204: You Can Pivot at Anytime (Best of Fertile Imagination Book Launch Party)

Welcome to episode 204. Today's episode, you're going to hear from Bethany Braun Silva, who interviewed me on Fertile Imagination's launch day on Halloween. Bethany is the author of Like a Mother, Banish Guilt, Blaze Your Trail, and Break the Rules to Create a Life You Love. It's amazing to be interviewed by a fellow mom, author, and New Yorker.

We discussed how watching our moms go first really informed how we, and what we thought we were capable of as moms. I wanted to just share this. So this episode is brought to you by my book, fertile imagination, which actually hit number one, Amazon bestseller in two categories. motherhood and women in business.

It's available right now and it makes for the perfect gift.

Shop/gift/review - Fertile Imagination: https://amzn.to/3F6AgMu

If you enjoy this episode then tell me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissallarena/

TRANSCRIPT

So quick napkin math. Here's the statistics. Reviews on Amazon matter and when they show up matters even more. Right now, the books that Amazon will share with anyone online. Need to have at least 100 Amazon reviews. So two to three sentences that share your opinion about the actual book.

So imagine this every month, 197  million users log on to Amazon each day, 6. 7 million users log on to Amazon. And if I had to just guess, I would say maybe 3 million moms log into Amazon every single day. What if today? 3 million moms would have seen Fertile Imagination, my book, as a recommended product.

For that to happen, we need 100 written out Amazon reviews. So each day that I am not at that 100 number, that means that there's 3 million missed opportunities to suggest to a mom, a tired mom, a mom who doesn't believe in herself, a mom who needs some inspiration. to actually have seen fertile imagination in her list of recommended products to add to her shopping cart.

I'm all about encouraging moms on how to think for themselves in terms of the changes that they want to see in their lives, in their homes, and in the world. Could you imagine if 3 million moms today saw the book fertile imagination, which maps out exactly how to go about making a maximum impact based on your unique heart's desire?

That's what we're going for. And I need your help. So as you listen to this conversation, I would love your support in taking your cell phone, going to Amazon, selecting fertile imagination, and then scrolling down and just left clicking on write a review. That's if you actually shop the book, if you having it shop the book, then listen to this review right now.

And it's available on Amazon. So it says, As someone who is and advocates for moms, it's sometimes difficult to spark moms to be inspired by themselves. In Fertile Imagination, Melissa not only reminds moms we're inspiring, but provides the tools, anecdotes, and encouragement to get us moving towards what's important.

Changing the world by nurturing the inner genius we each possess. As I turned the pages, I was reminded of many dreams I placed aside and recommitted to move toward action. Bravo. That is the sort of message that I would love moms to be able to listen to, hear and absorb and activate in their lives.

Enjoy the conversation with Bethany Braun Silva. Tell me about why you launched today. Like, what was it about you and Halloween and launching your book? Yeah, so Halloween is the day that, as a little girl, I don't know for anyone else that's like an 80s kid or whatever, but there was a Halloween that I was like Madonna, I was Funky Bruiser, I was Turbo Shortcake with the plastic like mask.

And that was the day I got to be anything I wanted to be. You could be anything you want to be. And when I was writing the book, Fertile Imagination, I was thinking to myself, I was like, what? Like we're moms and we actually get to play that role in our own unique way. We can be. any kind of mom that we wish to be and today is a day that like it's almost like permission to be weird literally one of the chapter names of my book so as we see kids out there like dressing up in like these like very random like gnome or Fall guys or whatever sort of costumes.

It's like, well, what about us? What about us moms? Right. We're like the ones that are making these days, these moments so special. And part of that is the vision that we have for the childhood. We want to provide for our kids. Like it's our vision for other people. And so the book is about, well, what's your vision.

As what would you like to imagine more of in your life, in this world, in your community? And so for me, it's kind of like, okay, well, obviously it would have been obvious, right? Launch on Mother's Day. Like, it makes sense. But for me, I was like, nah, I want to do things differently. Like that's just not creative enough for me.

It's like, no Halloween. Let's do it today. Let's help moms rediscover our imagination. Cause we're in that mind frame for our kids. Today. I mean, there's some crazy imaginative costumes I've seen out there. So. Yeah. For me, it made sense. I love that. I love that. That's really what I'm all about, too. Like, like rediscovering ourselves, pursuing our passions, being like unapologetic about it.

That's also why we connected, I think, so much, too. Like, we're very aligned with, with those things. Like, we're moms, but like, we have our own stuff happening here.  Yeah, absolutely. And I think we go first. Like I feel when I'm sure through your conversations and like through my conversations, you're talking to moms and like we want so much for our kids.

But the interesting part, it's like, well, how are they going to get what they want if we don't feel like we have what we want yet? Like, right. Are we skipping something like Yeah. Like we've got to like lay the path, like show them, okay, this is what it looks like to move forward and then fall down and then get back up.

This is what it looks like to like try doing things in one way and then trying a whole different way. And I think That's part of the, the, the idea in terms of the book. I think it's really about showing my kids. Mommy did it. Mommy did it and mommy did it and you can do it and you could do even better.

What I mean, because this is where, this is where I left off. So here you go. Yeah. I love that. And actually, yeah, I shared that yesterday on my Instagram when you commented, because like, I, I kind of like followed a dream and a passion, like. When I was pregnant, like I was like, it sort of all started to like align for me then and I was 26 years old and that's young, but it wasn't like young to go into this to like journalism, right?

Like I was like a 26 year old pregnant intern. There was  like, I fought against a lot of that. But then now when I look at what I've done and like seeing myself through my kids eyes, it really is. So fulfilling in that way. Like my kids know that they can do anything at any time. Like it doesn't have to be on anyone's timeline because I did it late or push myself through like in a, in not in a nontraditional timeline.

So I love that I'm showing I'm like that example for them too. Absolutely. And in the book, I actually interviewed, so it's kind of like a funny story, but I'll save that for the book. Basically, my former landlord happened to have been also a Senator and House of Representative for New Hampshire, Martha Hennessey, and she's so badass, I will say, which is why I featured her in the book.

But is it too late for anything? Well, Martha proves us Totally like, no, there's nothing that you want on your heart that it's too late for, like she retired quote unquote, and decided to then run for office, like two different positions, one, then both. She's a grandmother of seven grandkids right now. And I think her as an example, and just kind of like looking outside of our family.

So let's imagine that in our families as. Was the case for me. We don't have these examples. I don't know for you, Bethany. Did you have journalists in your family? I don't know. No journalists, but I did have a mother who pivoted at around 34 years old. And that's when she got pregnant with me to a brand new career.

And she was an artist. And then she went into, into medicine and literally like kicked so much ass, like, On like, like, incredible. She just retired like, like, like two years ago, but like literally hadn't went the pivot with had nothing to do. And same thing with her. She had nobody in that in the medical field to rely on.

She put herself through her got her second masters while I was like a baby and then got a doctorate and like, I watched it all. So I have to say that while I didn't have like connections, I had a really good shining example of like what it means. to like really go after a dream while like providing and caring  for a child.

So that's, that was really my inspiration for sure. Yeah. And, and I'm sure like for you, it's, it's interesting because there were probably moments that your mom would not have thought you were looking, but you were.  I was looking, I was looking and actually for me, I didn't really put that together until I kind of was like, Oh my God, I'm doing the same thing.

Like I, maybe I did it a little bit earlier or whatever, but I literally was doing the same thing. And, and then I, when I realized that I was like, wow, I saw that I was able to do it. I had permission. I gave like the audacity to believe in myself because I had this mother who worked her ass off. She was, she is and was the breadwinner in my family, because it was crazy, it was crazy.

But no, it's really such a good, kind of like a very nice like tie in for me. And then now being, now raising boys, like what does that look like? Like wanting to be that example for them, but also to understand sort of like the role that they play within society too. It's very different than raising girls.

So yeah, and I'll never know, right? Like I always joke with people. I'm like three's enough for me boys, my identical twins. And I think when it comes to that, just like, like, I feel like the greatest gift, like as a mom that you can give your kid is living your own best life. Like, I don't really don't see that as like a selfish thing.

I see that as like an example. And I see that as like an opportunity because like maybe. For me, for example, as I was writing the book, what really stood out for me was my kids were watching me. Like they were seeing me like go out on a Saturday morning to like write this book. They were watching me like sometimes honestly be at the foot of my bed while I would, while we were living in Australia, typing out some copy or whatever, sending it to my editor.

And they were watching me do things and. I was so uncomfortable at times, but I was still doing them. And I think when it comes to any endeavor, any goal, right? Like if you want to pivot into like journalism, or if you want to pivot like me from coaching marketers to coaching entrepreneurial moms, it's like.

You've got to do it even in uncomfortable moments, even regardless of the season of motherhood. And I think that's something else like your mom, for example, and yourself, like your dreams, both of your dreams, they were important to you at that stage of your life. It happened to coincide with being pregnant for both of you, right?

Like,  right. And so, which is interesting, right? That's, that's a rather productive time of a mom's life. You're creating, right? And so it's kind of like, well, what do you do? Like, do you pause the desires of your heart or do you find a flexible way forward? And so that's where our imagination, our fertile imagination comes into play.

It's like, okay, if you are able to figure out the logistics of just a day, like today, right? Like, how am I going to get my kids from house to house safely? How am I going to look through their candy, make sure it's safe to eat, right? How am I going to hide their candy? Or somehow secretly throw it away. 

That's so bad. Don't tell my boys.  I know, right? It's too much sugar. But how am I going to do that? So you use your creativity and your imagination for things like that. Right. And I think the same can be done when it comes to our dreams, irrespective of the complications that are involved. And there's a lot of variables when it comes to kids that much.

I could tell you over 12 years. You might plan your family out beautifully, just like we might plan our birth plans, but ultimately it's like when stuff happens, you've got to rise to the occasion and make stuff up. Yeah, I really like what you said about like the flexibility, right? Like flexibility in because parenting really is all about that, right?

Like kind of being in the moment, flexible, adapting to anything that could happen at any moment. But also when we think about like ourselves, like, right, like. Having to be flexible with our dreams and pursuing our goals. And if something kind of comes up, not to quit, right, but to be flexible, to figure out the way to manage it so that you still have that, that goal in sight.

I really liked that actually. I've never really thought of it like that before, but I, that's pretty much how I've done it. And it's, I'm like 11, 12 years in the game of parenting and 11, 12 years in my career. And that's not. By accident, like we just, like we just said, and I'm thinking about all the sort of flexibility that I've had to exercise throughout parenting and my career as like I was like doing them in tandem.

And it's really wild actually to think about. Yeah, I think that that's something that I think that's the difference between achieving a goal versus not achieving a goal. So it's kind of like if you have this one thing that you want to do as a you, you might write it out. You might even come up with a beautiful like roadmap  and, and that's amazing.

However, what about that day when you wake up and the night before your kid was vomiting all over the place? Projectile vomiting because I've been there right or like what if school is shut down for whatever reason a flood I'm literally thinking about real life situations 

Right or what if you you your file like is corrupt and you can't open it Again, 12 years in as an entrepreneur online, like these are real things. So what do you do from there? Right. And so in one chapter, like I was thinking about it, there's a Sundance award winner, Diane Bell, who had never written like a movie before, had never produced, was told you're never going to get it done for a hundred thousand dollars.

And the learning that I got from her was like, well, in her mind, she invested in her idea and she set forth on a plan that even if no one else believed was possible, she was going to keep going through the obstacles, the hurdles, and just keep moving forward until it was just done. So she almost. started with that end in mind  and figured it out along the way.

And for me, I think to myself, like feels a lot like Indiana Jones and the temple of doom, how he's like running and there's this boulder behind him, like that's straight up motherhood and entrepreneurship, right? What happens when the algorithm. Changes, what happens when childcare falls apart, you've got to be so nimble, like Jack, be quick, Jack, be nimble, all that stuff.

No, no, no. Mom, be nimble. Mom, be quick because you got to jump over a candlestick, legs and a million other things, right? And Legos. All those hurt.  Those hurt. Yeah. I know. It is, it's, it's, it's really, I was going to say something too about, oh yeah, so about like, it's one thing to like, be flexible, but like, it also is, and I don't even know if you want to get into it, but like how, like, society and, and the private sector is not really set up to support flexibility.

So we have to also think about that with moms who are Thanks, Cassidy. feeling like they can't do it, right? Like I have to give up. I have to stop because of the way like things are set up for them. Like we're kind of like not only fighting against our own stuff, right? Like being as flexible as we can managing our careers and our kids, but also fighting against like not being supported at work, like not feeling like there's a place for us if we come back after maternity leave or something like that, so.

Is all of that and I think we're really now seeing a push for that like because of these conversations because we're like after the I talked about this to like the pandemic was so unkind and that's like we putting it nicely to mothers right but now we're like coming back like A little bit pissed off, a little bit more ambitious, like more ambitious than ever.

And like, like this can't happen again. You saw what it did to us. I mean this is, and so I think that's it too, like having these kinds of conversations to change the workplace, to change at the federal level for child care, like we need these things to be successful. And so I think any mom who's thinking or maybe watching this and be like flexible.

I can't manage another thing in my brain like you want me to be now flexible for this and this and this is like, just remember that the way things are set up right now, it's like it's really not to help you. You're to help you to succeed. So just keep that in mind, like give yourself a little bit more grace as you're like navigating this whole A hundred percent.

And I would say when I was coaching marketing executives for the last 12 years, and I was coaching on purpose, both men and women. So although I was talking with a lot of working moms, I wanted to just see how the conversations were different between working moms and working dads as an example, right?

And what I noticed was that for women, there was this like major investment in like that one job, that one good. boss, that one company that lets them go work from home one day a week, that they would then burn themselves out to keep that job at all costs, not at no cost, at all costs. And so I was calling that career trauma.

And I was seeing that. So vividly because moms are going to put on a game face, you're at the office and you're like, I'm here to resolve stuff within this timeframe. So I could go back home and do my stuff again, right? The second and third shift. And I think this flexibility, it's why I decided to leave the corporate setting.

Although I have my MBA, like the MBA in a corporate setting. Matters a lot, quote unquote, obviously there's now some dilution there, but in the entrepreneurial space, it does not matter a bit. So why did I do that? I did that because this was pre pandemic 12 years ago. I did not find the flexibility that I desired, which was to work from home one day a week on a Friday with a full straight up Excel communication plan that I put out there to my former boss.

It wasn't possible. And so for me, I said, what, okay, I'm in a position where I have the credentials. How can I make this work for me in an entrepreneurial setting? And the last 12 years as an entrepreneur, I've noticed a very similar dynamic. So you talk about flexibility in the corporate space, which is something that each mom has to work out for herself and be her own advocate for, but in the entrepreneurial.

space, the same sort of factors are at play, right? Because what entrepreneur out there has not been on as an example, Instagram 24 seven to keep up with the algorithm. So inflexibility and flexibility,  those two ideas are huge when it comes to having an imagination, one that can be productive and can produce useful.

Ideas, right? And at the end of the day, even as an entrepreneur, I had noticed mom's falling off what I call the cliff. Okay, so the 1 thing that we can all do to figure out how to find some. Some, some air to breathe as moms working moms is take it onto ourselves, figure out for ourselves what we want and what we really, really need in terms of flexibility and in terms of using all the resources that we do have, which was something you mentioned in your journalism video, right?

What do you have and figuring out how to make lemon sorbet out of lemons. Right, right. Who doesn't like lemon sorbet?  Everybody. Everybody. And I want to ask you, too, as an entrepreneur, how do you set boundaries for yourself, like, so that you don't burn out? Like, because I, I know that a lot of us struggle with that because, like, I'll be like, scrolling  just to like, like, what's happening?

Is there something timely I need to. to figure out and, and I work, I have my own brand, but I'm working for other brands and all of this. So tell me how you have you, how you've managed that. Yeah, I think it's really about figuring out, okay, what is it that I want? Like, do I really want to display my family on Instagram?

Do I really want to build up engagement to a point where this weekend I'm going to be like in a coma on my bed? And, and totally wiped out, like, what do you want? Because here's the thing, the trend is right. So a lot of people talk about hustle culture. Don't do it. I gotta be honest. I don't know how to actually produce the Instagram results that are quote, unquote, necessary in order to get the reach that they say I should have.

But what I do know is early on in my career, I remember this was, yeah, 12 years ago. I was Exploring social media. I don't even remember if Instagram existed. The point is this, I was pushing out, let's say like one piece of content a day, which back then it was like, wow, I was a new mom. I had one boy, he was a baby and I didn't have like full time childcare.

Let me be clear, which I think makes a big difference. And I remember one person who now is a. Telling me, Melissa, you should go crazy on social media. You should just like kill it on social media. And I remember just thinking to myself, oh my God, I'm dying here as a new mom. I'm like not sleeping. I'm like barely learning how to nurse and now I'm supposed to go on social media.

More, this is before those scheduling tools, really. And I remember thinking to myself, I'm going to have to miss the boat. I have to miss the boat. And I'll be honest, I missed the boat. And am I taking full responsibility for having quote unquote missed the boat? I am. So for me, the way that I manage my boundaries is I have to play it in the moment.

What do I need right now? If my agenda. If my values, if my needs are like top to my priority list today, I have to pick them. Even if it's at the detriment, at the detriment of my business or at the detriment of what the other world says I should be focused on, because I can't make myself want something that someone else wants.

I can't do it. Yeah. I try. Trust me.  I can't. I love that, actually. I think that's, that's super, that's super important because I think I beat myself up, too, about missing that social media boat. Like, I was there, I was watching, but I was like, I can't, I couldn't do it. It didn't feel right for me. And now I feel like, in so many ways, I'm playing catch up, but also, I'm like, this is where I'm at.

Like, I'm just gonna be authentic, share what I want to share in the moment, and not really... Put too much into like a strategy because I'll, I'll die. That's not even a joke. We will actually die if we like, like, like a book marketing launch plan. Like this is like the verge of,  but you did it. You're doing it.

I did it and I'm doing it. And I'm so appreciative, Bethany. Like, I am so grateful to like all the mom authors that have come before me. I am. So, so, so grateful, Bethany.  I mean, I, something that I also like love to talk about is like this unified power of mothers. Like we don't realize how powerful we are as a collective.

So anytime I see a mom out there doing this, like I'm like, yes, let's do it. But how can I help you? What can we do? And we're going to get you on my podcast too. So that stay tuned for that. So this is not the end.