Commando - The pinnacle of stupid action movies

Our good movie friend Tucker stops by to discuss one of the greatest/stupidest action movies of all time. Be prepared for ridiculous (hilarious) Arnold impressions.

Commando is so iconic and such a staple in "men with guns" movies that it's hard to avoid and impossible to dislike. It's level of over-the-top is unequaled that for the next 15 years in film, every action attempts to be Commando but none have come close. It's the model, but at the same time it's SOOOOO stupid.

So the plot...John Matrix must confront a fat man in a yarn shirt who isn't the main villain to rescue his daughter who probably is just really bored. Along the way there is an incredible amount of ridiculousness but SOOO much awesomeness as well as Arnold tears through a ludicrous amount of bad guys. It's very easy to understand Matrix's motivations but every other character really doesn't have any. Why is Cindy so involved? What could Bennett possibly have to gain? How does Dan Hedaya's guy possible expect to take over a country while he's just hanging out at home off the coast of California? None of it makes any sense.

The violence...wow. It's at a 10 and none of it is anything but laughable. The end 15 minutes is the fastest death count until 2008's Rambo but does not bear the same brutality or gravity as Rambo. Its pretty much rolling on the floor laughing with tears streaming down your face levels of gravity. So none.

Then there's Bennett. Vernon Welles (no offense) is one of the worst casts ever. He's pudgy, he's not very action-packed, he's got this crappy accent that isn't quite clear or necessary and then there's the character. Bennett is madly in love with John Matrix and very horny for him. His lust is supposed to be being mad with revenge but its clear that Bennett wants to have some alone time with Matrix involving a bear skin rug and a fire. Hilarious.

Commando was written by a 12 year old, directed by one of the best stinker directors in history (Mark L. Lester), Schwaz is at his most Schwazy, so many one-liners and so many dead guys killed in horrific ways that it is an absolute must see/revisit/once once a year film forever.