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UNPOLISHED

67 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 3 years ago - ★★★★★ - 59 ratings

NYC comedian Alvin Kuai speaks before he thinks.

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/alvinkuai?fan_landing=true

Comedy comedy standup improv asian
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Episodes

ASIANS IN AMERICA

March 23, 2021 02:55 - 20 minutes - 46 MB

Alvin riffs for 10 minutes on complete BS before talking about racism against Asians. 

HELL'S KITCHEN

March 14, 2021 06:50 - 29 minutes - 67.6 MB

Alvin talks about Groundhog Day, seasonal allergies, and Hell's Kitchen. 

THE PRODIGAL SON RETURNS

February 19, 2021 03:53 - 21 minutes - 49.7 MB

I'm back baby. Thinking of starting a Patreon. $5 a month for 2 extra episodes. $10 for 4. Lemme know what you guys think. Write to me at [email protected]. Seriously, I want to hear from you.

PODCAST IS STILL LATE

January 28, 2021 18:15 - 49 seconds - 784 KB

Sorry, laptop is still in the shop.

PODCAST WILL BE LATE THIS WEEK

January 24, 2021 16:58 - 36 seconds - 575 KB

New episode will come out Thursday because my shit is broke

SCARED TO DIE

January 16, 2021 18:38 - 34 minutes - 78.6 MB

Alvin talks about being terrified of death

SEIGE ON THE CAPITOL

January 10, 2021 20:13 - 35 minutes - 80.1 MB

Alvin talks about rednecks invading the Capitol Building, the overload of twerking vids on TikTok, and Elon Musk.

THE LIFECYCLE OF A KAREN

January 03, 2021 19:25 - 35 minutes - 80.6 MB

Alvin talks about the stages of life all Karens go through. He also talks about doing standup in CT, Ted Cruz, and receiving hate comments online.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS HEHEHE

December 27, 2020 19:37 - 54 minutes - 125 MB

In this extremely heartwarming episode, Alvin wishes you a happy holidays and talks sweet nothings in your ear. 

LA PETITE TEET

December 20, 2020 20:40 - 54 minutes - 126 MB

Alvin talks about his sketch comedy group in college, starting comedy in Chicago, getting an anal procedure called a flexsig, and Jake Paul calling out Conor McGregor. 

DOWNLOADING VIRUSES FROM LIMEWIRE

December 13, 2020 05:07 - 57 minutes - 131 MB

He also talks about bombing onstage last Friday, the great legacy of Russell Peters, downloading illegal music off Limewire, the early days of YouTube, and watching porn for the first time.

NYC IS DOING A TERRIBLE JOB WITH COVID

December 06, 2020 05:50 - 59 minutes - 136 MB

Alvin talks about how terribly the NYC government is handling COVID. He he also discusses accents of different countries, getting attacked on TikTok, two girls one cup, the show What Would You Do, and Asians getting attacked during COVID.

ADOPTING A KID

November 29, 2020 19:31 - 1 hour - 142 MB

Alvin gives advice to an alcoholic who decided to adopt his nephew from his drug addicted sister. He also talks about how it's confusing that women can't show their nipples, doing road gigs as a comedian, and why he loves to listen to people complain. 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

November 26, 2020 04:08 - 29 minutes - 67.4 MB

Here's a podcast you can listen to as you pretend to listen to your crazy Uncle talk about why Alex Jones should be the next president.

I USED TO SELL NUDES

November 22, 2020 03:57 - 38 minutes - 88.1 MB

Alvin gives advice to a listener who used to sell nudes. He also talks about getting attacked by communists on Twitter, Tucker Carlson being created in a lab, whether you should buy Pfizer stock, and why working out hard is counterproductive. 

THERE ARE WHORES EVERYWHERE

November 19, 2020 03:30 - 36 minutes - 55.5 MB

Alvin talks about fitness influencers on Instagram, Shaq's genitals, people buying milk at CVS, and why it's better to be a heroin addict than a meth addict.

WHAT I THINK ABOUT DISABLED PEOPLE

November 15, 2020 04:36 - 29 minutes - 68.2 MB

Alvin talks about not understanding Gen Z, disabled people, and apologizing to white women

JOHNNY DEPP GETTING BEAT LIKE HOT CAKES

November 12, 2020 01:09 - 20 minutes - 46.1 MB

Alvin talks about Johnny Depp getting physically abused by his wife, American Idol, and cringey internet videos

SAVE JOHNNY DEPP

November 12, 2020 01:09 - 20 minutes - 46.1 MB

Alvin talks about Johnny Depp getting physically abused by his wife, American Idol, and cringey internet videos

JOE BIDEN AND DONALD TRUMP

November 09, 2020 04:24 - 32 minutes - 75.1 MB

Alvin talks about Biden winning the election, not having to tip delivery boys with contact free delivery, social anxiety, and Dave Chappelle's SNL monologue

THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION SO FAR

November 05, 2020 06:08 - 24 minutes - 56.3 MB

Alvin talks about the pending Presidential Election.

NYC MAN FALLS INTO PIT OF RATS

November 02, 2020 04:59 - 26 minutes - 39.7 MB

Headlines discussed: NYC Man Falls Into a Pit of Rats, Updates on Presidential Election Polls, Tropical Storm Zeta, Four Reasons the Stock Market Could Crash, Kanye West Gives Kim Kardashian a Hologram of Her Dead Father

NYPD SAYS TRUMP 2020

October 30, 2020 03:32 - 34 minutes - 52.6 MB

Headlines Discussed: NYPD Officer Suspended for Saying "Trump 2020" from Patrol Car Speaker, Amy Coney Barrett Sworn in as Supreme Court Justice, Wildfires in California, Attack Drones Dominating Tanks in Armenia-Azerbaijan Territorial War

BIDEN LEADS TRUMP IN TEXAS (YEAH RIGHT)

October 30, 2020 03:32 - 29 minutes - 67.2 MB

Alvin covers the weekend news: Biden leads Trump in Texas Polls, Five Reasons Why Trump Could Win, Multiple Aids to Pence Test Positive for Coronavirus, Pope Francis Appoints the First Black Carndinal, Stimulus Check Update, and UFC 254

THE FINAL PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

October 30, 2020 03:32 - 51 minutes - 117 MB

Alvin recaps the final presidential debate

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR DEAD GRANDMOTHER

October 30, 2020 03:32 - 18 minutes - 41.2 MB

Alvin talks about how exhausting it is feigning sympathy when someone tells you one of their family members died. 

DEAD PEOPLE

October 30, 2020 03:32 - 18 minutes - 41.2 MB

Alvin talks about how exhausting it is feigning sympathy when someone tells you one of their family members died. 

50 VIEWS ON PORNHUB

October 30, 2020 03:31 - 16 minutes - 37.6 MB

Alvin ponders how disappointing it would be to upload a video on Pornhub only to get 50 views. And other stuff.

AWARENESS AND EMPTINESS

October 30, 2020 03:31 - 33 minutes - 77.5 MB

Alvin talks about awareness and emptiness in the context of Buddhism. He also discusses SNL, the Lakers, and roommates. 

VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

October 30, 2020 03:31 - 31 minutes - 73.2 MB

Alvin talks about the VP debate, visiting an anus doctor, and other stuff.

500 GRAND

October 30, 2020 03:31 - 26 minutes - 38.9 MB

Alvin recounts when he was directly in charge of investing $500,000 as a 21 year old.

BARKING AND BRAWLING

October 30, 2020 03:31 - 29 minutes - 67.8 MB

In the longest episode yet, Alvin talks about drunk people fighting in the West Village, arguing with conspiracy theorists, and shopping for bicycles.

DIVERSITY

October 30, 2020 03:31 - 23 minutes - 54.7 MB

Alvin talks about the importance of diversity with comedy audiences. He also admires Shaq.

PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE 1

October 30, 2020 03:30 - 27 minutes - 62.6 MB

Alvin recaps the first presidential debate and then talks about conservative Latinos.

BASKETBALL TALK

October 30, 2020 03:30 - 17 minutes - 40.9 MB

Alvin talks about Lebron's career, the Washington Wizards, and having sex everyone that offers. This was recorded earlier in the week.

SEXUALLY HARASSED

October 30, 2020 03:30 - 19 minutes - 45.6 MB

Alvin talks about Trump's taxes, feminism in sports, and a story of how he was sexually harassed.

FRIENDSHIP

October 30, 2020 03:30 - 18 minutes - 42.1 MB

Alvin talks about getting punched in the face recently. He also convinces himself that men and women can't be friends.

WALK ME THROUGH YOUR RESUME

October 30, 2020 03:29 - 17 minutes - 39.3 MB

Alvin talks about job interviews, people gaining weight, and black people talking.

POH-LICE

October 30, 2020 03:29 - 18 minutes - 42.1 MB

Alvin talks about police, google reviews, and people who jump from relationship to relationship.

BULLS*** ECONOMICS

October 30, 2020 03:29 - 21 minutes - 33.6 MB

Alvin gives a messy discussion of economics.

SHOVE IT DOWN MY THROAT

October 30, 2020 03:29 - 21 minutes - 49.1 MB

Alvin talks about going on Keto, getting punched by Mike Tyson, and gay bars in Hell's Kitchen.

1.5 ASIAN

October 30, 2020 03:29 - 27 minutes - 40.4 MB

Alvin and guest comedian Luke Trovese talk all things Asian.

SOLVING INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS

October 30, 2020 03:29 - 19 minutes - 45 MB

Alvin talks about Kanye pissing on a grammy and why he loved it.

NEW YORK IS DEAD

October 30, 2020 03:28 - 17 minutes - 40.9 MB

Alvin explores why incest and sodomy are illegal. He also talks coronavirus.

INTERRACIAL

October 30, 2020 03:28 - 23 minutes - 53.1 MB

Alvin talks about the strange state of race relations in America

SPIRALING INTO DEPRESSION

October 30, 2020 03:28 - 23 minutes - 55 MB

Alvin talks about depression and also gives a shoutout to chubby white girls.

ALL HAIL MAO ZEDONG

October 30, 2020 03:28 - 15 minutes - 35.2 MB

Alvin talks about the Cultural Revolution in China and how he was a crybaby in the 1st grade.

THE NEXT JERRY SEINFELD

October 30, 2020 03:28 - 18 minutes - 41.6 MB

Alvin does observational comedy in a Jerry Seinfeld voice.

I LOVE BROWN PEOPLE

October 30, 2020 03:28 - 20 minutes - 17.8 MB

Alvin talks about his love for brown people and why it should be legal to punch middle school kids

AMERICA'S NEXT DADDY

October 30, 2020 03:27 - 22 minutes - 19.9 MB

Alvin talks the 2020 election... and picking fights after you've sharted.