Dad Smarter Not Harder
34 episodes - English - Latest episode: 10 months ago - ★★★★★ - 10 ratingsJun Loayza becomes a human guinea pig, putting his parenting life in full display with the goal of helping others learn from his parenting mistakes. Let's grow together and become the best fathers that we can be.
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Episodes
Turn a spousal fight into a positive
October 03, 2023 14:00 - 8 minutes - 7.89 MBWhen unexpected challenges arise in our household, like our daughter accidentally having an accident in her room, it's easy for tensions to rise. But what if we could turn these moments into valuable lessons for our children? In this video, I share a personal experience where my wife was on the verge of exploding with frustration. Instead of adding fuel to the fire, I chose a different approach: 1️⃣ Immediate Action: I took the initiative to clean up the mess, ensuring my wife could take a m...
The GrACE Framework for Parenting
September 25, 2023 14:00 - 11 minutes - 10.1 MBParenting in today's digital age can be challenging, but with the right tools and mindset, we can raise resilient, empathetic, and self-assured children. Dive into the GrACE Framework, a holistic approach to parenting that focuses on nurturing essential life skills: 🌱 G - Growth Mindset: Cultivate a belief in your child that they can always learn, adapt, and improve. Let's raise kids who embrace challenges and see failures as opportunities for growth. 🏠 r - Responsibility: Involve your child...
How to improve intimacy with your wife
September 22, 2023 14:00 - 7 minutes - 6.47 MBTweet: https://twitter.com/TheeJoelLopez/status/1686494601727836165 Momentous: https://www.livemomentous.com/products/hormone-support-bundle?selling_plan=834371767 Hey parents! Today, we're diving into a topic that many men often struggle with - improving intimacy with their wives. If you've ever felt that the spark is fading or that your wife isn't as interested in intimacy, this video is for you. Contrary to popular belief, the key to a thriving intimate relationship isn't just about t...
How to insult your kids
September 19, 2023 14:00 - 4 minutes - 4.36 MBTweet: https://twitter.com/bennyjohnson/status/1685618748495974400 Hey everyone! Today's topic might have caught your eye, but rest assured, we're NOT here to promote negativity. Inspired by a recent incident with Cardi B, we're diving deep into how we should react when faced with haters or negative comments. We all face criticism, be it online or in real life. But how should we, and more importantly, our children, respond? 🤔 In this video, I'll share a simple yet powerful technique I've...
Boredom is essential for your kids
September 14, 2023 14:00 - 4 minutes - 3.88 MBTweet by Joe Cassandra: https://twitter.com/JoeCassandra/status/1685821159076466688 How to raise an adult: https://www.julielythcotthaims.com/how-to-raise-an-adult In today's fast-paced world, many parents feel the pressure to keep their children constantly entertained and engaged. But is this non-stop stimulation truly beneficial? In this video, we dive deep into the often overlooked value of boredom for children's development. 🌱 Discover: Why boredom isn't the enemy, but a catalyst...
An unhappy wife is an indictment on the man
September 12, 2023 14:00 - 7 minutes - 6.76 MBTweet: https://twitter.com/tyromper/status/1685011012016300035 In today's video, we delve deep into the dynamics of marital happiness and the pivotal role a man plays in setting the tone for the family. It's often said that an unhappy wife is a reflection of her husband's leadership. As the protector and provider, a man's duty is to set a clear vision for his family, ensuring that both partners complement each other in their journey towards collective success. If your wife is discontented,...
Don't tell your children what to do
September 07, 2023 14:00 - 3 minutes - 3.29 MBHunt, Gather, Parent: https://michaeleendoucleff.com/ Have you ever noticed that simply telling children what to do doesn't always yield the desired results? Dive into today's video as we explore the fascinating world of storytelling as a potent tool for guiding and teaching our young ones. Drawing inspiration from the enlightening book "Hunt, Gather, Parent" by Michaeleen Doucleff, we uncover the age-old wisdom of various cultures that have harnessed the magic of stories to impart value...
Don't help your children get back up
September 05, 2023 14:00 - 3 minutes - 3.11 MBTweet: https://twitter.com/sweatystartup/status/1685319264012582912 How to raise an adult: https://www.julielythcotthaims.com/how-to-raise-an-adult In today's video, we dive deep into the essential lesson of allowing our children to experience life's challenges and the beauty of overcoming them on their own. It's natural for parents to want to protect their kids, but are we overdoing it? Inspired by the insightful book "How to Raise an Adult," we discuss the pitfalls of over-parenting an...
Don't love your children the same way
August 31, 2023 14:00 - 3 minutes - 3.6 MBTweet by Eric Bandholz: https://twitter.com/bandholz/status/1679561609142738944 Sibling without rivalry: https://a.co/d/aTuAXsj Ever tried to apply the same parenting blueprint to all your kids, only to find it doesn't quite fit? That's because each child is a unique puzzle, requiring a distinct solution. In this video, we're going to explore the art and science of loving each child in their own special way. We're not just talking theory here. We're diving into real-world examples, actio...
Prepare the child for the road
August 29, 2023 14:00 - 5 minutes - 4.82 MBResponse to this Tweet by Nick Huber: https://twitter.com/sweatystartup/status/1684535234870624257 The Coddling of the American Mind: https://www.thecoddling.com/ This video delves into the crucial concept of not merely smoothing out the path for our children, but rather, arming them with the necessary skills to traverse life's unpredictable terrain. We spotlight the importance of teaching self-control, a vital life skill that can significantly shape a child's future. Using the relatable...
Beautiful oops
March 22, 2023 02:20 - 7 minutes - 6.64 MBParenting can be hard, or it can be wonderful. When we try to control our kids, when we try to make it all about ourselves and forget about teachable moments, that's when things fall apart and emotional outbursts arise. I was reminded about this yesterday when my older daughter, Juniper, was super focused on her drawing. Kimbal came along and pulled her paper, causing an unwanted streak. Unfortunately, I did not respond well. I was frustrated because the wonderful peace and quiet was disrup...
Give your children a smartphone
March 21, 2023 04:36 - 9 minutes - 9.04 MBIn today's episode, we explore the challenge of raising children in a digital world. How can we help our children better control their impulses to use a phone when we can barely control it ourselves? Should we go cold turkey and not let them use a phone at all? Just take a look at our parents' generation -- they didn't grow up with phone or social media, yet they're one of the most addicted generations to their phone. I think they're the only ones left using Facebook, haha. Join me today t...
Give children the benefit of the doubt - Michaeleen Doucleff
November 02, 2021 13:00 - 10 minutes - 9.82 MBDr. Michaeleen Doucleff, the author of Hunt, Gather, Parent, tells us a story about how she almost assumed the worst about her 6-year old daughter when she was using the fine champagne glasses. Before responding in anger, she caught herself and asked, "What's your plan for those?" Thankfully she did, because her daughter was planning to make a "special drink" for Michaeleen's birthday. Likewise, Jun tells a story about how he saw his daughters wrestling on top of a table. His natural rea...
How to teach kids to stay true to their word
October 06, 2021 13:00 - 11 minutes - 10.4 MBIn the GrACE framework, staying true to your word is part of "C" -- Confidence. Building the Confidence in the child that they are someone who is true to their word. That they are a dependable and trustworthy person. On today's episode, my 4yo says one thing, but does another. Instead of leading with punishment or labels, "you're a liar!", I use it as an opportunity to teach her about honesty and dependability. Here's how I do it and how you can apply the lessons in your home.
Parenting is madness -- here's how to calm it down
October 04, 2021 13:00 - 10 minutes - 10 MBParenting can be absolute madness. What has helped me settle down is understanding the true objective: that we need to raise fully capable, independent adults. And we can't accomplish this through punishment -- the only way to accomplish it is through taking advantage of learning opportunities.
Intro to the Minimum Effective Dose (MED) to raising children
October 01, 2021 13:00 - 4 minutes - 4.44 MBToday I do a very quick intro on the concept of the Minimum Effective Does (MED) and my GrACE Framework: Growth Autonomy Confidence Empathy
Connect: How to stop a meltdown before it happens
September 24, 2021 13:00 - 8 minutes - 7.79 MBOn today's episode, we talk about the mental model of connecting: Practice loving energy Calm down together Label the feeling -- help the understand what happened Teach
Stop telling your children what to do. Instead, do this.
September 23, 2021 13:00 - 8 minutes - 7.86 MB4yo and 2yo both wanted to be carried up the stairs today. My back hurt, I was hungry, and I was in no mood for arguing and bickering between them. So instead of obliging to their requests or telling them what to do, I turned it around on them: I see we have a challenge -- what can we do?
Parenting fail: My anger got the better of me and how to overcome it next time
September 22, 2021 13:00 - 13 minutes - 12.1 MB4yo stays at home with 2yo and for 1.5 hours, it's pure bliss. They work together, play together, and eat together. But of course, that bliss can't last forever. On this episode, 4yo makes the decision to stay home from school, and I spend the rest of the morning trying to convince her to go.
How to get your kids to happily eat their broccoli
September 21, 2021 13:00 - 8 minutes - 8.11 MBYou've tried rewards and punishment. And it works in the short term, but once you take away the reward or the punishment, the child is no longer willing to eat their vegetables. So what is a parent to do? You need to do the following: teach the why with storytelling, which accomplishes the following: Captivates their attention and intrigue so that they'll listen to you Teaches them why they should eat their vegetables so that they'll do it even if you're not there
Parenting win: The patience to explain EVERYTHING
September 20, 2021 13:00 - 9 minutes - 8.9 MBToday I almost exploded. To have Juniper yank the book out of my hands was such a jarring, such a disrespectful experience. I was ready to unleash the wrath on Juni, but thankfully, I took my deep breaths, and proceeded with patience and love. Here's how I turned a potential disaster into a wonderful learning experience.
The girl who lost all of her fingers
September 19, 2021 13:00 - 10 minutes - 9.93 MBI've been hesitant to record this episode, but it's time to do it. I believe this is how I can add unique value to parents. It's time to teach you the way that I do storytelling in our household. And this story is nothing like you've heard in the past. In this story, there is a girl that lives in San Francisco. And she keeps sucking her fingers, against her father's warnings. And then one morning, she wakes up, and all of her fingers are gone!
Don't argue. Call it a challenge and solve it together.
September 18, 2021 13:00 - 7 minutes - 6.96 MBWhat do you do when your child really, really wants something, but they can't have it? Do you try to reason with logic? Do you just say "No"! I've found that the best way to go about it is to call it what it is -- a challenge. And to let them know, we love solving challenges. And to solve a challenge, you just need to follow these easy steps: Understand the problem Ideate some solutions Choose from the options That's it. If you stop trying to solve the problem yourself, and instead he...
What to do when siblings are developing a rivalry
September 17, 2021 13:00 - 12 minutes - 11 MBJuniper has been acting out -- a lot. What do you do when your kids act out? If you have siblings, what do you do when one wants more attention? What do you do when one feels jealous that you've been giving the other too much time? Naturally, when Juniper complains, screams, cries, I want to just ignore her because I don't want to reinforce the behavior. If I give her attention when she's complaining, then she's just going to do it more often. But in actuality, I need to give her more att...
How to pull off inception on your child
May 06, 2021 13:00 - 7 minutes - 6.6 MBMy wife Kim hadn’t had a full night's rest in over a year and a half. To be honest, neither had I, but mine is more self-inflicted pain because I have personal projects like this podcast (which I love by the way). But regardless, Kim needed to get some sleep. The culprit was our absolutely wonderful little potato Kimbal, who is now 19 months. There’s no other way to say this -- at night, she wanted the boob, she wanted it bad. And nothing was going to stop her. So to start weaning her off ...
How to measure if your kids actually listen to you
April 26, 2021 13:00 - 14 minutes - 13.5 MBThis past week, I sat down with Ms. Patricia, Juniper’s wonderful Spanish preschool teacher from Colombia. Ms. Patricia had such wonderful things to say about Juni, but I quickly cut her off and asked her for her brutal honesty, “What are things that Juniper needs to improve?”. She identified three things: Juniper is hesitant to try new things When she gets upset, she uses disrespectful language with her peers She doesn't eat her vegetables After getting the inside scoop from the teach...
How to teach kids intrinsic motivation with Dave Lee on Parenting
April 08, 2021 13:00 - 57 minutes - 52.3 MBToday on the show, we welcome Dave Lee from Dave Lee on Parenting and Dave Lee on Investing. Find Dave Lee on Twitter. I’ve been following him for some time now and was pleasantly surprised when I found out he had a new YouTube channel called Dave Lee on Parenting with some very unique approaches to parenting. He talks about how he doesn’t have any rules in his household, how he and his kids are best friends, and that he has never needed to punish or police his kids, ever. I know, this gu...
Sharing is caring -- or is it? What should you do when siblings won't share?
March 29, 2021 13:00 - 11 minutes - 11 MBIf you have multiple kids, then you know first-hand that sharing just doesn't come naturally to us. One kid starts working on an item and the other immediately wants to work on the same thing. The challenge is that we don’t have two of everything. And you know what, we shouldn’t. Kids need to learn to wait for their turn, learn to become engrossed in an activity without the fear of it being taken away, and of course, eventually learn to share. The keyword here is “eventually”, because it do...
How to get out the door in the morning w/o bribes, threats, or tears with Katy Wang
March 22, 2021 13:00 - 35 minutes - 32.6 MBSo here’s the challenge all parents of young children face: how can we get out the door in the morning without our children fighting us every step of the way? Sometimes kids refuse to get dressed, don’t want to eat the breakfast we served them, or are simply too immersed in an activity to listen to us. What can we do in these situations? So to help us get there, I asked for the help of Katy Wang who is the Lower School Director at Mission Montessori (which is the program for 3 - 6 year olds...
How I got my daughter to proudly clean the toilet
March 15, 2021 13:00 - 9 minutes - 8.8 MBSo yesterday I was on Twitter and I came across a Tweet from Austen Allred, the CEO of Lambda School. Let me describe the Tweet to you. In the picture of the Tweet, there are two kids. One is in the background using a sponge to clean the shower, the other is in the foreground, elbow deep with a scrub, cleaning that toilet. And I mean this kid is really going for it, cleaning the toilet with purpose and honor. And the Tweet reads: “The kids are fighting over who gets to clean the toilet.” ...
How to turn a fight with your spouse into a positive for your kids
March 10, 2021 14:00 - 13 minutes - 12.4 MBToday is an incredibly personal episode. As a kid, everyday, my mom and dad would fight, they would just straight up yell at each other for the same reasons on repeat: Why do you always turn down the air conditioning? Why aren’t you out there putting in more hours at work? And of course, they fought about money. We never, ever had enough money. In this episode, we explore a fight that Kim and I had recently. But the focus isn’t on the fight itself; rather, the focus is on what we do after t...
How to use planning to teach kids adaptability and delayed gratification
March 02, 2021 14:00 - 10 minutes - 9.55 MBI’m so excited for this episode today. It’s completely different from the last two episodes that focused on managing meltdowns (and trust me, I could probably make 100 episodes just on meltdowns). Today, we explore how to use planning to build adaptability in kids. It’s going to be a good one because I have a lot of examples that you can learn from and pick and choose the technique that will best fit your family. Here are examples of plans I've made with Juniper: Twitter thread with picture...
How to use breathing to calm down during a meltdown
February 24, 2021 14:00 - 12 minutes - 11.7 MBI'm sitting in my comfy chair, just minding my business, eating my de-shelled pistachios when I hear Juniper crying. Google had played the wrong song. Ugh... can't even eat my pistachios in peace. My natural reaction is to downplay the situation, but I use the Opposite Action Technique to keep my mouth shut: Opposite Action, Behavioral Activation, and Exposure. When Juniper says that she "can't" ask Google to play the song for her, I remind her that in this household, we say "I can't yet ...
How to use fun and humor to reset during a meltdown
February 18, 2021 21:03 - 19 minutes - 17.6 MBIt's the first episode of the podcast. Woohoo!!! Thank you so much for joining me on this adventure to grow as fathers. I'm a proud papa of two little girls (Juniper - age 3 and Kimbal - age 1). We live in San Francisco, CA and my wife, Kim, and I are just trying to be the best parents we can be. Through my conversations with other fathers, I found that we're all struggling to make it work: how should we properly discipline our kids? What values do we want to instill in them? What's the b...