205: Family First, Business Second (Best of Fertile Imagination Book Launch Party)

Welcome to episode 205. In today's episode, we're going to talk about priorities and also how family comes first, and it's appropriate for Thanksgiving week. If you feel like there's a lot of conflicting priorities in your mind this week. You are not alone. This conversation is a clip from the IGTV lives that I did on my book launch day back in Halloween with Zanny B Davis from the UK. She's an online course creator, coach, and Christian who is also a podcaster. 

If you love parties than please do say hi on Instagram which was where this party took place: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

Shop/gift/review - Fertile Imagination: https://amzn.to/3F6AgMu

TRANSCRIPT

I want to just share with you before we go into the conversation with Zanny, a review that is already on Amazon.

And I'm so, so grateful for, so this is what the review says. Fertile imagination is a fantastic book for moms and caregivers who feel stuck and need support in activating  what is important to them. I'm so glad to have read the book. Here's to more imagination and creativity. What I want to just really emphasize here is figuring out What is important to you?

What is important to you is the reason why you decided to launch a business because you wanted to prioritize time with your family is the reason why you're in a corporate organization because you wanted to have time outside of work and separate the two. That is what we're going to talk about in today's conversation.

Now, if you have not yet shopped the book or gifted the book, it is available today on Amazon. And if you have already shopped the book, you are definitely welcome to use your cell phone, go to amazon. com, look for fertile imagination and scroll down on your cell phone and write a two to three sentence review, whatever's on your heart pertaining to the actual book.

I am grateful to you. Happy Thanksgiving. And I really, really hope that the turkey doesn't burn or the rice and beans. If you're Latina like me, and that you really get to enjoy quality time with your family. Thank you again and have an amazing Thanksgiving holiday. So let us talk about the book then. So why, why did you feel like you needed to publish this book now and why is it called what it's called which is like Fertile Imagination and I know we went through this on my podcast which it was such a great conversation but I would love for you to share it here as well.

Oh my goodness. I'm so excited to share some more about the book. So, I mean, here's the whole thing, right? Like, when you and I were talking about being blessed, and thinking about how God has us, puts, almost helps us with our heart's desires, not almost, totally helps us with our heart's desires. I started thinking to myself, I was like, you know what?

I have had very similar empowerment, encouraging conversations with business professionals in corporate settings, right? So 12 years, I was coaching marketing executives online as a coach. And I was a mom at the same time. And I thought to myself, you know, who I really, really, really want to talk to about similar things.

So like feeling like you don't need this reassurance, like you can do it, like you could do. Anything that is on your heart, right? I wanted to talk to moms and it was during the pandemic when my family and I were in Australia. And I remember thinking to myself, I was like, a lot of moms are experiencing what I was calling career trauma.

Like a lot of moms feel like it's so inflexible to work in a corporate setting. But then as an entrepreneur, what I was coming across was that. A lot of the entrepreneurs are doing very well in an online space. And this is back in the day when hustle culture was the thing. A lot of moms were falling off of cliffs.

Let me explain mental health cliffs. Okay. So let's just think about this. Like you and I are on Instagram at an appropriate time of day in our time zones. However, other people that are trying to really like grow their business, launch their business, put a course out there. Like I know you help a lot of kingdom followers and builders do we, we work ourselves so hard.

And if we're moms, it's almost like if we have childcare, as an example, we feel like every hour we spend. For childcare, we have to have a massive ROI for, right? And so we're burning ourselves at both ends, even, even as entrepreneurs. So for me, I said, you know what? The pandemic made it blatantly obvious now, because now people were.

Saying that they were falling off the cliff as in I am mentally unwell, I am working so hard. And now with the pandemic, maybe Facebook ad algorithms changed, which they did.  Maybe some other rules became new or whatever during that era. Maybe everybody came online and the competition got stiffer from an online marketing perspective.

All of that to say, I thought that it's so important for us to bubble wrap our sanity. And that's why I decided to write the book exactly in the middle of the pandemic, because I saw the trauma that a lot of working moms had. I was hearing it on the phone, coaching people in the U S while I was in Australia.

And then I was starting to notice, Oh, wait a minute. It's not just people that have corporate jobs. Female entrepreneurs, women entrepreneurs are also sacrificing their values, their priorities and their health in order to be successful online. And when is it going to Stop every single day. I don't know how many moms open up businesses thinking that that's the flexibility, right?

That they're going to get. No, you have to create the flexibility for yourself and you have to also guard it. You know how they say in the Bible, right? Guard your heart. You have to guard your time. You have to guard your mind. You have to guard your dreams too. And for me, my book is that like, I want to help moms.

Guard their dreams, guard their heart, their capabilities, their values. Like if your family comes first, you have to then build your business around it. So in the book, I have a chapter that's just about that. It's like, you know what? Family is first. And I mean, yeah, right. Yeah, amen to that family's first and I mean it and I think it's a slippery slope.

It's a slippery slope, you know, and I think that from a UK, I'm curious from a UK perspective, I'm very curious and I know you're a Caribbean queen, so let's not forget that. Let's not forget that culturally. Culturally, I'm very curious, like what's your, what, how did you grow up in terms of thinking about what a mom should and shouldn't do professionally?

I'm just curious. I feel like in this time, I think in modern times, right? It's good that moms can do everything. Cause I grew up in a household where my mom was working. She was a full time teacher and she was still getting up early at the crack of dawn to cook us like lunch. So she. Get up early to cook like a big lunch and then she still has to do everything around the house and she still has Her nine to five job, right?

So she was doing everything and I remember thinking like what? Why is it that we always feel as moms and wives especially that we have to do everything? We are doing like all the things and then when we're so tired and we're so haggard Obviously, we're frustrated and you know, we have a shorter fuse because we have so much going on And still we don't have that, take that time for self care and to just like replenish ourselves.

And I remember thinking like, I want to be a stay, I like, I always had a dream of being a stay at home mom, but I also knew that God had given me gifts and talents that he wanted me to use as well. So I was like, when I saw this online space in 2017  with this online business, I was like, as you're saying, as moms, our Our priority is our home, our kids, right?

And then obviously we still have a bigger purpose because we knew that God has already equipped us. So how do we bring that together? And many of us are burning the midnight oil to get that achievement. And then we're sacrificing our family because of that. And sometimes it's really like subconsciously because we feel like we have no other way.

So I love, love, love this conversation and this message. Because it is really needed in this time, especially, like you were saying, in the burnout that's happening in COVID and everything, because now, you can't send your kids to school so you can work on your business, right? You have to, like, work on your business with your kids around.

I can't imagine it. It was just, like, hectic, right? So, yeah. Very good. Absolutely. And I think a lot of us get stuck with like, how, like, how are we going to actually live out our dreams? And, and the dreams happen to be in like different spheres, right? So like at home and outside in the world, right? And so like, how are we going to do it?

And in the book, what I really, really endeavor to do is to give people a sense of like how I have done it. And it has not been easy  whatsoever. I will say in the, right. It's like, there's some seasons in my life as a mom and also their seasons as entrepreneurs, which is really interesting, right? There's these two seasons kind of in parallel and sometimes they're in major conflict.

major conflict. I'll give you an example. Here I am. I'm a mom. I wrote a book that is for moms, right? Business wise, it would have made sense to launch the book on Mother's Day. But think about how I as a mom would then not be able to enjoy Mother's Day. Like I would be so stressed and I would not be like thinking about like my Children and how amazing it is to be a mom.

If that was the case and business wise, I had to make a decision. I said, you know what? I'm going to have this launch on Halloween, the day that society says you get to use and play around with your imagination. Today is the day children outside all over the world, as an example, for those that celebrate are getting to be whoever they want to be.

They want to be a Disney princess. You get to be that you want to be. Superman, you get to be that. What about moms? What's the treat for us? When can we start to re imagine our lives, our capabilities, what we want? Like, when can we start to like play around with everything that God has provided? For us and for us.

Okay. Like, when is it our turn? And I remember I was on a flight actually with my children and my kids are all about playing video games on flights. Like when we relocated from Australia to the U S it was like 14 hours. And because of the pandemic and the economy, it was an economy for like, so  I remember.

Yeah. I remember a flight attendant passing by watching my kids, right? Like, when is it my turn? When is it my turn? The flight attendant says, she's like, when is it my turn? And that sparked the idea for me. I said, you know what? I've thought about that as a mom. When is it my turn? When is it that I get to play with my role as a mom and, and, and really mold it in a way that I see fit for the situation, for my ambitions.

Like, Think about it this way. Why would God put a dream in your heart if he didn't want you to actually go for it? Like that would make no sense. Yeah. No sense. Right? So it's kind of like, maybe, maybe we have to be creative with how we go about it. Maybe we have to be like very thoughtful and say, okay, I'm a mom, but man, I want to create something for kids.

Let's say you want to do like a youth center in your local community, let's say, right? Well, why would that dream be in your heart? It's because God saw that you are able to actually have those conversations, broker those relationships and get a lease on that property so that you have a place to go after school.

And it's up to you  to figure out how to make it happen. And I think it's possible, but I also think that we can, we have a lot, right? Like we have the resources. And I think a lot of times, even as moms, I have worked with some of the most accomplished moms. This is the part that is so fascinating. These are people who are killing it in boardrooms.

They become a mom. Wow. The confidence almost goes out the door. The amount of insurance.  Right. I've heard, right. You could be so amazing in a corporate setting. You become a mom and you're like mush. You're like porridge. I think too, this comes down to society as a whole, right? Because then we are competing against the man.

And we feel like we have to do it their way. And we have to do it like the way that they are saying it. But I think like when we become moms, we have to redefine that. And I love this imagination part of it, because then we can't do it like the men. Like they have, I said, my sister and I were saying like, who is the, who is the one person who could stay at home and do nothing all day?

A man, right? Like, let's just be real. Like, a woman cannot do that. You cannot sit at home all day and do nothing. Like, you got kids, you have to get up a million times. It's just not possible. And I feel like sometimes we think that we can do things the same way that men do, but we can't because we have different roles, we have different things that we need to do, and we need to find different ways to accomplish the set things that God has placed in us to accomplish, as you were saying.

You know? So tell us a little bit about the three stages, I want to hear this about optimizing that. Fertile imagination for the maximum impact for moms. I really want to hear this. Yeah. So Max. So when I think about goals, like goals are huge. Like I am not like a short sighted, very like narrow minded kind of goal person.

Like I'm not interested in taking one step every day and wow, I get my 10, 000 I'm more like, okay, how can I like walk across the Appalachian kind of extreme that way. And so big goals. So the people that are in my book, they really.  How you can achieve this fertile imagination. So there's three steps. The first one is about waking up your imagination.

As a child, we clocked at least 10, 000 hours imagining we could be anyone we wanted to be. Like I said, last hollow, like Halloween as a kid, I was hunky Brewster. I was strawberry shortcake. So myself as that, and that went in a coma when I became a mom, because as moms, we don't sleep a lot. Right. At least those early days when I had my identical twins, I was filled with dread because I decided to nurse them exclusively.

So I was not sleeping and my imagination did not feel safe to come out and play. And I wouldn't have listened, right? Our imagination doesn't want it to, doesn't want to be ignored. So step one is waking up the imagination in the book. I share podcast guests who can help any mom. Wake up her imagination.

Like there's reflection questions. There's things that you can consider in every single chapter. Then it's about playing with your imagination, right? So playing with your imagination is what we are doing today on Halloween around the world. We are playing with children who are pretending to be whatever they want to be.

We might even show up at our door with candy. Playing roles ourself and in full costumes, which by the way, I'm going to have a costume later on, but that's our secret. And because we're playing with our imagination, it's like a muscle. If you don't use it, you lose it. But if you play with it and you use it in your.

Business to come up with brand new business ideas or in your life to come up with brand new, like routines for a Saturday, for example, as a family, then you're going to be able to access your imagination for when you need it. For when things get tough and you have a goal that you want to achieve, but there's obstacles.

That's why you want a fertile imagination so that this way you're nimble and you could. Fix things as they come along, right? The third part is stretching your imagination. I am asked all the time, Melissa, how do you do so much? And the truth is that this is how I duplicate myself. When I stretch my imagination, what that means is that.

I'm using my imagination to ask for help. I'm asking people to add, to help me in my goal. Like today I'm on the phone with you. I'm on zoom with you. I'm like thinking on the phone, this is Instagram social media alone. Yes. It's global. This is global, right? This is the stretch of my imagination. I asked for help.

I said, today is the day that I'm going to have this book in Kindle format for 99 cents. You could go to my link and I need help in telling as many moms as humanly possible. And that is the third step to optimize my, my imagination, right? And to optimizing any mom's imagination. And a lot of moms are scared to ask for help.

For ourselves. Notice this, if you need help for your child, you will ask for help. You will go to the ends of the earth for your kids. And I'm asking moms to do the same for yourself. Yeah. I love that. I want to say. So firstly, one is that I never celebrated Halloween. I don't celebrate Halloween as a Christian, but I love the fact that you've said, I love you redefining that too.

Because. Thank you. It kind of brings that play on that imaginary thing, like that imagination. Cause I know like a lot of people see it as different, like the dressing up idea and all of these things, but I love that you've like flipped it around for something different and bringing it really into us as moms and how we can see ourselves.

Because I remember as a child growing up. visions I had for my life. Like my imagination was wild. I love this as well, right? And then the second thing as well is that I love that you're saying that we as moms, which is so true, we always feel like we have to have this, like we have to do it. And if we don't do it, then one, probably we don't trust other people to do it for ourselves.

Or we don't think that we can even get that support when it's a lie, right? That's not true. So I feel like, yeah, yeah. I feel like that's really important for you to just kind of give them permission right now to be like, let's go back to our childhood where we knew and it felt safe and where it was good and fun, fun again, exciting to dream and to have these vision.

And now to know that you don't have to do it on your own. You can get support for it. Nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with asking for help and support. So love that so much. Absolutely. And if you want to think about from the Bible's perspective, there's like a verse that says that you need other people and apparently three is the magic, the magic number.

I don't know that verse. But there's one verse that literally like a brain and it's like three people are best when it comes to like working on something together and to not do things by yourself. I'm going to look it up later. It does definitely speak about community. That's what the whole church is about.

Right? So the whole New Testament is about church and togetherness and community. Paul, the apostle Paul talked about that constantly in Acts and I just finished Colossians I think. He's always talking about the community and the church and togetherness. Right. But also as well, like even as Christian believers, we did a very famous verse that says like, Where two and three are gathered, like Christ is in the midst.

So when Christ is in the midst, nothing is impossible. So it takes two and three to gather, not just by yourself, and it doesn't mean like if God is not going to come to you, but it just says that when there's two and three and there's a community, then he's coming, he's definitely there. So that means like anything is possible.

Anything is possible. And I, and I really think when it comes to intentionality  and the intention of your dream, I think it makes a difference. I feel like that's where the fuel comes into play. So like, if you have something on your heart and I'm speaking to anyone that's watching this right now, if you're a mom and you have something on your heart, it's there for a reason, God believes that you could actually do it.

You can actually pull it. Yeah. That's the number one thing that I, that's what we have in common right here. And I think that's the thing that we need to drive home because I was like journaling around this. So like, what really makes me upset is when us as moms, we put ourselves down and we settle. We said, Oh, it's okay.

I'll do that. When the kids get older, I'll do this. When this happened, we settled because we don't think we are capable. And I think that that's one of the biggest things that drives me. I know it drives you. And I know that this is the message that you're trying to say. And so I know a lot of moms are popping in and out here.

So that's really good. But like, if even if you're watching the replay, let us just leave with this one thing that you are more than capable. So I love that, Melissa. So as we're wrapping up, tell us, like, just finally, like, what is the book? What is it not? Because I think you have like, okay, you told us what it's about and how to use your imagination, the three steps and stuff.

And now what is it not, in the sense of like, what is it not going to help you with? It is not a parenting book. There is no way on this planet that I'm an expert in parenting. And I think, I think I have my children are nine, nine and 12. Okay. So it is, it is not about parenting. I basically made the conversation also global.

And I think that's really, really important. And I included in the book, people that were not moms. As well as people that are moms, because I feel that if we want to use the fullest expression of our imagination, we can listen and learn from people that have completely different life experiences than us and who are all over the world, because I think that's how you really stretch what's possible.

You need to see things that you have not. scene in your lineage, in your maternal entire, like ancestry, you need to see that, you know what I mean? And I think that's, that's the thing. Like this book is not a parenting book. It is definitely not a, a book that you just read casually every chapter. You can actually spend a whole week on each chapter and, and really take it to heart and make some.

Real changes in your life that your children are going to benefit from. And it's going to change the mood in your house immediately. Happy.  No, literally. Honestly, I'm literally guys I'm going on now to get my 99 cents copy. And obviously if you're watching it from the UK is amazon. co. uk. And obviously if you're in America is.

com. So definitely go head over. I think we just search your name, right. And then we come up and then we can just order it on Kindle. Absolutely. And the link is on my bio as well. So yes, yes, yes. What an exciting conversation. And honestly, you have really hyped me up because I'm like, I need to read this book.

I want to see like how we can really get beyond this fear and get beyond these things that are holding us back. These limited beliefs that hold us back again, doubting ourselves as more capable, of course we are capable. So thank you so much for this conversation. Is there any last thing that you want to leave with the ladies who are watching?

No, thank, just, thank you. Just thank you. Thank you. I bless you for coming on. And honestly, I really think that this is a blessing and especially hearing from somebody like you, who you said before, like in your background, you were a big in the corporate space and everything. And then as you became a mom, then a lot of these things, you like, you start to question that.

I feel like if a lot of us think it's only us, but it happens to so many of us, no matter how far you've been in your career, as you become a mom, you start questioning yourself. And it's just not like. Just one time on one person. It's like a worldwide thing and I love that that you're able to offer this kind of support to them and to us, all of us.

So thank you so much for this conversation. I wish you all the best. I pray God's blessing and I pray that more women will definitely go download this book and get it now that you can get it for 99 cents. Okay. 

I love the conversation with Zanny and I wanted to just share one idea. So as you're thinking about Thanksgiving right now with your family, go ahead and share with them what you're most grateful for in terms of the way that they have lifted the load of motherhood off of you, right? So there's been ways that maybe your partner has really come through.

There've been ways where your kids have been patient and let you finish whatever it is that you set out to do. There have been ways that Your in laws, for example, have really helped you navigate new situations. So think about that in terms of just this conversation with Zanny and also definitely write a review, go on Amazon, write a review for fertile imagination.

It is going to help us get this word out and it's going to help Amazon see and believe that you guys are getting value from the conversation around using your imagination. As a mom.