EMERGENCY CURSE REMOVAL: Needed by 12/18, 7 p.m. EST

Hello, Wonka Scholars. This is Elaine. Sorry we missed our episode this week, but as you can probably hear, something horrible has happened: I have been cursed and turned into an old British man. It’s awful. I only want to grunt in response to emotional conversations with my loved ones. I desire bland foods. I’m thinking about writing a novel about small children getting punished for liking shitty movies. I keep saying “bloody” when it is unnecessary.

I digress.

The only way to free me from my British hex is to gather all of you, dear Wonka Scholars, and use your powers to reverse whatever has happened to me. I hereby call forward another Listenerpalooza, the episode where you send us your Wonka theories, questions, stories, concerns, predictions. All of the chaos that runs through your mind as you digest the Wonka. 

Please, help this old British man go back to burgers, fries, and Bachelor in Paradise. Send your submissions to wonkarapture@gmail. You can also DM us on Instagram at Wonka Watch. We currently have polls and questions set up on Instagram, so be sure to go there as well.

Thank you kindly, dear Wonka Scholars. Godspeed.

And remember, it’s actually of great importance this time. I feel like sipping tea and staring at the rain in disgust. Dear god, help me!