Apocrypals
119 episodes - English - Latest episode: 6 months ago - ★★★★★ - 560 ratingsA podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible but try not to be jerks about it. Join comics writers Benito Cereno and Chris Sims as they journey through the Good Book from Acts to Zephaniah, with stops in the Apocrypha along the way.
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Episodes
Multipals 06: Dr. Justin Sledge
February 05, 2024 01:01 - 1 hour - 146 MBIt's 2024, Theophiloi, and a new year means new friends for your humble sons of thunder! This time, we're chatting to Dr. Justin Sledge about Biblical esoterica and Qabalah, and you know what that means: we finally find out if Promethea or Persona 5 is a more accurate depiction of real-world theology. It turns out Sephiroth ain't just a dude with a big sword and some deep-rooted issues with his mom. Who knew? (Justin did. That's why he's here.) Find out more about Justin and his work at ht...
Multipals 05: Dr. Alexiana Fry
December 13, 2023 19:25 - 1 hour - 169 MBYou know, theophiloi, the topic of trauma in Bible might not seem like something that would lead most people to an extensive discussion of James "Logan" "Wolverine" "Patch" "Lucky Jim" Howlett, but, well, you know how we are. In this special installment of our Multipals series, we're joined by Dr. Alexiana Fry for a delightful discussion that is wide-ranging even by our standards. Join us as we travel from Copenhagen (or "C'pnhawghw," apparently), to the Princess Bar in Madripoor and all poi...
110: The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014))
October 30, 2023 14:15 - 1 hour - 182 MBHappy Halloween, The-AHHH!-philoi! As is our tradition here on the show, we're spending the spookiest day of the year looking at texts involving haints and saints! Sort of! We're pushing the definition of "texts" and "haints" to their absolute limits by watching the 2014 evangelical horror (?) film (?), The Lock-In, in which a supervised slumber party at church becomes an existential nightmare due to the presence of a haunted adult magazine. No, really. That's what the movie is about. ...
109: Chris and Benito's Bible Bonkers (The Didache)
October 11, 2023 15:38 - 1 hour - 138 MBYou there, Theophiloi! What day is to-day? Wait, what? OCTOBER?! Well, I guess we did miss it, then, and the spirits took their sweet time teaching us the true meaning of Approximate Week. Oh well, time is an illusion and regular publishing schedules are a prison. Either way, we're back with a brand new episode covering the Didache and talking about our mutual birthsday! Topics of Discussion: In Burger King as in life, an X-Change of Swords, the Holy Spirit guides you to ol’ Deuts, RIP t...
Multipals 04: Tony Burke and Janet Spittler
August 20, 2023 16:21 - 1 hour - 135 MBDon't worry, Theophiloi! You still have some time to leave coffee out for a werewolf and decorate your anti-arousal thorn bush for Approximate Week (observed). We're bumping back our celebrations to once again bring you a Chill Hangout Sesh with some of our multipals! This time, it's the oft-mentioned Drs. Janet Spittler and Tony Burke, a pair of experts in New Testament Apocrypha that I personally mostly just ask about Wolverine from the X-Men. Topics of Discussion: NASCAR: it really work...
Multipals 03: Anne Thériault
July 16, 2023 20:55 - 1 hour - 156 MBDo you wanna party, Theophiloi? I sure hope so, because the Multipals series continues with another of our rowdy friends: Anne Thériault (from Ontario), who joins us to talk about her work writing about St. Dymphna and the podcast And Also Some Women, focusing on the women of the Bible. Sadly, I don't believe we get around to talking about a certain saint who called down lightning and completely wrecked some blood-thirsty seals, but to be fair, you already have a podcast for that. She also t...
Multipals 02: Aaron Higashi
June 23, 2023 15:35 - 1 hour - 125 MBDon't be jealous, dear Theophiloi; just because we have some new friends doesn't mean we still don't love you just as much! In this episode, we're talking to another luminary of Biblical TikTok, Aaron Higashi! And look: I'll read the Didache eventually. I've just got a lot on my plate right now, and we have to find out what the Biblical scholarly consensus is on Wolverine's best costume! Check out Aaron's TikTok at: https://www.tiktok.com/@abhbible Topics of Discussion: A Handsomest-Man-...
Multipals 01: Dr. Dan McClellan
April 20, 2023 17:17 - 1 hour - 169 MBHello, friends and neighbors, and welcome (uh, back?) to a brand new sub-series: Multipals! In these episodes, we're going to be sitting down with guests to talk about Bible and, most likely, Wolverine from the X-Men. To kick things off, we've got the Main Dude of Bible Studies TikTok, Dr. Dan McClellan, here to talk to us about how he tries to clear up misconceptions about the Bible and theology, and why it's very important to wear a t-shirt with Lobo or Venom on it while you're at it. That...
108: Skip This One (The Book of Hosea)
November 27, 2022 20:26 - 1 hour - 112 MBLook, Thephiloi, you don't actually have to skip this one (it's actually one of my personal favorites, tbqh) but I'm gonna warn you up front: we were in a PRETTY SILLY MOOD when we were recording this one. Come for the discussion of Hosea's prophecies of ruin for the iniquitous and faithless houses of Israel and also how much he just really hates his own wife, stay for our extended discussion of that one ghost from Ghostbusters, a film they showed to children on television. Topics of Discu...
107: Hellmensch (Stories of the Baal Shem Tov, vol. 2)
November 13, 2022 16:38 - 1 hour - 132 MBYou there, Theophiloi, what day is to-day? What? It's mid-November? Well, we keep the spirit of Halloween in our hearts year round on this podcast, so we're going ahead with our annual tradition of Haints 'n' Saints with a second pair of stories starring Rabbi Israel ben Eliezer, the Master of the Good Name! Join us as the Besht Around takes on an evil antisemite with an army of dinosaurs and Ninth House Bone Monsters and then turns his attention to a somewhat low-key intervention in a swamp...
106: A Serious Goku Move (The Second Book of Kings)
October 30, 2022 18:01 - 1 hour - 178 MBWelcome to Season 2 of Apocrypals, dear Theophiloi! You know, like how every podcast does 103 regular episodes and then takes an extremely planned break of several months before returning, refreshed and renewed? It happens all the time, and it's honestly weird that you haven't heard of it. Anyway, what better way to celebrate our return than with 2 Kings, a book that is more wildly violent than every Mortal Kombat put together. Join us for a story that has multiple people exploding, our seco...
105: Approximate Week V: RaVager
August 12, 2022 16:25 - 1 hour - 142 MBNo spoilers, Theophiloi. It's our birthday we're covering a text that listeners have been requesting for five years. Hymnal: "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, "The Winner Takes It All" by Stephen Mann of English Martyrs Church (https://www.youtube.com/user/Principal45) Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocryp...
104: Previously, On Bible (The Epistle to the Hebrews)
August 01, 2022 19:30 - 1 hour - 117 MBAnd what more can I say, Theophiloi? By faith, we recorded a podcast about the Epistle to the Hebrews, which some dweeb thought was written by Mr. Paul even though it doesn't start with a lengthy introduction about how Paul wrote it. We tackle a mostly yikesless text that pretty much recaps the entire Book up to this point by summing up the Justice League of the Bible! Topics of discussion: The Worldwide Weather Wreport, the Mꙮratꙮrium, why you should give me personally $316, Messiah (lv....
103: Sucky James (The History of Joseph the Carpenter)
July 03, 2022 19:30 - 1 hour - 115 MBI suspect, dear Theophiloi, that there is no stepfather in all history more overshadowed than poor Joseph, the humble carpenter whose competition for his Son's affection was in fact the Almighty God. It's a pretty rough role to fill — especially when the kid you're raising keeps using holy ghost powers to murder and/or resurrect your neighbors' kids — but the tradeoff is a long life in which one is never sick or has a toothache. Turns out that baby aspirin ain't no joke. Listen in as we disc...
102: Napalm Toots (The Lives of St. Martha of Bethany and St. Margaret of Antioch)
June 13, 2022 20:30 - 1 hour - 128 MBThe Book of Job is famously one of history's biggest bummers, Theophiloi, so in this episode, we're going with something that always brings us joy: women fighting dragons. It's Martha of Bethany and Margaret of Antioch, two blessed saints with adventures worthy of the airbrushed side of a custom van! Topics of Discussion: A review of a bad review, a review of Chris's mom, Martha Wayne's pearls, the Stone Cold Stunner, the Tarasque (CR 30). Hymnal: "Through the Fire and Flames" by Dragon...
101: The Apocrypals Solve Theodicy (The Book of Job)
April 21, 2022 16:03 - 1 hour - 134 MBHave you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people, Theophiloi? Well, we've found the answer in the Book of Job, a literary classic and/or utter failure, and it's pretty simple: God's indifference is indistinguishable from God's wrath. That's... kind of a weird idea to show up in Bible, though, so join us as we spend an hour unpacking it along with the long-suffering title character and the Creator of the Hippopotamus. Topics of Discussion: (sigh) the weather, Benito's patreon whi...
100: Escape From Flesh Island (The Gospel of Judas)
March 05, 2022 20:56 - 1 hour - 142 MBNo man knoweth the hour or the day, Theophiloi, but our 100th episode is at hand! In celebration of our centennial, we take on one of our most requested texts: the recently discovered Gospel of Judas! Join us as we settle the argument about Judas Iscariot once and for all. Is He Man or Monster or…. is he both? Topics of Discussion: The Crime Bible, Who Picked Acts?, Irenaeus of Lyon, GEORGE CLOONEY IS LEARNING COPTIC, Jesus L-ing HAO (PGFE), a joke that I literally forgot the meaning...
99: For Sale, Baby Legs, Not Attached (The First Book of Kings)
January 30, 2022 15:48 - 1 hour - 146 MBYou’ve heard of Solomon, right, Theophiloi? The king so wise that he once threatened to cut a baby in half? Well, if you were looking for more examples of this famous wisdom, we have some bad news for you: it sure as heck ain’t in Bible. Instead, we get a lot about decorative gourds and a little about bathing in blood in One Kings as we kick off a new year on the show! Topics of Discussion: A busy start to 2022 TYOOL, the Queen’s DBZ phase, a hot political take, “The Big Game,” a really f...
98: You Know, the Manger? (Christmas Chick Tracts)
December 23, 2021 00:43 - 1 hour - 120 MBWe suspect, Theophiloi, that it has been as much of A Year for you as it has been for your humble Sons of Thunder, so please forgive us for skipping the lengthy and intense reading we would’ve done for Hanukkah in favor of going right to a much easier Christmas episode to finish out the year. We’re diving back into the shallow pool that is Jack Chick’s hateful ouvre with three “classic” holiday themed tracts: The Missing Day, Holy Night, and Humbug! They’re real bad! Topics of Discussion: ...
97: Pretty Sus, Lesbius (The Acts of Andrew)
December 02, 2021 21:39 - 1 hour - 100 MBQuick, Theophiloi! Name your favorite Apostle! Okay, good, now we know who among you cannot be trusted, because anyone who said Andrew is a liar. My dude is boring as all h*ck except for the part where Andrew’s friend goes completely John Wick on a bunch of dudes who are trying to recreate the cover to Uncanny X-Men #251. That might not sound very appealing, but… well, it’s a good show anyway. Promise. Topics of Discussion: The importance of being furnace, vampires fighting each other and ...
96: The Goku of Judaism (Stories of the Baal Shem Tov)
October 24, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 105 MBHappy Halloween, FIENDS and NeighBOOs! It’s the spookiest time of year, and to get in the SPIRIT, we’re reading about how the Master of The Good Name and founder of Hassidic Judaism fought a werewolf and then out-lawyered a ghost in front of God Himself. No, really. It’s exactly as rad as it sounds. Topics of Discussion: AHH!BBA, a spooky film recommendation, the RAMBAM, the RADR, etc, the Appalachians of Dracula, Barovia, a very suspect ingredient, a ghost murderer who has a pretty good p...
95: An Abyss of Significant Depth (The Apocalypse of Paul)
October 10, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 139 MBI don’t want to brag, Theophiloi, but I think if I was going to write a text in the style of Mr. Paul (a servant of Jesus Christ, called to be an Apostle, separated unto the Gospel of God which He had promised afore by His prophets in the holy scriptures), I could probably do a better job than whoever it was who wrote this one and then pretended to dig it up from under his basement. That said, this bit of apocryphanfic does give us one of the most influential depictions of Hell, making it pe...
94: Little Martha and the Small Vandellas (The Lives of St. Mary Magdalene and St. Wilgefortis)
September 26, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 100 MBWork with me here, Theophiloi: It sure is late July 2021, and that means it’s time for us to celebrate the feast day of Jesus’s Second-Favorite Mary, depending on who you ask! We’re rolling through a hagiography of Mary Mags so dubious that even Jacobus de Voragine says part of it is definitely made up, and considering that dude’s wack standards, that’s saying something. Plus, a very special guest Saint who definitely exists because some history dude would not admit that he didn’t recognize ...
93: Approximate Week IV: OblIVion (Joseph and Aseneth)
August 15, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 113 MBBlessed are your hosts, Theophiloi! It’s been a while, yes, but we’re back just in time for our mutual birthday, with a look at an apocryphal text that goes from zero to complete buck wild in the span of about one paragraph. Get ready for some real Bee Attitudes and join us in this episode as we find out how Joseph — the Old Testament one with the coat, not Jesus’s stepdad — met his very tall, very mean wife. Topics of Discussion: Donald Duckin’ into an avuncular age, who’s the Scrooge/Ge...
92: Slayer of Men, Conqueror of Space (The Gospel of Philip, the Gospel of Mary, and the Gospel of Jesus’s Wife)
July 11, 2021 17:30 - 1 hour - 131 MBI think you’ll agree, Theophiloi, that while texts containing actual stories about things like 12’ werewolf saints and angel jacuzzis are nice, the real action here on our goodtime comedy podcast is in non-narrative, fragmented gnostic texts about how good is not good, evil is not evil, Jesus is made of bread, and also he had French babies. We’re diving once more into the geometry that inspired the Da Vinci Code (and, you know, the whole thing about Merovingian kings) as we read through the ...
91: The Me In This Story Is You (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 2)
June 27, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 119 MBCONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussion of sexual assault with regards to the story of Amnon and Tamar, beginning right after the ad break and ending at 26:00. If I had to rank them, Theophiloi, I’d say that the most wildly violent pieces of media I have ever taken in through the eyeballs are Doom 2016, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky, and the Second Book of Samuel. Unlike the first two, this one’s not all fun, but we do eventually get to the point where it goes full-on Looney Tunes....
90: Worfin’ the Lions (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 1)
June 06, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 119 MBIf you told me three years ago, Theophiloi, that the most famous king in Bible was not in the book called “Kings” but was instead in the part named after a dude who is neither present nor alive for the entire thing, I would’ve been real salty about it. Fortunately,, what it lacks in its title character, Sammy Deuce more than makes up for in sheer violence. It’s so much that we had to split it into two, because much like the Mountain Goats, King David and his boys are getting into knives. T...
89: 2000 B.C. (The First Book of Samuel)
May 23, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 139 MBYou may be wondering, Theophiloi, how we could possibly talk for over 90 minutes about 1 Samuel, which contains one of the Bible stories that literally everyone knows. And yes, you almost certainly know about David and Goliath, but do you know about David's vast collection of foreskins? Or the part where the King of Israel does necromancy with the mom from Bewitched? Or that sweet sweet groundhoney? If you do, well, listen anyway, there's good jokes in this one and we’re going back to our fa...
88: A Miserable Pile of Secrets (The Da Vinci Code Commentary)
May 09, 2021 14:00 - 2 hours - 220 MBWe weren't kidding, Theophiloi. We actually did a full-length commentary track for The Da Vinci Code (2006, Dir. Ron Howard). Did you know this movie is almost two and a half hours long? Because we didn't when we decided to do this. That is merely one of many shocking revelations that you can unravel along with us in this parasocial hangout sesh... OR IS IT? Topics of Discussion: Listen, I'm not going to lie to you here, we talk about a LOT of stuff in this one, about 30% of which is relat...
87: Crisis On 18,000 Earths (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 2)
April 18, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 132 MBWe're finishing up our third anniversary special this week, Theophiloi, and the sheer weirdness of Enoch's new career has gotten vast enough to fill a myriad of parasangs. You might've thought you were prepared for everything we're going to see in this, but can anyone truly be prepared for SATAN STORMWIND, the sensational character find of the 2nd Century? It's the Dark Souls of apocrypha as these one two princes of podcasting get through 3noch 2: A Little Bit Louder Now. Topics of Discuss...
87: God Junior (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 1)
April 04, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 153 MBDo me a favor, Theophiloi. Take a moment and write down the number of eyes, wings, and faces, that you think angels have, bearing in mind that you listen to this show and we know you know that two, two, and one are not the correct answers to that question. Now look at that number and understand that according to 3noch, you are almost certainly underestimating how wild we're going to get in this episode. It's our third Apocryphersary, and we're finally tackling the infamously brain-melting Th...
86: God Junior (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 1)
April 04, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 153 MBDo me a favor, Theophiloi. Take a moment and write down the number of eyes, wings, and faces, that you think angels have, bearing in mind that you listen to this show and we know you know that two, two, and one are not the correct answers to that question. Now look at that number and understand that according to 3noch, you are almost certainly underestimating how wild we're going to get in this episode. It's our third Apocryphersary, and we're finally tackling the infamously brain-melting Th...
85: Old Clootie (The Life of St. Dunstan)
March 21, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 118 MBAs it is written in the Book of Ecclesiastes, Theophiloi: futility. Utter futility. That's what we get from trying to influence the farce that is Lent Madness to get our pick, St. Dunstan, all the way to the end of that sham of a tournament. In the time between deciding on him and recording this episode, our holy boy is already out, despite doing some real Hellboy stuff to the Devil his own self. Find out more in this week's episode, which is neither farce nor sham! Sometimes! Topics of Di...
84: Just One More Thing (The Life of St. Columba)
March 07, 2021 15:00 - 1 hour - 134 MBYou know, Theophiloi, my wife, she's a really big fan of these saints these days, so I was wondering if you could help me out here. I've been trying to get through the life of of St. Columba, but there's just a couple things I don't understand. See, this thing, I've been going through it, and it's 87 pages long, and I just can't seem to figure out why a podcaster would choose such a long document to read for a show about Ireland's third most popular saint. It just seemed a little peculiar is...
83: Speedrun Tactics (The Book of Jubilees, Part 2)
February 21, 2021 15:00 - 1 hour - 98.1 MBWe have had some points of contention, Theophiloi, but up to this point, it's mostly been about Benito's bizarre and upsetting taste in candy. This time, though, a strong candidate for the worst book we've read so far threatens to tear the show apart as a genuine undercurrent of resentment flows over how boring the second half of Jubilees is. Don't let that stop you from listening to the show, though! We promise there are some good jokes in here somewhere! Topics of discussion: burrito dis...
82: Sedeqetelebab! (The Book of Jubilees)
February 07, 2021 15:00 - 1 hour - 130 MBAs you are well aware, Theophiloi, the Book of Genesis is the foundational text of not only multiple major religions, but arguably most of Western literature in general. That said, we can all agree that there's at least one major flaw: it does not contain as many half-angel cannibal giants as any of us would like. Fortunately, we have the Book of Mega Drive here to help out by adding an entirely new villain and glossing over some of the more important things of which you might've heard. #Rel...
81: Sometimes It's Just Sucky (Paul's Letter to the Ephesians)
January 24, 2021 15:00 - 1 hour - 109 MBIt is with a heavy heart that we must announce that Mr. Paul is at it again, Theophiloi... maybe. In this episode, your humble Sons of Thunder dive into Ephesians, a brief slice of Bible that is relatively (RELATIVELY) chill, to the point where there's doubt over whether the New Testament's grumpiest boy actually wrote it. Don't worry, though: there's still plenty to get mad at. It's the best and worst of our least favorite first-century saint! Topics of discussion: Joe Biden's large adult...
80: The Deadliest Skambush of Them All (The Book of Judges)
January 10, 2021 15:00 - 1 hour - 157 MBCONTENT WARNING: The text covered in this episode contains a scene of sexual assault, discussed starting at 1:38:00. Happy Gentile New Year, Theophiloi! Like Merle Haggard, we have made it through December, and we're treating ourselves to what is probably the rawest book in Bible — which unfortunately includes what Luke T. Harrington has called the most depraved passage in the whole book. What better to greet 2021 than with that sort of up-and-down rollercoaster ride of history? Samson! Ja...
Bonus: Bill Bless Us, Every Ted (Christmas Gift Exchange 2020)
December 21, 2020 23:18 - 16 minutes - 22.5 MBHappy Holidays, Theophiloi! We've wrapped up the show for the year, but before we get to these last few days of kicking back with a nice hot chocolate and a cup of coffee for St. Lucy, we're inviting you to join us for our Christmastime gift exchange. Plus: a very, very short apocryphal text about Baby Jesus bustin' up rocks!
79: Marys Christmas (The Infancy Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew)
December 13, 2020 17:27 - 1 hour - 150 MBHappy Holidays, Theophiloi! It's our favorite time of the year, and that means we're once again reading the story about how an angel came down to herald the birth of a child whose divine nature would be revealed by a dove, and who would gather a group of followers and perform many wondrous miracles: the Blessed Voltron Mary. Yeah, apparently the whole "be not afraid" stuff happened to her first, but don't worry. Jesus gets his own unique adventures in taming lions, sittin' on a sunbeam, and ...
78: MACCABEES (the Fourth Book of Maccabees)
November 29, 2020 15:00 - 1 hour - 149 MBChag samaeach, Theophiloi! It's Hanukkah time once again, and for 5781, we're diving back into the dynasty of God's resisters with MACCABEES — and this time, it's about family. Join us as we go through some truly grotesque and graphic descriptions of torture in what is essentially Green Eggs & Ham meets Hostel. It's... maybe not the best way to celebrate a gift-giving holiday, but, well, we didn't write it. Also: Olive Garden, stop reading. Applebee's.... hello. Topics of Discussion: the p...
77: The Blessed Voltrons (The Lives of St. Catherine and St. Barbara)
November 15, 2020 15:00 - 1 hour - 139 MBAdvent continues apace, Theophiloi, and we're celebrating with two of the most famous and popular lady saints, St. Barbara and St. Catherine! Babs and Cathy are here to visit total ruination upon the devil (who, sadly, does not actually appear in these stories) using explosions of various sizes. I'm not gonna lie, it gets a little grim, but c'mon. You know how most saints became saints by now, right? Topics of discussion: Quibbling with Martinmas, Advent Saint Tradition Power Rankings, the...
76: Filling the Room (The Life of St. Martin)
November 01, 2020 15:00 - 1 hour - 148 MBIf you thought the Song of Solomon was going to be a tough one for us to get through with our "Clean" tag intact, Theophiloi, brace yourselves for the Life of St. Martin. With a translation that almost has to be purposefully nasty, we're kicking off Advent with the 100% true and factual story of Martin of Tours, the saint who cured the sick, raised the dead, and ruined at least one funeral. Plus: the Devil! Like... a lot of the Devil! Topics of Discussion: Things we will have done for Hall...
75: Lazer Babies (The Apocalypse of Peter)
October 18, 2020 14:00 - 1 hour - 120 MBHappy Halloween, DRACULA-philoi, and pre-SCARE to have your sins counted as we descend once more into HELL! Specifically the Hell described in the Apocalypse of Simon "The Rock" Peter, in which everyone's favorite teen apostle describes the many punishments that await sinners of varying quality in the afterlife. Let BOO-nito SCREAM-o and CRYPTS Sims (should've thought of that one for the show) guide you on a harrowing journey full of ironic punishments and laser babies. THRILLER EYES! Topi...
74: Howl of the Ostrich (The Books of Micah and Nahum)
October 04, 2020 14:00 - 1 hour - 88.7 MBIf you've ever read Bible and thought "hey, this is great but I wish it had dudes just unleashing straight metaphorical fire on workers of iniquity," then allow your humble Sons of Thunder to introduce you to Micah and Nahum. What these two prophets lack in verbosity, they more than make up for in sheer scorching anger. Just wait'll you get to Nahum 3:19, Theophiloi. It's wild. (Note: There's a stretch in this episode where Chris sounds like he's recording over a CB radio. It gets better a...
73: Be Courageous! (The Book of Joshua)
September 20, 2020 14:00 - 1 hour - 137 MBHappy New Year, Theophiloi! That's right, it's Rosh Hashanah time, and we are 100% Done In 5781™. Also done? Joshua, whose journey to become the second Moses is going to take him down the path of mass murders and detailed land allotments, which is basically what the entire Old Testament is if you really get down to it. Get ready to break down the walls and Be Courageous, because we've got some neck-steppin' to do! It's the podcast that you can still hear, even to this day. Topics of Discus...
72: Cold Brew Paul (Paul's Letter to the Galatians)
September 06, 2020 14:00 - 1 hour - 117 MBOne half of your humble Sons of Thunder is joining you from real-for-real quarantine, dear Theophiloi, but that won't stop us from griping our way through our first canonical New Testament book of this calendar year. What might stop us is Mr. Paul in prime form, declaring himself to know more about Jesus than anyone on Earth or in Heaven, but we try to get through it in an episode that could perhaps best be described as "adversarial." On the other hand, we do find out that the Bible says gen...
71: Approximate Week Chapter 3: Parabellum (The War Scroll)
August 23, 2020 14:00 - 1 hour - 123 MBIf you seek birthdays, Theophiloi, prepare for war — the War Scroll, that is! As we celebrate the Approximate Week between our two personal nativities, we dive into the Dead Sea Scrolls for the first time to find out all about the best of seven series between the Sons of Light and the Sons of Darkness. Please note that these Sons of Light are not, like, half-angels or whatever, but they do write some extremely dope things on their swords. Topics of Discussion: Hobby Lobby being duped into ...
70: Two Firkin Bored (The Letter of Aristeas)
August 09, 2020 20:03 - 1 hour - 130 MBHaving trouble sleeping, Theophiloi? Well here's an evangelion for you: this episode covers a letter written by the most boring person to ever cover a miracle. Get ready for intense table measurements, detailed MapQuest directions to Judea circa 250 BCE, and some day one philosophy class nonsense. It's the thrilling story of the Septuagint and the curse upon those who would alter it, which is mentioned maybe once in a document that is roughly eight thousand pages long. Topics of Discussion...
69: Thirst Corinthians (The Lives of St. Mary of Egypt and St. Pelagia)
July 26, 2020 14:00 - 1 hour - 145 MBUnder normal circumstances, Theophiloi, ladytype saints tend to become so by not having any adult fun at all and then calling Jesus lightning down on man-eating seals or exploding and teleporting their way out of a tower. For Episode Nice, however, we're covering two women who took things in the opposite direction by having all the adult fun they possibly could and then chilling out once they were finished. Believe it or not, they have way more agency in their stories than you might expect, ...