Monday, 05.23.22

We're back! There's nothing better than hearing the sound of that electric lock turning its gears and that little light flashing green after you hold up your keycard for the first time on Monday morning. The second best feeling is probably when you're paying for your stuff with a long line of people behind you and the credit card screen flashes "Approved" even though you'd had your doubts. Anyway, it's good to be here! *Fact: Riding on a tap-dancing horse makes a guy way hotter. In case you didn't already know this, Julia will explain why. *Everyone knows that men tend to have a lot of gaps when it comes to their knowledge about the female body but it seems women have their fair share of erroneous information being circulated about the male form. *Doomscrolling!!! The United States is now the recipient of foreign aid from countries kind enough to help us feed our babies. Amber's team wants Johnny back on the stand to take another crack at him. Move other Catholics, the Southern Baptists are here. If you see a large bear in your yard, don't open a window and shout insults in its direction. Gas for Guns was a success!! Because it's a difficult question that will require some amazing minds to answer, the Supreme Court of New York will have to decide whether or not elephants are human. *Nick Wright is on the program! He's having a stressful day but we've seen him survive worse. *Did you ever notice that Sam Neill was way older than Laura Dern in Jurassic Park? You would have if you weren't a geriatric supporter of the patriarchy. *Halsey was told she needed to go viral and she obeyed. *That's a wrap! Follow us on social media @churchoflazlo and please come back tomorrow! -Everybody Wang Chung!