced Contraception
February 16, 2021 19:00 - 52 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Alexis Coe, a historian and the New York Times bestselling author of You Never Forget Your First: A Biography of George Washington. She was a producer on Doris Kearns Goodwin's Washington series on the History Channel, and is also a producer on the film adaptation of her first book, Alice + Freda Forever: A Murder in Memphis. Prudie and Coe dig into letters about what to consider when your developmentally delayed daughter now shows interest in sex, should you ...
Moving For Mom
February 09, 2021 19:00 - 51 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Chau Tu, a writer, podcast producer, and the editor of Slate Plus. Prudie and Tu tackle letters about what to do when when your husband wants the two of you to move abroad to care for his mother and you don’t want to go, what to consider when you suspect your sister doesn’t really need the wheelchair she uses, how to meet people after an extended period of social isolation, what to do when you’re estranged from your sister but want to maintain connections to he...
Unsafe Word
February 02, 2021 19:00 - 54 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Annalee Newitz, a science journalist, science fiction writer, and contributor to the New York Times opinion section. They are the author of the book Four Lost Cities: A Secret History of the Urban Age, and the novels The Future of Another Timeline, and Autonomous, which won the Lambda Literary Award. Prudie and Newitz dig into letters about what to do when you suspect your daughter’s sudden interest in civil rights issues is only to show off for her new boyfrie...
Is This Work Related?
January 26, 2021 19:00 - 55 minutesPrudence is joined this week by culture critic, podcast host and author, Kristen Meinzer. Meinzer currently hosts the podcasts Movie Therapy with Rafer & Kristen, and the podcast By The Book. Her books include So You Want to Start a Podcast, How to Be Fine (co-written with Jolenta Greenberg), and Return to Intercourse: An Amish Romance. She was named a 2020 Woman of the Year by The Women's Center in Washington DC. Prudie and Meinzer tackle letters about what to do when your best friend is e...
Klepto Niece
January 19, 2021 19:00 - 46 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Noah Kulwin, the co-host of Blowback, a political history podcast. He's also an associate editor at The Drift and a contributing editor at Jewish Currents. Prudie and Kulwin dig into letters about what actions to take with a niece who has been stealing from family and neighbors for years, how to handle a stubborn dad who prioritizes his side hustles over seeing his grandkids, what to do when your husband refuses to stop wearing sacred underclothes despite havin...
Writer In The Closet
January 12, 2021 19:00 - 51 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Colby Gordon, an English professor at Bryn Mawr College, where he teaches weird gay poems. Prudie and Gordon tackle letters about what to do when you fear that transitioning would hurt your career, what to consider when your partner leaves you feeling vulnerable about your finances, how to talk to a close friend about her transphobic comments, how to handle regret over not supporting your trans and non-binary friends prior to you coming out as trans, what to co...
Flirtatious Bestie
January 05, 2021 19:00 - 48 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Bijan Stephen, a reporter at The Verge, a music critic at The Nation, and a video game columnist at The Believer. He plays T.K. on the actual play podcast Fun City, hosts a couple shows on Twitch, and his writing has appeared in The New Yorker, The New York Times, Esquire, and elsewhere. Prudie and Stephen dig into letters about How to come to terms with a long ago relationship you now realize was inappropriate, what to do when your always negative sister-in-la...
In Good Hands
December 29, 2020 19:00 - 51 minutesPrudence takes a look at some of the many memorable letters of 2020 with Grace Lavery, Calvin Kasulke, Toni Golan-Vilella, Lizzy Marmon, Justine D’Souza, and Jack Doyle. Prudie and company tackle letters about how to decide if you should you let your best friend raise your troubled daughter, what to consider about rewarding weight loss by getting a breast lift, how to handle a husband who gets upset when you mention missing the food from a restaurant that conflicts with your politics, what to...
Don't Aunt Me
December 22, 2020 19:00 - 47 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Harron Walker, an award-winning freelance journalist who lives in Brooklyn. Her work has appeared in GQ, Esquire, and Out, and she is a longtime Jezebel contributor. Prudie and Walker tackle letters about how to handle a mother-in-law who wants to refer to you as an “aunt” rather than admitting your baby has two moms, what to consider when you suspect your partner is transitioning and is reluctant to talk about it, should you let your parents know before you le...
Gateway Mom
December 15, 2020 19:00 - 46 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Max Jacobs, a radio and podcast producer based in New York. Long ago, he helped produce this show. Prudie and Jacobs dig into letters about what to do when a neighbor’s cigarette smoke creeps into your apartment, how to cope with your mom’s passive aggressive behavior, what to do when your privileged partner complains about his job, should your wife be more careful about hiding her pot smoking from the kids. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of ...
Secret Smoking Spouse
December 08, 2020 19:00 - 50 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Diana Stegall, the creator of the popular French history podcast, The Land of Desire. Prudie and Stegall tackle letters about what to consider when bad experiences with therapists leave you wondering if you even know how to “do therapy”, what to do when you realize that your husband is a secret daily smoker, how to handle family who aren’t comfortable that you have the same first name as your partner, should you tell your brother-in-law that your sister is chea...
So Little Time
December 01, 2020 19:00 - 49 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Avery Trufelman, the host of the podcast The Cut, from New York Magazine, as well as Nice Try! a podcast from Curbed about utopian experiments. Prudie and Trufelman dig into letters about what to do when you find out that your coworker is engaged to your controlling ex-fiancé, how to handle working in the same industry as a triggering ex-boyfriend, should you feel guilty for drunkenly kissing straight women in college now that you’ve come out as a lesbian, wha...
No Taste for Zero Waste
November 24, 2020 19:00 - 54 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Sarah Hagi, a writer based in Toronto, Canada Prudie and Hagi tackle letters about what to do when your wife gets really upset when you waste any food, what actions to take when you find out that your abusive ex may be harming his new and possibly underage girlfriend, how to connect with a friend who has joined a cult, what to do when an injury ends your sports career, how to stand up to your good friend when they say racist things. Slate Plus members get an a...
Sidepiece Spouse
November 17, 2020 19:00 - 52 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Alicia Harris, a self-described public health nerd based in Oakland, CA. Harris works as a foundation program officer, directing resources to reproductive health, rights and justice organizations. Prudie and Harris dig into letters where a woman is wondering if it’s okay to cheat if she hasn’t had sex in her marriage for 5 years, what to do when your husband moves out because he hates being a father, but still wants to see you, what to ask your students to call...
Trigger Talk
November 10, 2020 19:00 - 53 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Davey Davis, who writes about culture and sexuality. Their first novel, the earthquake room, is available through TigerBee Press. They write a newsletter about people named David at itsdavid.substack.com. Prudie and Davis tackle letters about what to do when your father refuses your attempts at reconciliation, how to steer your family away from triggering you during quarantine, what to consider when sharing your traumatic past with potential partners. Plus, Pr...
Not On Mute
November 03, 2020 19:00 - 56 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Anna Hetherington, who has a doctorate in Renaissance Art History, wants to teach visual literacy to the world, and is pretty obsessed with her dog Wilson, sweetened condensed milk, and her friends. Prudie and Hetherington dig into letters about should you take action with your brother’s dogs peeing in the shared vacation condo, what to consider when your partner discovered your dating app profile, what to do after witnessing your boss verbally abusing her part...
Back To Homeschool
October 27, 2020 18:00 - 57 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Violet Allen, a science fiction writer based in Chicago. Prudie and Allen tackle letters about what to consider when you don’t think your wife is up to the task of homeschooling the kids, what actions to take when your girlfriend never lets you take space from an argument, what to do when everything about your relationship is stellar except the sex, what to do when you have a crush on your boyfriend’s best friend. Get $5 off Danny’s latest book, Something That ...
Back To Home School
October 27, 2020 18:00 - 57 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Violet Allen, a science fiction writer based in Chicago. Prudie and Allen tackle letters about what to consider when you don’t think your wife is up to the task of home-schooling the kids, what actions to take when your girlfriend never lets you take space from an argument, what to do when everything about your relationship is stellar except the sex, what to do when you have a crush on your boyfriend’s best friend. Get $5 off Danny’s latest book, Something That...
Buying Off The Kids
October 20, 2020 18:00 - 51 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Isaac Fellman, a writer and an archivist at the GLBT Historical Society, where he gets to tell the story of San Francisco's queer history. His fantasy novel about traumatized mountain climbers, The Breath of the Sun, won a 2019 Lambda Literary Award. Prudie and Fellman dig into letters about what to do when your ex-husband spoils your daughters with lavish gifts, how much should you conceal your “sugar daddy” arrangement at home, how to tell your sister to stop...
No-Good Dates
October 13, 2020 18:00 - 54 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Amanda McLoughlin, a podcaster and businesslady who runs Multitude, a podcast collective and production studio located in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. She co-hosts Spirits, a boozy dive into mythology and folklore, and Join the Party, a collaborative storytelling podcast powered by the rules of Dungeons & Dragons. Prudie and McLoughlin tackle letters about what to do when you can’t find anyone to date who meets your standards, should you and your husband keep ignoring...
Never Wanted Kids
October 06, 2020 18:00 - 48 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Austin Channing Brown, an author, speaker and media producer providing inspired leadership on racial justice in America. She is the New York Times Bestselling author of I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness and the Executive Producer of The Next Question: a web series imagining how expansive racial justice can be. Prudie and Channing Brown dig into letters about what to do when you can’t stand spending time with your kids, what to consider...
Not Quilty
September 29, 2020 18:00 - 54 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Dr. Jennifer M. Buck, an Assistant Professor of Practical Theology at Azusa Pacific University. Her books and research explore themes of global Christianity, Quakerism, gender, race and popular culture. She also is a licensed minister and helps pastor a church in Pasadena, CA where she lives with her husband and foster son. Prudie and Buck tackle letters about what to do when your husband reveals that he’s competitive with you about weight loss, should you fee...
My Body, My Kidney
September 22, 2020 18:00 - 47 minutesPrudence is joined this week by the critic at large for Vox, Emily VanDerWerff. VanDerWerff is the co-creator of the fiction podcast Arden and the co-author of the book Monsters of the Week: The Complete Critical Companion to The X-Files. Prudie and VanDerWerff dig into letters about what to do when your family wants you to give your kidney for your abusive dad, how to handle a partner who’s horrified about you quitting social media, what to consider when your ex-wife wants you to babysit her...
Detachment Guilt
September 15, 2020 18:00 - 50 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Charlie Markbreiter, who is an editor at The New Inquiry, cohost of the Art is Easy gathering, mod prince at the Death Panel discord, and a PhD student at the CUNY Graduate Center. Prudie and Markbreiter tackle letters that ask if it’s unethical to apply to a job you don’t really need when unemployment is so high, what to consider after cheating on your live-in partner with someone in your new apartment complex, should you worry about enabling internalized rac...
I Can't Quit You
September 08, 2020 18:00 - 1 hourPrudence is joined this week by novelist A.E. Osworth. Their first book, We Are Watching Eliza Bright, is forthcoming from Grand Central Publishing in April 2021 (and is available for pre-order now). They teach creative writing at The New School, Catapult, Fledgling and The New York Society Library. Prudie and Osworth dig into letters about what to do with an ongoing affair you’ve kept from your spouse for years, how to handle a roommate who abandoned your apartment and left you with all the ...
Why Am I So Mean?
September 01, 2020 18:00 - 55 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Michelle Dean, a writer based in Los Angeles. Dean is the author of Sharp: The Women Who Made An Art of Having an Opinion, and the co-creator of Hulu’s Emmy and Golden-Globe-winning The Act. Prudie and Dean tackle letters about what to consider when you want to pursue a polyamourous relationship with your boyfriend and your best friend, what to do when your propensity for making fun of people has left you with no friends, how to navigate a relationship with you...
Accidentally On Purpose
August 25, 2020 18:00 - 51 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Elizabeth Sampat, a game developer, writer, and troublemaker whose work has been covered on Vice, Polygon, and the LA Times. Prudie and Sampat dig into letters about what to consider when your biological mom doesn’t acknowledge your relationship in social media, what to do when you find an iPad that reveals your teenage daughter was “sexting” with her friends, should you keep paying a beloved nanny even though she no longer watches your kids, how to handle a he...
Kitty Obstruction
August 18, 2020 18:00 - 51 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Shruti Swamy, author of the short story collection A House Is a Body, and the recipient of two O. Henry awards. She lives in San Francisco. Prudie and Swamy tackle letters about how to handle a roommate who insists on interrupting your dates by bringing her cat out to play with you, what to do about being excluded from friend’s social events because you’re single, how to decline a friend’s wedding due to pandemic concerns and not offend them, should you see the...
Worth the Wait?
August 11, 2020 18:00 - 49 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Hannah Selector, co-host of the Castle Rock Historical Society podcast and co-host of the YouTube series, Reel Horror. Prudie and Selector dig into letters about what to do when you can’t move past a one-time threat of violence from your sister-in-law, how to handle a girlfriend who’s chronically late, what to do after learning that your wife’s close friend hit on her at a party, should you keep your history of having an abortion a secret from your adult sons, ...
Blood or Marriage?
August 04, 2020 18:00 - 45 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Natalie Walker, a performer and writer. Walker has contributed to Vulture, The Cut, and Bookforum, and can be found onstage frequently at 54 Below, Ars Nova, and Joe’s Pub. Her television credits include (and are limited to) Search Party and BoJack Horseman. Prudie and Walker tackle letters about whether there’s anything wrong with donating your inheritance to a struggling colleague that you don’t know that well, how to handle your anonymous twitter account tha...
Firing The Naked Dog Sitter
July 28, 2020 18:00 - 57 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Ben Gullard, a creative technologist living in Brooklyn, NY. Prudie and Gullard dig into letters about what to know about a niece who’s angry at you for getting the dog sitter fired after finding out she did her job naked, what to do about a roommate who routinely brings stolen groceries into the house, how to handle feeling like you’re abandoning your lesbian community now that you are in a straight relationship, should you reach out to an ex you treated badl...
A Gift Too Far
July 21, 2020 18:00 - 50 minutesPrudence is joined this week by writer Aminatou Sow and journalist Ann Friedman. Together, Sow and Friedman host the long-running podcast Call Your Girlfriend, and have recently released their first book, Big Friendship. Prudie, Sow and Friedman tackle letters about how to ask your mother-in-law if you can repurpose the very lavish ring she gifted you, what to consider with a young daughter who relentlessly pretends to be demonically possessed, what to do when your boyfriend leaves stains on ...
Cooking Feud
July 14, 2020 18:00 - 41 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Soleil Ho, the restaurant critic for the San Francisco Chronicle and the host of the Chronicle’s new food podcast, Extra Spicy. Prudie and Ho dig into letters about how to handle a husband who never likes what you cook for him, what actions to take when your supervisor requires you to ask permission to use the restroom, what to do when a housemate accuses you of “bullying” because you don’t share your meals with her. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-ep...
Don't Get Me Wrong
July 07, 2020 18:00 - 51 minutesPrudence is joined this week by Krystal Farmer, who works in book publishing and lives in Oakland. Prudie and Farmer tackle letters about if you should move from your lover’s house because you don’t see a future together even though all is fine at the moment, what to do when the biological father of your baby, a fling with a much younger man, wants to be part of your child’s life, what to consider when you’ve been gifted second hand clothes that the original owner now wants back, how to handl...