Unbitten: A Journey Through the Twilight Saga
93 episodes - English - Latest episode: 1 day ago -One of us has never read Twilight before, and the other is a self-proclaimed expert. Join us in taking a bite out of Twilight for the first time (or come back for your 17th time!) as we go chapter by chapter through the series.
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Episodes
Ep 89 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 33-34: Max is a Blabbermouth
April 23, 2024 14:05 - 1 hour - 67.7 MBCovering chapters 33 and 34 of Breaking Dawn (how are we almost done?) we finally get to see what the hell J Jenks is all about. Bella survives her encounter in the "ghetto" and J sweats sweatily. Somehow we had the exact conversation LAST WEEK about something that happens in these chapters? I guess we're psychic!
Ep 88 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 31-32: Smooth Undulations
April 01, 2024 12:00 - 1 hour - 70.7 MBVampire Avengers Assemble! Today's episode is all our YA dreams with a cool team of hot vampires with special powers. Bella is special and talented and Stephenie Meyer does more racism! Are we even surprised at this point? No of course we aren't. Also why is all the best vampire world lore in the final 10 chapters of the final book?
Ep 87 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 29-30: Mary Sue Cullen
March 19, 2024 00:05 - 1 hour - 65 MBJuicy plot in this episode! We read chapters 29 and 30 of Breaking Dawn and start unravelling what reason Alice might have had to leave the Cullens with no warning. Bella is... Smart? And now it is time for goo goo gaga special baby zone with Renesmee meeting the extended fam. What is up with her specialness and why does everyone love this little demon baby so much?
Ep 86 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 27-28: Happy Jasper
March 04, 2024 13:00 - 1 hour - 55.9 MBWe cover chapters 27 and 28 today with such excitement of Alice breaking a vase and Em breaking a Cam. Jasper enjoys being happy :) After a timeskip of all the happy peaceful vampire times, shit hits the fan and Cam makes some predictions about what will happen next.
Ep 85 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 25-26: Baja Blasted
February 19, 2024 13:00 - 1 hour - 62.9 MBFor chapters 25-26 of Breaking Dawn, Em and Cam dutifully and viciously rant and rave about Jacob making himself yet again a PROBLEM. Time to isekai in to kill this man and end all of our collective suffering. Take a drink every time Emmett makes a sex comment!
Ep 84 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 23-24: The Renesmee Period
February 05, 2024 17:51 - 1 hour - 62 MBIn this episode of Unbitten we cover chapters 23 and 24 of Breaking Dawn and really just rant almost the entire time. Listen. We're already tired of Jacob's claim over Renesmee and we just want Bella to hold her OWN DAMN BABY! And maybe??? Edward could too? For once, Bella's birthday goes well and she likes her present. All it took was some good sex. Also answer our fun little poll and we'll read your responses next time!
Ep 83 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 21+22: Loch Ness Monster
January 09, 2024 00:38 - 1 hour - 68.7 MBWE ARE BACK FOR THE NEW YEAR! In this episode we cover chapters 21 and 22 of Breaking Dawn. We are loving Bella's intro to vampirism! For once she is hot, she is free, she is completely right about everything always, we love to see it. Hating on Jacob is back in fashion again AND Cam gets to read top tier iconic line.
Ep. 82 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 19+20: Shrimp Colours
December 04, 2023 21:39 - 1 hour - 56 MBIn this episode of Unbitten, Cameron and Emily lose their minds! Breaking Dawn chapters 19 and 20, back in Bella's head again and so many questions we want to ask. At least Bella is immediately horny again!
Ep 81 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 18: How to Milk a Vampire
November 13, 2023 13:00 - 1 hour - 58.2 MBChapter 18 of Breaking Dawn aka It's BABY TIME. The most horrific chapter yet, gore and blood and trauma all wrapped up in a little demon baby bundle. But most importantly, how do you milk a vampire?
Ep 80 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 16+17: Unbitten, Uncut and Unloaded
October 30, 2023 16:03 - 1 hour - 72.8 MBWE'RE BACK AFTER A SHORT BREAK. Come on we're not actually ending the podcast early. In this episode of Unbitten we are covering chapters 16 and 17, in which Leah is amazing and we are absolutely shipping her with Jacob, then Edward hears baby thoughts and Jacob has to drive away to go be creepy in a park.
Ep 79 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 14+15: End of the Podcast
September 25, 2023 12:00 - 1 hour - 63.9 MBWe cover chapters 14 and 15 of Breaking Dawn in this episode aka the Blonde Joke era. Jacob is a hilarious narrator actually, and Rosalie and Bella are delulu about this baby. Em is triggered about chromosomes again.
Ep 78 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 12+13: Concept of Unwelcome
September 13, 2023 02:28 - 1 hour - 63.3 MBIn this episode of Unbitten we cover chapters 12 and 13 of Breaking Dawn where we are so so so excited to have Leah join the pack. Justice for Leah Clearwater! Enjoy a rant about chromosomes, Bella getting her blood sippy on, and of course, every bit of Seth that we can get. Twitter: https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 77 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 10+11: Don't Piss and Tell
August 28, 2023 12:00 - 51 minutes - 44.9 MBIn this episode of Unbitten, we cover chapters 10 and 11 of Breaking Dawn. In other words it's where things really start getting FUN! Jacob tries to convince Bella not to have her demon spawn, we ask logistical questions about vampires all raising a human baby if she were to have a normal baby instead, and then Jacob AND SETH LEAVE THE WOLF PACK. Look we just love Seth okay. Twitter: https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 76 - Breaking Dawn Ch 8+9: Furry Allegations
August 14, 2023 16:34 - 1 hour - 56.5 MBIn this episode we cover chapter 8 and 9 of Book 2 of Breaking Dawn. IT'S JACOB TIME. Where the chapter titles are finally interesting and you can feel the icky teen boy oozing off every thought in his head. We get a close up look with Quil hanging out with his child bride as well as Bella and her gross pregnancy.
Ep 75 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 6+7: Pro Choice Edward
July 31, 2023 12:00 - 1 hour - 63.7 MBIn these final two chapters of Book 1 of Breaking Dawn, Cameron and Emily talk way too much about vomit on account of Bella's vomiting (sorry). We have some headboard breaking and some sex dream crying in these chapters, haven't we all been there before? If only those fade to blacks weren't so faded.
Ep 74 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 5: The Birds, The Bees, and The Bruises
July 18, 2023 00:04 - 1 hour - 56.8 MBITS THAT CHAPTER. Post sex sulking Edward. The bliss of Bella and the cringe of Edward. The mormon sex talks. One of those episodes where we really get into the religious bias in how they talk about sex.
Ep 74: Breaking Dawn Ch. 5 - The Birds, The Bees, and The Bruises
July 18, 2023 00:04 - 1 hour - 56.8 MBITS THAT CHAPTER. Post sex sulking Edward. The bliss of Bella and the cringe of Edward. The mormon sex talks. One of those episodes where we really get into the religious bias in how they talk about sex.
Ep 73 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 4: Camstains
June 21, 2023 15:31 - 53 minutes - 49.7 MBComing to you FROM THE SAME HOME it's us! In this very special episode, Cam travels all the way to visit Em, just to talk more about these silly books. Chapter 4 sees a happy Bella at her wedding, and an unhappy Jacob who proved once again he can't be trusted to be chill. It's sad, it's angering, and it's kind of sweet? Still confused that this book keeps managing to be decent (we have a low bar). Twitter: https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep. 73 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 4: Camstains
June 21, 2023 15:31 - 53 minutes - 49.7 MBComing to you FROM THE SAME HOME it's us! In this very special episode, Cam travels all the way to visit Em, just to talk more about these silly books. Chapter 4 sees a happy Bella at her wedding, and an unhappy Jacob who proved once again he can't be trusted to be chill. It's sad, it's angering, and it's kind of sweet? Still confused that this book keeps managing to be decent (we have a low bar). Twitter: https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 72 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 2+3: Do Vampires Tuck
June 05, 2023 12:00 - 1 hour - 55.5 MBToday we cover both chapter 2 and 3 of Breaking Dawn. The chapters in which Edward has to go to a bachelor party while Bella thinks about bloodthirsty vampire babies and has more incredibly specific dreams, and also in which Bella gets ready to be married and then does in fact get married. Cameron questions deeper about vampire biology, and Emily is here with very "helpful" answers. Readers and listeners alike want to know! How do those dicks work! Twitter: https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod ...
Ep 71 - Breaking Dawn Ch. 1: Grapefruit Method
May 22, 2023 20:11 - 52 minutes - 48.5 MBWELCOME TO BREAKING DAWN. The beginning of the end of the saga. In this exciting episode we get into why... Stephenie Meyer wrote a good chapter for once? From discussions of Bella's absurd "before" car to excitement for that honeymoon, this episode sure is a ride. Thank you to our editor Edward's Hairball (aka Emily) Twitter: https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 70 - Eclipse Movie: Everyone Deserves a Gay Homophobe
May 08, 2023 12:00 - 1 hour - 109 MBIt's FINALLY HEREE!!!! And it's a long one!! Join Cam, Em, AND a special hairball guest- our editor- for our Eclipse moie episode! We discuss editor Emily's husband's astute observations, new iconic scenes (bAtTLe sCaRs), Cam's new crush, and more! Thank you as always to our editor, Emily (Hairball!) Twitter: https://twitter.com/unbittenpod Patreon: https://patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 69 - Bree Tanner pt 2: Maybe We're Both Stupid!
April 17, 2023 18:24 - 1 hour - 78.2 MBCam and Em return once again for more Bree Tanner. We continue to discover how much better S Meyer is at writing shorter books, we begin to stan Fred, and, as always, we question our sanity. Thank you to our editor, Emily (Hairball)!! Twitter: https://twitter.com/unbittenpod Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 69: Bree Tanner pt 2 - Maybe We're Both Stupid!
April 17, 2023 18:24 - 1 hour - 78.2 MBCam and Em return once again for more Bree Tanner. We continue to discover how much better S Meyer is at writing shorter books, we begin to stan Fred, and, as always, we question our sanity. Thank you to our editor, Emily (Hairball)!! Twitter: https://twitter.com/unbittenpod Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep. 68 - Bree Tanner pt 1: Squishy Cells
March 27, 2023 15:36 - 1 hour - 59.6 MBIn this episode we cover the first half of the Short Second Life of Bree Tanner. While questioning Stephenie Meyer's ability to write teenagers, we also sit in shock at how this book is somehow... BETTER? If only all her novels were forced to be novellas. Also vampire kissing is WEIRD!
Ep 67 - Eclipse Ch. 27 and Epilogue: Let's Finish This Thing!
February 27, 2023 16:07 - 1 hour - 68.6 MBEm and Cam are eternally relieved to finally finish another installment of The Twilight Saga! We wrap up this third book with the closest thing SM will get to spice, releasing Alice upon the world of wedding planning, and Jacob's most emo moment yet. Strap in, besties. Thanks to our editor Edward's Hairball for their help in making this podcast as unhinged as possible! https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 66 - Eclipse Ch 26: Paging Dr. Fang
February 13, 2023 15:07 - 1 hour - 62.7 MBOn this episode of Unbitten we discuss Chapter 26 of Eclipse. We are so very tired of Jacob and his manipulation and Bella and her guilt. In fact we seem to be pretty tired of this book now that the action is over as we kept trying to talk about anything OTHER than the book. Thanks to our editor Edward's Hairball as always for managing our chaos and adding their own chaos! https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 65 - Eclipse Ch 25: Vampire Flavored Incense
January 31, 2023 14:49 - 53 minutes - 52.5 MBIn a characteristically Stephanie Meyer moment, this book continues to place all its drama in the last 4 chapters. One of our favs (or least favs) is hurt, we get a visit from some old friends from last book, and we commit some arson. We also discuss the lack of proper stakes, Bella's fainting problem, and Victoria's overall plot. Plus, we get a sneak peek into what we'll be reading next!!
Ep 64 - Eclipse Ch 24: Milk Bags and Marbles
January 13, 2023 15:44 - 1 hour - 76.4 MBWe are back at it again with more Eclipse! We get into the crazy stuff today, including a final confrontation with a long-established villain, Bella's main character syndrome, and... rocks.
Ep 63 - Eclipse Ch. 23: Everyone Sucks but Seth
December 26, 2022 16:27 - 1 hour - 63.1 MBMerry Christmas to those who celebrate it's time to listen to an episode where everyone makes bad decisions! We get very angry at Bella and even more angry at Jacob. He really has the audacity. Timestamps for talking about suicide: 47:01 - 50:33 Thanks to our editor Edward's Hairball as always for managing our chaos and adding their own chaos! https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 62 - Eclipse Ch. 22: The Adventures of Icy Hot
December 13, 2022 04:56 - 48 minutes - 44.6 MBAfter a bit of a break due to scheduling issues, Em and Cam return for chapter 22 of Eclipse! We discuss jealousy between bros, ponder Jacob's possible foot fetish and confirmed weird fantasies, and return to our roots by dunking on S Meyer's horrible writing abilities.
Ep 61 - Eclipse Ch. 21: Jacob is a Boner Killer
November 14, 2022 15:14 - 51 minutes - 47.7 MBIn chapter 21 of Eclipse, we are unhappy to report that Alice behaves badly with guilt tripping over the wedding. Edward takes Bella on a little walk through the woods while she wipes her hands on things and then her open wound on trees and stuff, how cute! Also Jacob is back with all his audacity and no one is happy about it! Thanks as always to our wonderful editor, Edward's Hairball. We love you! https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 60 - Eclipse Ch 20: Cam Gets Cancelled
October 31, 2022 23:32 - 55 minutes - 51.2 MBChapter 20 of Eclipse aka the sexy times chapter (almost) where things get as spicy as they can get for a Mormon-written novel. Truly some unhinged nonsense in this one besties we are just out here saying shit. Rip to Cam though she's cancelled so podcast over now I guess. We had a good run. Thanks as always to our wonderful editor, Edward's Hairball. We love you! https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 59 - Eclipse Ch. 19: Poptarts are Forever!
October 18, 2022 20:03 - 56 minutes - 52.3 MBHoo boy! The girls are back with more Twilight fun! Join us as we explore Bella and Edward making a compromise, the absolute DRAMA that is the wolf pack, and the potential for steamy times in a glass house.
Ep 58 - Eclipse Ch. 18 Jasper Finally Matters
October 03, 2022 12:00 - 57 minutes - 56.2 MBCam survived her illness so we're finally back with a new episode covering a fun chapter of vampire fighting tactics. Who knew Jasper would suddenly become relevant 3 books into the series and 75% through the book. Thanks as always to our wonderful editor, Edward's Hairball. We love you! https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 57 - Eclipse Ch. 17: Joe's Basement
September 05, 2022 12:00 - 45 minutes - 45.1 MBIn chapter 17 of Eclipse we discuss the AUDACITY of Jacob to even show up to this party. Cam makes some more predictions regarding this vampire army. Stay tuned to the very very end of the episode for a delight to your ears. Edited by the wonderful Edward's Hairball, a patron and member of our discord server. https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 56 - Eclipse Ch. 16: Roach Wars
August 15, 2022 12:00 - 44 minutes - 41.6 MBStarting off with a bang for chapter 16 which is funny to say for such an uninteresting chapter. We mostly complain about the pacing because who cares about graduation we certainly don't! However, very important comeback for our fave khaki skirt and we have to also commend Edward for continuing to improve as a person and we get another apology from him. Important plot information is revealed as Bella connects the dots we all connected like five chapters ago. Edited by the wonderful Edward'...
Ep 55 - Eclipse Ch 15: Jacob is the WORST
August 01, 2022 12:00 - 1 hour - 72.3 MBTrigger warning: Talk of sexual assault throughout the episode. Join us in episode 55 of Unbitten: Jacob is the WORST aka CHEEKS OUT PISSIN! In this episode, we discuss just how horrid Jacob is in his attempts to win Bella, marvel at Edward's restraint, and take a stand against Charlie once and for all. Edited by the wonderful Edward's Hairball, a patron and member of our discord server.
Ep 54 - Eclipse Ch 14: Deplatform Us
July 18, 2022 23:47 - 58 minutes - 56.6 MBFor this week's episode we answer some patron AMAs, then try to dig into what is one of the worst chapters of the book so far because Stephenie Meyer can't write. Have we mentioned we don't think she can write? Enjoy such conversation discussions as how to break a femur, why can't vampires just drink blood bags, and how we feel about Jacob's confession at the end of the chapter. https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod
Ep 53 - Eclipse Ch 13: Piss Man Backstory
July 04, 2022 23:04 - 1 hour - 57.7 MBJoin Em and Cam as we explore Chapter 13 of Eclipse! In this episode, we explore Jasper’s backstory, with all its weird and problematic twists and turns. Also, air conditioner troubles, googling Stephanie Meyer’s place of birth, and more!
Ep 52 - Eclipse Ch 12: Sour Cream
June 20, 2022 14:45 - 1 hour - 78.1 MBAfter a short break we are back and RECORDING IN THE SAME ROOM with live studio audience - Em's girlfriend (perhaps kidnapped and held hostage to finally listen to an episode). This episode covers chapter 12 of Eclipse in which we surprisingly see some good communication between Bella and Edward and Cameron makes some predictions on Jasper's backstory. We also happened to get a little tipsy, talk about sexual health (we aren't doctors!), and take a dive into the world of True Crime in the mi...
Ep 51 - Eclipse Ch 11: Dismembered Vampire Dick
May 23, 2022 23:08 - 56 minutes - 103 MBThis is the episode where we get all the old Quileute legends and how the werewolves came to be. More importantly though, this is the episode where S. Meyer's racism shows once again (yaaaay.....). Magical spirit warriors vs potato head vampires who will win? Also just a reminder once again THIS PODCAST IS EXPLICIT. What else can you do with dismembered cold vampire parts? If only this book wasn't written by a Mormon. Also don't forget gentle listeners, even vampire sex requires ongoing cons...
Ep 50 - Eclipse Ch 10: Kristen Stewart on a Motorcycle
May 09, 2022 14:42 - 1 hour - 56.7 MBWelcome back to Unbitten! Join Em and Cam as they simp over Kristen Stewart, make fun of Bella for having no hobbies, and question how Jacob managed to stab himself with a knife.
Ep 49 - Eclipse Ch 9: Target Haul
April 25, 2022 12:00 - 46 minutes - 85 MBAfter a break for ~Aries Season~ we are back with another episode covering Chapter 9 of Eclipse. In this episode we discuss how Charlie is losing his status as one of our faves and his learned helplessness in taking care of the house. Cam make's some predictions about who snuck into Bella's room and then we revel in how amazing it has been to see some actual positive character development in Edward. Also Jacob apologizes! https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod
Ep 48 - Eclipse Ch 8: Magically Assigned Predator
March 28, 2022 12:00 - 52 minutes - 95.2 MBIn this episode of Unbitten, we get the fun (discomfort) of discussing imprinting in more depth because the Quil and Claire thing happened. It's grooming, people! Lock these dogs up we say! We also see the end of Cam's Team Jacob allegiance as he says some pretty awful things out of jealousy and hatred. This chapter is so juicy guys. Horny? In my mormon vampire series? It's more likely than you think! We get men apologizing, we get making out, we get Edward character development. Wow.
Ep 47 - Eclipse Ch 7: Rosalie's Girlboss Moment
March 14, 2022 20:53 - 1 hour - 55.8 MBToday we cover a heavy but interesting chapter! TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual assault, physical violence, r*pe -- time stamps: 22:15-30:00. Em and Cam discuss Rosalie's tragic backstory and badass revenge, Cam's drunken adventures, and weird sexist author moments. A classic twilight chapter.....
Ep 46 - Eclipse Ch 6: Piss Bottles
February 28, 2022 13:00 - 48 minutes - 44.6 MBIn this episode of Unbitten Cam and Em talk romance and dating advice vis a vis blood pendants. Also, once again, who is Austin? It's no surprise we're mad at Edward this chapter but we feel the Alice betrayal big time, and oops we talk about piss again sorry xoxo enjoy. Of course we also discuss the SEXY BED.
Ep 45 - Eclipse Ch 5: Hiddies, Widdies, and Ciddies
February 15, 2022 02:45 - 1 hour - 55.8 MBIn this episode, Em and Cam discuss chapter five of Eclipse, which includes some CRAZY new lore, a wild Sam x Emily origin story, and another Bella temper tantrum. Also, we answer patron AMAs, discuss the weird sexualization of female animals in animated movies, and talk about our old lady joints, despite both of us being in our 20s.
Ep 44 - Eclipse Ch 4: What that Vussy Do?
January 31, 2022 13:00 - 49 minutes - 90 MBCovering chapter 4 of Eclipse this week, we spend more time making fun of Stephenie Meyer's overall lack of writing skill, from Bella's overly whiny 'worst day ever' to the really lame fridge magnet metaphor. Cam and Em share their cereal preferences and ask which cereal lasts longest in milk. We also make a request for Emmett and Rosalie fanfiction please and thank you. We also offer our expert relationship advice to anyone who needs it (dump him).
Ep 43 - Eclipse Ch 3: Edward's Hairball
January 17, 2022 13:00 - 59 minutes - 55.3 MBWe are back after the holidays with Chapter 3 of Eclipse, where we talk about Jacob's height (again), Edward acting like a cat in more ways than one, and many other things ranging from serious to hysterical. Also, as always, minecraft, sims, and other nerd shit. Twitter: https://twitter.com/UnbittenPod Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/unbittenpod