The College Admissions Scandal and How We’re Killing Our Kids: The Relentless Pursuit of Unhappiness

The college admissions cheating scandal is filling the news lately. I led a college prep high school for 14 years and put three daughters through college myself, so I’ve got some experience in that admissions game.

Yes, the college admissions scandal is about cheating.

Yes, the college admissions scandal is about wealthy people having a big advantage over 90% of American families trying to get into elite colleges.

But these are really just symptoms of a deeper and more important problem: our society’s relentless pursuit of Unhappiness.

We are teaching our kids to chase shiny things like status, money, being a starting player on the best travel ball team, getting the most followers on social media, wearing the right brands…

And getting into elite colleges.

We teach our kids to chase these things not because our children will develop into their best self, but because it is socially prestigious. It’s an indicator that our kids are “successful”. It’s an indicator that we are “successful” parents.

That’s the deeper, more important problem. Chasing shiny things in life is making our kids depressed and killing them. How bad is it?

Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 34.
The rate of depression among young people increased 63% from 2009 to 2017.
40% of college kids in spring 2017 said they experienced depression so deep it was difficult for them to function.

Those are statistics. Go read the article, How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation by Anne Helen Peterson to get a feel for what we’re setting our kids up for.

The author is a 34-year-old “successful” millennial who has spent her life chasing what she’s been told to chase, and she is burned out. Miserable. Deeply unhappy. Read the article and feel her pain.

The article resonates with young people because it captures their life experience. They’ve chased everything we’ve told them to chase and they are burned out. Miserable. Deeply unhappy.

Here’s what is most surprising: In 8,000 words about life, the millennial author never mentions the word Happiness. Never mentions relationship. Never talks about fulfillment in life.

It’s like no one ever told her that life is about Happiness. It doesn’t seem to be in her frame of reference.

We have more education and wealth than ever in human history, yet the suicide and depression rates are skyrocketing.

We’re quite literally teaching our kids to chase shiny things in life that destroy them psychologically, spiritually and physically.

All in the name of attending the elite academic or athletic school. All in the chase for shiny things that we call “success”.

All in a relentless pursuit of Unhappiness.

What’s the answer? We need to teach our kids the real meaning of life—Happiness—and how to pursue it.

This week I visited my friend, Dave, who just had a tumor removed from his brain. He showed me what looked like a hundred staples running across his head. Fortunately, the tumor was benign.

When he was diagnosed, hundreds of friends came to visit. While he was in surgery, more than 60 people gathered and prayed for him at the hospital. His family, friends, partners and employees were all behind him because they love him.

Dave told me he was ok if the tumor was malignant because he knew that life and Happiness are all about good relationships—with yourself, with your friends and family, and with your Creator. Dave has those relationships.

Dave is facing a deep life-challenge, and he’s never been more fulfilled.

There’s an 80-year ongoing Harvard Study on Adult Development that backs him on that. It’s very clear: Happiness does not come from money or power or status or education.

Happiness comes from high-quality relationships. Period.

Our society profoundly misses that Truth about Happiness and life. You can’t win by swimming against the societal rip-tide. It’s too powerful. But you can swim out the side of the rip-tide.