EP28 - Getting Out Of Your Comfort Zone

How to get out of your comfort zone by Steven Webb, episode 28 of the podcast stillness in the Storm's.

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EP28 – Getting Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Host and Presenter: Steven Webb

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Intro: How do we get out of our comfort zone? That was one of the most difficult things we'd ever do. And the only way you hear all these wonderful quotes everywhere on the internet about freedom is on the other side of your comfort zone in this wonderful Utopian world if you could only get out of your comfort zone. What is your comfort zone and how do we get out of it? I'm Steven Webb and this is Stillness in the Storms Podcast, and I help you to get through difficult times and give you a little inner peace.

Before I start on that, I'd like to say thank you to my patrons: Farrell, Clint, Sheryl, Yvonne, and Maureen. Thank you, guys. Thank you for supporting what I do. And if any of you want to become a patron, head over to stevenwebb.com and there's a  link at the top to 'Patron'. Otherwise, thank you for listening to this podcast. Thank you for tuning in. How was your week then? My week has been pretty good. It's so interesting now. The world's opening up and there's so much change and there's so much frustration and there's so much anger and fear and yeah, there's a lot going on this week. There's a lot of energy, there's a lot of uncertainty and in all this uncertainty, there is this automatic out of our comfort zone. This is what we don't like, we don't like being out of our comfort zone.

So I thought I'd do a podcast about comfort zone and about how we step out of it. And sometimes forcing out of our comfort zone really does help, but I just want to warn you that I'm not going to be editing my podcast in the same diligent way as I normally do. So there's going to be more 'ums' and 'ams'. There's going to be more gaps and pauses because I don't have time or the manpower or the means to be able to get it edited. I've been paralyzed from just below the neck and my fingers now been paralyzed. It takes me five times longer to do anything an able-bodied person could do. So in order for me to get the podcast out every week, I'm going to do less editing. You are warned.

Comfort Zone

 I was talking on my live today about my daughter. My daughter, Camber, she's now 23. And she used to play this computer game called Spy Row. And she used to play this same level for months and months and months. And it wasn't even getting through the level, it was like a pre-level running around. So you would run around on these little fields and jump in this water and over this little bridge and you would choose places to go into, to do the levels. Within each one of these levels, there were things you had to do. People you had to jump on and kill and buses you had to take out. But she wouldn't go in them and I was like getting very frustrated. 

I was like, "No, Cam, you've got to go into these levels. You're never going to get forever. You'll end up getting power-ups and you can jump higher and you can do all these things."

 She is like, "No, I'm good."

 And I'm like, "Yeah. But we've watched you play this running around, jumping into the water and jumping out the same area for like weeks now. Please, can we see a different area?"

 "No, I'm good."

"Aren't you bored we're playing the same thing?"

"No, I'm good."

 And I really couldn't understand that. I really got quite frustrated and sometimes I got quite like, "Well, Camby, you're never going to get anywhere unless you actually just go through the door. Go on, just go do it now in front of me, I'll help you."

 And I used to be quite frustrated, which is the right word. I don't want to make it any stronger because it bothered me, but not too much. It was just, I couldn't sit there and watch her for very long. And I now realize why. It was okay understanding what she wasn't doing right or what she should be doing. I never understood why. And of course, she didn't want to aspire to get hurt. She didn't want to get hurt. She didn't want to go through the fear that feeling of somebody jumping out. Now, when she was ready, she took the step. When she was ready and confident and okay to venture out, she took the step. It wasn't my business to know when she was ready. 

And I want to tell you another story. Shortly after I broke my neck, I was on the spinal unit. I had just got out of bed a few weeks previously. So I'd learned to push my chair really quite badly. It was a manual wheelchair. It was an NHS one so it was a good quality because they were our permanent chairs, but it was also, they weren't lightweight. They were very much a government-issued chair and they were heavy. And because I've got no triceps in my hands that worked properly, I could not push the chair in any meaningful way. I could get the momentum to go forward, but then turning any corner or turning on the spot was incredibly difficult. To push one wheel one way or the other wheel the other way was like really hard and it must have been painful for anybody to watch us do it really slowly.

 Well, a group of carers or nurses came to the spinal unit for the day and me, Alan, and Jason was asked to go in and do it a small speech, a small chat. I've never done anything like this apart from when I was at school and I wasn't really in any kind of drama class. So standing out in front of anybody, it was just something I did not do apart from telling the odd joke when I was a child in the, I suppose, greenhouse when we had a barbecue with friends. But essentially this was something new and I was terrified. I can remember the hour came, counting down.

"What do you want me to talk about?" I said to like the sister on the ward.

"Oh just talk about what it's like to be first injured, what it's like to be, from your perspective, of breaking your neck and things like that."

I was like, "Yeah, but I don't know. I don't know."

But in the end, I said, "I'll do it. I'll brave it. I'll do it."

 And I would never have done it unless I had two people with me. 

So it came to the time and we pushed our wheelchairs up there. The door opened and I was the third in the row. And pushing us out, it must have been an absolute comedy if it wasn't so painful for us all; completely straight face, completely serious. Jason goes in first. Now Jason, his arms were longer than his body, I swear, and they used to wave in every direction. If there was ever an orangutan in a wheelchair that was him. And then there was Alan. Alan was very serious, very subdued. And then there was me. I don't know what I was, I have no idea. I could see what they were, but I couldn't see what I was. 

And Jason pushed himself in first, joking, and then Alan pushed himself in, and then it was me banging myself into the back of his chair because I wanted to get in as quickly as possible, and I didn't want to be stuck out too far either. So the balance was basically crashing into the back of his chair because once I pushed forward, I couldn't stop. And I went in there and I'm asked to turn around on the really low shag pile carpet. And I'm asked to turn up and face, it was about 30 people. And I spoke about the dangers of diving and I was terrified. I thought it went absolutely terrible. I was sweating. I was nervous. Every word I said, I swear I stuttered because I used to have a terrible stutter. 

And then I left. And I was down on the ward, about 10 minutes later, I don't know, a couple of hours later, I have no idea, really, one of the nurses came down and said, "Oh, they would like a word with you."

I was like, "Who?"

"Oh, one of the people in the audience would like a word with you."

 I was like, "Oh, okay. You have to push me because it's like, where I'm at, it'll take me like 20 minutes to get there."

 So the nurse pushed me and we got up there and the lady looks up and says, "We would like to help you."

 I was like, "Why?"

She says, "Well, you wanted to do some kind of campaign to stop people from breaking their necks and do some kind of warning. We'd done a whip around with some money. And we thought what you said was really powerful. We thought you were amazing."

 I was like, "I thought I was a bloody mess. I thought it was terrible.”

It was so raw but I guess it was real. And the point of it is that there was about, I don't know, $18, which would be about 12 pounds in there and enabled me, I kinda went down with it because it was some months before when I come home but that was like 27 years ago. 

Getting out of your comfort zone in stages

The point of getting out of your comfort zone is you don't have to do it all at once. You don't have to go and jump metaphorically. Your comfort zone, it's fine for certain situations, but you don't have to be ready. You don't have to be so perfect and ready to leave your comfort zone. You know, just like Camber, my daughter, with that game and just like me, if I'd waited years and years and years until I was the perfect speaker, I would have done no better. If Camber had waited and waited and waited, she would have done no better on the other speeds because she would not have known what she was up against. 

The thing is we have to grow our muscles by doing, we have to leave our comfort zone. We have to put on a different movie if we're a child. We have to stop redoing the same day again and again and again. And it's really difficult. It's not easy to do something different. And this is why in this time of lockdown, in this time of unrest, we fear discomfort. The greatest love you can give a child is comfort, security, love, and safety. We almost ask our children to stay safe, not to get out of their comfort zone. Don't do anything that's gonna hurt you and then when a child goes out and they do something that hurts them, we're like, "Why did you do that? Why did you climb on that?"

 So, we almost want everybody and we get taught not to go out of our comfort zone.

 I'm not saying run and jump. I'm not saying dive over a wall in the swimming pool as I did. I'm saying go down the road on the pushbike that you're not used to doing. I'm saying, read the book, watch the movie, learn something different. If someone's offering you an opportunity, take it and learn along the way. If you want to start up a business, you don't need to know about taxes and all the 'how to register a business', designer logo. If you want to do public speaking, you don't have to be a perfect public speaker. If you want to do Facebook Lives, if you want to start up a podcast, you don't have to have all the perfect equipment. You don't have to have the gift of the gab. You just have to start. If you want to do a podcast, just to record five minutes talking about your favorite subject. You don't have to decide your whole podcast or 120 episodes. 

Failure is progress

The problem is we look so far down the road and we think we cannot get there so we don't bother. Getting out of your comfort zone is not about having the perfect sharpened sword. It's about knowing that you're going to learn along the way. It's about knowing that failure is okay. Failure is learning. I can list all the times where I've put out something that's just terrible. Look back at my first Lives, look back at things I was doing three or four years ago. I was where I was and jumping out of that comfort zone has given me more confidence in recording this podcast. Every podcast, I'm slightly out of my comfort zone. Every Live, I'm slightly out of my comfort zone. 

If I get too comfortable, then I'm not learning, I'm not growing. I know comfort feels good and I know fear feels terrible, but we should have fear, recognize the fear and go, "It's okay. I'm not going to go all the way. I'm just going to take a step, dip my toe in." So to speak. That's wisdom, dip your toe in, check the depth of the water. I'm joking about that and I'm laughing at the time only because I broke my neck in the swimming pool when I dived in. It was the deep end and it was lit up and it was full of water.

There were so many rumors about my accident over the years, they are just funny: 

"He must've been drunk."

"The pool was empty."

" It was the shallow end."

 None of those things are true. What's true is I was a dumb ass and I was showing off; that's the truth, but that's okay. When we were younger, we haven't got a defined comfort zone so much as we have when we're older. So hopefully, my stories have helped you recognize your comfort zone, recognize the comfort zone in others. 

And just think today, how much do you miss out on staying in your comfort zone? Where in your life are you just staying in your comfort zone because it feels good to you? What things have you said no to that you don't believe you had the ability or capacity to learn, to be able to grow into that role? And there are many things I've said no to and knocked back. There are these people I would like to have on this podcast. There are people I would like to interview, but I don't message them just in case they say, yes. What happens if I message like Richard Rohr and say, "Come on my podcast"? He's a brilliant Franciscan priest, that would just be an amazing conversation. What would happen if I messaged him and said, "Will you come on my podcast?"?

 What would happen if he said, "Yes"? 

That would mean I'll be out of my comfort zone and I'd have to grow. And now here's the problem; I'd now have to email him and ask him, don't I? if any of you know Richard Rohr, tell him I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone and I would love for him to come on my podcast. He's a genuine, such an open-hearted, warm, loving character. He taught me so much about the true self/false self, the falling upwards, the first and second half of life.

Outro: But yes, comfort zone, it's hilarious. So get out of your comfort zone, head over to stevenwebb.com, and click to have a chat with me. I don't charge, it's donation-based only. And see if I can help you if maybe you have anxiety or depression as a visitor at the moment, and you're struggling with finding inner peace in this uncertain difficult time. And I get it. There isn't any shame in feeling all those things at the moment, there's no shame in feeling them anytime.

So head over to https://stevenwebb.com/ click on over, become a patron, if you would like to support and get the more inside stuff of what I do. This stuff is not available elsewhere. Take care, have a wonderful day. And the website is stevenwebb.com. Bye.