#153 - Let's Talk: Mood Swings & Emotional Breakdown

Mood swings are quite common among all of us and the events of the past year have only exacerbated its prevalence which is why having a clear strategy in dealing with these emotional ups and downs proves invaluable if not downright essential. In this Episode Daniel and Pouya discuss mood swings and offer practical solutions to deal with them.

 

Daniel's Social: 
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danmolgan/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Danmolgan
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/daniel-molgan-41812352/
 
Pouya's Social:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pouyalj/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/pouyalj
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pouyalajevardi/
 
Episode Transcript...
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Thu, 5/20 10:56AM • 28:54

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

mood swings, people, pandemic, feeling, day, life, social media, rested, mood, normal, news media, bad, tend, eat, resist, accept, emotional, major, social, swings

SPEAKERS

Pouya LJ, Dan

 

Pouya LJ  00:13

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to yet another episode of the BTB podcast as always joined by Daniel, how's it going, my man?

 

Dan  00:20

What a man, buddy, how's it going good to be here with you for yet another great show basically, and obviously couldn't be any happier. Because fortunately, we're hearing a lot of great news from around the world and the positive tendency, people are talking about their summer vacations, and they're talking about how they can actually, you know, enjoy their lives. I'm hearing a lot of you know, things regarding my post pandemic bucket list is like now a trend among a lot of bloggers, and even on social media, a lot of like, Oh, my post pandemic bucket list, what's yours, here's mine. And like, that's a very positive thing to hear. And it's very inspiring. So generally, it's pretty good. And we're waiting to hopefully take our lives next level once the pandemic is over. And we can actually return to what basically we have now basically come to a really cherish called back to normal, therefore life is great and couldn't be any happier.

 

Pouya LJ  01:15

Absolutely, it makes lots of sense. I mean, everybody's planning, you know, what I'm going to do next, the first and second, the third after, you know, things go back to complete normalcy, I suppose. So yeah, there's a lot of those conversations going around, which is exciting. Do you have any

 

Dan  01:35

curious what is your posts, pandemic? They know, bucket list? What are the items? Basically, on your bucket list?

 

Pouya LJ  01:41

Yeah, I just just want to hang out with people. That's, that's basically, like,

 

Dan  01:47

fully deprived, because nobody there breaks the rule or something. Guys basically have been living, you know, without any social contact for almost a year, because the Kenyans are extremely nice. And they follow all the rules and all that. So I'm guessing you really need some social contact.

 

Pouya LJ  02:03

Yeah, I mean, not I mean, I'm not just talking about like, with one, I mean, like, very group activity, bunch of people, not just two or three, maybe 20.

 

Dan  02:13

Right, right. Well, we were not allowed to for over a year and a half now. Yeah.

 

Pouya LJ  02:17

Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's exactly true. What about yourself? Do you have anything that is at the top of your list, as you know,

 

Dan  02:22

me, I cannot even live with that group activity. So actually, I was the only I was the only basically person holding group, basically, conversations and workshops, of course, we had to scale down, we couldn't have a lot of people on board. But I was pretty much the only person that I know, among my social circle actually maintained a social basically, event on a steady basis during this time. And, quite frankly, if it wasn't for that, probably I would have, you know, really found this the whole experience much harder than it really had to be. So generally, for me, I just couldn't even wait for the pandemic to end it's like, dude, I'm not gonna wait for the end of the pandemic. I got it. I got I need at least eight people in front of me right now. Let's get going.

 

Pouya LJ  03:06

No, I get it. I get it. And you know, hey, as long as you've done it safe, which I'm sure you did, who cares? Right?

 

Dan  03:13

Obviously, everything is about safety. Man. We all care about safety. But Exactly. Alright, seatbelts before you start driving.

 

03:19

Exactly. That's

 

Dan  03:22

what we're talking about that type of safety, by the way. Yeah, fasten the seat belts. That's exactly what Jake Smith.

 

Pouya LJ  03:26

Yes, that's that kind of safety. Just check your mirrors and stuff.

 

03:31

blind spots.

 

Pouya LJ  03:35

All right. So now let's go back to the topic of today, which we're going to discuss how to deal with, you know, your mood swings and emotional difficulties. One might have obviously, that would be one case in the during the pandemic, but even in normal days, sometimes you don't have you're not, you know, optimally tuned emotionally, if you will. So sometimes you have mood swings, you're not well, your hormones are acting up men and women. Not particularly for specific gender, I suppose. So how would you go about dealing with that? So, so, so that's a very general question, and it's very general topic, but let's get a little bit into details. So, okay, so first of all, first, I think point is, sometimes I personally find that you're not even aware of your Metrix it's especially at the beginning of the day, right? So one element is identifying that as a as a, okay, I'm not I'm not in a good mood today, right? Sometimes it's super obvious, but sometimes it's not the cases that are not very obvious. What are your mechanisms to evaluate your mood on a day to day basis, if you have any doubt?

 

Dan  04:48

Of course, well, first of all, mood swing is a mistake if you had any because ultimately being human will make you subject to this mood swing. The question is how much how frequently And to what intensity can you actually get it back to normal. Ultimately, we all are subjected to this issue of, you know, mood swings, it happens to all of us. However, some of us by a combination of genetics, or mythology and gender are more or less likely to suffer from mood swings. However, it is something that happens to every single one of us. I know a gentleman who said, I don't have a bad day. That gentlemen is Vladimir Putin. So if that's exactly what he really meant, I'm not sure if he was telling the truth in this situation, although Mr. Putin is not famous for telling the truth anyways. But the fact of the matter is, one of the things that many men are especially proud themselves on is that I do not have bad days where I'm always feeling great, I'm always in the sweet spot. Well, I think that should be an ideal that every man and woman should probably aspire for. But that's not the journey, it means our desire to have no mood swings, it requires us to actually go through a very lengthy process of personal development both physically, because a great deal of you know, mood swings, basically have to do with our general, you know, level of health, energy, amount of sleep we get how healthy Our lives are, are we smokers and non smokers do we drink a lot of coffee in the morning and have a lot of caffeine on our system? Or do we tend to eat healthier, and we avoid all these basically junk foods and stimulants. So a great deal of that comes down to our health. And of course, part of that is just pure genetics, some of us are basically less stress resistant. And that itself means that we are a lot more likely to go through the emotional swings as the environment around us actually goes through all the inevitable changes that it actually goes through. And of course, finally, it's about gender. Again, there are studies that prove that women tend to be experiencing that more often, especially in an age when they are feeling certain hormonal, basically, changes in their body. However, that's, of course, very small influencing factor. This means that mood swings is what basically affects both men and women, across all ages and backgrounds. So it happens to all of us. However, what Vladimir Putin said, but I don't have a bad days, probably like, I tend to have more good days and bad days. And I think that that is a more realistic approach to aim for, and a more honest declaration that a man can make, because no matter how you know, how much you work, because if right now, tell our listeners Yeah, man, there are a lot of people out there who don't have bad days, like, oh, man, I feel like she look at all these people are having all the time they're having good days in my life sucks. Because that's a lie. It's not true, it's quite normal to have bad days, I don't know, I know a single person that I really personally know who did doesn't have a bad day. Even though they are having a very healthy, successful lifestyle, they still go through those ups and downs, just like anybody else will go through them, because it's human nature. However, while it is normal to have mood swings, it is not really normal to have those mood swings happening very frequently. And it's also not very efficient to let those mood swings affect your life in a way that it might actually interfere with your day to day functioning or making, you know, very bad decisions, oftentimes life, you know, lifelong consequences. So for that reason, we need to actually look at the issue of it more seriously except mood swing as an inevitable part of being human. But at the same time, we're going ourselves to actually somehow alleviate the negative side effects. So do I have mood swings? Definitely I do. But does it happen very frequently, I hope not. I try my very best to maintain a healthy lifestyle doesn't happen. And more importantly, so by the way you think so the way you think affects whether you will have mood swings, whenever you're always thinking in a way that is causing you stress or is reducing your self confidence, of course, you will go through those depressive cycles, you're going to go up and down. But if you tend to think in a more healthy positive way, you are more optimistic, obviously, you will go through them a lot less. However, with that being said, the pandemic that just occurred, unfortunately, is a source of tremendous emotional anger among people around the world. And that's exactly what caused us to experience. So many reports of suicidal thoughts, major mood swings, severe depressions, these were like some of the common things we heard a lot during the pandemic. And it's quite normal. If you keep someone in their room all day long for I don't know, months, if not years, obviously, something's gonna go wrong. That's not what the body is designed to do. However, there are obviously techniques around the world that can allow us to hopefully reduce these swings as much as possible and to hopefully increase the amount of stability and tranquility in our lives.

 

Pouya LJ  09:35

Yeah, that actually does make a lot of sense. And I wanted to actually bring us back to a point that you made briefly kind of an a minute or two ago and that was about the your mentality actually affects your moods as well. Like, that couldn't be that couldn't be more emphasized, I suppose. Because, like look, if you're on social Media 24 seven, I don't know consuming news 24 seven, I don't imagine how your mood would be. So our habits, even even the social, immediate social groups you're holding, I think that's why I think it's very important to, to pay attention to the type of people you're hanging out with, depending on what's your intention, what's your goals are? Well, of course, we're talking about emotional moods, but also life goals. Right. So I think, I think there's an emphasis to be made there. I just wanted to bring it that back. Again, that's why I mean, I have nothing against social media, but it can't be positive, particularly healthy if you're over consuming it. If you're over exposed to the world, I suppose by news outlets, social media, etc. I don't know if you have anything further to say there. And

 

Dan  10:47

you just put it out. That's a very, you know, two major sources of mood swings, the news media, which is predominantly negative. And because let's be honest, the news media is a business is the I'm an entrepreneur, I look at all things through the prism and the lenses of business and profitability. And when you look at most news media's basic model of business, they just want to attract more viewers, and they do it at any cost. And the cost is ultimately scaring people because people I mean, in the modern world are extremely busy, they have a lot of, you know, ways to keep their, you know, attention focused on different activities. So, in this situation, the media has to really focus on the negative and on the scary to attract enough viewers to make a profit. For that reason, the media, especially the news media is not really designed for informing people of the news. More importantly, it's about generating profit for the mass media. And that obviously entails a lot of negativity and fear, which is why those who watch a lot of news tend to be very stressed and nervous most of the time. The other one that you point at, basically pretty well. And that's so true, it's about the social media, it is proven that the more time you spend on social media, the more likely you are to suffer from depression, the more likely you are to suffer from lack of self confidence. And ironically use the report far less levels of life satisfaction has been done, through you know, throughout various researchers that have been published in various journals, it is proven now that social media has, you know, a direct impact on your level of emotional, basically, perhaps problems, issues, and even mood swings, as we discussed earlier. For that reason. That's one of the issues, which obviously comes down to managing the psychology again, mood swings is not purely psychological. Because nothing psychological really is purely psychological, there's always a link between the body and the mind. So mood swings aren't just if you really had a great time, last time you went to a party, and you drank a lot. And you know, maybe smoke a little bit as well. Don't expect to have a very good night's sleep, don't expect to get four or five REM cycles throughout the night because you're drunk. So you cannot have you know, proper REM basically cycles, you cannot sleep well, because of all that nicotine in your system. And when you wake up in the morning, you know, tired like a zombie, you cannot expect to jump out like Yes, I'm ready for a good day, of course, like, oh, gosh, what did I do yesterday. So that's exactly what happens to all of us. So all these issues comes down to the body and the mind. So the pandemic, you know, put a very major limitation on our physical freedom. So we're going to move as much outdoor, we're going to be in social settings. And that is important because your biology basically makes 50% of your entire emotional makeup. And then of course, the other part is your psychology. Do you tend to be in a happy relationship? Are you surrounded by your friends and loved ones, because we are social creatures, we are not meant to be loners. And so you know, the modern world, unfortunately, sometimes makes it seem like it's okay and normal, to be alone to be like, Oh, I'm so cool. I'm so independent. But in reality, that's just a fantasy. It's just a way of, you know, trying to say things that you're, you know, you're super cool. But in fact, this goes against our basic evolutionary wiring, even if you are interested. I mean, it's not just about extroverts, like me, it's it goes back to our very nature as a species. For that reason. Both of these elements are important. You pointed out social media mass media, you're definitely right about this, which is why I'm strictly against watching the news, especially watching the news is a major stressor. Because these news media basically outlets are trained how to make their headlines extremely stressful, so they can actually attract your attention. And you can watch those material the same thing, of course goes on social media, people posting all their photos. Oh, I'm always on vacation. I'm always wearing this bikini and I never looked fat because I use all these beauty basically apps that made me I don't know, seem to have perhaps 25 pounds, much lighter than I am currently and obviously all those lights gonna make me look like I'm the Miss USA but in fact, if you see me in the in the morning, you don't even want to talk to me. So a lot of girls watch those girl like oh my goodness, look at her. She's so First of all people, and boom, guess what, who's going to get depressed? Obviously, because people aren't there. Everybody knows that people put their very best moments on social media they upload, they're very like, look at me, I'm always traveling. Yeah, working as a, you know, an accountant who hates her job most of the time, and just saving all these travelers to post regularly on a weekly basis, of course, or look at me, I'm so rich, I am currently driving Lamborghini. Oh, by the way, sign up for my $1 course, yeah, you're super rich, you want to sell it for $1. That's just how rich you are. So in reality, people tend to look at these things. They look at his life and look at my life, man, I'm a loser. And they're going to feel like shit. But once we raise the awareness, and realize that social media, especially our posts have no reflection, and I mean, no reflection of our real lives, then we'll actually not take it so seriously. And we spent, ideally less time on these platforms. And we spend more time doing things that are more productive, including socializing, making friends and talking to people directly. Instead of through, you know, sending stupid comments like You're the best, or I don't know, great with a with a with a number eight, gr eight, come on, man, stop it. And all those things, you instead try to meet real people talk to them, call your best friend, what's going on, man? What's up girl? And these are the things that actually get, you know, help us deal with this and not wasting time on social media and, you know, in front of the mass media.

 

Pouya LJ  16:33

Exactly. And I think I think I missed the, you know, the consumption of the food part, like the things that you eat part. Obviously, that has an impact. Good, good that you pointed it out. Now. Okay, so we have a, I think we established a very good methodology to minimize our downtime, down days, let's call it or downtime, but in terms of emotionally, so but but as you mentioned, it's fairly reasonable to say, probably impossible for any human being to be on all the good day, every single day

 

Dan  17:12

is practically impossible. Impossible, I practice NLP every morning to get myself in a great state of mind. And I've been doing this for years now. Now, most of my friends have never seen me down, obviously. But at the same time, even someone like me, I have, you know, my bad days, too. I mean, it's, I have my own share of bad days. Fortunately, fortunately, again, I don't want to like, basically, brag, but fortunately, those days tend to not be too many. But I'm still a human being. And even if you know all the science of you know, NLP and psychology and you exercise the way I do three times per day and all that and try to eat healthy, it's still gonna go through those inevitable tough moments. We all have bad days, and it's completely normal. However, like I mentioned earlier, the key here is dosage, the amount the frequency, these are the things if you are living like oh, it's good. It's good to have a you know, emotionally unhealthy life. So doesn't matter I'm going to get through my life the way it was, No, man, if you're experiencing major emotional strings is happening frequently. That is a disease, man, you got to deal with that. But at the same time, don't bash yourself on the head, if perhaps you're not having a perfect day, 365 days, basically a year, that's quite normal. However, our goal is always to avoid perfectionism and instead try to make things a little bit better. How can I instead of being you know, pissed off half the time be pissed off 1/3 of the time? How can I actually have more, you know, fun, and enjoy my days a bit more and reduce these mood swings, that should be I think, our target, which is a lot more realistic, and achievable.

 

Pouya LJ  18:45

Perfect, but this is where I'm going with this. we land on those days, and happens to humans, you're right, we want to minimize the number of times and then density of it, but it happens with whatever intensity or whatever frequency, you find yourself in one of those days. That is not it sucks, you feel shit. What do we do?

 

Dan  19:07

Oh, you see, psychologist called is having feelings about your feelings. And that is one of the major causes of rumination and depression. You see, as I mentioned earlier, it's quite normal to have bad days. But the problem is some people feel bad for having basically bad is they feel bad about feeling bad. And this ultimately makes them you know, extremely unhappy. So I understand accept the days that are you know, not bad as as they are. do not reject them. Do not resist them. Don't feel bad about them. Because that's what we do a lot. It's like shit, I'm feeling like shit, and I feel like should because I'm feeling like shit. And this unfortunately creates a very negative inner cycle. It makes it much harder to you know, recover from that. So you will literally program yourself to feel action for the rest of that day. Instead, what do you what you what I would do on a day like that? I would say oh well I'm not as well rested, as I expect, because we're working yesterday on a project. Let's call it a project. And unfortunately, we were, I was not able to get enough rest, okay? So I see, well, there's, for every basically benefit, there's a cost, you got to pay the cost, I pay the cost I see. So we didn't get eight hours as I expected, it was actually six hours. So I am going to go through the rest of the day feeling basically not well rested, I accept it. I'm not going to resist it. I'm not gonna fight it. I'm gonna say, why am I not feeling good? Today? It's terrible. I hate it. No, all right, I'm not going to resist it. I accept that today, I'm not going to be well rested. But just because I'm feeling like shit, and I'm not well rested, doesn't mean that a whole day is going to be shaped like, okay, so I'm definitely not going to be my most cheerful, probably, I'm not gonna be able to make as many jokes today, because I can't even you know, I don't even have a sense of humor today. But how else can I enjoy today, in the best way possible, maybe I should perhaps put a bit more I basically, I don't know, perhaps, I don't know jelly and my breakfast to make it a little bit cooler. Or maybe I should go for a run, or perhaps I'm going to try to you know, go for a, let's say, five, let's say 10 minute run, because I'm a runner. So I'm going to do it, let's do it a little bit longer today to enjoy that. Or, since I'm not going to be very positive today, maybe I'm gonna be a little grumpy. So I will tend to avoid most of the situations where I'm expected to be super funny, and instead will work instead on my sales tax. Today, I'm going to just do my taxes today. I don't, I'm not going to basically go out and meet people face to face, I will postpone my meetings for the next day. And today, I'll do my boring stuff, my tax papers, for example, and other stuff to see, you don't resist it. You don't say why it happened to me why I'm feeling like shit, you don't have feelings about your feelings. You accept them as they are, you don't resist them. And once you stop resisting them, now you open up the possibility to actually make that date much better than it would have been if you simply just blamed yourself on oh my gosh, I'm feeling like shit. So that is what I view myself during those days when I might not be at my peak. And I recommend everybody else do the same. Because once you stop judging it, once you accept it, it actually becomes a lot easier. And you might ironically, this is what happens most of the time when I feel like I'm not well rested in the morning, or I'm not as fresh today, or I'm not as you know, let's say cheerful. I simply accept it. I go through the day as normal. And guess what, by the time I reach evening, I'm already in good moods because I didn't resist it, right? But if you resist that, it's like, oh, my gosh, you will go through the entire day and feel anxious. And probably that feeling might even persist for the next few days or weeks. So why don't we just stop resisting it, accept it is what it is and try to make the most of it. I think that's the far better approach than just feeling bad about feeling bad.

 

Pouya LJ  22:50

Exactly. If that makes that makes a lot of sense. actually feeling bad about feeling bad. It's feeling bad squared to the power and slowly.

 

Dan  22:59

Now we're going Superman here. But yeah, that's for those mathematicians and nerds. That's exactly you're literally and as all mathematicians know, when you square something, that feeling that's that's what that's called exponential growth. This means as you go through the day, you're, you know, the negative feelings exponentially increase. Can you believe that? Because you mentioned that Grayson, like squared, that is exactly what happens. So you walk in the morning feel like shit, but that negative feeling will then exponentially grow over time. So by the time you reach the evening, you just feel like hell, and that's what 11 million to get super depressed, even, you know, do crazy stuff. So they start, you know, using alcohol or drugs for that reason, because it's getting worse and worse, like, what should I do? How can I regulate my state? Okay, I'm gonna just, you know, go for drugs, for that reason, right? Once you avoid making it squared, you simply allow yourself away out.

 

Pouya LJ  23:51

Yeah, exactly. And that and that's, that's, I think there's so many good advice. I actually haven't really thought about what you're going to say. So I wasn't anticipating anything. And I, I'm just blown away. Basically, that's what I'm trying to say.

 

Dan  24:03

My pleasure, man. My pleasure. All right.

 

Pouya LJ  24:05

Okay, so we are kinda coming humming along to the end of the show. Is there anything in particular that we didn't talk about or anything you want to revisit at this stage?

 

Dan  24:16

Well, first of all, you mentioned all the things that we had to say to our audience regarding the the issue of mood swings, the thing that we didn't talk as much obviously was perhaps our biology, I mentioned earlier, there are clear linkages between what you eat and how much especially sugar you consume, and other stimulants and how stable you are. So if you're a I don't know I have a lot of my friends. If you are, for example, addicted to certain types of basically a mood altering substances, let's say nicotine, let's say sugar, let's say energy drinks and these cramps, and I really hate it, unfortunately, that I'm seeing these days. Many celebrities and many basically, influencers are unfortunately selling this junk to people energy drinks I really like energy and should be abolished from from the entire face of the Earth. But unfortunately, now we're seeing a new trend. People call it Oh, I can live like hell and then have energy is going to solve all my problems. Now, if you believe in placebo, Yeah, it does. But in reality, you actually ruined the body. So the other things we discussed, was about, of course, managing our mind being positive and not having feelings about our feelings, because it's completely normal to have bad days, no one's gonna judge you for that you should not judge yourself, either. Just go through the day, accept it as what it is. And more importantly, try to understand that it's going to be just one day, if you don't resist it, probably you'll have a bad day for one day, and the next morning, you're going to feel fresh, and I'm just going to be go back to normal. But if you keep persisting on negativity, you might actually, you know, get them over the major, you know, depressive cycle that could last for weeks, if not months. And above all, take care of your health. That means sufficient physical activities. If you don't like if you're not like a gym rat, the way I am, no problem, go for walks, you know, put that goddamn car away, you're going to be saving the planet by reducing the carbon emission. And at the same time, you will get a lot more physical activities, use the public transport Trust me, I am in a lot of great contexts in public transport. I love public transport, they make me so happy over the years, man, I love the public transport. But the point is, you really need to be more active, perhaps being, you know, perhaps trying to change your basically schedule, the way that you're more on foot and you're less in your car, even ideally, doing more aerobic exercise, perhaps then of course, your diet take care of that. How do you eat? How much do you eat? And more importantly, at what portions and at what times of the day? These are all important factors? Do you take regular supplements for multivitamin minerals, trust me, it is important you simply and I know I want to eat all these things naturally? Well, it is proven that no matter how well you eat on a regular basis, if you're living in a modern city, buying the junk food that we buy these days called, you know, fruits and vegetables, which most of them actually aren't even organic, you're not going to get enough vitamins and minerals. So you need to have that supplements, find the one that works for you. And regularly take the supplements, it's definitely gonna help with your mood swings as well. And above all, do not have feelings about your feelings during those bad days. You can do all these things, you can have the regular exercise routine, you can eat healthy, you can have great relationships, you can do everything right. But you can still have shitty days, we all have them. So when it happens, just accept as what it is. Let it go and try to make the most of it. And trust me if you do that, you will probably not have to repeat the same experience the next day.

 

Pouya LJ  27:41

Amazing. Biology biology shall not be missed.

 

Dan  27:45

That was a very Darth Vader type of style. I really liked it.

 

Pouya LJ  27:49

Well, I mean, introducing drama sometimes from time to time. Alright, thank you for joining us. As always, Dan, for this episode. Pleasure, man. And I appreciate you all for listening in tuning in. Without you guys, we're just humming to the void. So thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for participating if you're leaving comments, and thank you for your suggestions privately and the DMS and whatnot. And until a later episode, have a good one.