Sexual self-forgiveness, I no longer have sexual wrath, and sexual revenge burning hot 🥵 on myself!

“Phase 1. Acknowledgement + Accountability

Explore what happened and acknowledge it emotionally and cognitively.

Usually, the surfacing of self-blame is the first sign that we have hurt ourselves or someone else or violated our values in some way.

We may experience feelings of guilt, regret or remorse. Part of this self-forgiveness exercise is recognizing these emotions and resisting urges to suppress, ignore or minimize them.

Instead, treat these feelings as important guides and teachers.

This phase involves a grounding or centering practice so that you can engage in the process of self-forgiveness.

Consider what helps you feel grounded in the reality of the present moment. For example, go for a walk in the woods or focus on your breathing.
Spend time in a practice that truly grounds you and enables you to arrive in a more centered, grounded, clear-headed place.

Phase 2. Seek Understanding with Self-Compassion

Once you come to a more settled place, reflect on the reality of what happened.

Slow down the tape of your memory, and try to remember all of what transpired, connecting with all of the sensory details.
Create a deeper sense of empathy by imagining what this was like for the other person — even if you were hurt, too.
You may find that some details are more painful than others, but try to stay with those emotions as best you can. And if it feels too overwhelming, pause and come back to this, honoring where you are in this process. This may be a phase you return to for quite some time.

One aspect of understanding with self-compassion is to honor and remember the context in which those actions occurred.

Was there anything that made you vulnerable to certain behaviors, such as an illness, sleep deprivation or a recent stressor?
Was a past emotional trauma or hurt activated, leading you to be angry, guarded, defensive or critical?
What was the influence of personal values, cultural norms and expectations?
Strive to describe the entirety of the circumstances in an objective, factual, non-judgmental and self-compassionate way.

Remember that we all hurt others, even the people we love the most. We may not feel deserving of forgiveness, and not allowing forgiveness can be a way of punishing ourselves.

Phase 3. Make Amends + Repair

We cannot self-forgive until we have made efforts, as best we can, to make amends and repair the situation.

Muster the courage and willingness to face this truth and repair whatever harm we have caused.

Try to make amends in a way that resonates with the person and is connected to the transgression.

Note: Part of the repair process also means accepting consequences gracefully and without defensiveness.

Someone may not wish to be in our lives anymore or may need time and space away. Honor their needs.

If someone is not open to your amends and repair, get creative about how to achieve this. For example, write a letter that you don’t mail or send a prayer of love and kindness to them.

While it may be harder to forgive ourselves when we haven’t received forgiveness, there is a difference between seeking forgiveness from someone and our process of self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is for ourselves — to be in alignment with ourselves and able to still find our innate goodness even with our harmful actions.

Phase 4. Engage in Committed Action

Immediate repair is not the only goal of the practice of self-forgiveness.

How can we learn from our mistakes and make different choices in the future, dedicating ourselves to not causing further suffering?

Committed action may also mean returning to the practice of self-forgiveness again and again.

The Path to Self-Forgiveness: Next Steps

Self-forgiveness can be a transformative path; woven through these four phases, we embrace the values of:

Bravery
Self-compassion
Acceptance
Integrity
Commitment.” -https://melissafoynes.com/self-forgiveness-exercises/. “I forgive myself and I took all these steps.” -Antonio Myers.

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