Moving On | Episode 52

Our goal with this podcast was to bring connection and to know that people are going through things, and share our experiences. We’ve had tons of disagreements, shared our story, and been vulnerable. But we are still learning and growing… So we are pivoting. After 51 episodes we have decided to pivot and we’re taking […]

The post Moving On | Episode 52 appeared first on Beta Male Revolution.

Our goal with this podcast was to bring connection and to know that people are going through things, and share our experiences. We’ve had tons of disagreements, shared our story, and been vulnerable. But we are still learning and growing… So we are pivoting.

After 51 episodes we have decided to pivot and we’re taking a short break. We’ll be back with a new podcast and we’d love to hear your thoughts. Give us some feedback, and let us know what you want us to talk about and dig into?

Our focus is creating a community of like-minded people who are willing to trudge this road to a happy destiny and support one another through life, growth, and change. We look forward to our next chapter!

Email us at [email protected]

Useful links:

Analyzing the Human Condition Through Art with Michael Aaron Ulmer | Episode 51
Olive Tree Counseling
Sign up here for the free Beta Male Course

Meet Billy Eldridge

Meet Billy, the resident beta male. For Billy, this is a place to hang out with other beta males and the people who love them. We’re redefining what beta males look like in the world. I have learned to embrace my best beta self, and I can help you to do the same. As a therapist, I understand the need to belong. You belong here. Join the REVOLUTION.

 

Meet Brandy Eldridge

Hello, Beta friends. I am an alpha personality who is embracing the beta way of life. I feel alive when connected with people, whether that is listening to their stories or learning about their passions. Forget small talk, let’s go deep together. Come to the table and let’s have some life-changing conversations.

 

Thanks for listening!

Did you enjoy this podcast? Feel free to leave a comment below or share this podcast on social media! You can also leave a review of the Beta Male Revolution Podcast on iTunes and subscribe!

Podcast Transcription

[BILLY ELDRIDGE]

Beta Male Revolution is part of the Practice of the Practice podcast network, a family of podcasts seeking to change the world. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom podcast, Imperfect Thriving or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

Hey, Beta Male Revolution. It’s me Billy and I’m with a lovely and talented wife, Brandy Eldridge. Hey Brandy.

[BRANDY ELDRIDGE]

Hi Billy.

[BILLY]

Well, we’ve got some surprising news for you guys, and then we’ll get to our current mood and temperature in the room.

[BRANDY]

It’s fine. Everything is fine.

[BILLY]

Man, we started this podcast on a, was it a high note?

[BRANDY]

No.

[BILLY]

No, we were, not this one. The very first one. In the very beginning, we couldn’t agree on anything.

[BRANDY]

Well, in the very beginning, before we recorded the podcast, we agreed on a lot of stuff.

[BILLY]

Yes, but when we get this mic in front of us —

[BRANDY]

Do you want me to tell you what the problem is because I will? The problem is you don’t articulate your thoughts. You keep your thoughts in your head and you expect me to mind-read them and you don’t tell me complete thoughts. So I have no clue what you’re trying to say, what do you want to do, and then you throw it on me last minute. “This is what we’re doing.” But you never said this prior. Like just now you said, “Well, are you going to be able to do this, this and this?” You didn’t tell me any of this. Why are you telling me as soon as we’re starting the podcast that you have these things that you need me to do now, when I have to be somewhere.

[BILLY]

Yes, I’m sorry.

[BRANDY]

They’ve been in your head for a few days.

[BILLY]

I already am sorry.

[BRANDY]

They’ve been in your head. Why didn’t you tell me?

[BILLY]

Maybe I do expect you to read my mind.

[BRANDY]

I’m not good at that.

[BILLY]

And I do, I don’t know, I have flight of ideas when I get tired and I’m exhausted. And I’m exhausted today. I mean, which brings us to this podcast and what we’re doing? And I don’t tell you what I think and you tell me what you think.

[BRANDY]

Would you like to be specific?

[BILLY]

Well, you tell me very directly and sometimes it hurts my feelings and that goes back to like the beginning. And I shut down and we get angry with one another and we don’t know how to work ourselves out of this dance of fear we get into.

[BRANDY]

It’s not fear. It’s frustration.

[BILLY]

Frustration is just a secondary emotion.

[BRANDY]

It’s not fear.

[BILLY]

There’s anger, frustration. There’s something behind, that’s a primary, yes what’s behind it. What’s behind.

[BRANDY]

I’m frustrated pulling information out of you. And I get frustrated when you throw things on me last minute because I don’t have time either.

[BILLY]

Yes.

[BRANDY]

And then you get mad, but you’re very good at not acting mad, but you are mad. Where I’m more loud about it you just keep it all in and you’re mean. And so then I’m just vocal and then I’m in trouble because I told you what I thought and I didn’t soften it.

[BILLY]

Yes. I’m sorry for being mean.

[BRANDY]

I know it’s, I’m not apologizing.

[BILLY]

I wouldn’t expect you to.

[BRANDY]

I’m so frustrated with you because you come on air or you come on the podcast and I’m the one that’s still heated and you’re like, “Hi everybody.” And I’m the one that just wants to rip your face off.

[BILLY]

Just making sure there’s no sharp objects around you.

[BRANDY]

But you, you’re awesome.

[BILLY]

I get what you’re saying. I hear you. I play calm, cool and collected because I can like put on this mask. I think I was trained to do that from childhood and pretend like everything’s okay when underneath there’s a lot of hostility and negative emotions flowing in between us. And you’re not as easy as playing the game. You just tell it like it is. You are what you are and I appreciate that about you. It’s authentic, it’s raw, scares me sometimes. I don’t know what to do.

[BRANDY]

But you would rather we play the game because it’s easier for you.

[BILLY]

No, the things I love about you, God, sometimes I just despise them and I don’t know why.

[BRANDY]

I feel the same way.

[BILLY]

We’re dealing with the same problem here.

[BRANDY]

But you’re so calm and nice, but then you’re like, so passive, aggressive and cruel. But you come off being the nice guy and that pisses me off because you come off as this nice guy and really you’re an arse sometimes.

[BILLY]

I am. I will, admittedly, I am a passive aggressive arse, that likes to appear to be a cuddly teddy bear to the world. And so I’ve said it on the podcast, no pretenses. I’ve got some things in me I really need to work out and I want to, and I need to change. I have therapy tomorrow, maybe I could —

[BRANDY]

I know everyone thinks that I have nothing to work out.

[BILLY]

You got to walk in the water.

[BRANDY]

Because I come off so well put together. I don’t come off well, put together. I come off as heated and all over the place. And I am, but you always know what I’m thinking and I should probably soften it. I know you need it softened and I’m not soft when it comes to some of that stuff and I apologize for not delivering the message the way that you understand it and hear it and where it feels good to you to hear it.

[BILLY]

Well, I think in our, the disagreement we were having before we got onto the podcast, which everyone has no context for, the shit we’re working out on air right now, like what are they talking about? But I don’t know that really, it matters, but it’s not like this podcast makes us any money. It’s just therapy for us. So everybody else, just the handful of people that listen, have to endure this part of it. But we were having a disagreement about —

[BRANDY]

You showed me something that you worked on and I said I didn’t like it.

[BILLY]

Yes, and it was, there was a little more. Well, it felt like disapproval to me.

[BILLY]

All I said is I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the acronyms you were using. And it was something that I had to agree upon very quickly and I wasn’t ready to agree upon it. I think it needed more work and I wanted to be part of that work. That’s okay. Because when I say I don’t like something, you do that all the time and then you give me your therapist wordage, which just makes me incredibly insane. “I can have that boundary, Brandy. I can say that I don’t like something.” But then if I say I don’t like something, you get all upset about it and try proving your point of why I should like it. So I can’t have a boundary or I can’t say I didn’t like it. And then in response would have been, “Hey, tell me what you don’t like about it.” “I just don’t like the acronyms and I don’t like the title of it. Can we work on that?”

But instead you wanted me to soften it and say, “I really like,” the same you like the positivity sandwich. Here’s one thing I like, one thing I don’t, one thing I like, I hate the positivity sandwich. I feel like you should just rip the band-aid because then every time you give a, I feel like every time you give a compliment, it should be a backhanded compliment underneath it. And I think that’s wrong. You set people up to think like, every time I give you a compliment, now I’m going to give you something I don’t like.

[BILLY]

Yes. I think I just, I don’t know, get down to, I think I just wanted your approval. I wanted to know you like me.

[BRANDY]

I like you. Can we fresh start?

[BILLY]

Fresh start.

[BRANDY]

Okay. Deal. Knuckle bump.

[BILLY]

So the fresh start, if you don’t know what it is, is where we knuckle it out and just start over.

[BRANDY]

We forget this conversation ever happened.

[BILLY]

Forget this conversation ever happened.

[BRANDY]

I like you.

[BILLY]

I like you too and —

[BRANDY]

Sometimes I hate you. Sometimes you’re like the person I hate the most.

[BILLY]

Sometimes it’s looking at you as like looking at a stranger I’ve never met.

[BRANDY]

Sometimes looking at you as like looking at everything I hate in the world all in piece and I can’t punch it.

[BILLY]

Yes, sometimes looking at you as like looking in a depressing future. And sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe without you. I don’t know where that comes from. Why are we so?

[BRANDY]

I know. I miss you when you’re gone. I miss you before you leave. And then when I see you, I can’t wait to get rid of you. It’s —

[BILLY]

Touché. Did I put that word in the right place?

[BRANDY]

You did. You used it right

[BILLY]

Yes, approval from Brandy, what I seek.

[BRANDY]

I’m sorry that you seek my approval. You don’t need to. You got it.

[BILLY]

Yes, it’s that unhealthy thing of needing validation, external validation instead of just being okay and secure and your approval is nice, but your disapproval is just a chance to look at behavior in me I might need to correct. But man, when I’m exhausted and well, here I go give excuses.

[BRANDY]

No, I get it.

[BILLY]

We’re both tired. We’re both tired, it’s the end of the day, we need to record a podcast, but that’s what this podcast is about. Us needing to regroup.

[BRANDY]

Yes. So our news is that we are ending Beta Male Revolution.

[BILLY]

We’re done. Talk to you guys later. That’s it?

[BRANDY]

We’re rebranding. It’s what we’re doing.

[BILLY]

We’re pivoting.

[BRANDY]

We’re pivoting. So we started with Beta Male Revolution. Billy said he made a good point. That probably should have been six episodes and we turned it into 40, 50?

[BILLY]

Yes. You know, crazy enough, after this episode comes out, we were probably, sometime about a week after this is out, finally hit 10,000 listens. I think 10,000 folks, maybe, sometimes people have tuned in more than once.

[BRANDY]

10,000 download.

[BILLY]

10,000 downloads. So 10,000 people have at some point turned this thing on and listened. I mean, almost like a —

[BRANDY]

That’s something.

[BILLY]

It’s like a mega church.

[BRANDY]

That’s cool. But you know, that’s not 10,000 people, right?

[BILLY]

Yes. I mean, we have some like repeat listeners.

[BRANDY]

Most repeat listeners.

[BILLY]

Yes. Thank you to our repeat listeners.

[BRANDY]

Yes, thank you listener. Thanks mom.

[BILLY]

One person listens 10,000 times.

[BRANDY]

It’s my mom.

[BILLY]

Somebody.

[BRANDY]

Thanks, Terry.

[BILLY]

No about 150,. 200 people a week gathering around this little podcast and hanging out with us and find what we have to say, somewhat interesting. And we’re truly grateful for that and that anybody wants to turn this thing on and I hope you get a little relief, maybe some laughter out of it and —

[BRANDY]

And maybe some connection that you can identify because maybe when you look at your spouse, you think that’s a very depressing future, which is one of the best things you’ve said this whole season. That’s fantastic.

[BILLY]

Actually appreciate it.

[BRANDY]

I did. I always love a good sarcastic comment and maybe there’s some truth to it and that’s why we laugh. That’s why we laugh. We identify with it and that’s what we wanted to do with this podcast; was hopefully bring connection and know that people are going through things and we are more open and honest about it. And so I want to give you credit for that for somebody like me, who is more open and honest in some things. You used to be very, very open and honest and then you kind of, I don’t know, regressed a little bit for good reason, not like telling anything. I was the one that was very, very private and then we get on this podcast and we’ve told it all. And you just saw a real life argument, disagreement and real life feelings being hurt and trying to work through it.

[BILLY]

Yes, we came into this thing with hurt feelings and my temptation was to polish it up and us just suck it all in and do this wonderful ending podcast, the Beta Male Revolution and at some point restart a new thing, but that hasn’t worked. That’s not what we’re about. I hope that’s not what we’re ever about. If we did it that way, maybe —

[BRANDY]

Our first podcast we’ve fought, on our mid podcasts, we fought on and our last podcast, we fought on.

[BILLY]

We’ve grown so much.

[BRANDY]

I think it just tells us you don’t get out of wrestling with things in life and one another, I don’t know that you are alive and we’re just going to, it’s going to all be skittles and rainbows and we’re just going to get along all the time. I think it’s learning to live with one another in the difficulty and how to communicate and putting this mic in front of us does something.

[BRANDY]

You said that when people aren’t fighting or they’re not talking that one person is hiding their feelings because there’s no way that two people can just agree on everything all the time. That somebody is stifling, their emotions are not being heard in the relationship. And sometimes that’s a good thing because we need to compromise and sometimes keep our mouth shut when it’s not worth doing. But I feel like we get better when we don’t agree. It takes us, it’s quicker to get back to normal. It’s quicker to regulate where I had to walk outside and just walk around for a minute.

[BILLY]

Yes, I saw you leave the room.

[BRANDY]

And then it was just like, put my feet in the grass. It’s just get a moment of air and then come back in, have a civil conversation where before I probably would have just gotten in my car and driven for hours. Now it’s just a little five minute sabbatical, five minute break. So it’s better. It’s growth. It’s progress, not perfection. But in saying all of that, that I hope that other people, I don’t know, maybe they’re a perfect marriage is out there where they get along and they don’t argue about anything and they —

[BILLY]

That’s great. I hope they start a podcast.

[BRANDY]

I mean, that is great. We are not those people. And I wish that we were, but we’re both opinionated and we both have egos and we both try to work on our egos then we try not to —

[BILLY]

Some of us are stubborn.

[BRANDY]

We try not to. We just try to be better than we were yesterday and better than we were in the next moment. And we’re living in learning and forgiving and we’re moving into a different podcast.

[BILLY]

Yes.

[BRANDY]

So the art is going to change, the website will change eventually, not for a long time.

[BILLY]

We are not leaving beta male behind. That’s very much a part of who I am, but.

[BRANDY]

That was my chair [crosstalk]. Sorry, go ahead.

[BILLY]

So here’s the deal. We want to be open and we want to be honest. This was like our freshman album we’re moving on to our sophomore work and Beta Male Revolution is very dear and true to my heart and that work isn’t going anywhere. But for us to grow and for this to grow, and we said the whole time we’re building a box just to blow it up. And I think it’s very poetic that we hit 10,000 downloads and just explode the thing and go on a hiatus. We both need a break. So we’re going to give you guys time that haven’t listened to the other episodes to go back through them and please keep listening. And one big thing we need is feedback.

What do you want to hear about? What do you want to hear us talk about? What do you want us to dig into? Because more than anything, we want to create a community. And if we’ve dropped the ball anywhere, we feel like that’s where we haven’t really beefed this thing up, this work we’ve done; is to build a community of like-minded people who are willing to trudge this road to happy destiny, to support one another through life and growth and changing. And mainly in the second half of life, when you start trying to figure out what really matters and what doesn’t. And in creating this thing, this Beta Male Revolution and the people we’ve talked to it’s made me realize that I’ve created a life in a structure that isn’t suiting us very well right now.

So what do I mean by that? I work too many hours. I don’t take care of my health. I want to be an emotionally available father, but I find myself burning the candle at both ends and not having enough room to do that. So to be honest, and to be true and to really do it, we’ve got to take a little break and get our life in order and put some things in place. And I want to be all the things I’ve talked about and I strive for them, but I haven’t created the best environment for that to happen. And I’m not quite sure how it got away from me, but Brandy and I need to focus on us, on our kids and on our work life and get that to a place that has more balance, more equanimity.

[BRANDY]

We’re not taking a long break. I think we’re just taking like a month off and we’re going to —

[BILLY]

Maybe two months.

[BRANDY]

Maybe six weeks. I don’t know, but we’re really going to work on this newer version of the podcast that’s going to be more specific to our age range. And for me, I felt like it was a very serious podcast all the time and good information and really worked that part out in me. But I also want to have a little fun with it. And I loved like our conversation with Michael Ulmer, where we just sit around and talk to people.

[BILLY]

Oh, I had a good time.

[BRANDY]

It was a good time and I enjoy doing that. And sometimes the podcast can be very —

[BILLY]

We talked about some heavy stuff.

[BRANDY]

We did, but it was good because we laughed and we had a good time and I like that part of growing and stretching and enjoying people’s company too. And I don’t like always have an interview to do and feel like we’re always having to be on and asking questions. I want to have a little bit of both and I think that’s something I want. If this isn’t fun for me, I don’t want to do it anymore. And we have a couple of guests that we already have lined up for the newer podcast that I’m excited about.

[BILLY]

So excited. Can I throw one name out?

[BRANDY]

No.

[BILLY]

Can’t throw a name out. Gosh, can I throw out a very vague hint?

[BRANDY]

It won’t be vague. I know what you’re going to say.

[BILLY]

No, it’s super —

[BRANDY]

Okay. All right. Go ahead.

[BILLY]

New York Times bestseller.

[BRANDY]

Yes.

[BILLY]

Okay. That’s all.

[BRANDY]

It’s not Brené Brown. I mean like you’re not getting inside.

[BILLY]

Okay, that’s all I’m going to say.

[BRANDY]

Yes. So we do have, we already know the name of it. We’re working on the art. We’re rebranding. It’s going to be the same, but we’ll do a name reveal and we’ll ask some people first. Like we want to ask our audience what they think about our name and kind of get feedback from you guys. So we’re going to take you through this process. So watch on our Facebook and our Instagram, and we’ll throw some questions out there that we’d love for you guys to answer and help us do this.

[BILLY]

Yes. Don’t disengage during this time. Please like, super engaged because we want you to be a part of this, those people who listen every week that take 30 minutes out of your week to hang out with us. What do you want to hear us talk about? What kind of journey do you want to go on with us? What kind of guests would you like to hear us interview? If you want to be on the podcast, send us an email. We’re not hard to get ahold of if you want to talk to us. I mean, I have a cell phone number I give out. I’ll be happy to talk with you about what you’re interested in. We’re just looking forward to this next journey, but it’s, I mean, man, it was a labor of love and it’s not going away. We just have to broaden our dreams.

[BRANDY]

We’re just rebranding. That’s it.

[BILLY]

We have to widen the box. We’ve got to blow the box up.

[BRANDY]

Yes. Beta male revolution was good and it helped, but it put us in a box and —

[BILLY]

Yes, we talked about that on the first episode of the year. Like where did you fit in that? And people ask us all the time. It’s Beta Male Revolution, “Who’s this girl on here?” It’s my wife and she’s very, much a part of everything I want to do from here on out for the rest of my life, regardless of what I said at the beginning about —

[BRANDY]

I don’t think that did as much as, I didn’t know where I fit. And then it was hard to get guests to fit that. And so then we just started getting guests that had nothing to do with Beta Male Revolution. We had more fun when we weren’t doing the beta male stuff, because that was just a, so small of a population of people. And you can only have so many guests about that until it’s just like, we’re talking about the same thing and that didn’t let us explore. So all that to say, we’re rebranding, we’re moving on, good ways. We want help from you guys. So email us, call us, stop us in the grocery store and then look for us on Instagram and on Facebook for some questions on, we’re going to throw out there, like, what do you think about this name? What do you think about this brand? What do you think about the art? We really want to get feedback from everyone and then hopefully you tell us what guests and we can try to get them. And thank you for 10,000 downloads.

[BILLY]

Yes, we appreciate you guys.

[BRANDY]

That’s really cool.

[BILLY]

And I said early on, and I’ll say again that every revolution, whether it’s just individual and personal, whether it’s cultural, whether it’s big or small begins with this aching pain, that something needs to change. But I believe it’s only sustainable through healing and this has been a healing journey for us and we want to continue to grow and heal and we want it to be sustainable. And so we’re moving this revolution forward to more of an evolution of ideas in life. And ultimately, what did we say in the beginning? Just freedom. And that includes laughter and fun.

[BRANDY]

Thanks.

[BILLY]

So we’re going to add a little bit of that at this podcast too.

[BRANDY]

Yes, see you on [inaudible 00:23:22].

[BILLY]

Yes. Take it easy guys. Are you ready to find freedom to be yourself as a beta male. Do you want permission and tools to be your best beta? Are you ready to join the revolution and define your strength as a beta? If you want to be comfortable in your own skin and be the most authentic beta male, then our free Beta Male Revolution course is for you. Sign up for free at betamalerevolution.com/course.

This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. This is given with the understanding that neither the host, Practice of the Practice, or the guests are providing legal, mental health, or other professional information. If you need a professional, you should find one.

Beta Male Revolution is part of the Practice of the Practice Podcast Network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you thrive, imperfectly. To hear other podcasts like the Bomb Mom Podcast, Imperfect Thriving, or Empowered and Unapologetic, go to practiceofthepractice.com/network.

The post Moving On | Episode 52 appeared first on Beta Male Revolution.