Anxiety

 I sometimes feel like I’m walking around in a fog or a dream and I keep trying to wake up or get out of the fog.  I’ve shared the issues I have since I don’t know when they started.  I have two autoimmune diseases, anxiety, PTSD, depression and I’m very OCD.  The PTSD just showed up in November of 2020, when I crashed my jeep, totaling it.  Depression has occurred in the past but only once was I on medication.  Fall of 2021, I was prescribed a sleeping pill, a pill for depression and one for anxiety.  The autoimmune diseases have been around since 2014.  Stress has been part of my life for as long as I can remember.  When I was in 8th grade, my sister decided to marry a dumbass, he was also a pedophile.  I have worked in the same profession for over 35 years.  It is a stressful job, but it is well worth the work and the hours.  You actually feel like you have accomplished something at the end of the day.  There are bad days just like any profession and sometimes, more bad than good. I’ve made a lot of friends over the years and it just shows you that you’ve done something right in the end.  In the last week we have set up our new Primary Care doctor.  We were able to get Norman set up with weekly nurse visits and physical therapy twice a week.  We are still looking for a dermatologist for him and the physical therapist wants him to see a neurologist as well as he thinks there is more going on than just the discs in his back. Yesterday for me was exceptionally off.  I felt like I was crawling out of my skin and for 95% of the day I kept my jaw clenched because I was so close to an anxiety attack, I was afraid not to clench my jaw.  Not that it would have helped. I’m almost to the point that I don’t want to leave the house for any reason.  Actually, unless we have prescriptions to pick up or getting my granddaughter, I don’t leave the house in my vehicle.  I do/was walking every day but have had a hard time getting started again, after my back regrouped.  Last Thursday as I was driving us to the new doctor, I had at least 4 anxiety attacks because I didn’t know where I was going and it was all stupid because I didn’t push start on the directions, because I was afraid we were going to be late.  I know stupid is as stupid does!!! Earlier this week I had another attack.  They have not ever been this bad and they just increased my medicine for the attacks.  Part of the problem I believe is that I have been unable to obtain new employment.  Because of my OCD, I have bad thoughts about why I’m not being hired.  Or is one of my previous employers giving me bad reviews or is it because I’m old.  I have never considered myself as old and still don’t but I guess when you look at it from an employer’s view they might go “they are close to retiring”.  I know they cannot discriminate because of age, sex, religion, etc. There are currently OCD trials going on for a potential medication to help.  I never noticed the thoughts I was having until I saw the ad for the medical trials.   However, my anxiety is worse than having OCD.  When I have an episode, I can’t concentrate, I can’t breathe and I shake.  They don’t usually last very long, but the triggers can be anything.  Like going someplace I have never been, entering a place where there is a large crowd of people, a bunch of people talking at one time or really just anything.  It’s not paranoia.  There is no describing the feeling if you have never experienced or seen someone have an anxiety attack.  

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Thanks,
Laura