480. Celebrating God's Grace, A Problem of Pride

I’m about to share with you one of my most embarrassing moments. It had the potential for epic humiliation, but by His grace, God used it to teach me a lifelong lesson.

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Welcome to Celebrating God’s Grace, a Women World Leaders podcast. I’m your host, Julie Harwick. Thank you for joining me today as we celebrate God’s grace in our lives, in this ministry and around the world.

I’m about to share with you one of my most embarrassing moments. It had the potential for epic humiliation, but by His grace, God used it to teach me a lifelong lesson.

In 1 Corinthians 10:12, the Apostle Paul warns, “So let the one who thinks he is standing be careful that he does not fall.”  This verse took on a unique and very personal meaning for me more than 20 years ago. My husband and I had recently relocated to central Florida from Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. It was a very difficult move for me. I loved everything about Hilton Head and living there. For nine months of the year it felt like a small town, but the difficult 3 month-long tourist season provided an abundance of shops, restaurants and entertainment, making it a great place to live. God had provided us with a home I loved on a beautiful piece of property, the opportunity to run my own business, great friends and a church family we loved along with 6-month-old twin daughters. Life there felt perfect when He seemingly pulled the rug out from underneath me and made it crystal clear that He wanted us somewhere else.  We took quite a few weekend trips back to Hilton Head in the early days following our move and on one such occasion the reality of Paul’s warning smacked me right between the eyes. I was excited to be back in our home church on a Sunday morning. It had been our spiritual home for nearly 10 years. I had led women’s bible studies, been worship leader and choir director as well as the writer/director of our annual original Easter production. Having the only set of twins in the church also increased my public profile. Before the pastor began his message, he wanted to welcome some former members who were visiting. Immediately I leaned forward to absorb every word.  He was talking about how important these people had been to the life of this church and how much they were missed. “Well now, you’re making me blush,” I thought, but it is so nice to be remembered and appreciated. Now he was indicating that he wanted these special visitors to stand and be recognized.  I leaned further forward, preparing to stand up and bask in all that love and affection when something pulled me back just in time. “Frank and Helen,” he called, “stand up so we can show you how much we miss you.” I was neither Frank nor Helen.  They were a wonderful couple who had even more recently relocated to Florida. Frank had met the pastor for a weekly breakfast for years and Helen had been the church secretary. My heart pounded as I realized how close I had come to making an utter fool of myself. “Let the one who thinks she is standing to receive recognition that is not hers take care that she doesn’t fall flat on her enormously self-centered ego.” That’s my personal amplified translation. Thank God I was spared the public humiliation I deserved, but I was humiliated, none the less. God had seen and knew explicitly, the prideful thoughts that had occupied my mind.

That experience began a long-term dialogue with God about my issues with pride. I had never felt so convicted about a heart issue. That was probably due to the fact that it wasn’t readily apparent to anyone else.  I knew how to conduct myself in public without giving a hint of egotism or superiority. In fact, many people might have described me as self-deprecating. I could poke fun at my own deficiencies…at least the ones I didn’t really care about. But God began to show me that my inside didn’t really match the outside. I was often consumed with thoughts of what people thought of me, did they notice me? Did they recognize my talent in singing, acting and speaking? Was I equally or more attractive than the women around me? Did people think I was intelligent and capable? You may have heard it said that “I” is in the middle of pride.  I discovered that was true, not just in the spelling of the word, but in its’ true meaning.

As I began to recognize that God wanted me to make some changes, I looked for scriptures to memorize that dealt with humility, the opposite of pride. I had heard the phrase, “Pride goes before a fall,” without realizing it came from Proverbs 16:18. Another Proverb, chapter 18, verse 12 spoke to me. “Humility goes before honor.”  I was pretty sure Frank and Helen had already grasped that truth and that’s why they deserved the honor they received. Philippians 2:3 pretty much summed up what I knew God wanted from me.  “Do nothing from selfishness or vain conceit, but with humility of mind, regard one another as more important than yourselves.”  But that’s a tall order because it goes completely against my fleshly human nature.

When you really think about it, the original sin of pride is also the root of every other sin.  When Lucifer decided to set himself up as God it was because of pride that wouldn’t allow him to play second fiddle to anyone. His very first act as Satan was to lead a third of the angels in heaven to commit mutiny against their creator because their pride wouldn’t allow them to live in subservience to Him. And the devil’s next step was to derail the entire human race by convincing the first woman that she could know everything God knew by breaking the only law He had established.  In every case, pride was the root of the problem…wanting to be more, do more or know more than the Creator originally intended. Pride always comes down to elevating self – above others, above any other considerations and above God Himself. When we see pride for what it truly is, we can no longer pretend it’s not that big of a deal.  It’s the whole deal. It’s what separates us from God.

The whole concept of pride vs. humility is at the very heart of the gospel. I say that because of Philippians chapter 2.  It says, “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the very form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped.” Here I am, looking for the recognition I think I deserve because of some talent or importance I think I possess while Jesus, who is actually God doesn’t feel any need to be recognized for His unquestionable value and superiority. In fact, the scripture goes on to say that He actually emptied Himself of His Godhood and willingly took on the form of a bond-servant.  He became obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Not only did He lay down His rights as the God of the universe, but He willingly put on the lowest form of human flesh and gave up everything He had…even life itself, to serve and save us. That’s what true humility looks like – complete selflessness.

Satan knows what a challenge it is for humans to master their selfish impulses.  He’s confused the issue by making us think that if we talk and think badly about ourselves, we’re showing humility. By saying, “ well, I’m just a … you can fill in the blank with whatever disparaging words come to mind here, it’s not an expression of humility, it’s a criticism of God’s creation. The best definition I’ve heard of true humility has been expressed by several authors I’ve read.  I don’t know who originally said it, but I think it’s profound. “ Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.”  Let me say that again, so it has a chance to sink in.  “Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself.  It’s thinking of yourself less.” The issue isn’t so much what we think about ourselves, but that we think about ourselves…constantly.

I can attest personally that living in true humility is a monumental battle. I continue to be convicted of my pride regularly and though I think I’ve gotten a little better handle on it, I still have so far to go. It’s especially a struggle in the area of ministry. The areas of ministry God has opened for me are largely in very visible areas such as public speaking, singing and acting. I’ve never been one to shy away from the spotlight and to be transparent, a part of me relishes the attention. In every ministry I participate in, I have to check myself and ask, “why are you doing this?”, “are you doing it for your own self-gratification or has God called you to do it and are you doing it for Him?” I frequently have to refocus my attention where it belongs…on Him. In Philippians Chapter 3, Paul recounts all the achievements in his life that were once a source of pride for him. In the New Living Translation he refers to all of it as “garbage,” saying “I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” In this passage he’s giving us the secret to overcoming the pride that so easily entangles us. If we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and His unsurpassed worth, everything that might become a source of pride for us remains in its proper place…the garbage dump.

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