172 – Changing Unwanted Habits…

http://www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/IMG_1072.jpg ()

Announcements:
I will remind you, that you are all invited to write in with topic suggestions.  You know, things that are going on in your life right now, or questions you might have, or ideas that you think other guys would benefit from hearing about.
To send me your ideas you can contact me through the website, or you can write an email to:  [email protected]
For those of you who have indicated your desire to be on the launch team for the new book, very soon I will be starting the private Facebook group, so be on the lookout for an invitation to join that group when I get it started.
Real quick for anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about…I’m putting together a book that is a compilation of all the Wednesday stories I’ve told on the podcast.
I’m trying to make the kind of book that people will enjoy reading for generations.  The kind of book that people can read to their children, so that everyone can benefit from the lessons learned in these stories, while being entertained at the same time.
It’s coming together really well, I’m getting pretty excited about it.  Since I’m self publishing the book I am assembling a launch team to help me get it off the ground.  So if you are interested in being a part of that just write me at the email address I mentioned earlier and I’ll put you on the list as well.
__________________________________________________
CHANGING HABITS… 
I want you to think back to a time, anytime in your life when someone said something nice to you.  It could be anything, like someone telling you “good job”, or someone telling you that you look nice.  Think about a time when you received a positive acknowledgment that let you know someone else appreciated you.
Remember how it felt?  It feels pretty good when someone else notices our efforts and lets us know.  A simple kind word from someone can turn our whole day around, make us feel a bit lighter, and happy.  Especially if we are not expecting or looking for it.
With that in mind, something I have struggled with my whole life is remembering to do that for other people.  Some of you may have no problem with this at all, but I know there are a lot of men like me, who do, and that’s what I want to talk about today.  I think this is mostly a man problem…I don’t know many women who deal with this issue.
It’s not that I consciously withhold praise and recognition from anyone…not at all.  My problem, and maybe yours too, is that even when I notice something that is worthy of praise and recognition I talk about it in my own head…but for some reason it often doesn’t make it’s way out of my mouth where it can do some good.
I think maybe that because I talk about it in my head, it seems like I have said something, and then my brain moves on to something else without have said an actual word.
It’s really unfortunate.  There have been many times in my life when people had no idea I appreciated them.  Or they thought I was angry or upset with them, when I was actually perfectly happy with them. 
I’m not proud of this trait, I consider it a flaw in my wiring.  It’s as though sometimes I just expect that everyone around me has access to everything I’m thinking, when of course, they don’t.
There are many degrees to this problem, I’m probably not the worst at this, but I am definitely not the best either.
I’m not going to speculate as to what the biological, physiological, mental, or emotional reason for this behavior is.  Any so-called reason would sound like an excuse anyway.  The bottom line is that it’s a problem, one that needs to be corrected.
Remember in several of the first episodes when I encourage you to actually go look in a mirror and take a long, hard, objective look at your self?  Looking for things that could be better, things that need improvement?
Well, this is something showing up in the mirror for me when I do that.  I’m coming clean about it right here on...

Announcements:
I will remind you, that you are all invited to write in with topic suggestions.  You know, things that are going on in your life right now, or questions you might have, or ideas that you think other guys would benefit from hearing about.
To send me your ideas you can contact me through the website, or you can write an email to:  [email protected]
For those of you who have indicated your desire to be on the launch team for the new book, very soon I will be starting the private Facebook group, so be on the lookout for an invitation to join that group when I get it started.
Real quick for anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about…I’m putting together a book that is a compilation of all the Wednesday stories I’ve told on the podcast.
I’m trying to make the kind of book that people will enjoy reading for generations.  The kind of book that people can read to their children, so that everyone can benefit from the lessons learned in these stories, while being entertained at the same time.
It’s coming together really well, I’m getting pretty excited about it.  Since I’m self publishing the book I am assembling a launch team to help me get it off the ground.  So if you are interested in being a part of that just write me at the email address I mentioned earlier and I’ll put you on the list as well.
__________________________________________________
CHANGING HABITS… 
I want you to think back to a time, anytime in your life when someone said something nice to you.  It could be anything, like someone telling you “good job”, or someone telling you that you look nice.  Think about a time when you received a positive acknowledgment that let you know someone else appreciated you.
Remember how it felt?  It feels pretty good when someone else notices our efforts and lets us know.  A simple kind word from someone can turn our whole day around, make us feel a bit lighter, and happy.  Especially if we are not expecting or looking for it.
With that in mind, something I have struggled with my whole life is remembering to do that for other people.  Some of you may have no problem with this at all, but I know there are a lot of men like me, who do, and that’s what I want to talk about today.  I think this is mostly a man problem…I don’t know many women who deal with this issue.
It’s not that I consciously withhold praise and recognition from anyone…not at all.  My problem, and maybe yours too, is that even when I notice something that is worthy of praise and recognition I talk about it in my own head…but for some reason it often doesn’t make it’s way out of my mouth where it can do some good.
I think maybe that because I talk about it in my head, it seems like I have said something, and then my brain moves on to something else without have said an actual word.
It’s really unfortunate.  There have been many times in my life when people had no idea I appreciated them.  Or they thought I was angry or upset with them, when I was actually perfectly happy with them. 
I’m not proud of this trait, I consider it a flaw in my wiring.  It’s as though sometimes I just expect that everyone around me has access to everything I’m thinking, when of course, they don’t.
There are many degrees to this problem, I’m probably not the worst at this, but I am definitely not the best either.
I’m not going to speculate as to what the biological, physiological, mental, or emotional reason for this behavior is.  Any so-called reason would sound like an excuse anyway.  The bottom line is that it’s a problem, one that needs to be corrected.
Remember in several of the first episodes when I encourage you to actually go look in a mirror and take a long, hard, objective look at your self?  Looking for things that could be better, things that need improvement?
Well, this is something showing up in the mirror for me when I do that.  I’m coming clean about it right here on the show, because it’s something I intend to improve.
The reason it’s a problem, the reason it matters, is because for me and everyone else who functions like this…here we are, walking around with the power to make the people in our life feel better.  We have the ability at our fingertips to improve someone else’ day, brighten their mood, and lift their spirits with nothing but the utterance of a kind word…and we don’t.  All because we thought about it in our head and figure somehow that should be enough.  It isn’t.
Like I always say;  if you don’t realize a problem exists then you can’t fix it, so I’m glad I am dealing with this now.  I want the people in my life that I care about to know that I appreciate them.  I want them to feel acknowledged and I want them to be happy.
The act itself is simple, and painless.  It requires almost no effort, all I have to do is remember to say what I’m already thinking.  The hard part, is breaking a habit, the hard part is remembering to actually speak.
Something else I always say is that the things we focus on, expand.  When we focus on something it becomes a priority, and priorities demand our attention and action.  I think this is the first step in changing any behavior you want to change; focusing on it.
That’s the first part of my plan, to focus on it and make it a priority to acknowledge people whenever I think about it.  The second part of my plan is to find a way to measure my improvement.
I always carry my change in my right pocket.  Starting today, whenever I remember to speak the kind words that are on my mind, I will move one coin to the left pocket.  At the end of the day I can measure my progress by how many coins are in my left pocket.  The goal, like I say every day, will be to be better today than I was yesterday.
It’s a pretty simple plan, but I have found that most effective plans are simple. 
I did not share this today because I like talking about myself.  I don’t particularly enjoy exposing my flaws to the world.  The reason I shared this, was to illustrate how it is done.
You can apply this formula to any area of your life that you want to improve in.  Start by being objective with yourself and recognizing the issue exists.  Then focus on it and make it a priority.  Next, come up with a way to measure your improvement against the day before so you can remain accountable to yourself. 
Eventually, this new behavior will become a habit, and you will have become a better man.
Now head out into the world and remember to focus on the areas you need to improve in, make it a priority in your life.  Then find a way to measure that improvement, and eventually you will become a better man today than you were yesterday.
Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page.  Or, click on these links.
PATREON
STUMPTOWN KILTS
AUDIBLE
FACEBOOK
 (function(d, s, id) {
var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];
if (d.getElementById(id)) return;
js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;
js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js";
fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);
}(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));