Narcissistic people

I loved you...

And I do miss you.

A lot sometimes.

I wish we could talk.

I wish we could hang out like we did when we first met. 

But it's been so long since then, I don’t know what I would say now. Now, I'm so different. 

Not to mention, I don't even know if I'm dead or alive, so that makes it hard for me to say what I mean and mean what I say. 

And I don’t know if I could explain why I was so afraid of what we had back in the day...why I panicked. 

But I do know it had something to do with you. 

I know that just as much as I was into you, I was equally not into you...if you know what I mean?

But don't be offended, that's just a reflection of my perspective, which is based on a lot of shit from my past. 

So really, the demise of us was really because of me, so yes, I take full responsibility. 

And I’m sorry about that. 
I am. 

I’m sorry if I made you feel unloved.

Or abandoned.

Or rejected.

I didn’t mean to make you feel those kinds of feelings. 

It’s just that sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating when I feel feelings about someone and I don't understand them.

It makes my body hurt. 
It feels like I’m attacking myself and I don't know-how. 

And I just think it's because I feel the lies people tell. 

I feel the deceit, ya know?

I feel this overwhelming feeling of fear and uncertainty. 

I feel their sadness and their pain. 

I blame the empath in me. 
And ya know, it's really hard being me. This feels like a disease. 

But it's not. 
Doctors think I’m crazy.

And sometimes I think they're right.

When I feel those uneasy feelings about someone, I don't know how to say I need my space without feeling like I'm being mean or something. 

So needless to say, I’m not good at talking about my feelings openly.

I never have been, which is why I usually run away from them, when things feel like you did. 

But you're not the first time this has happened to me, so needless to say I don’t trust people really. 

I’ve tried though.
I have. 

I've given the benefit of the doubt over and over again, and it never works out. It just seems like every time I do, it comes back and bites me in the ass, and now my ass is permanent blue from all the comebacks I've been through. 

So now I keep to myself.

Whoever that is, that's what I'm trying to sort out. 

And that's really why I cut you out like I did. 

I didn't see it all at first but, ya know, that's common with people like you...

Narcissistic people aren't always obvious. 

In fact, I think the worst narcissistic people are probably the nicest people you’ll ever meet.

But that’s how they get you in ya see. 

They play you...

They groom your friendship.

They build trust. 

They tell these audacious stories about themselves over and over again, and they don’t always add up, but eventually, they do. 

And then people like me catch on, and we see through the facade.

So what I’m really sayin' is, you think I didn't see you, but I saw it all. 

I'm just really good a pretending things are good when they're not. 

That’s why they call me an ambush predator. I’m just joking I made that up, but I guess you could say I'm a liar like you. 

But I don’t lie like you.

The difference between my lies and yours is that you lie to manipulate and I lied to protect myself from you. 

Lucky for me, I’m starting to see things for how they actually are not for how I want them to be.

That is all.

Thank you for listening.

SOCIAL MEDIA // @ArtistSarahLong

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