129 – Nice Guys Finish…

http://www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/IMG_0975.jpg ()

There is a saying that comes up every now and then in modern conversation.  It is a saying that I have taken great exception to over the years, the more I heard it, the more I disliked it.
I disliked it because I do not believe it is true, it is inaccurate…and I hate inaccuracy.  That saying is;  “Nice Guys Finish Last”. 
The phrase, nice guys finish last was first coined in 1946, by Leo Durocher, the manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers Baseball team, pictured above.  He was talking to some sports reporters from the dugout as their opponents, the Giants, were coming onto the field…he commented about how “Nice” they were.   The Giants were in next to last place in the national league at the time, while the Dodgers were in first place.
He went on to say that,
“The nice guys are over there, not in this dugout…nice guys finish last”. 
The sports reporters ate it up and the phrase was born.
Since then it has been uttered over and over again, with many different meanings attached to it.  Mostly though…it has come to refer to men having success with women.  The insinuation being that if you are a nice guy you will become a doormat, immediately ushered into the friend zone by the women you are attracted to, who will always choose instead the arrogant, bad-boy, jerk.
The problem is…a lot of guys believe this, and then modify their behavior because they think, they will have a better chance out in the dating world.  They begin treating women badly, they become self absorbed douche bags who leave a trail of broken hearts and bad feelings in their wake. 
I don’t know how Leo Durocher of the Brooklyn Dodgers treated women, when he coined this phrase he was referring to his overall baseball strategy of intimidation, strength, and winning at all costs.  He wasn’t talking about women.
My problem with the phrase, as I said, is it’s inaccuracy.  I think the inaccuracy lies in how nice guys are being defined in the first place.
I think humans developed certain mating rituals just like all other mammals have.  Our mating rituals developed to have us looking for the best possible partners to share our DNA with.  As a result, both men and women enjoy the chase, they are intrigued by the challenge.  It is during this mating dance that we discover what attributes our potential mate possesses. 
Women like strong, confident men who are sure of themselves…because that was a huge survival skill back when our species was developing, back when we had to kill what we ate and be able to defend the tribe from other people and animals.
In contrast, men too gravitate toward women who challenge them more than other women might.  Why?  Because a woman like that is exhibiting traits that will make her a good capable mother, a strong partner, a defender of the home, etc.
For an example I’ll tell you about an experiment I did back in the 90’s, back before computers and internet dating.  I put a personal ad in a newspaper, looking for a woman…the woman.  My intention was to date 20 women in the course of a month, and use comparative analysis to see if I could determine who the best woman for me would be out of the 20.
I went through that month and completed the experiment, and out of those 20 women there were several good candidates, but there was only one who refused to kiss me on the first date, (that was one of my testing criteria), she is the one who became my girlfriend for the next two years, we almost got married.  It turned out in the end she wasn’t THE woman, but I learned a few things going through that experiment. 
I chose her because she had standards, she had strength of will and most importantly, she had respect for herself…and those are all very attractive qualities.
Ok now back to what I was saying about the definition of a nice guy.  When the phrase;  nice guys finish last, is used, I don’t really think it’s talking about guys who are nice, rather it is talking about

There is a saying that comes up every now and then in modern conversation.  It is a saying that I have taken great exception to over the years, the more I heard it, the more I disliked it.
I disliked it because I do not believe it is true, it is inaccurate…and I hate inaccuracy.  That saying is;  “Nice Guys Finish Last”. 
The phrase, nice guys finish last was first coined in 1946, by Leo Durocher, the manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers Baseball team, pictured above.  He was talking to some sports reporters from the dugout as their opponents, the Giants, were coming onto the field…he commented about how “Nice” they were.   The Giants were in next to last place in the national league at the time, while the Dodgers were in first place.
He went on to say that,
“The nice guys are over there, not in this dugout…nice guys finish last”. 
The sports reporters ate it up and the phrase was born.
Since then it has been uttered over and over again, with many different meanings attached to it.  Mostly though…it has come to refer to men having success with women.  The insinuation being that if you are a nice guy you will become a doormat, immediately ushered into the friend zone by the women you are attracted to, who will always choose instead the arrogant, bad-boy, jerk.
The problem is…a lot of guys believe this, and then modify their behavior because they think, they will have a better chance out in the dating world.  They begin treating women badly, they become self absorbed douche bags who leave a trail of broken hearts and bad feelings in their wake. 
I don’t know how Leo Durocher of the Brooklyn Dodgers treated women, when he coined this phrase he was referring to his overall baseball strategy of intimidation, strength, and winning at all costs.  He wasn’t talking about women.
My problem with the phrase, as I said, is it’s inaccuracy.  I think the inaccuracy lies in how nice guys are being defined in the first place.
I think humans developed certain mating rituals just like all other mammals have.  Our mating rituals developed to have us looking for the best possible partners to share our DNA with.  As a result, both men and women enjoy the chase, they are intrigued by the challenge.  It is during this mating dance that we discover what attributes our potential mate possesses. 
Women like strong, confident men who are sure of themselves…because that was a huge survival skill back when our species was developing, back when we had to kill what we ate and be able to defend the tribe from other people and animals.
In contrast, men too gravitate toward women who challenge them more than other women might.  Why?  Because a woman like that is exhibiting traits that will make her a good capable mother, a strong partner, a defender of the home, etc.
For an example I’ll tell you about an experiment I did back in the 90’s, back before computers and internet dating.  I put a personal ad in a newspaper, looking for a woman…the woman.  My intention was to date 20 women in the course of a month, and use comparative analysis to see if I could determine who the best woman for me would be out of the 20.
I went through that month and completed the experiment, and out of those 20 women there were several good candidates, but there was only one who refused to kiss me on the first date, (that was one of my testing criteria), she is the one who became my girlfriend for the next two years, we almost got married.  It turned out in the end she wasn’t THE woman, but I learned a few things going through that experiment. 
I chose her because she had standards, she had strength of will and most importantly, she had respect for herself…and those are all very attractive qualities.
Ok now back to what I was saying about the definition of a nice guy.  When the phrase;  nice guys finish last, is used, I don’t really think it’s talking about guys who are nice, rather it is talking about guys who are weak.  Guys with no conviction, no self respect, no confidence, no back bone, and no courage.  News flash…women are not typically attracted to men like this, because they are not good survival skills.
This phrase is labeling weak men as nice guys…and that is where the inaccuracy lies.  It is totally possible to be a super confident, strong, decisive man who knows who he is, and knows what he wants…and still be a nice guy. 
You do not have to be a jerk to be a strong, masculine male.  Look, I am the case in point…I have always been a nice guy, but I have never finished last and I have never been a weak man.
There is another saying out there…that women like so called “bad boys”.  Unfortunately this phrase exists because a large number of bad guys, almost all of them, demonstrate the traits of confidence, strength and self assuredness that women are looking for, the traits they are attracted to on a primal level.  It seems to blind them to the fact that these men happen to be using their masculine traits for bad…rather than good, and that is why they are called bad guys.
I don’t think any women anywhere wants to be mistreated, that is never the goal, and if it is…there is something else damaged there.  The only kind of woman who would genuinely want a bad man, someone to treat her like garbage…is a bad woman, or a severely emotionally damaged woman.
So to bring this around full circle, I do not agree with the phrase; Nice Guys Finish Last.  I do believe that weak men finish last, because they do…history proves it.  The remedy for that is not to be a bad guy, the remedy is simply…to not be weak.
The reason I’m talking about this today is so that when you hear that phrase, Nice guys finish last, you can know it doesn’t apply to you. 
Chances are, if you are being a better man today than you were yesterday…that you are a nice guy.  You care about the safety and happiness of the people around you, you mean the things you say, you are improving in every area of your life…you are not a weak man.  In fact, you are probably a very Confident, strong, self assured nice guy, who is not going to finish last.
So, what I’m saying is, the bottom line, is that you are now armed with the knowledge that being nice, does not equate to weakness.  It is OK to be a nice guy, just don’t be a weak man.  Weakness comes as a result of not knowing yourself well, of not having a backbone, weakness thrives in the face of excuses and in ones willingness to betray their own sense of right, often times at the expense of others. 
Now head out into the world understanding that nice guys do not finish last, in fact…they are the only ones who finish at all. 
The bad men, the weak men, the men who are not being better…they will spend their lifetime searching, trying to realize their potential as a man, but they never will.  They are searching for what you will achieve just by being a better man today than you were yesterday, and then doing that every day.
HELP SUPPORT THE SHOW!  CHECK OUT OUR PATREON PAGE!
FACEBOOK

(function(d, s, id) {
var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];
if (d.getElementById(id)) return;
js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;
js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js";
fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);
}(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));