Torture Cinema
100 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 4 years ago -Torture Cinema is a comedic bad movie review podcast. In each episode, we take our unabashedly geeky and absurd sense of humor and turn it against some of the worst science fiction, fantasy, and horror movies ever produced. Each movie is selected by our sadistic listeners from an ever-growing list of terrible films. Torture Cinema is part of The Skiffy and Fanty Show podcast network. If you want to find out more about us and our other shows, go to skiffyandfanty.com.
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Episodes
374. Wild Wild West (1999) — Torture Cinema #100 (Pandemic Special)
April 07, 2020 19:58 - 1 hour - 56.5 MBGiant mechanical spiders, male boob grabbing, and nice trains, oh my! Shaun Duke, Paul Weimer, and Alex Acks join forces for this special Pandemic Edition of Torture Cinema. Together, they tackle the infamous 1990s blunder, Wild Wild West, explore through a drunken stupor the film’s approach to characterization, history, Western tropes, race, gender, and disability. This […]
373. Voyage of the Rock Aliens (1984) — Torture Cinema #99
March 30, 2020 21:19 - 1 hour - 63.7 MBUbiquitous tentacles, wholesome content, and riding his rainbow in the sky! Shaun Duke and Jen Zink break all the rules we arbitrarily set for Torture Cinema to discuss a film so beautiful and so bonkers bananapants that it might have fixed the 80s all on its own if it had only been popular enough! Together, they […]
369. The VelociPastor (2018) — Torture Cinema #98
March 09, 2020 17:53 - 55 minutes - 51.3 MBChinese ninjas drug dealers, questionable costumes, and premed / law prostitutes, oh my! Shaun Duke, Jen Zink, and Paul Weimer are back on the Torture Cinema horse with a deliciously stupid Patreon-selected mashup: The VelociPastor. We tackle the film’s questionable production history, its various odd narrative decisions, what it means to film three different countries in […]
Torture Cinema #97: Santa with Muscles (1996) — The Holiday Special
January 01, 2020 17:49 - 1 hour - 38 MBExploding gems, racist wrestlers, and orphans, oh my! In this very special (and totally late) holiday edition of Torture Cinema, Shaun, Julia, Alex, and Jen tackle a truly horrifyingly bad Christmas movie, Santa with Muscles. From Hulk Hogan’s questionable acting skills to the nonsensical plot, the odd connections to famous actors and popular TV shows, and […]
Torture Cinema #96: Transylvania 6-5000 (1985)
December 03, 2019 00:44 - 57 minutes - 26.7 MBQuestionable journalists, questionable comedy, and questionable geography, oh my! Shaun Duke, Alex Acks, Jen Zink, and Trish Matson wander into an unsuspecting Eastern European town to discuss the 1985 “comedy,” Transylvania 6-5000. With their magic judge hats on, the crew tackles the film’s approach to comedy, the absurdity of its monster-centric premise, twist endings, hairy […]
Torture Cinema #95: Children of the Corn (1984)(Belated Halloween)
November 07, 2019 23:10 - 1 hour - 32.7 MBCreepy cult children, confusingly animated monsters, and Korn, oh my! Shaun Duke, Alex Acks, and David Annandale meet in the corn fields to discuss 1984 adaptation of Stephen King’s Children of the Corn. They discuss the film’s bizarre plot structure, what it’s like to be murdered by creepy cult children, the wonders of corn demons, terrible […]
Torture Cinema #94: Stan Helsing (2009)
October 04, 2019 19:00 - 1 hour - 27.8 MBDirty mice, invisible plots, and Leslie Nielsen, oh my! Shaun Duke, Alex Acks, and Paul Weimer throw themselves on Freddy’s clawed hand to discuss Stan Helsing, a movie made by drunk people to torture the dead. Together, they discuss the film’s approach to humor, its nonsensical plot, why Leslie Nielsen is in this movie, and all […]
Torture Cinema #93: Next (2007) at Worldcon in Dublin (w/ Linnea)
September 02, 2019 20:05 - 1 hour - 104 MBGreasy chest hair, lasting 2 minutes, and animal abuse, oh my! Recorded (sorta last minute) in a hotel room in Dublin, Ireland, this special edition features Shaun Duke, Alex Acks, Julia Rios, Jen Zink, Brandon O’Brien, and special guest / friend of the show, Linnea! Together, our intrepid crew tackles yet another Nicolas Cage debacle, Next, […]
Torture Cinema #92: Starcrash (1978/79)
July 31, 2019 13:00 - 59 minutes - 27.4 MBThe Hass, chauvinist robots, and Italians, oh my! In a Torture Cinema podcast that meanders almost as much as the movie, Shaun Duke, Jen Zink, and Trish Matson get together to discuss this month’s Patreon selection, Starcrash! Not only do the team discuss everything from the truly awful logic to the surprising inclusion of an… […]
Torture Cinema #91: Damnation Alley (1977)
June 24, 2019 23:30 - 1 hour - 70.1 MBBoat cars, “Killa Cockaroaches”, and cannibals, oh my! Much to Jen’s chagrin, in her absence the team, Shaun Duke, Paul Weimer, and Alex Acks, discover a lot to criticize in the 1977 film adaption of a Roger Zelazny book, Damnation Alley! Jen likes to think they only criticize it because they just wanted it to […]
Torture Cinema #90: Kull the Conqueror (1997)
May 27, 2019 19:00 - 1 hour - 88.2 MBApe men, nicked bits, and shirtless Sorbo, oh my! Shaun, Stephen, and Daniel join forces to fulfill their dudetastic Torture Cinema destiny by discussing 1997’s Kull the Conqueror (starring Hercules). They discuss the history behind the film, why it fails miserably at just about everything (action, romance, adventure, carefully crafted plots), and what it’s like to […]
Torture Cinema #89: The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973)
April 30, 2019 22:16 - 1 hour - 118 MBCanadian Geese, foot fetishes, and vest clones, oh my! Shaun, Jen, David, and Trang, in her first ever Skiffy and Fanty Podcast appearance, discuss the 1973 Hammer Film Productions classic(?), The Satanic Rites of Dracula! The last time that Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee would reprise their roles as Van Helsing and Dracula together. Thankfully, […]
Torture Cinema #88: Super Inframan (1975)
March 25, 2019 20:12 - 57 minutes - 81 MBSuperman 4, motorcycle gangs, and *eye twitch* tentacle monsters, oh my! This episode exists thanks to the hardwork and determination of our lovely patron, Joseph. Thank you, Joseph, for repeatedly insisting that we watch the 1975 film, Super Inframan!! This Shaw Brothers Studio Production sought to capitalize on the tokusatsu craze in Japan, borrowing tropes, […]
Torture Cinema #87: Xanadu (1980)
February 25, 2019 22:37 - 45 minutes - 63 MBPink bodysuits, the bisexual 80s, and legs that go on forever, oh my! Today on Torture Cinema, Paul, Alex, and Daniel review the (not so) particularly beloved 1980s fantasy musical, Xanadu! The film also has the distinction of being Gene Kelly’s last picture, so nobody can be too mad at it. If you love camp […]
Torture Cinema #86: A Special Holiday Torture Cinema Adventure – The Christmas Dragon (2014)
December 24, 2018 20:46 - 1 hour - 90.6 MBDarkspawn, shiny noses, and a new sex term, oh my! This one is DEFINITELY NSFW folks! Somehow the team, comprised of Shaun, Jen, Paul, and Becca, managed to turn this family friendly film into a total raunch fest. Proceed with caution. You have been warned! As with every Holiday Special, the crew brings a heavy […]
Torture Cinema #85: Blade: Trinity (2004)
November 27, 2018 00:59 - 1 hour - 87 MBHappy trails, Office Building Prime, and proto-Katniss, oh my! So, you know how the first Blade movie was actually kind of awesome and we all went crazy for the killer daywalker with a badass cloak, giant fangs, and the most country sidekick this side of the Mississippi? Well, if you do, we implore you not […]
Torture Cinema #84: Leprechaun in the Hood (2000) — Happy Halloween w/ Tonia Thompson
October 31, 2018 23:43 - 52 minutes - 73.9 MBAfros, magic “flutes,” and tokenism, oh my! Happy Halloween, everyone! Shaun, Jen, and Teri consulted with Tonia Thompson to select movies appropriate for a Halloween special during Black Speculative Fiction Month and she has suffered for it. We turn our drunken eyes to Leprechaun in the Hood, a movie that can be best described as everything BAD about […]
Torture Cinema #83: Atlantis: The Lost Continent (1961)
September 25, 2018 19:35 - 1 hour - 86.5 MBCrystal lasers, pig people, and recycled costumes, oh my! In today’s episode of Torture Cinema, Paul, Alex, Daniel, and the prodigal son, Shaun, gather together to make absolutely sure that the destroyed civilization of Atlantis stays destroyed as they review the disastrous George Pal 1961 disaster movie, Atlantis: The Lost Continent. The team discusses everything […]
Torture Cinema #82: Gallowwalkers (2012)
August 30, 2018 22:51 - 1 hour - 87.2 MBLizard tails, Hellraiser, and bad Spanish, oh my! In today’s episode of Torture Cinema, Jen, Paul, and Alex are joined by the wonderful Tonia Thompson, founder of Nightlight Podcast, to talk about a film that should probably be thrown into the nearest hellmouth (except it’s SO PRETTY)! The group covers everything from the terrible script […]
Torture Cinema #81: Frogs (1972)
July 30, 2018 22:47 - 1 hour - 90.2 MBToads, Sam Elliot’s missing mustache, and weaponized Spanish moss, oh my! In today’s hoptastic episode, Alex, Paul, David, and special guest Michael J. Martinez try to drain the swamp of the southern patriarchy as they discuss the 1972 “killer” amphibian classic, Frogs. From leapless pacing, stagnant antagonists, and horribbitless story (all the terror of fluffy […]
Torture Cinema #80: Lost in Space (1998)
April 30, 2018 16:00 - 58 minutes - 81.6 MBCyborg spiders, diapers, and boob seams, oh my! Jen, Paul, Alex, and Elizabeth (in her Torture Cinema debut) discuss the utterly disastrous 1998 movie adaptation of Lost in Space. From the terrible costumes to atrocious world-building, they collectively dive into the travesty Stephen Hopkins nostalgic enema while still managing to find a few nuggets of […]
Torture Cinema #79: Event Horizon (1997)
March 26, 2018 22:55 - 1 hour - 105 MBSingularities, Cenobites, and Gothic cathedrals, oh my! Jen, Paul, David, and Rachel get together to review the film that refused to stay buried in a Transylvanian Salt Mine. They discuss (or rather, David schools everyone) how Event Horizon is a stealth Warhammer 40k fanfic film, the brilliance of a supernatural horror in space, the failed […]
Torture Cinema #78 — Lawnmower Man: The Director’s Cut (1992)
February 26, 2018 22:53 - 1 hour - 88.9 MBKiller lawnmowers, crucifixions, and cybersex, oh my! This is our very first Torture Cinema of the year, and so OF COURSE our Patrons had to pick something that was TRULY terrible! In this episode, Julia, Paul, Alex, and Daniel dig deep into the movie that is so awful and so unlike the short story it […]
344. Krampus: The Reckoning (2015) — A Special Holiday Torture Cinema "Adventure"
December 24, 2017 19:55 - 1 hour - 5 MBTang, overbites, and gratuitous boob shots, oh my! In this special Holiday edition of Torture Cinema, Shaun, Paul, Jen, Alex, and Becca mix too much alcohol with a really, truly terrible movie. This one definitely comes with some language and content warnings, because the team is just so very angry that they have to watch […]
342. Cowboys vs Dinosaurs (2015) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
December 01, 2017 00:53 - 79.7 MBDino Olympics, Jurassic Park, and bikinis, oh my! For this episode of Torture Cinema, Shaun and Julia are joined by our intern, Becca, and special guest, Adam Callaway, to drunkenly review Cowboys vs Dinosaurs, an absolutely terrible movie about rampant sexism, one totally awesome guy (not the main character), and, you guessed it, cowboys fighting dinosaurs. […]
339. Maximum Overdrive (1986) — A Torture Cinema Halloween Special "Adventure"
October 31, 2017 18:55 - 90.5 MBCocaine, man eating machines, and AC-DC, oh my! In this special Halloween Horror edition of Torture Cinema, Shaun, David, and Alex are joined by Zena, the Real Queen of Horror, to review the 1986 Stephen King written and directed “horror” film, Maximum Overdrive. Apparently, even Stephen King couldn’t get Stephen King right. The crew discusses […]
335. Judge Dredd (1995) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
September 28, 2017 18:55 - 87.2 MBEwok traps, Finnish Ramones punk, and questionable cloning, oh my! Trish, Paul, and Julia are joined by our very own reviewer, Daniel Haeusser, to review the 1995 Stallone extravaganza, Judge Dredd. If only Rob Schneider hadn’t been in this film, it would still probably suck, but the team makes a few improvements, discovers some awesome […]
332. Battle Beyond the Stars (1980) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
August 31, 2017 18:55 - 100 MBSuggestive spaceships, gin dispensers, and giant crystals, oh my! Paul and Jen are joined by one of our frequent victims, Michael J. Martinez, to discuss the 1980 Seven Samurai inspired space-sploitation(TM) film, Battle Beyond the Stars. Honestly, we probably should have known what to expect based on the producer (spoilers), but the sheer inconsistency of the […]
330. Night of the Comet (1984) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
August 07, 2017 18:55 - 82.2 MBKiller comets, zombie scientists, and arcade game rivalries, oh my! Jen, Alex, and Paul are joined by the wonderful Keith Manuel to discuss the 1984 post apocalyptic film, Night of the Comet! A film which is really not all that torturous even when you consider it has absolutely no logical consistency to how a killer […]
327. Fiend Without a Face (1958) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
June 28, 2017 18:55 - 90.7 MBFacehugger brains, Canadian tourism, and the mountains of Manitoba, oh my! This month, Trish, Shaun, and David (our resident Canadian horror film professor!) talk about the 1958… ummm… classic? Fiend Without a Face! It’s bad, folks, I mean, it’s really bad… So bad that Shaun ends up defending the Transformers films in response. However, David lays down […]
325. Queen of the Damned (2002) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure" w/ Megan O'Keefe
June 01, 2017 17:22 - 87.3 MBScientology theories, nipple jackets, and, oh my god, is that Shaun singing?! This month, we honestly don’t know how to describe the bizarre twists and turns the conversation takes as Megan O’Keefe joins Shaun, Paul, and Jen to discuss the fairly maligned 2002 goth-wet dream, Queen of the Damned. Basically, the only reason to watch this movie […]
322. Babylon A.D. (2008) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure" w/ DongWon Song
April 27, 2017 20:14 - 87.9 MBBaby taxis, french insults, and white messiahs, oh my! This month, in the most french episode we’ve ever had, Alex, Julia, David, and special guest, DongWon Song, review the problem-plagued film, Babylon AD. We’re pretty sure that this episode of Torture Cinema contains more action than Michelle Yeoh gets in the entire movie. Seriously. Michelle […]
319. The Core (2003) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
March 31, 2017 17:35 - 73 MBMagical geodes, giant tumors, and drill-dos, oh my! This month in a hilarious edition of Torture Cinema we visit the 2003 scientific masterpiece, The Core, which was chosen by our completely unbiased listeners with absolutely no help from certain members of the Skiffy and Fanty Team and in NO WAY influenced by the fact that we have our […]
316. Fantastic Four (2005) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
February 24, 2017 18:33 - 55.5 MBStretchy weirdos, grumpy CEOs, and clobberin’, oh my! Torture Cinema returns with a special Marvel-icious edition, as selected by our listeners and co-starring none other than veteran Torture Goblin, Michael J. Martinez. We turn our sights to the infamous first Fantastic Four (2005) film, tackling its portrayal of the classic characters, its absurd plot, and much more. […]
310. The Haunting (1999) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
December 28, 2016 17:00 - 57.3 MBCreepy statue babies, bad psychology, and evil old dudes, oh my! In this special edition of Torture Cinema, the crew punishes themselves by watching 1999’s sleeperfest, The Haunting. You voted for it, so we watched it! We hope you enjoy the episode! Note: If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review […]
307. Beethoven's Christmas Adventure (2011) — A Torture Cinema Holiday Special "Adventure"
December 24, 2016 18:53 - 29.9 MBSlobbering dogs, candy canes, and winter shenanigans, oh my! In this very special holiday edition of Torture Cinema, Jen, Paul, Julia, and Alex put their animal love to the test with Beethoven’s Christmas Adventure (2011). Happy holidays, everyone! We hope you enjoy the episode! Note: If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a […]
306. Aeon Flux (2005) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
December 23, 2016 18:36 - 47.6 MBWeird genetics, floating sperm banks, and face kicks, oh my! In our latest Torture Cinema episode, the crew tackles the infamous 2005 adaptation of Aeon Flux. Needless to say, we had a bit of fun with this one! We hope you enjoy the episode! Note: If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us […]
298. Sphere (1998) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
June 27, 2016 13:30 - 70 MBEggs, squid, and bad dreams, oh my! Our latest listener-directed Torture Cinema episode has finally arrived. This time, we discuss the infamous adaptation of Michael Crichton’s Sphere starring Dustin Hoffman, Sharon Stone, Samuel L. Jackson, and more! At least two of us have a bit of a rant about this movie, so you should expect some […]
294. Mazes and Monsters (1982) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
April 20, 2016 16:00 - 82.6 MBGorvilles, LARPing, and Tom Hanks, oh my! In our much delayed first Torture for the year, the entire crew joins forces to tackle the infamous anti-D&D TV movie, Mazes and Monsters. And boy did this one get away from us. I think the best way to describe this episode is with a gif: We hope you […]
289. The Santa Clause (1994) — A Torture Cinema Holiday Special "Adventure"
December 24, 2015 14:00 - 52.6 MBElf special ops, killer hot cocoa, and reindeer, oh my! The holidays are here, and no holiday would be complete without a holiday-themed Torture Cinema episode. In our final episode of the season, we tackle 1994’s Tim Allen venture, The Santa Clause. From kickass elves to creepy child kidnappings to the wonderful joy of the Christmas […]
288. Barbarella (1968) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
December 21, 2015 21:32 - 62.9 MBHairy children herders, orgasm machines, and sexy hands, oh my! In this sadly late edition of Torture Cinema, the Skiffy and Fanty crew tackles the infamous 1968 sexploitation film, Barbarella. We cover the film’s legacy, the strange imagery and sexploitation elements, hairy guys, orgasm machines, and so much more! We hope you enjoy the episode! Note: If […]
286. Zombies of Mora Tau (1957) — A Torture Cinema Late Halloween "Adventure"
November 10, 2015 21:57 - 62.3 MBZombie mausoleums, DGNF grandmas, and cursed jewels, oh my! Skiffy and Fanty officially becomes meta in this special (late) Halloween “Middleman Special” edition of Torture Cinema about Zombies of Mora Tau! Prepare yourselves for a zombitacular festival of torture! Art crawl! We hope you enjoy the episode! Note: If you have iTunes and like this show, […]
285. The Incredible Shrinking Woman (1981) — A Torture Cinema "Adventure"
October 27, 2015 21:23 - 63.9 MBGiant bacon, gorillas, and evil corporations, oh my! In our last Childhood Destruction edition of Torture Cinema, we tackled Julia’s childhood love, The Incredible Shrinking Woman. Some of us, it turns out, were a bit bitter about having to watch this one. You’ll have to listen to find out who! We hope you enjoy the episode! […]
282. The Cat From Outer Space (1978); A Torture Cinema “Adventure”
September 05, 2015 21:02 - 63.3 MBSpace cats, liver, and pratfalls, oh my! In our second-to-last Childhood Destruction edition of Torture Cinema, Shaun, Julia, Rachael, and Paul join forces to tackle Disney’s The Cat From Outer Space! From talking cats to hustling mafiosos to bumbling military men, this one’s got plenty of blurg to talk about! We hope you enjoy the episode! Note: […]
278. The Postman (1997) — A Torture Cinema “Adventure”
August 03, 2015 23:44 - 63 MBThe Post Office, mules, and Shakespeare, oh my! In our fourth edition of the Torture Cinema Childhood Destruction feature, we take a stab at the infamous Costner vehicle, The Postman. This is Mike’s movie, so we make sure to make him feel very welcome. Oh, hell. Who are we kidding? Someone suffers during this episode, but […]
275. Krull (1983) — A Torture Cinema “Adventure” w/ Mike Martinez
June 29, 2015 13:30 - 81 MBGlaives, cosmic monsters, and flaming Clydesdales, oh my! The Childhood Destruction editions of Torture Cinema continue with Krull. Mike Martinez is the “victim” this week, but you may be surprised to know who really gets it good in this monstrous episode of epic fantasy glory! We hope you enjoy the episode! Note: If you have iTunes […]
273. Waterworld (1995) — A Torture Cinema “Adventure” w/ Geoffrey Pelton & Kevin Lux
June 08, 2015 13:00 - 52.8 MBJet skis, trimarans, and Dennis Hopper, oh my! The crew joins forces to destroy Jen’s childhood movie love, Waterworld. From gross urine water to Kevin Costner Fish Bait to explosions galore, we had much to say! Also joining us: Geoffrey Pelton and audio recordings from the infamous Kevin Lux! We hope you enjoy the episode! Note: […]
270. Logan’s Run (1976) — A Torture Cinema “Adventure”
May 06, 2015 14:00 - 78.4 MB(I’ve temporarily disabled comments on this post because of an excess number of irritating spam. I’ll enable comments again in the future. If you’d like to get in touch about the episode, send us an email.) Carousels, Popsicle people, and protein from the sea, oh my! In this very special “Childhood Destruction” edition of Torture […]
265. The Black Hole (1971) — A Torture Cinema “Adventure” (Childhood Destruction Edition)
April 03, 2015 17:19 - 62.1 MBRobot blenders, mad scientists, and snarky companions, oh my! In this special “childhood destruction” edition of Torture Cinema, the crew tackles one of Paul’s favorite childhood movies, The Black Hole. We hope you enjoy the episode! Note: If you have iTunes and like this show, please give us a review on our iTunes page, or feel […]
257. Baby Geniuses (1999) — A Torture Cinema “Adventure”
March 04, 2015 16:00 - 63.4 MBRobot babies, creepy babies, and just babies, oh my! Shaun, Julia, Paul, and Rachael join forces to talk about 1999’s Baby Geniuses, which one critic described as “about as endearing as unanesthetized gum surgery.” You can guess how we all felt about it… We hope you enjoy the episode! Note: If you have iTunes and like […]