The Role that Empathy, Compassion, and Emotional Agility Play in Bridging the Doctor-Patient Gap with Dr. Joseph Stern

Dr. Joseph Stern was accustomed to helping patients face some of the toughest times of their lives.

But when his sister was diagnosed with advanced leukemia, he realized what it was like to be on the other side of the doctor-patient relationship — and gained some crucial insights along the way.

To Dr. Stern, grief is a part of life that everyone will experience at some point. This begs the question: why don’t we take an honest and community-oriented approach to dealing with it? Too often, he says, doctors gloss over the intense emotional aspects of their job. Ultimately, that avoidance leads to problems.

“I think a lot of times doctors burn out, not because of the intensity of the emotions, but because of all the effort that they put into avoiding them,” Dr. Stern says.

On this episode of the Prosperous Doc ®, our host Shane Tenny, CFP® welcomes Dr. Stern to talk about how his experience of personal loss has helped him become a more compassionate and empathetic doctor who can help more people.

Dr. Stern talks about how he is working to change the medical field to be more compassionate, focusing less on procedures and more on relationships and quality of life. After his experience grieving the loss of his sister after being with her through such a tough illness, his outlook has shifted toward one of empathy and compassion — and this is something he says everyone can do without much effort.

“Empathy actually doesn't take much time, it's not like you have to devote more time. I think it’s a common myth: people think, well, if I'm going to be empathic, that means I have to see fewer patients, and I have to spend more time (with each of them),” Dr. Stern says. “No: it means making eye contact, it means listening — not just blurting things out. It means being more of a partner and less of a position of authority.”

 

💡 Featured Expert 💡

Name: Dr. Joseph Stern

What he does: Dr. Stern is a board-certified neurosurgeon and author. He is also the co-director of the Cone Health Brain Tumor Program, specializing in brain tumor surgery, stereotactic radiosurgery, spinal surgery, and functional neurosurgery. His memoir “Grief Connects Us: A Neurosurgeon’s Lessons on Love, Loss, and Compassion,” explores how grief and loss helped him break down the emotional armor that can hinder incorporating compassion and empathy in a doctor-patient relationship.

Words of wisdom: “An important take-home message is that grief does connect us all. We are all linked together.”

Connect: Website | Linkedin | Instagram | Twitter

 

💰 On the Money 💰

Top takeaways from this episode

★    Learn from your personal experience. Dr. Stern had a really impactful experience on the other side of the curtain in the medical industry when he was helping care for his sister with terminal leukemia. This experience ultimately changed his ethos as a doctor and has made his career more meaningful.

★    Don’t shy away from vulnerability. As the COVID-19 pandemic has shown us, we’ll all come into contact with death and sickness at some point, and supporting each other through those experiences is...

Dr. Joseph Stern was accustomed to helping patients face some of the toughest times of their lives.

But when his sister was diagnosed with advanced leukemia, he realized what it was like to be on the other side of the doctor-patient relationship — and gained some crucial insights along the way.

To Dr. Stern, grief is a part of life that everyone will experience at some point. This begs the question: why don’t we take an honest and community-oriented approach to dealing with it? Too often, he says, doctors gloss over the intense emotional aspects of their job. Ultimately, that avoidance leads to problems.

“I think a lot of times doctors burn out, not because of the intensity of the emotions, but because of all the effort that they put into avoiding them,” Dr. Stern says.

On this episode of the Prosperous Doc ®, our host Shane Tenny, CFP® welcomes Dr. Stern to talk about how his experience of personal loss has helped him become a more compassionate and empathetic doctor who can help more people.

Dr. Stern talks about how he is working to change the medical field to be more compassionate, focusing less on procedures and more on relationships and quality of life. After his experience grieving the loss of his sister after being with her through such a tough illness, his outlook has shifted toward one of empathy and compassion — and this is something he says everyone can do without much effort.

“Empathy actually doesn't take much time, it's not like you have to devote more time. I think it’s a common myth: people think, well, if I'm going to be empathic, that means I have to see fewer patients, and I have to spend more time (with each of them),” Dr. Stern says. “No: it means making eye contact, it means listening — not just blurting things out. It means being more of a partner and less of a position of authority.”

 

💡 Featured Expert 💡

Name: Dr. Joseph Stern

What he does: Dr. Stern is a board-certified neurosurgeon and author. He is also the co-director of the Cone Health Brain Tumor Program, specializing in brain tumor surgery, stereotactic radiosurgery, spinal surgery, and functional neurosurgery. His memoir “Grief Connects Us: A Neurosurgeon’s Lessons on Love, Loss, and Compassion,” explores how grief and loss helped him break down the emotional armor that can hinder incorporating compassion and empathy in a doctor-patient relationship.

Words of wisdom: “An important take-home message is that grief does connect us all. We are all linked together.”

Connect: Website | Linkedin | Instagram | Twitter

 

💰 On the Money 💰

Top takeaways from this episode

★    Learn from your personal experience. Dr. Stern had a really impactful experience on the other side of the curtain in the medical industry when he was helping care for his sister with terminal leukemia. This experience ultimately changed his ethos as a doctor and has made his career more meaningful.

★    Don’t shy away from vulnerability. As the COVID-19 pandemic has shown us, we’ll all come into contact with death and sickness at some point, and supporting each other through those experiences is a crucial part of surviving some of the toughest times. Dr. Stern says that as a doctor, it’s important to realize that while it may seem easier to avoid talking directly to patients suffering from serious illnesses and open up about death, that isn’t doing them — or you, for that matter — any favors.

★    Compassionate medical professionals can make waves. While doctors who haven’t had true compassion for their patients have caused destruction and harm, those who put empathy and compassion first can make a real difference in a patient’s life. Dr. Stern talks about how he wants to make sure the next generations of doctors will have this knowledge ingrained in them from the very beginning of their careers.

 

⚡ Prosperous Insights ⚡

[04:17] A personal experience: Dr. Stern says that once his sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer, his relationship to the medical field changed, and he started seeing things from a new perspective.

[10:38] Tough conversations: Dr. Stern’s personal experience with his sister’s illness and death drove home the fact that doctors need to be prepared to have tough conversations. Being honest about hard things ultimately makes them easier to get through.

[17:37] Emotional avoidance leads to burnout: Medical professionals are facing massive burnout every day. To Dr. Stern, one of the ways to stay afloat in this field is to confront the tough emotions that you face daily in your field instead of trying to push them out of your mind.

[20:47] Practice self-compassion: Dr. Stern says that embracing self-compassion and empathy, especially in such a cutthroat field, is the first step to showing compassion for others.

[23:30] Doctors without compassion: Dr. Stern says that he thinks one of the top problems in the medical field, hurting patients and doctors alike, is when doctors lack compassion for their patients.

[29:34] Reading recommendations: Dr. Stern recommends the book “Compassionomics” by Stephen Trzeciak and Anthony Mazzarelli for anyone who wants to know more about why compassion is so important.

[30:58] Teaching the new generation: Dr. Stern talks how he is working to change the way medical students are taught so they don’t have to go through a personal crisis in order to be a vulnerable and compassionate medical professional.

[34:57] Patients’ responsibility: While the structure of the medical industry is changing thanks to people like Dr. Stern, he says that patients might have to take the initiative to insist on good communication with their doctors in the meantime.

[38:24] Good relationships are key: Dr. Stern mentions his relationships with people like Dr. Sanjay Gupta, who wrote the introduction to his book, as being crucial for his growth and success in the medical profession.

💵 Financial Wellness Tip 💵

There are three important I's when it comes to retirement planning: how you’ll replace your income, where you’ll find your identity, and where you’ll find your influence. As you plan for retirement, make sure to identify ways to replace all of the components that have been meaningful in your work. Together, these ingredients will help ensure the prosperous retirement that you've longed for.

★    Take our free retirement readiness quiz to learn more.

 

Disclaimer: Prosperous Doc podcast by Spaugh Dameron Tenny highlights real-life stories from doctors and dentists to encourage and inspire listeners through discussions of professional successes and failures in addition to personal stories and financial wellness advice. Spaugh Dameron Tenny is a comprehensive financial planning firm serving doctors and dentists in Charlotte, NC. To find out more about Spaugh Dameron Tenny, visit our website at www.sdtplanning.com. You can also connect with our host, Shane Tenny, CFP at [email protected] or on Twitter.

Compliance code: CRN202411-1253157