Ep. 27 - Sharon Martin: Don’t Believe Everything You Think

Sharon Martin, LCSW, is dedicated to helping busy adults and teens in Silicon Valley manage stress in order to promote peace, balance, and happiness in their lives.

In today’s episode, we discuss how self-esteem and negative self-talk affect this balance and happiness, and how people who work with children can foster a positive sense of self-worth in the next generation.

We all tell ourselves a story about ourselves, which is impacted by the messages we hear every day, and this self-talk influences our sense of self.  

Because the messages other people tell us influence our story, we often end up defining ourselves based on other people and a sense of relative achievement… but that is a quick path to negativity.

Our sense of self has to be driven by what feels right, not what the outside world says is the right thing.

Of course, this isn’t always easy – life is distracting, and the people in your life might contribute to this negative self-talk. On top of that, negative self-talk often tells us that we’re alone and isolated, so help seems that much farther away.

There are some small mindset and lifestyle shifts that can help you build a positive belief system that makes life work for you.

Recognize that everything you believe isn’t true… and some of your beliefs, messages, and values originally came from other people. Explore who you are, outside of what other people say. You don’t have to do specific things to prove your worth, and you shouldn’t have to prove your worth to receive love. Understand that failure isn’t the opposite of success – it’s part of the learning process. Don’t be afraid to take a risk in the future because of what happened in the past. If your environment has a negative effect, surround yourself with different people. Practice self-compassion in the face of negativity. There’s nothing inherently wrong with you because someone doesn’t like you or disapproves (and there’s nothing inherently wrong with them, either). Accept that you can’t control everything and, therefore, can’t be the cause of every problem.

“There’s something very human about wanting to fit in, wanting to connect, and wanting approval from certain people… but that can’t be the driving force. There has to be something internal that feels right.”

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Resources:

Connect with Sharon: Website | Facebook | Twitter Read Sharon’s Happily Imperfect blog

 

Pick up Sharon’s new eBook: How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt

Interested in learning more about how I can help you through coaching?  Find out more at www.johnharrisoncounseling.com/individual-coaching/

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