210: The Impact of a Mom Who Believes In Her Kids Is Revealed Today (Best of Fertile Imagination Book Launch Party)

Welcome to Episode 210. We're going to talk with Margot Bisnow, who wrote the book, Raising an Entrepreneur: How to Help Your Children Achieve Their Dreams - 99 Stories from Families Who Did. What I love about this conversation is that there are so many moms behind us, and there are also moms ahead of us. This includes moms who have authored books too! Moms to young men as well. The available mom mentors are truly plenty and for that I’m grateful to have had so many book launch conversations like today’s. In this one, Margot Bisnow asked me what I personally learned about myself, about my family, and about writing. If you think you have a book in you and you really mean it then tune into our conversation as it will astound you in terms of what I learned and you could too in 2024!

If you love parties then please do say hi on Instagram which was where this party took place: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

Shop/gift/review - Fertile Imagination: https://amzn.to/3F6AgMu

TRANSCRIPT

When I wrote Fertile Imagination. So this is a snippet from the conversation on book launch day for Fertile Imagination. And I'm so appreciative of Margot Bisnow. I wanted to share an Amazon review that really hit close to home because I'm a mom of multiple. This was for the book Fertile Imagination, which you can purchase on Amazon.com.

Rose Elizabeth says this, as a mom of triplets, I know firsthand how easy it can be to lose yourself in motherhood. This book Fertile Imagination helped me reawaken my imagination and start to create the powerful impact I want to have on the world. It's a must-read for moms who need inspiration to live their lives for themselves, not just for their kids.

What I love about this review is that Rose Elizabeth, a mom of triplets, who also might have her own business, if I think this is the Rose that I know, took the time to go on Amazon.com and share two to three sentences on how the book really resonated in her own life. Amazon reviews are so important.

If you have ever, ever written a book, ever uploaded your files on Amazon and hit the publish button, then you know, but most of you don't. You might have never, ever understood the logistics behind what it takes to Have a book become number one in the motherhood category and number one in the women in business category on Amazon.com, both of which Fertile Imagination was able to do on book launch day. So I wanted to share that. I'm so grateful and enthusiastic.

So if you have already purchased the book Fertile Imagination, I invite you today to go ahead on Amazon.com and write your two to three sentences. If Amazon sees that this book keeps getting written reviews and notices that there's activity on this particular book, it will show it as a recommended product to moms.

And there are about 3 million moms. I would argue even more in December, especially today, December 26. They are shopping on Amazon, so could you imagine if a mom is going in there and is looking to purchase something like paper plates or something like, you know, I don't even know, a new battery for her cell phone, I'm making that up.

Imagine if, in her recommended product area, she sees fertile imagination. What if she decides that day to invest in herself? Buy a book that can help her figure out what she wants to do in the next chapter of her life, figure out how she can actually live out her dreams in a very practical step-by-step manner, whereby she gets to actually take back control of her dreams.

That is what I'm asking of you. I'm asking you to potentially do something that is way out of your comfort zone, which is to shop the book on Amazon today. If you have not yet purchased Fertile Imagination, gift it to someone in terms of an option to them so that they can get ready for the new year. And write a review.

If you've already shopped it, you can absolutely just go ahead on Amazon.com, write a review, and I will leave the actual link in the show notes so that this is super easy peasy for you. Look, this is the last episode before 2024. 2024 is coming rapidly and quickly. And all of those words. And I want to just say this, whatever happened this year, really learn from it.

Whatever happened this year, be sure that it is helping you build the life that you need and what you want to see in 2024. Nothing magic happens on January 1st, but what does happen is that you have the benefit of seeing other people. Yeah. Make some new decisions, decisions, and choices in their lives. So why not use their inspiration to inspire yourself?

So I hope you have the best New Year and I really hope that whatever it is that's on your mind or in your heart becomes reality. And it's going to take work. I'm not going to lie. So I'm here to support you. But what I would love again is to write a review. That is the way that we can support more people as they enter into 2024.

Wow. I cannot believe we're here. Thank you again for all of your support in 2023. Thank you again if you were one of these women who interviewed me and thank you again for just being gracious and generous with your time. I appreciate you and I hope that you feel appreciated. I hope you feel really, really appreciated.

Hello, Margot Bisnow. How are you? Am I in? Yes, you are in. You are in. Two months going wild. Yay. Well, congratulations on launch day. I'm so happy for you. I'm so proud of you. I know you worked so hard and you deserve all the wonderful things that come. Thank you so much. Margot. I'm like, wow, this is so much work. But it's so worthwhile.

It's so funny. Like my little boys are looking through the glass pane of the entrance way store. They're like, can we come in that from years behind, right? I know, but I can't believe you're doing this on Halloween. There's so much other stuff on Halloween with costumes and candy and treats and decorations.

See, I got me, pulled my pumpkin. Yes, they do. Very nice. Well, Halloween is the day of imagination. Today, people are pretending to be whatever it is they wish to be. Ghosts and goblins and all that good stuff. So why not Halloween? It's like, let's all be playful, you know? Absolutely. Or even let's be a famous author.

Yeah, that's, that's the costume today. It's a famous author right now. The famous author costume. very, very much. Oh, this is so cool. Where are you? You feel, I feel like you are always traveling with the band. I am always traveling. And, uh, today I'm in Washington, D. C. and I'm excited to be here and life is good.

That's good to hear. That's really good to hear. I think it's been like writing a book for me as a mom in the middle of My motherhood season of life has been quite the adventure, quite the adventure and being surrounded by moms who are ahead of me in terms of seasons of motherhood is a source of inspiration for me.

It's like, you know what? That's really cool. Like you going. to concerts with your son on stage. It's like really, really cool stuff. So you give us a lot to look forward to, but don't you feel that you learned a lot writing your book? Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's funny cause I was thinking to myself, I didn't intend to get a PhD.

But apparently, I got a PhD and I didn't even know it. There was so much research that went into it. I had to research, of course, some of the things that are just like basic, right? It's like getting legal approvals from everybody that's influential that's in the book or figuring out what plus content is on Amazon.com.

I have to share this because it's like the biggest misstep. So I thought. Because I'm a nerd, right? Like you get your MBA as you got an MBA, right? From a top-flight school. And you're like, I thought a plus content was actually like the quiz that I did for my website for people to come and take, or like the opt-ins that I did for my website for people to come and take.

And in the publishing world, it's not any of those things. It's like creative stuff to put on your Amazon profile page. I was like, wow, what a, what, I'm like overthinking this. But don't you think you also learned a lot from the other moms that you talked to? Well, yeah, I think when I interviewed different moms in the book, so like Susie Batiste, for example, like she's a grandmother now, right?

And she had invented her poo~pourri. I don't know how old her kids were, but what I do know is that I still see her on social and everything, like having a good relationship with her kids. And that was a question I got from the early readers of my book, fertile imagination. It's like, well, how can a mom go after her dreams and not feel guilty about it?

How can a mom go after her dreams and still have a positive and good relationship with her children? Like when they become adult, right? And so for me, when I was talking to moms for the book, that became a question too. It was like, okay, so if our priorities are to be like the best mom or to be like a present mom, it's like, how can you be present and also pursue your dreams?

That was a big question. Yeah. So that was so interesting to me when I was doing my book, as since you helped me. I interviewed 70 entrepreneurs and their moms about how they were raised. One of the things that surprised me was there was absolutely no correlation between how much time the mom spent at home and how good a relationship they had with their kids.

And some of the moms were full-time moms, some of the moms worked outside the home, and some of the moms really worked outside the home, and it didn't matter because when they were home, they were present. They gave their kids their, all of their love and support. When they were with them, the kids knew that the moms were following their dreams and the kids respected that.

I personally worked all the time. My kids were growing up and I'm so glad I did. I also think in a way it's almost. I mean, for some, you know what, there's not a right answer. It's whatever works for that mom and that family, but I would not have been happy being home all day. And kids want a happy parent who, it doesn't matter if you're there all the time or not.

What matters is that when you're with them, you're with them. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what our kids, they feel the mood, right? So we're like the barometer in our home. It's like, we don't even need to say it. Like if we're, if we're happy, our kids actually like. And so even if you're masking a brave and happy face and you're doing things that you don't enjoy our kids know that they notice that too.

So being present, I have found is not just like literally staring into their eyeballs, although I've done that for fun, like playing the staring game, but it's also, it's also. Just like having them involved in what you've got going on. I literally had my three little boys pick out the final design of my book cover three little boys who do not agree on things, except this is my video game.

Stop touching it. I asked the three of them. I said, Hey, what do you guys think about fertile imagination? Do you like this option or this option? When the three of them agreed on a cover. I took all of my aesthetic sensibilities and I said, it doesn't matter. They agree. I'm going with that. And so that's the other side of it.

Like, let's say you want to go after your dreams and you want to be present. It doesn't just have to be being present, and doing things that they want to do. They can enjoy and join you in the things that you are doing. And that counts too, as being present. Yeah. So I've never. I've never done one of these before, but I'm just so excited that someone I love just joined us.

Hi, Alex! This is so fun! Hello, Alex! I'm so curious about where Alex is located. She's located in New York, but she grew up across the street from me. And I'm going to go to her mom's house tonight. And it's just fun to see her there. She's now, I've known her since she was born, and now she's a wonderful mom of two gorgeous little kids.

Wow. Amazing. So she's in the thick of it. He is in the thick of it. And she's also someone who follows her dreams. She is a full-time doctor. Wow. That's outstanding. Yeah. Can you imagine during COVID? Oh, no, I can't. That's intense. That is very intense. I can't imagine either. Anyhow, she's wonderful. And it's, this is so fun.

You've got to do these more often, Margot, I, I, I expose you to things you don't. Great. Great. Anyhow, no, this is super fun. I'm used to doing more just on TV and I just did another one like 15 minutes before you, but it's just, they're like more boring and they're not as, they're not, they're not more boring.

I shouldn't say that. They're, they're more traditional and you don't get as much sort of back-and-forth interaction. That's true. That's also the difference between like a podcast and just a blurb. Like when you're on TV, I remember like super early on, I was on the Varney and Coach show on Fox News.

This was 2013 or so. And I got maybe Five sentences in that's about it. But then long form IGTV, it's like, you can then really like express yourself, explain yourself, you see the person's reaction, adjust your message. So I think it's, it's. This is also the use of imagination in terms of a book tour, because traditionally book tours, right?

Like you'll go to a bookstore and you'll sign copies and you'll do a little talk and all of that. But for me, I was like, as a mom, I needed to be virtual. Cause again, I got to go trick or treating. I have three little boys who are all about the candy tonight. So. This was another option for me, like just being sure that I can do what I want to do, but honor the fact that today is also a special day for my little boys.

But even when I do book talks or, or any talk, I'm so much happier when it's a conversation rather than just a speech. I'm, I'm so much happier being, having a back and forth with someone on a stage and then even questions from the audience rather than just giving them some sort of rehearsed statement.

So what do you think that you've learned from writing the book that's the most important thing in how you deal with your boys? That they, they have a lot that they can teach me. Like that's, that's the big thing. It's like, I don't think, I don't believe that our kids are, are random. I feel like we have them for quite a precise reason and it's not just unilateral.

It's not just like the parent teaching the kid like the kid does a number on us. I think when it comes to teaching you or me how to be more patient or teaching me how to, Imagine bigger for myself be more playful, see things in a different way, or observe life with a more present sort of way of attention.

That's the biggest thing. It's like, wait a minute. I'm literally with imagination experts in residence. Like they're in my house. They are so inventive and they see things that I could have never imagined. So it's like appreciating the fact that. They are like mini teachers for me, that was a big aha for me.

Yeah, no, I've learned so much from my kids also. And I mean, one reason is that kids. Your kids aren't afraid to tell you, like, how you're screwing up. It's true. That is true. But, my kids give me a lot of, how shall I put this, positive feedback, about ways I should change, that most of my friends won't tell me, but for example, my younger son, and this is, I think important for every woman actually. Cause I think we're all, we hate to ask for stuff. And my younger son says you deserve to ask for what you want. And that's true. So like I'll be in a restaurant and they'll all have asked for something to be cooked kind of rare and they bring it well done.

And I'm like, and he'll say, give it back. And I'll say, I don't want to bother them. He'll say, Mom, you deserve to ask for what you want. Like I do. Yeah. Yeah. My kids also made me for my New Year's resolution. They made me say that I'm going to try to stop saying that's so annoying. Yeah, I think, my children definitely have a bone to pick with me as it relates to like my food situation.

And I told them, I said, look, you are more than welcome to cook these meals yourself. I'm not like this. Cook that you can then tell me all your preferences and I'll execute on them because it's three little humans. They all have their preferences, but at the same time, it's like, okay, yeah, maybe I should put in a little more effort.

But with the writing of the book, with having a coaching practice, with having a podcast, like I am going to like for sure, oftentimes just be like lost in thought or like focus on work. And I burn so many. Pots of rice and beans. So that's like the one thing it's like, that's the one place where I've just been, like, I give up at least we're eating food and I'm sorry, this is part of your childhood memory experience.

Yeah. You just do the best you can. That's I mean, I think that's the bottom line is you do the best you can and you don't get everything perfect. Nobody gets everything perfect, but as long as you do the best you can with people, people appreciate that. People respect that. I like to think so. I totally think so.

And I think when I was putting the book together, I was like, okay, I have a couple of options. Either I could finish it to perfection and 10 more years, or I could get this out in the world now because there are a lot of moms who feel like this. They've lost a sense of themselves or they don't feel like they have the same enthusiasm in terms of what they want out of their life as they believe they should have.

And so I was like, this is my best foot forward. It's like these conversations I had with the individuals in the book, they're very, very raw. They're very real. And they're also very relatable because I think. The more that I tried to hold on to this book idea and just guard it, the, less valuable the book could ultimately be.

So like your point earlier, what did I learn about myself, let's say with writing the book, I had to get this book out to a lot of early readers. Very early, like I knew, I just knew it. I was like, there's just no way that I've got some sort of like a final answer on imagination for moms. I'm one mom with three children.

My editor is a mom in Tasmania with two grown adult children, but I know that there are certain situations that I don't know about. So I asked people that have completely different motherhood experiences, like a single mom, or I asked a mom that she gave up her career, but she's still in a career.

It's interesting, all the different variations of a working mom like that's something big. I didn't realize Margot, like for me, I always felt like kind of in the middle, like, I didn't feel like a working mom in the sense that I would go to a corporate office and leave my kids until 8 PM. Like, that's my imagination of a corporate mom and a corporate living in Connecticut with like a Metro-North commute.

And I also didn't feel like a stay-at-home mom in terms of Purist, right? So like I'm home and I'm schlepping kids from point A to B and I'm part of the PTA or whatever it is that different people call it. I always felt like I was in the middle I was like, okay, I have an LLC, so I have a business, I have a practice, but at the same time, my income.

Quite honestly, really does look a lot like the patterns of my energy, because if I have a lot of energy and I'm not in a season of nursing, my identical twins are nursing my firstborn or moving globally, relocating. That was when I was able to tend to my business. And so for me, I felt like when I was looking at business books in the past, I would always see the perspective of someone who didn't have those things going on.

It was always someone who was oftentimes the breadwinner, who was a male who would write his perspective on how to like be successful in terms of entrepreneurship, for example. Right. But for me, I was like, well, Where, where does, where does the fact that I feel conflicted in my mind? Like, like, like, where does that come into play?

Like, what if I want to be at home with the kids, but then I also want to be doing a head talk or something? Like, how do I make that real? Or how do I make real wanting to go and be an expat in Australia, but I have a podcast where most of my guests are in the United States, how do I make that time zone situation and family time sacred real, and so that was what.

I thought was missing. That's why I wanted to write the book. Yeah, I always tell women that we're thinking about having kids and working and what should they do, I say, well, it's easy. Women have so many choices. You can have kids and not work and feel guilty. You can have kids and work full-time and feel guilty.

And you can have kids and work part-time and feel guilty. So it's like whatever we do, we're going to feel in the middle like we're not doing it right. Like we're not giving our all here and we're not giving our all there. But All you can do is your best, and like when you decided to put your book out, the perfect is the enemy of the good, right?

I mean, you, you, you just, you put it out, you do your best. You can redo it next year if you want if you've learned a bunch of stuff. I mean, it's a mistake to keep trying to get to perfect, because nothing will ever be perfect. And I think you did exactly the right thing to put your book out when you did.

so much. And, I also think that in business, for example, you actually learn more from mistakes. Like it's like, you, you have to actually try something like someone who doesn't make a mistake is cause they never really tried. Anything is what I have realized like there's just no way around it. Right. And I think also that now that the book is out in the world, I also realize that now.

The book is no longer like, just my viewpoint, people now interpret it in their own way. And I'm not going to be there right next to them saying, Oh, but what I really meant was, or what, you know what I mean? And, and that's something else that's like, it's a point of vulnerability, but it's also a point of freedom.

Cause it's like, what? Make it your own, tailor it to your situation. I believe in moms so much. Because I know that if I tell him to go and like, I don't know, run a marathon. I believe that she can for herself decide whether she wants to, or she doesn't want to run the marathon. But at least, I want to encourage a mom to consider the idea that they could do something that's astounding and they could astound themselves.

I think with the book, my ambition is to give people examples of people who are moms, but also people who are not moms who have thoroughly expressed themselves and use their imagination to the fullest. And from that collection, you decide what makes sense for your specific family and based on what you want out of life.

Yeah, I think, you know, that the reason I ended up writing my book, Raising an Entrepreneur, is because I'd meet all these young entrepreneurs at my son's organization, his conferences, and I'd ask them, like, how did they turn out the way they did? And they all said the same thing to me. They all said I had a mom who believed in me.

And so the important thing. Is that you do your best, you love your child, you believe in your child, you let your child know that they're going to be successful if they put their mind to it, you let your child know that failure is fine, as Billie Jean King says, failure is feedback, and you're there for them, and they're willing to take risks, and they love you, and they know you support them, and you know you're there for them, and they, It's a, it's a, it's a wonderful thing to be a mom and you, you, you, you give it what you can and you put in the, the time you can and, but as long as you do all these other things, as long as you're there for your kids and believe in your kids, it'll be fine.

I thoroughly believe that I think being raised by a mom who has manic depression, the one thing she would say to me is, and, and I'm just going to say it as my mom would say it, she would literally tell me that I'm a genius, like, like that's a big and tall order. But let me tell you how that hit me.

So like, for me, I would be like, I would question myself. I'd be like, wow, my mom thinks I'm a genius. Like, like, and then you, you hear it enough and you're like, well, maybe I ought to try being a genius, or maybe I ought to go for like that hard school, or maybe I should go for that full scholarship, or maybe I should go for some other crazy goal, all based on something that came out of my mom's mouth.

Right. And for me, it's like, whether she was well or not, well, as she was saying, it was something that for me, didn't even matter because, for me, it was like, hope, hopeful. It was like, if I'm a genius, I could figure this out. If I'm a genius, I could really do something extraordinary with my life.

If I'm a genius. And, it's funny how like little whispers that we tell our kids when they're sleeping or on at night, like for me. Tell my little boy secrets and I have it in the book. I have it in the acknowledgments. So I tell them secrets every night and they get three, one secret that's unique to them every single night.

So I might tell like one son of mine, Noah, who's really good at asking questions. I might like it. Flip it a little, I might be like, you are an incredible athlete. As you did so well in Jiu Jitsu today, which is actually not what he would have imagined me saying, cause I might talk about his brainiac skills, but I like flipping it a bit or I'll tell Nicholas, I'll be like, you are an amazing question asker or I'll tell Gabriel, as you have, there's such a kind heart or whatever, even if he was bugging his brothers all day.

And I feel. At night, if I'm telling them these positive secrets, I feel like I'm planting a seed, kind of like my mom planted a seed in me, right? Whether it's true, whether it's not, it's kind of like, I just want them to at least imagine something incredible about themselves and go to bed with that thought.

And I think, I think for me, it's like, like it's, it's important. It's just important. And I think for moms. I think for moms, we need the same. I think we need encouragement. I think a lot of us ask for reassurance from other people, but I think a lot of us just don't give ourselves enough credit for the inner resilience, the inner resourcefulness, and the wisdom that we actually have.

So my hope is that the book helps a mom find that out for herself again, and it's through the pathway of our imagination. Yeah, that's so sweet. And it's, it's lovely that that worked what your mom said to you. But I have to tell you these studies actually show that it's much better for kids to praise them for their work ethic, rather than for being smart.

And to say, not to say you're, you're so brilliant, you'll do well on the test, but. I know you worked really hard and that's why you'll do well on the test. The effort. Yeah, I think, I think effort, you're, you're totally right. I think effort makes a difference. I think, but I, but here's the whole thing, Margot.

I think that all depends on the mom having clarity of mind, right? So if a mom is not well, it's like, yeah, you've got to know what's going on there. But yeah, no, it's nice that you took that from her and that you came out so well. I'm sure she's so happy. Yeah, for sure. Thank you so much, Margot. This was so much fun.

I so enjoyed talking to you and I'm so happy and proud of you for your book. Thank you so much. Oh my gosh, when is the next concert you're going to with one of your sons? I'm so excited for you. I don't know. Aren't you in Austin? Yeah, I'm in Austin. Oh, I should have told you they played at the F1. Oh, wow.

Oh, that's incredible. Magic giant. Wow. Yeah. That's so cool. Yeah. There's so much energy that your son has on stage. My gosh. Was he energetic as a kid too? Yeah. He always liked to perform. That's so cool. That's so cool. Thank you, Margot. Good luck. Shop the book today. Just check out the link in my bio Amazon.

Okay. Bye bye. I love how Margot Bisnow asked me to think about the book in terms of my own personal learned lessons because a lot of what gets lost during podcast interviews or IGTV fireside chats like this is the deeper meaning. Like, how did it feel to actually, like, have my stories out in the world? Or how did it feel to hear that a podcast guest was willing to have their episode featured in my book?

How did it feel to choose to go to a cafe on a Saturday morning instead of hanging out with my kids so that I could finish up this book and get it out to the world? Those are the things that are not really discussed on podcasts. So I appreciate Margot's notice in really pulling out in me some of the lessons that I've learned.

If you have a book in your heart, I really hope this gives you some courage and encouragement to actually start putting pens to paper. I promise you, no one even has to see your first draft. You didn't see mine. So be aware. Fertile imagination is try number three, and it took two years and a SWAT team of support.

So please, if you enjoy this conversation, if you got some value, and if the review resonated with you, go ahead to Amazon.com and shop the book today. Fertile imagination, Melissa Llarena. This will be in the show notes. If you shop the book, I would be so smitten if you took an opportunity today to write two to three sentences about the book that makes a big difference.

And every single day, there are 3 million moms that will shop on Amazon. This is back-of-the-envelope math. And I would love the opportunity for Amazon to help me, help me get the word out. And here's the reason why. The reason is this. I want more moms to understand that whatever they have in their hearts, it's there for a reason.

It's because they have what it takes to actually execute this idea. And this is a global conversation. And so that's why the Kindle format is still available. And that's why this is available in a slew of stores. But Amazon is where the reviews are. And so that's why I would love for you to have an opportunity to visit online, share your thoughts, share the book, and let me know.

Let me know if you go ahead and write a review based on this conversation. I would love to know that this is helping you. This is encouraging you to step outside of your comfort zone and leave a review. Thank you again. And Oh my God, until January 2, 2024, may you have the best New Year's. May you be safe.

May you and your family be safe. I'm gonna tell you what I tell my little boys when I drop them off from school. I love you. Be safe. Please do. Be safe. Thank you.