Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet
343 episodes - English - Latest episode: 9 days ago - ★★★★★ - 4.9K ratingsA comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems. Hosted by Xandy and Christine Schiefer. Produced by the Forever Dog Podcast Network.
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Episodes
36: Banks in Charlotte, NC
July 31, 2019 03:00 - 1 hourWelcome to Christine's Unnamed Game Show featuring Skeeve Harvey! In this episode, we cover finance, art history, sports, and rats. And Christine gives us some fascinating insight into her life: she's been to a bank. So enjoy our exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, now playing on a little girl's YouTube channel. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/...
35: Souvenir Shops in Atlantic City, NJ
July 24, 2019 03:00 - 1 hourAlex: *loudly and desperately* "I FOLLOWED NONE OF THAT, BUT I HATED ALL OF THAT" *breaks into a sweat* Christine: *pulls up barstool* "EEK!!" *clinks glass* We hope you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, because Alex sure didn't. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, Okko Bekker, and tyops. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/ad...
34: Walmarts in Sioux Falls, SD
July 17, 2019 05:01 - 1 hourCalling all Walmartians! We came out of our basement to bring you an episode chock full of glory holes and racism. But don't worry, Christine left her teen greeters down there with the hair and stains. Needless to say, we hope you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. ...
33: Bars in Columbus, OH
July 10, 2019 03:00 - 51 minutesIn this week's episode we visit bars in Columbus to perfect our espionage techniques. It turns out, Christine is not a master criminal. Flip on your DB Cooper Baby Monitor and enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, rodeoclash, ddmyzik, and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Between You And Us: Episode 6
July 08, 2019 03:17 - 49 minutesWe've intercepted Bob Schieffer's emails to bring you this very important episode. He'd probably give this podcast 0 bombs if he could. But we hope the rest of you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, but ones our lovely listeners sent us! If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at [email protected] with "Between You And Us" in the subject line. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney...
32: Sporting Goods Stores in Anchorage, AK
July 03, 2019 04:12 - 46 minutesWe're bringing you another episode of Beach Too Sandy! We explore the sporting goods stores of Anchorage and get diplomatic about Alaskan weather. Then, Alex reads reviews written by the hardest criminals around: accidental thieves. Before we release our album of jump rope rhymes, enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PS...
31: Breweries in Little Rock, AR
June 26, 2019 09:04 - 1 hourGrab your tweens and make them listen to our wildest episode yet! Something is absolutely in the water supply and it's not making anyone more sane. Hear what the drunk people of Little Rock are saying about their local breweries, then hear what the conspiracy theorists are saying about Disney World. There's truly something for everyone in this episode, so enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD,...
30: Crab Houses in Baltimore, MD
June 19, 2019 03:00 - 59 minutesHi! We’re new and we don’t know a lot. What we do know is that these reviews are ridiculous as always. We read reviews written by some very crabby people and then Alex proves that Southern California has the best convicts. Please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Vis...
Between You And Us: Episode 5
June 17, 2019 03:37 - 47 minutesA Beach Too Sandy love story: We love you very much and we will never hurt you. Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best citizen reviews! If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at [email protected] with "Between You And Us" in the subject line. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaph...
29: Movie Theaters in Providence, RI
June 12, 2019 03:02 - 56 minutesWe're back with another episode for your listening displeasure. We read the worst reviews of movie theaters in Providence, RI, and Christine reads reviews written from the perspective of pets. I mean, who would want to miss hearing Christine channel her new friend Martin Van Purren? Oh, you? Well then go away. As for the rest of you, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, sirkoto51, an...
28: Tattoo Shops in Tulsa, OK
June 05, 2019 03:00 - 56 minutesBetween all the talk of pearls and jumper cables, this episode is particularly heinous. For that reason, we're officially putting a ban on 13-19 year olds listening to this podcast. For everyone else, please enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
27: Ghost Tours in New Orleans, LA
May 29, 2019 03:27 - 55 minutesWelcome to our morning morbid show with morning joe. In today's episode, we're taking you on a very bumpy ride through New Orleans. Please refrain from peeing or exposing yourself, no matter what we say in the show. After we give you the rundown of the debauchery of ghost tours, Christine talks about lost corpses and Disney World. Just listen if you want any of this to make sense. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme ...
26: Parks in Milwaukee, WI
May 22, 2019 03:46 - 50 minutesIs it possible for people to give their local parks bad reviews? Yes. And it's as crazy as you'd think! Alex then reads conspiracy theory reviews that no one needs to hear. Whether you listen to this in your home, lighthome, or waffle home, you won't be disappointed! Don't take our words for it, just listen to our new friends: Matthew, Poopie, and Coochie Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sa...
25: DMVs in Phoenix, AZ
May 15, 2019 03:00 - 34 minutesGet your sunglasses emoji ready, because we've got some "cool" reviews for you. We're reading the worst reviews of DMVs in Phoenix, AZ. Now imagine how boring an episode like that would normally be, and try to give this one a shot anyway. We end the episode with hilariously awful reviews of restaurants where customers thought they were receiving other people's leftovers. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus W...
Between You And Us: Episode 4
May 13, 2019 03:00 - 32 minutesGhosts, choking, vampires... wait, what podcast is this again? Oh yeah, the one where we take the mask off of humanity and reveal its truest form. And in this episode, we're back to reading reviews sent in by our listeners! Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best. If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at [email protected] with "Between You And Us" in the subject line! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-t...
24: Post Offices in Washington, DC
May 08, 2019 03:00 - 39 minutesIn our most educational episode yet, we broaden your vocabulary as well as your understanding of the Geneva Convention. But don't worry, there's plenty of stupidity as we explore our nation's capital for the worst post office reviews we can find. Then, Alex gives a challenge to YOU, the listeners, because he's a failure. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, typos, John Siegler, and Joh...
23: Toy Stores in Chicago, IL
May 01, 2019 03:00 - 42 minutesWelcome to Geppetto's Geriatric Sex Dungeon. Grab a doll, pick a booth, and enjoy our tastiest episode yet! We learn about all the toys Chicago has to offer, and we explore the stupidest recipe reviews on the internet! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
22: Beaches in Honolulu, HI
April 24, 2019 03:00 - 45 minutesIn this week's episode, we reveal our titular story. We also discuss condoms, feces, and panty liners. So basically... we're discussing humanity this episode. We do that by reading reviews of both ABZ and LDC. No idea what those are? Listen to find out! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
21: Elementary Schools in Pittsburgh, PA
April 17, 2019 03:00 - 46 minutesThis podcast made me laugh so bad!!! I threw up. It's time to kick off your Skechers and enjoy a new episode of Beach Too Sandy. While exploring reviews of elementary schools, we inadvertently explore our unfortunate middle school experiences. Enjoy the trauma! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and typos. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
20: Nostalgia in Los Angeles, CA
April 11, 2019 03:00 - 52 minutesEpisode 20 is the extravaganza you didn't know you needed! To mark the special occasion, we surprise each other with reviews of places that are close to our hearts. Hop in Guy Fieri's convertible and take this trip down memory lane with us! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, typos and Mark Snow. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Between You And Us: Episode 3
April 08, 2019 03:00 - 27 minutesCover your trouser! We're back with some PHAT reviews, ranging from Starbucks to Mount Rushmore. This episode = was passable. Just don't laugh too loudly or we'll call security... and remember, fishing is NOT a crime. If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at [email protected] with "Between You And Us" in the subject line! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and typos. ...
19: Coffee Shops in Seattle, WA
April 03, 2019 03:14 - 53 minutesIn our quest to find the worst reviews, we may have found the worst one yet. As difficult as that was, we make it through. Next in our journey, we get lost in the Bermuda Triangle of Yelp pages, but we eventually find our way... For the sake of humanity we must continue. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
18: Comedy Clubs in Hartford, CT
March 27, 2019 03:00 - 45 minutesThis week, Lisa Lampanelli graces us with her voice... and a plea to our beautiful listeners. This is followed by plenty of tallywagging from Alex and hooting from Christine. And we cap it all off with the discovery of... ANTIMONTY! No garlic fries here, just misery and displeasure. Enjoy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphon...
17: Hospitals in Boston, MA
March 20, 2019 03:00 - 41 minutesIn this week's episode, we take on communism, mary-juana, and the feminist agenda. It's truly an episode for the ages. But don't worry, we bleep out the worst of it. Thankfully, the world still gets to hear about Alex's first (and last) Hooters experience. Come along for the experience of a lifetime, and spread the word using #octothorpe. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-we...
16: Hardware Stores in Nashville, TN
March 13, 2019 03:00 - 50 minutesIf you ever want to blackmail us with fake audio pulled from various sound bites, boy do we have the episode for you! We provide you with amazing quotes such as "I'm going to flip my shit and burn down this place," and "I typed out the word 'sex' a lot today." And by we, we mean Christine. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by abett, PSOVOD, and tyops. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit m...
Between You And Us: Episode 2
March 11, 2019 03:00 - 23 minutesThe voices of a generation reading reviews sent in by fans of a generation. That's right, we're back and we're engaging in civil dialogue. We're reading what YOU want us to read. Instead of spending your hard earned money on over priced cold dessert coffee thing, why not just listen to a free radio show? Btw, we're not armed and we're wearing our "Make America Emo" hats again. Thanks for inserting us into your ears! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-...
15: Record Stores in Indianapolis, IN
March 06, 2019 03:00 - 48 minutesRudeJuggalo, WeedLMFAO, alxdude9, and imalwayzcrazy444. Which ones are our old AIM accounts and which are new? You have to listen to find out! This week we travel to Indianapolis to visit some of our best friends, including Air Bud, the Indiana Sniffer, Sonic the Hedgehog, and SpongeBob. We're still trying to connect the dots... Grab your accordions, your Faygo, and please keep your septum piercings in your septum! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-w...
14: Libraries in Los Angeles, CA
February 27, 2019 03:00 - 40 minutesHooded figures, dead bodies, and squirt machines. Or, your average Beach Too Sandy episode. If you think this episode stinks, watch out for our next collab: Corpse-be-Gucci. This episode is ideal for morgues, autopsy rooms, body bags, etc. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by Myuu, PSOVOD, sirkoto51, jgreer, and tyops. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
13: Comic Book Shops in New York, NY
February 20, 2019 03:00 - 50 minutesHear ye hear ye! Green grocers and proprietors alike! We have an episode that will surely challenge your views and give you a bad case of the sweats. Gather yourself below one of the Brooklyn Bridges, open up to page 1 of Christine's Teen Zine, and pour out a cup of our child's water. Just be sure to leave your 2 year olds behind. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
12: Liquor Stores in Louisville, KY
February 13, 2019 03:00 - 35 minutesIn this week's episode, the gang announces their next venture (unfortunately it's not a liquor store in Louisville, KY). Please wish us luck on our imminent future as born again Belgians, and please enjoy this episode responsibly. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, plasterbrain and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Between You And Us: Episode 1
February 11, 2019 03:00 - 16 minutesIn the first edition of our monthly Between You And Us episodes, we read reviews of your most suggested item. This episode is an exploration of the human body and its limits. You will learn so much from this episode, but you won't want to remember any of it. But you should already know what you're getting yourself into... Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
11: Strip Clubs in Las Vegas, NV
February 06, 2019 03:00 - 35 minutesWARNING! Do not let your ladies listen to this show. We will steal them from you. In episode 11 we go back to our roots: Vegas strip clubs. More specifically, the Chippendales show which helped launch the idea for this podcast. Now’s your chance to hear a brother and sister relive the moment where they were forever scarred. If you like what you hear, hop on the nearest FedEx truck - we’ll meet you “at spa”! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn...
10: Museums in Boise, ID
January 30, 2019 03:11 - 45 minutesWelcome to episode 10 of the podcast where a couple of poorly dressed jobsworths read awful reviews. This very special episode is full of big announcements and big egos. We even answer the age old question: Which has more museums, Boise or New York City? We also discover the world of people who get excited by squirrels, making this our most wholesome episode yet. But don't get too excited, because we're still being described as "what muppets would sound like on crack." Buy our merch! https://...
9: Waffle Houses in Atlanta, GA
January 23, 2019 03:00 - 31 minutesWhat's the difference between Waffle House and your friendly neighborhood orgy? According to this week's reviews, possibly nothing. Whichever one you're going to, be sure to watch out for pink eye! "SIGNED ALEX AND CHRISTINE!" Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
8: Dentists in Denver, CO
January 16, 2019 03:00 - 38 minutesPsst... yeah you... ever heard of... Presbyterianism? Then do we have the episode for you. We explore Denver for the worst reviews of dentists. Then we spread the good word of Ouija board reviewers. Take a break from your job as a bad teeth model and enjoy the sweet sugar voices from the unflossed mouths of Christine and Alex. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by jgreer, PSOVOD and tyops. Le...
7: Bridal Shops in Houston, TX
January 09, 2019 03:00 - 27 minutesBuckle up, folks, because things are about to get "unsettling." Tune in to hear bridal store reviews from angry brides-to-be in Houston...and their dolls. Meanwhile, Alex introduces a couple toy-loving adults and expresses his own desire for a talking bird robot. Thinking of giving us negative 5000 stars? Big mistake...HUGE! Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by Robinhood76, zagi2, qubodup, j...
6: Pet Stores in Salt Lake City, UT
January 02, 2019 04:11 - 33 minutesLost the instruction manual for your new pet bird? You’ve come to the right place! This week we read pet store reviews in Salt Lake City before trailBLAZing down an uncomfortable path of sci-fi erotic fiction…kindle edition. Tune in for bad snake advice, gladiator music and, as always, plenty of disgruntled customers. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
5: Hair Salons in Ann Arbor, MI
December 26, 2018 00:00 - 16 minutesJoin us this week as we head to Ann Arbor to hear what people think of their local hair salons. Please enjoy, but watch out for the dead body out back. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
4: Tech Stores in Jacksonville, FL
December 19, 2018 03:00 - 20 minutesWuz up! In episode 4 we explore the world of tech stores in Jacksonville, FL. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
3: Car Washes in Minneapolis, MN
December 12, 2018 08:00 - 21 minutesIt's episode three, y'all! Tune in for some...interesting...reviews of car washes in Minneapolis, MN. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
2: Hotels in Kansas City, MO
December 12, 2018 03:00 - 24 minutesEpisode two is here! We cover 1-star reviews of hotels in Kansas City, MO. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
1: Grocery Stores in Cincinnati, OH
December 10, 2018 08:00 - 20 minutesWelcome to the first official episode of BTSWTW, featuring 1-star reviews of grocery stores in Cincinnati, OH. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
TRAILER
December 07, 2018 08:00 - 2 minutesIs your beach too sandy? Water too wet? Ice too cold? More importantly, do you feel like yelling about it on the internet? We’re here to help. Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet features dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by people who just need to have their voice heard. Episodes released every Wednesday. Logo designed by Courtney DeKorte Theme by Mavus White Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices