Ep 143- TFQ goes GoT! MLB ASG, NBA Rules. Initialisms!

Ep 143- TFQ goes GoT on Sn 7 Premiere Day! MLB ASG, NBA Rule Changes. Initialisms! Listen to the podcast here; also available on iTunes Recorded Sunday, July 16, 2017 Hosts: Count Yorga & Jerkules Now you can follow us on Instagram: tfquarter420 Like The Fifth Quarter on Facebook too. Make sure you check out […]

The post Ep 143- TFQ goes GoT! MLB ASG, NBA Rules. Initialisms! first appeared on The Fifth Quarter.

Ep 143- TFQ goes GoT on Sn 7 Premiere Day! MLB ASG, NBA Rule Changes. Initialisms!

Listen to the podcast here; also available on iTunes

Recorded Sunday, July 16, 2017

Hosts: Count Yorga & Jerkules

Now you can follow us on Instagram: tfquarter420

Like The Fifth Quarter on Facebook too.

Make sure you check out the All In Sports Talk Network, where you can find in depth soccer analysis with a focus on Toronto FC and Liverpool FC.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I’m trying a bit of a different approach to the posts for the TFQ Podcast, in hopes that you pricks will read it as well as listen to the episode. I bet you’re reading it now, aren’t you? Good. You’ll find that I’m giving you different content here to summarize the episode.

“Somebody gon’ die TONIGHT!”

This is one of the core sentiments throughout this magnificent, award-nominated* episode of everyone’s favourite podcast.^ No, we aren’t referring to a key line from Despicable Me 2, although one YouTube user might feel otherwise:

Image quality due to having to take a picture of my laptop’s screen…isn’t there a way to view comments on my iPhone? Help me – I’m old and I drink!

That’s right – we’re talking about the HBO hit series Game of Thrones because this episode is recorded earlier on the day of the Season 7 premiere! Hooowee! And for sure somebody’s going down tonight!

We should give you a SPOILER ALERT warning right off the bat, because for our last segment, Game of Jones, we pair off sports figures with their “corresponding” GoT character. It’s fun. Believe that.

*- Awards won by the TFQ Podcast: 0

^- Percentage of listenership for whom the TFQ Podcast is their favourite podcast: 0

 

There’s tennis, baseball, b-ball – all sorts of fun shit to dissect while we ingest some drugs and I toss back that there gin.

In the early going, I draw attention to a fun piece by Shea Serrano of The Ringer about Andre Roberson, and how shitty he is at free throws – especially given his wage earnings.

But before anything anywhere can continue further, we have to call attention to a photo Count Yorga found – one that blows our feeble minds, and you can find it in our final segment for this post – Here’s Thumbing at You.

David Michael Hasselhoff. He’s Michael Knight. He’s Mitch Buchannon. He’s a music god in Germany. He’s the leader of our annual NFL Shitwatch. In two words, he’s everything.* Fuck it – here’s the pic you’ll find at the end.

*- Should the “he’s” count as a word? I say yes. But only one word – even though he’s” is a contraction of two words.

You see what I mean about the everything?

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Hof’s birthday falls the day after recording this episode. Ergo, Episode 144: The Hof Tribute Episode!

The success Hasselhof enjoys in Germany reminds me of how John Tesh somehow carved out a similar niche in Japan… And, as Yorga recalls, spins a yarn about how he left his initial idea for the old NBA theme song as a voice message on his home answering machine – Tesh, not Yorga. Hard to believe that he balls-tone-voiced Tesh composed the old NBA theme song? Well, feat your eyes and ears on this baby. Tesh’s voice mail – played live during the performance – and his onstage energy are something to behold…like if you think Olive Garden is something to behold in terms of Italian cuisine. Shout-out to vests with mandarin collars!

I love how, at the end of the performance, Tesh is all physically taxed and appreciative of the audience, as though he were performing something on a level above a live concert for a video game score.

YOU WILL NEVER BE HASSELHOF, TESH! GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH THAT VEST – IT LOOKS RIBBED.

Bedshitter of the Week (12:10)

We try (and often fail) every episode to anoint at least one person or team an award that goes to the biggest choke job, or soul-searing collapse in recent sports. This week it’s a shared distinction for two individuals who would have done Spud proud. First, we have Venus Williams, who promptly soiled her bed full when bowing out of Wimbledon this year. More on that in #PROPS & #DROPS. I also deserve a nod here, because…

Jesus, this Jerk(ules) again??

Episode 143 is Dedicated To (12:45)

I fucked up and didn’t make a dedication. Sue me.* But last episode we paid homage to baseball great Derek Jeter, and here’s one of many sweet Jeter stats to whet your appetite. TRIVIA BOMB: Jeter is the only player in MLB history to amass 3,000 hits, 250 HR, 350 SB and 1,300 RBI in a career.

*- I suck.

To kick off the episode, we knock over a roach-filled ashtray! Ugh.

#PROPS & #DROPS (19:08)

If you’ve already worked clicking on the fuckin websiiiiiiiiite into your routine, YOU’RE NOT DONE YET. Follow us on Twitter, where we will occasionally give a thumbs-up or –down ruling on something in the world of sports. We’ll hashtag that shit PROPS or DROPS, and then we’ll turn right around and set you all up with more of them in every episode. To wit:

I give #PROPS to…FOOTBALL!!! Yeeeaaaah!

Okay, maybe it’s a bit of withdrawal, but I pump out several sweet NFL-related TRIVIA BOMBs, several of which had me…Mullin things over, baby!

As Abe Simpson would say about Johnny Unitas, there’s a haircut you can set your watch to!

Count Yorga gives #PROPS to Roger Federer and Garbiñe Muguruza, winners of the men’s and women’s singles at Wimbledon this year. He also uses this occasion to elaborate on the bedshitting Venus Williams squirted down, losing the final in straight sets, while failing to win a single game in the second set.

Federer’s result played out on the opposite end of the spectrum, while the man continued to defy the diminishing expectations that come with aging. TRIVIA BOMB: Federer is the first men’s player to win Wimbledon without losing a single set since Bjorn Borg in 1976. Wow. That’s one hell of a way to add to your records of 9 Wimbledon titles and 19 major tournament victories.

I give – brace yourself – #PROPS to the L.A. Clippers. I know! Who knew? Maybe part of this #PROPS is because the NBA team I dislike the most has fragmented, with the Dick Puncher, Chris Paul, being traded to the Rockets, and J.J. Redick signing with the Sixers,* not to mention the one guy I do like, Jamal Crawford, heading for Minnesota. But one sure part of this #PROPS nod is for the Clip show making those moves while remaining a team of note in the Western Conference since their other decisions avoided a rebuilding, blow-up-the-roster phase. Sure, head coach Doc Rivers may have epically overpaid his son, PG Austin Rivers, but the logo – new front office exec Jerry West – has made a few good moves that keep his new team relevant.

*- Fuck Duke.

For starters, he retained the services of Blake Griffin, whose contract was up. Then, West replaced three-time Sixth Man of the Year Crawford with the man who won the award in 2015: Lou Williams. Sweet Lou must be glad to be back in Los Angeles after the Lakers traded him during last season. Some of you might remember Episode 54 of our podcast, when, as past of an exclusive report about the partying habits of the Toronto Raptors, I explained that Williams is a bit of a fan of casinos – game time next day be damned. Now he’s once again eligible to make the Swingers-esque drive from La La Land to Vegas.

They’re gonna give daddy the Rain Man suite! Raaaagh! Vegas!

West’s most significant acquisition thus far, which, in my opinion – that counts for about as much as Swingers does towards a grounded, non-douchy portrayal of the young adult male (I went there) – rivals re-signing Griffin, is snagging Danilo Gallinari. Gallo has the potential to be the perfect Swiss army knife to pair with Blake, especially if L.A. unleashes the Russ in their power forward like it did a few playoffs ago.

Gallinari has both the length and all-around perimeter toolbox to D-up opponents’ top shooters, spot-up shoot, and attack the closeouts Griffin creates when he gets the ball on the wing. The biggest “if” for this new tandem: Neither of them have been able to stay healthy.

Still, consider the trio of DeAndre Jordan, Griffin and Gallo to pressure opposing frontcourts, and West has done an Ainge-like job of kinda blowing up his team while skipping the rebuilding process…for now.

Yorga gives a sarcastic #PROPS to Vegas casinos. Thanks to a 6-month deadline to claim winnings on sports wagers, it turns out that hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of winnings have gone unclaimed from the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series last year. As Yorga notes, many diehard Cubs fans who habitually place an “aw shucks” bet on their team – combined with those who wagered on Chicago since they were one of the favourites to win it all in 2016 – are more likely to keep the betting stub as a memento than they are to pay for the trek to Sin City to cash in a, say, $40 ticket.

My question: If the Cubbies winning the title only nets you under $100 on a bet that can only be redeemed in Nevada, why even bother betting at all?

I give #DROPS to the MLB and their rules for protesting a call and or/game. During a 16-inning Red Sox-Yankees game last week, Matt Holliday. Then, he inexplicably turned around and slid back into first base on a Jacoby Ellsbury grounder to first. Boston argued that Holliday interfered with the eventual throw from second to first, which would make both he and Ellsbury out on the play. (The throw went out of bounds past first base.)

After a ridiculously long session with MLB headquarters in New York, Ellsbury was ruled safe at first. The Sox officially protested the play.

My beef: the game now goes in the books as played under protest by Boston. Seeing this in the box score years from now, one would likely assume that there was controversy in one of the deciding plays. Yet the next two Yankee hitters were retired in this case, stranding Ellsbury at first and rendering moot him being safe. Perhaps teams should be able to lift their protest in such a case – I mean, why document playing under protest over a play that ultimately doesn’t figure into the outcome of the game?

 

Weekly Woodshed (1:16:32)

One thing you can always trust sports for is its lack of empathy for the weak. Almost any day of the year, some athlete or team is dominating and embarrassing the living shit out of an opponent. We try to shine a spotlight on these heinous landslide victories because, well, some of us think the underdog deserves to die.

19 hits. 14 runs. 7 batters with multiple hits. Meanwhile, your ace throws 8 innings of 4-hit ball. That’s the extent to which the New York Mets abused the Colorado Rockies last Saturday, to the tune of 14-2. Apart from Mets starter Jacob DeGrom’s fastball, the only things rising were the ball off of New York hitters’ bats, and the score.

After a huge start, the Rockies are in a tailspin of Maverick-like proportions, this loss being their 14th out of their last 19 games. The Mets live to fight another day…though given the state of their roster’s health, the fight isn’t going to go well.

 

Listen to the podcast here; also available on iTunes

 

MLB All-Star It Happened But It Doesn’t Matter (1:19:45)

Can you believe that the Home Run Derby garnered more viewers than both the Pro-Bowl and NBA All-Star Game? Last episode we big-upped Yankee Aaron Judge – pun intended – and his titan physique muscled 4 dongs that traveled over 500 feet.

You know when you can muscle dongs over 500 feet, you…well, I don’t know. Really!

Still, peep the metric perspective on the homer that Judge hit off the retractable roof in Miami. That mixed parentage bomber ain’t playing around, as evidenced in this artist’s rendition of Judge hitting one of his mammoth shots.

How epic is that???

As for the game itself, it was decided in extra innings with a Robinson Cano home run that gave the American League its fifth straight All-Star game victory. Having returned to its exhibition status as opposed to the winning league gaining home field advantage in the World Series, managers took a less cutthroat style. Instead of guys being ridden for their maximum three innings of use, the roster was emptied such that most hurlers saw just one inning of action. This allowed them to zone in on merely a handful of hitters while opening up their velocity. The result: a low scoring game, which both makes sense and serves as a cautionary tale for the league as it tries to preserve the value of the Midsummer Classic.

NBA Rule Changes But They Do Matter (1:31:30)

Maybe I’m just patient, but I never feel negatively about games taking “too” long. Sure, the midseason yawners during which games end with a parade to the free throw line aren’t to die for, but they’re par for the course in most cases.

Seemingly forever in pursuit of the sort of financial windfall that the NFL enjoys, NBA owners are trying to woo the members of their fan base that are casual fans at best; those are the fans who complain about the pace of play in the final minutes. So that has been addressed, along with a number of other changes that at first glance seem small, but they aren’t. I’m tired of typing now, so just listen to the fucking pod. xox

Game of Jones (1:45:40)

And here we are! We’re not entirely sure what the point of this GoT ßà pro sports segment is – but if you’re a faithful listener you know that we’ve never let anything get in the way of a goofy story. But wait – oh, look, here we go! And eff off, ya corner cutters – you’ll have to listen in to get all the comparisons. A taste: LOOKALIKE BOMB!

Shit We Wrote Down – The Notebook, the Sequel

Take this, Noah and Allie, ya freakin’ saps! One excerpt from our TFQ Notebook: “We’ve had it with Ryan Gosling. Dude shortens his release under pressure… If scouts kept saying, ‘He can make all the throws,’ then how come he’s never made any in the pros yet? Wait – Sorry, that’s Rams QB Jared Goff. Can you blame us for confusing the two? LOOKALIKE BOMB!

 

“I wish Todd Gurley was more girly, like Rachel…”

I digress. So we have a notebook, and whenever we come up with new (just as dumb) thoughts while recording the podcast, we write them down in our trusty notebook. Whenever I’m lucky enough to read my own writing (which is less often than you might think) and myself or Yorga actually remember what the scribbles mean, we’ll put them here, at the end of the episode. Congrats! – You made it to the end? Guess what you win: Another chance to click on the fucking…you get it.

We touch on that majestic fortnight….Venus Willaims and her sister I LOVE YOU SERENA have won the women’s singles title at Wimbledon a combined 12 times.

That doesn’t stop the lankier sister from earning our Bedshitter of the Week award – calling to mind the title of my science fiction masterpiece: Shitting on Venus.

When I mention the Swingers road trip, Yorga tells one from Cleveland to Cincinnati. This reminds me of the infamous Sam Wyche anti-Cleveland PA announcement.

Count Yorga’s Weekly Woodshed about the Mets win had some mispronounciations on my part (hey, you know I drink, you know we’re high), and they lead to a great baseball name: Taton Dong.

During the MLB All-Star segment, we realized we hadn’t given out a #DROPS to an event we weren’t happy with: Connor McGregor, you might be hard as your own dick when you look in the mirror, but that won’t make you put up a good fight. Major #PROPS for that suit jacket you wore to the presser, though!

Let’s close with what will be the first sentence of my breakthrough novel, “Judge was hitting dongs to all fields.”

 

Here’s Thumbing At You

 

Listen to the podcast here; also available on iTunes

See you next episode — for this man’s bday!!!

The post Ep 143- TFQ goes GoT! MLB ASG, NBA Rules. Initialisms! first appeared on The Fifth Quarter.