Building Resilience | Smaranda Lawrie | Athlete CEO #62

When people hear the term “positive psychology” it can often bring to mind the idea of “always staying positive” or trying to force yourself to never feel anger or pain, but Smaranda Lawrie says that’s B.S.

Smaranda has a PhD in psychology and brain science from UCSB, is the founder of UCSB’s Resilience Summit, currently is an assistant professor at Providence College, and is a key researcher on positive psychology.

As a child, Smaranda’s family were political refugees from Romania who – in fleeing the country – ended up in Hungary hiding in apartments and even an underground tunnel to a refugee camp in Austria. She shares some of the hardships she experienced as a kid, how she learned resilience to get through them, and how research shows the importance of building resilience through parenting.

In this episode, Brandon and Erik talk with Smaranda about positive psychology actually is, leading research on how practicing it can improve your performance and overall outlook on life, what’s in the toolkit of positive psychology, and how to practice it with your kids.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

(2:15) How Smaranda’s experiences as a Romanian immigrant taught her resilience and influenced her decision to research positive psychology(4:15) I think sometimes people think that it’s all about happiness and having this Pollyanna smile on your face all the time. And it’s really not.” -Smaranda Lawrie(6:03) Positive psychology isn’t about ignoring pain and anger(7:49) Who is positive psychology for?(10:00) Smaranda’s experiences as a wife of a professional football player(15:29) How to parent through times of uncertainty and change(18:47) “We've become, in the past couple of decades, just increasingly more protective of our children. I know it's very well intentioned, but on one hand, we're telling them that they can do anything in the world and that they're their own person and they can reach for the stars and whatever. On the other hand, we're handholding them along the way.” – Smaranda Lawrie(23:39) How to use the tools and skillsets of positive psychology in parenting to help teach kids to regulate emotions and decisions(27:51) The simple gratitude exercise everyone from 2-year-olds to Fortune 500 CEOs should practice(31:02) How does identity fit into the conversation?(34:40) Why don’t we spend more time thinking about our values?(37:21) The importance of relationships(38:58) The PERMA theory(44:02) What advice do you have for parents with older kids – is it “too late”?(52:09) The research on aging well