by Raj Blaze: Guy Who Is Very New To Stand Up Comedy
Well, last night was bullshit.
I showed up to People’s Bar and Chicken early to get a spot on the open mic night. Now, it’s usually a music open mic but I figured I’d give it a try.
Now, the host is giving me shit, saying “The last time a stand up comedian did this open mic, he talked about his dick and made everyone uncomfortable, then started verbally abusing the audience.”
In my head I’m thinking “Sounds like a shit audience” but I’ll do anything for that stage time, so I jump through his hoops and pretend like I’m Mister Clean Cut “Men Are Different From Women” Guy.
The show starts, there’s only six people in the crowd, but I’ve played for less. So I’m waiting backstage (standing offstage) and up before me is this asshole singing an exquisite rendition of James Taylor’s Fire and Rain. I mean, this guy’s voice was just so real and beautiful, people were literally crying. It meant something to every single person in that room. None of us will ever forget the new life that man’s passion breathed into that piece.
Anyway, this crowd is enraptured right? But the guy’s gone over his five minutes, so I start telling the host “Hey, this fucking phenomenal guy has done his time, let me at that hot crowd”
The guy was about to do Morning Has Broken and the crowd was just eating that shit up (it clearly would have been amazing in every sense of the word), but the host went up told him his time was done and brought me up.
Like I said, there were only six people in the crowd, but they were devastated. I’ve never seen anyone so disappointed.
But I’m undeterred. I right away launch into my tight five about smoking weed with my boys and why girls don’t like me. Complete silence. This is my best stuff I’m giving out here, and being a standup comedian is my dream!
Long story short, I wound up getting desperate and talking about my dick, then when that didn’t work I did start verbally abusing the audience.
They should have been more supportive of local comedy!
-Raj Blaze