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What Keeping Secrets Does to Your Brain
Crack The Behavior Code
English - April 16, 2020 16:00 - 8 minutes - 11.7 MB - ★★★★★ - 8 ratingsManagement Business Education Self-Improvement christine comaford smarttribes smarttribes institute business growth management marketing culture company culture employee culture coaching Homepage Download Apple Podcasts Google Podcasts Overcast Castro Pocket Casts RSS feed
Secrets. We all have them.
One of our clients recently had to let an executive go for non-performance reasons. The tricky part was the executive was well-loved in the organization and a large number of the employees reported up through his department. Prior to the termination, my client had to, of course, keep a secret of it. He had to self-censor, to watch what he said to whom and when. He had to be careful not to reveal the secret when long-term plans were discussed that the to-be-terminated executive would not be a part of it.
At times our client felt anxious, a little depressed, obsessively thought about it and felt inauthentic since he had to wait for the right timing to proceed with the termination.He also felt isolated.
You’ve had to keep a secret before… how did it make you feel?
The True Cost of Keeping A Secret—it’s Not What You Think
New research now reveals the truth behind secrets—and it’s not what you’d expect. First, 97% of people have one or more secrets at any given time. But most common is 13 secrets per person… whoa! Secrets included workplace secrets like pending terminations or promotions, personal life secrets like surprise parties, dark or controversial family secrets, you name it. And secrets have different categories, including simple preferences (maybe you really don’t like your mother-in-law’s casserole but pretend you do) to full-out breaches of trust, like infidelity or even embezzlement.
So what does keeping a secret do to your brain? Here are the 2 biggest problems I see (and notice the research backs them too):
Since you’re experiencing the opposite of being mindful, here’s what’s happening in your brain:
So what to do?
Reveal Your Secret To A Trusted Source
Often we hold our secrets close because we have some guilt, shame, or blame tangled up with them. Find out which of these is trapping your secret. Our client was feeling guilty about having to let the executive go, as he knew he’d disappoint some of the staff. But for all the others, he’d usher in a new world order, which would be more empowering and positive. He was feeling some shame for not having dealt with this sooner. And he was also blaming the executive for not fixing the behaviors he had repeatedly asked him to.
My client suffered for 2 weeks, then his wife urged him to call me. When he did we worked through his painful emotions and rumination with some potent brain-based processes to re-establish rapport with himself, and to create a positive outcome for the situation. Once his well-being was considerably restored we could move on to strategy—who he’d talk with when and the key messages to keep everyone calm when they heard the termination news.
When you reveal the secret it loses its power over you. Then you can brainstorm, get an unbiased perspective, no longer feel excluded from others.
The Net-Net:
Secrets cause isolation and hurt us emotionally
They also affect our performance, focus, decision-making ability
Share your challenging secret to get a fresh perspective and stop suffering!
What secrets do you have? What story are you telling yourself that keeps you isolated with them?
Resources Mentioned:
Secrets research: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28481618What Stress, Change And Isolation Do To Your Brain infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/stress-change-isolation/What Being Excluded Does To Your Brain infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/what-being-excluded-does-to-your-brain/Decision Making infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/decision-making/Maneuvers of Consciousness infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/maneuvers-of-consciousness-shift-resistance/Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.