The Bachelor - Season 25, Week 5

Welcome to Bachelor Massacre! This episode originally appeared as bonus content on the J Waves podcast Lurk Mode.

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The moment we have all been waiting for has finally arrived: "The Queen" is finally dethroned and YOU LOVE TO SEE IT. Good fucking riddance. It's really a shame because I feel like the majority of what me and MandySays have talked about is how much she sucks. Literally, for 5 episodes. Main topic. But it's all good cause now we can move on to other things like MJ's hair, Rachael's eyes, and Magi's minor-yet-powerful presence. We are already salivating for B.I.P.

This time around we have some hot One-On-Ones with Rachel and Kit and Bachelor Matt James continues to devour lips left and right like cold cuts off a charcuterie board (a phenomenon he just learned about for the first time a few dates ago. How does this guy live in New York??) There is also hella drama with MJ as she settles into her role as the new villain, one she relishes like me when I got to play a cop in a short film. Man, those uniforms are empowering! I wore it for 5 minutes and I was already staring people down and telling them to "move along".

Seeing as how Mandy and I have done a gang of recaps and I have barely done much else with Lurk Mode, we are going to be spinning our recap vibe into its VERY OWN PODCAST courtesy of Lurk Mode and Sparse Mansion Media. So stay tuned for those details, but for now you can keep recappin dat ass with us right here. If all goes according to plan, our next episode will be debuting in its brand new locale.

The next proper ep of Lurk Mode is gonna be a doozy, I'm talking a straight up CELEBRITY PODCAST CLAPBACK with chef and former LA misfit Whitney Dane. We are going to be trading our best TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORIES before she sets the record straight about the time(s) she was "enjoying trips and restaurants" with the "lesbian contractor" with "warrants out for her arrest" ... it's gonna be dope and maybe I'll even have static with another podcast when it's all said and done. I can't wait. See you soon!

Music in this episode:

"Bodak Yellow" - Cardi B
"Captain Save A Hoe" - E-40 ft. The Click
"Captain Save 'Em" - Kool Keith