Ep 120: The #1 Reason Teens Turn to Tech...

Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable and Hooked and former lecturer at Stanford University, offers new insight into why teens get so “addicted” to technology. Nir suggests the problem might not be as insurmountable as we thought and has a method for how to become indistractable.

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Full show notes

It’s so frustrating when kids seem infinitely more invested in their Fortnite match than the stack of homework sitting on their desk, or intent on binging Emily in Paris when they should be practicing their violin! In our modern world, where technology surrounds us, it seems that we’re all prone to getting caught up in all the distractions offered by our devices. We know our kids are smart and capable–if only they grew up in a world with no social media or streaming sites...right?

Although it’s tempting, blaming our kids’ tendency towards distractions on technology isn’t going to get us anywhere. Even when we take their phones away and limit their access to facebook and Instagram, it seems that they still get distracted, still procrastinate, still don’t put in their full effort! There’s got to be a better way.

Today we’re talking to the brilliant Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life and Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products. Along with teaching business at Stanford University and prospering as an entrepreneur, Nir has written widely on how people become hooked by technology, highlighting what exactly it is keeps us coming back for more. In our interview, he talks specifically about how parents can help kids dodge the technological distractions they so often fall prey to.

In Nir’s eyes, the ability of young folks to free themselves from distraction is the key to a successful future. So how can we help kids get there? The answer is a lot more complicated than just simply limiting their technology use. It involves digging deeper into what’s triggering the technology use in the first place...

Understanding Internal Triggers

When we think of the word “distraction”, we tend to think of noises or sights around us that make it hard to concentrate. While these are certainly part of our inability to focus, Nir shines light on what he believes are the most potent forces of distraction: our anxiety, boredom, dread, and confusion. Nir defines these as “internal triggers”, differentiating them from”external triggers" like the beeping of a car alarm or TV playing the news in the background.

These internal triggers are too often left out of the conversation when discussing distraction! As parents, it can be tempting to blame our kids’ concentration issues on circumstance or believe that we’re simply helpless when it comes to rebuking the distractions of tech. In reality, the solution to the problem lies in dealing with whatever it is kids are struggling with internally.

This use of procrastination to deal with bigger internal problems is similar to drowning out emotional issues with drugs or alcohol, Nir says. It’s not alcohol that drives alcoholism, it’s the emotional conflict or inner turmoil of the alcoholic that causes their unhealthy behavior. The same goes for technology, he explains. We overuse and find distraction when we’re trying to avoid dealing with feelings we’d rather push away.

So if your kid is a procrastinator, don’t worry–it’s not a character flaw, Nir emphasizes. Teens just need to learn to process whatever negative emotion they might be feeling. If they can get to the bottom of what’s keeping them productivity, they can begin to tackle the task at hand. In the episode, Nir talks more about how you can help teens deal with these deeper issues, instead of just placing restrictions on their tech use and hoping things will get better.

Why Teens Go Online When They’re Unhappy Offline

You might be wondering, what unpleasant feelings might be acting as internal triggers for my kid? Nir breaks down three main things kids need to be happy, and explains how they often look to the online landscape when they can’t get these things in real life.

The first thing kids need is to feel competent. Unfortunately, this feeling is hard for kids to achieve in our modern day school system, Nir says. Nowadays, kids are always being subjected to test after test, a process which tends to make them feel pretty incompetent. But when they’re on Minecraft building fantastical structures, winning a game of Super Smash Brothers or watching their Instagram post rake in the likes, they suddenly feel that competence they desire! If we want kids to stop seeking approval online, we need to make sure they’re getting it in real life, Nir says.

Teenagers also need autonomy, Nir explains, another thing they’re often not given nowadays. Teens are always being told where to go, how to dress, what to think, who they can and can’t talk to...the list goes on. When they go online, however, they’re able to do whatever they wish, basically unsupervised. They’re free to create, vent and explore! If teens felt as though they were able to have such freedom offline, they likely wouldn’t be so distracted by the online world.

Finally, Nir explains how teens need relatedness–they need to understand others and feel understood. Unfortunately, even before the pandemic, kids in today’s world were more isolated than ever before. Nir notes that kids were once free to run around and play together, but now their schedules are full with math classes and flute lessons instead. Kids need to be around each other, however, leading them to seek the companionship they need online.

In the episode, Nir and I discuss how you can mitigate these problems to create a child who has a healthy relationship with the internet. Once you teach kids to handle their emotions and get a grip on their internal triggers, they’ll be one step closer to defeating distraction. We’re not done. however. Nir’s got a few extra tips on what to do once you’ve got those internal triggers in the bag.

Other Tips To Tackle Distractions

A big part of avoiding distraction is time management. Nir emphasizes the idea of making time for “traction”...the opposite of “distraction!” This means structuring your time around achieving your goals and becoming the person you hope to be. A lot of time, we fall victim to distraction because we don’t harness and direct our energy in productive ways.

If we schedule our time, we can set aside moments for focus, as well as moments for fun. Nir emphasizes the importance of dedicating a separate block of time to play games or watch Netflix. If there’s forethought involved, kids can keep themselves from playing for hours. In addition, by being aware of when and how much they’ll play, teens keep themselves from getting distracted by thoughts of playing, Nir explains.

Nir talks about how another really important factor in focus is sleep! Technology often plays a part in keeping kids from getting all the rest they need at night. This can cause some serious physiological and mental health issues! Nir says it’s probably not a good idea for teens to have cellphones with them as they’re falling asleep, or to have TVs in their room–these things will keep them from peacefully slipping into their dreams.

In the episode, Nir talks furth...