Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
109 episodes - English - Latest episode: 12 days ago - ★★★★★ - 13.3K ratingsEvery Monday morning step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. So…where should we begin? Part of the Vox Media Podcast Network.
Homepage Apple Podcasts Google Podcasts Overcast Castro Pocket Casts RSS feed
Episodes
Esther Calling - My Exes Exes Keep Ruining My Relationships
April 08, 2024 05:00 - 50 minutesA woman whose ex-boyfriend cheated on her with his ex girlfriend ends a perfectly good relationship because she can't trust how close her current partner is with his own ex. She wonders if two people can meet each other's needs without having to sacrifice a part of themselves and if she can ever move past her fears and let love into her life. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a que...
Esther Perel on New AI - Artificial Intimacy
April 01, 2024 05:00 - 1 hourThis week we're airing a very special episode of Brené Brown's Unlocking Us where Esther and Brené discuss how we manage the paradox of exploring the world of social media and emerging technologies while staying tethered to our humanness. How do we create IRL relationships where we see and value others and feel seen and valued in the context of constant scrolling and using digital technology as armor? For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Jo...
Esther Calling - My Husband, His Other Wife, and Me
March 25, 2024 05:00 - 40 minutesThey were aid workers who met abroad, fell in love, and came to the States to get married. After two years, her partner returned to his home country to fulfill his familial duty and marry his brother's widow. Esther talks her through what comes next. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to [email protected]...
Sex, Comedy and Context: A Live Conversation with Trevor Noah
March 19, 2024 05:00 - 49 minutesNot all conversations with Esther have to happen behind closed doors. Last week, Esther sat down with Trevor Noah, live from the Vox Media Podcast Stage at SXSW in Austin, for a candid look at the state of comedy in the world we live in. The two of them uncovered some surprising similarities between being a comic and being a therapist. Esther showed Trevor a few ways to become a better listener and Trevor in return helped Esther prep for her new live tour. If you want to be part of that show...
I Can't Give You a Child
March 18, 2024 05:00 - 43 minutesThis is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A woman realizes she doesn’t want to have children and comes to Esther for help expressing this to her husband, who passionately wishes to be a father. Not wanting to deny her husband this opportunity, she comes up with a solution, but Esther encourages them to talk more honestly about what led to this crossroad. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
If He's A "High Value Man", What Am I?
March 11, 2024 05:00 - 33 minutesEsther talks to a woman who, despite her best efforts, finds herself implicated in the same toxic cycle of abuse from her partner that she grew up watching between her parents. Rationally, she knows she deserves better, but just can't seem to get out from under this painful repetition of events. Esther talks her through why she thinks she finds herself back here time and time again. Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, ...
I Love You One Day, I Hate You The Next
March 04, 2024 06:00 - 53 minutesThey are a young couple with a small child and they fight non-stop. And while they each have good intentions, they struggle to hear or see each other. What initially made them fall in love with each other, they now experience as a threat. Can they learn to fight but still stay connected to each other? For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relationships and helps us rethink ho...
Say More - Ira Glass on Is This It?
February 26, 2024 06:00 - 49 minutesIra Glass has created over 800 episodes of the genre-defining radio show and podcast This American Life. Each week on the show he weaves together stories around a central narrative theme and he never shies away from the big hard questions. But after almost 30 years of producing the show- he's asking himself and Esther, is this it? For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relatio...
I Trust You to Always Tell Me When I'm Wrong
February 19, 2024 06:00 - 56 minutesToo often we can focus on troubles in our relationships and not what happens when the relationship goes right. This week, Esther explores the inner workings of a pivotal pair with podcast royalty Kara Swisher and Scott Galloway. The hosts of Pivot join Esther to delve into what makes them great to listen to and how being open to surprise and difference invites them each to be better people. For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as s...
Esther Calling - I Lost Him, But I Lost Myself Too
February 12, 2024 06:00 - 46 minutesShe lost her husband five years ago. Now, she's finally ready to start picking up the pieces of her life to begin dating. Esther talks her through what it might mean to reframe her memories of their relationship. This conversation contains discussions of depression and death by suicide. Please take care listening. For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relationships and helps ...
He Wants it Everyday, She Wants it Never
February 05, 2024 06:00 - 55 minutesThey find themselves at an erotic stalemate. Married for 20 years with four children, they have lost their way with each other. He wants it all the time, and she seems to want it never. Esther encourages them to create sexual invitations rather than nightly demands. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
As They Like Me More, I Like Myself Less
January 29, 2024 06:00 - 59 minutesThey are new mothers after a long wait and they are both struggling in their roles at the same international organization. One can't seem to get out from under her father's shadow to maintain an agreeable relationship with her male bosses, and the other is just returning to work after staying at home to take care of their child--a role that she never quite wanted. Please take this survey to help us plan for the future: estherperel.com/survey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastch...
Esther Calling - Part of Me Wants to Cheat Part Two
January 25, 2024 06:00 - 34 minutesThis episode contains discussions of a sexual trauma. Please take care listening. This is the second part of a special two part conversation. Certain conversations stay with Esther long after the caller has hung up. And in this case, Esther wanted to follow up and go further with the young woman with the voice inside her head telling her to cheat on her partner. But this evil voice is not her own. It is that of her assailant in a form of trauma reenactment. Esther Callings are a one time, 45...
Esther Calling - Part of Me Wants to Cheat Part One
January 22, 2024 06:00 - 45 minutesThis episode contains discussions of a sexual trauma. Please take care listening. A woman in a healthy and loving relationship talks to Esther about the fantasies she has of cheating on her partner. Together they delve into whether these are truly adulterous thoughts or if this voice in her head is connected to the unresolved shame and trauma from an earlier sexual assault. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, ...
Now That I Have A Girlfriend, I Never Want To Leave My Wife
January 15, 2024 06:00 - 58 minutesFor years she has been the breadwinner while he has felt like a failure at home raising their daughter. After he found a new career and subsequently, a new lease on life, this couple has been erotically invigorated unlike anything previously in their marriage. She has been freed from caretaking, while he has found another person who is special to him. They come to Esther's office to see if their two (now three) is sustainable. Please take this survey to help us plan for the future: estherper...
Esther Calling - Am I Just Your Placeholder?
January 08, 2024 06:00 - 32 minutesEsther speaks to a woman who seems to get to a certain place within a relationship and then they end it. In her words, she seems to keep finding herself in the friend zone. In her latest relationship, she felt he took advantage of her stability and support without sharing the same feelings. Leaving her believing that she was just his placeholder until something better came along. Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, cla...
Non-Negotiables in the New Year | From Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris
January 03, 2024 13:13 - 56 minutesOur friend Dan Harris hosts the Ten Percent Happier podcast. A skeptical journalist, Dan had a panic attack on live TV that sent him on a journey that led him to try something he otherwise wouldn't have considered: meditation. He went on to write the best-selling book, 10% Happier. The show features interviews with top scientists, celebrities and experts in the field of mindfulness. And Dan's approach is seemingly modest, but secretly radical: happiness is a skill you can train, just like wor...
Say More - Neil Patrick Harris on Friendship
December 18, 2023 06:00 - 33 minutesFriendships are their own love stories. Our friends provide continuity in an ever-changing world. They accompany us through the trials and tribulations of lovers that come and go, job changes, family rifts, births, deaths, and recoveries. And in the case of Neil Patrick Harris it's his 50th birthday that has brought friends from all the corners of his life together- which as he tells Esther can bring with some anxiety too. In her new Apple Subscription Esther is joined by the actor and Tony A...
You Can Be Right, Or You Can Be Married.
December 11, 2023 06:00 - 46 minutesThis is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin?. They’ve been together for more than a decade, but this isn’t the first time they’ve separated. Stuck in a cycle of explosive escalations, a husband and wife want to make it work but can’t break their habit of going for the emotional jugular. Esther encourages them to start their conversations differently. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Esther Calling - My Emotional Inheritance
December 04, 2023 06:00 - 41 minutesA woman comes to Esther with a question about how to move on from the pain that her parents have caused her. They’ve begun family therapy but she wonders if she can continue to have a relationship with her father when his opposing political beliefs directly impact her identity. Is it okay to sweep things under the rug for the sake of family? Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a ques...
Esther Calling - Is This Survivor's Guilt?
November 27, 2023 06:00 - 40 minutesEsther speaks to a man struggling to live a life he can enjoy. He feels wracked with guilt over a troubled history with his birth mother and her life of suffering. She was unable to raise him, but now she needs him to be there for her. He questions what he owes her for the life she gave him. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, se...
Motherless Women
November 20, 2023 06:00 - 38 minutesThis is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A couple with two small children are at physical and emotional odds in their relationship. One has given herself over entirely to the children, while the other struggles to find her place within the family dynamic. She yearns for the physical closeness she once had with her wife, while the other is, as she puts it, “all touched out.” Esther encourages them to see their different roles as mutually beneficial and stresse...
She's Out, He's Still In.
November 13, 2023 06:00 - 58 minutesAfter 20 years together, they wonder if their marriage has run its course? She is too unhappy to stay together and doubts if she ever felt true passion for him. He is holding onto the relationship for the both of them and refusing to truly hear her. Esther explores his desire for hope and her desire for change. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Esther Calling - Depleted Mothers Club
November 06, 2023 06:00 - 31 minutesHow do you begin to define a new identity for yourself when you've left the comforts of the world you've known in search of a bigger life? This is what Esther helps a new mom of two figure out as she navigates a new country, new friendships and a new approach to big changes. How to not put the pressure of everything on your partner and try to build a community to support YOU. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity...
A Marriage Organized Around Trauma
October 30, 2023 05:00 - 56 minutesHe was deployed to Fallujah, Iraq in 2004. In the 20 years since, he has struggled with PTSD and addiction. She has long taken on the role of his caregiver, ready to jump in when she senses the old traumas are rising. This has often meant sacrificing her own needs as an individual, partner, and lover. With Esther’s guidance they start the practice of re-orientating themselves away from a hyper-vigilant state, toward a more sensual partnership in which she too is taken care of. For additional...
Sexlessness
October 23, 2023 05:00 - 37 minutesThis is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A new marriage and a young child—both are first-generation children of immigrants, bridging the divide between an American childhood and an Indian cultural heritage. The moment sex was no longer forbidden, it became deeply uninteresting for one of them. Is something bigger getting in their way? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
A Hospital Divided
October 16, 2023 05:00 - 58 minutesThey're best friends and ER doctors at a small hospital. During the pandemic, they experienced a fracturing among their coworkers, who they once thought of as family. After one of them develops an autoimmune disease that renders her immunocompromised, she begins to wonder why her coworkers can't prioritize her safety. This episode was recorded after the Omicron wave in 2022 for Esther's podcast How's Work that explores conversations between colleagues, business partners, and peers. Learn more...
Esther Calling - I Left. Now I Want My Wife Back.
October 09, 2023 05:00 - 43 minutesHe fell in love with someone at work and left his wife. Fast forward a year, he's engaged and realizes he's made a mistake. Now he wants his wife and his life back—but even if she takes him back, he tells Esther he doesn't feel he deserves to be happy. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel....
Tell Me I'm Not Alone
October 02, 2023 05:00 - 43 minutesThis is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A young family, a ten-year age difference, and a wife who used an extra-marital relationship to find independence. After an affair, the choice to forgive and rebuild doesn’t wipe away the pain and the betrayal. Esther guides this couple on their path towards reconciliation and trust a year after the discovery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Esther Calling - Self Love Isn't Something I Grew Up With
September 25, 2023 05:00 - 38 minutesEsther talks to a woman who was passed over for a promotion, again. She straddles two cultures and finds that it is impacting her work and her personal life more than she realized. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
How's Work? - The Preacher's Wife Part Two
September 18, 2023 05:00 - 42 minutesWhen a tragedy shakes their church and their community, both the preacher and his wife try to put the pieces back together for themselves and his congregation. This is the second part of a special two-part episode. This episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
How's Work? - The Preacher's Wife
September 11, 2023 05:00 - 52 minutesShe has never quite fit into the mold of the preacher's wife in their small town. He has put his self-worth solely into his career, as a bandaid over deep-seated childhood insecurities. They have never been able to come to terms with the resentment they both experience. This is the first part of a special two-part episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Esther Calling - My Brother's Wife Ruined Our Relationship
August 28, 2023 05:00 - 27 minutesIn this Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels that her brother's wife is standing in the way of her relationship with her brother. For years, she has compared the closeness she shares with her brother to all of her romantic relationships. And because of it she has found herself single, time and time again. Esther talks her through the question she came with about her brother, "If you really understood and loved me, why would you choose her?" Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute i...
The Addict
August 21, 2023 05:00 - 42 minutesThis episode is a classic session of Where Should We Begin from season 1. They're grandparents, with a 40+ year love story and a stable, happy marriage. But one of them had quite a few secrets. Now, with everything out in the open, they’re hoping Esther can help them work through some of the residual shame, guilt, and pain. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Esther Calling- I Want Her to Like Me Less
August 14, 2023 05:00 - 28 minutesA woman in her 40s talks to Esther about a crossroads in her life. She has begun a relationship with a supportive and loving partner, but without the constant roller coaster of emotions she's used to, she wonders if there’s something missing. Or is there something wrong with her? Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice m...
Esther Calling - I Crossed a Line I Never Thought I Would Cross
August 07, 2023 05:00 - 32 minutesWhat happens when you transgress the one boundary you never thought you would? In this week's Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman who began an emotional affair after 10 years with her partner. She has since found herself alone and devastated by her own actions, unable to forgive herself or move on from the pain that she caused. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you w...
I've Had Better
July 31, 2023 05:00 - 49 minutesThis is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A couple, together a decade, with three young children. He reached out because a year after the discovery of his affair, they aren’t fighting anymore, but they certainly haven’t moved on. Esther’s not convinced they’ve ever really been able to hear each other. Can they recover from this? And do both of them really want to? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Long Distance and Lost
July 24, 2023 05:00 - 53 minutesThey knew each other as kids. He grew up in a house where love was never a guarantee. She had the seemingly perfect family and all the love in the world. They've recently begun a romantic relationship as adults, but still can't seem to find their footing and separate themselves from their vastly different histories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Esther Calling - Am I Being Gaslit?
July 17, 2023 05:00 - 36 minutesIn this Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. She has struggled with boundary setting before and she wonders if she is repeating the pattern here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Donor Daddy
July 10, 2023 05:00 - 53 minutesHe donated sperm to help a friend start her family. A decade later that gift shattered his own. Esther talks through the consequences of a secret. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Where Should We Begin? is coming back… weekly
June 27, 2023 07:00 - 2 minutesEvery Monday morning step into the office of psychotherapist Esther Perel. Each week on Where Should We Begin?, hear real couples in search of insight bare the intimate details of their lives. From break-ups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family listen in and start new conversations in your own relationships. New episodes begin July 10th. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Love In War with Esther Perel: Ukraine
March 11, 2023 16:31 - 59 minutesIn this session Esther counsels a couple torn apart by the war in Ukraine. Young sons divided between a mother who leaves for the sake of her youngest. And a father who stays with the oldest for the sake of their country. This episode was done in partnership with The International Trauma Studies Program and One Ukraine. (Ukrainian and English language transcripts available at http://www.estherperel.com/love-in-war-en) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
I've Had 100 Conversations With You In My Head, Part 2
June 30, 2022 10:00 - 55 minutesWe first met them three seasons ago in the painful aftermath of an infidelity. She was diagnosed with an STD during a routine visit to her OBGYN, leading to the revelation that her husband had been visiting sex workers. Four years later, they’re still together, but old wounds persist. Transcripts for this episode are available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-s5-episode10. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Esther Calling - I Need Her to See Me
June 23, 2022 04:00 - 27 minutesIn this latest episode of Esther Calling, we meet a young woman looking for advice on how to stand up for herself in a fraught and traumatic relationship with her mother. She worries the trauma and violence she experienced in upbringing is dictating how she responds to authority figures elsewhere in her life. The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-esther-calling-i-need-her-to-see-me . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.co...
Esther Calling - Still Single at 40
June 16, 2022 10:00 - 27 minutesIn this episode of Esther Calling, Esther meets a man who’s never been in a relationship for more than five months. As he approaches age 40, he knows the reason lies with him, and not the women he’s dating. Esther encourages him to look back and see if the clues can be found in his early parental relationships. Perhaps the work starts there. The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-esther-calling-still-single-at-40. Learn more about your ad ch...
We Started As An Affair
June 09, 2022 10:00 - 56 minutesEsther says in this session, “a love story is between two people, a marriage engages an entire community of people.“ Here we see how that plays out when the relationship in question is the result of an affair; when it means the dissolution of two prior marriages and the breaking up families. How does this couple write their own two-person love story when there’s "an entire community of people" with a stake in the plot? The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.co...
Esther Calling - Stuck In the Middle
June 02, 2022 10:00 - 25 minutesHe prides himself on being an empathic confidante to his friends…but is it to a fault? In this episode of Esther Calling, we meet a man fed up with being the container for his friends’ relationship woes. But, he wonders, can I put up barriers without losing the intimacy of those friendships? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Esther Calling - I Deserve to Be a Mother
May 26, 2022 10:00 - 31 minutesShe longs for a child, but her partner isn’t there yet, and as a trans woman she already faces other barriers to parenthood. She worries she’s letting her partner’s indecision dictate her own future happiness. She and Esther navigate the delicate dance between exerting her own wishes within the relationship, without letting the pressure shut down the conversation altogether. The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-esther-calling-still-single-...
You Want Me to Watch the Kids While You Go Out With Other Men?, Where Are They Now
May 19, 2022 10:00 - 58 minutesWhen Esther first met with them two years ago, they’d recently opened up the marriage. At the time only she had ventured out, and after a lifetime of feeling her sexuality wasn’t her own, she felt an awakening. But at what expense? Her newfound freedom seemed to result in his misery. This time around, they are both exploring elsewhere, but the subject of their non-monogamy takes a backseat to other foundational stories within their marriage. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoi...
Esther Calling - Having Needs Doesn't Make You Needy
May 12, 2022 10:00 - 18 minutesHe’s in a new relationship and wants it to be exclusive, but he can’t get a read on his partner's feelings. It’s hard for him to have an open honest conversation about his needs without feeling weak, especially when he’s met with silence from her. Esther encourages him to feel confident in his vulnerability and to not mistake having needs for “neediness.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices