Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast
461 episodes - English - Latest episode: 5 days ago - ★★★★★ - 331 ratingsSquare Roots is like a book club, but for classic RPGs! Each episode John, Matthew, Jim and Vanessa play through a chunkerino of one of your favorite RPGs, from Final Fantasy through Chrono Trigger. Are they experts? No. Are they qualified? Absolutely not. Are they good at RPGs? Probably not. But they're the fun kind of dumb, and that's what counts.
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Episodes
Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 5 - New Character Just Dropped
April 22, 2024 12:45 - 2 hours - 113 MBSquare Roots - Episode 410 If she only could, Yuffie'd make a deal with Cloud, and they would swap their places. She'd be running up that road, running up that hill, with no problems. Come on, Tifa. Come on, Aerith. Let her steal this materia from you now. But Cloud is too busy with a little headache from the green static of repressed memories to listen, and but at least they can exchange the experience (points). Also: - Sweebos! - I don't Think It's Happiness Good Times - They WRote Th...
Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 4 - Put Barret In A Speedo, You Cowards
April 15, 2024 13:33 - 2 hours - 153 MBHow do you feel about minigames? What about a whole chunker of minigames? Not interested? What if I told you it was a BEACH EPISODE! But a beach episode that only lets you pick out swimwear for three out of four of the humans in your party at the time. Yes, the plot is put on hold for a moment as we park Segways, go on a photo hunt, and play some Doggy Rocket League. Please don't listen past the credits with kids around. You'll understand why. Also: - The Sydney Sweeney of Video Game...
Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 3 - Matt's Funds Drive
April 08, 2024 11:00 - 2 hours - 136 MBSquare Roots - Episode 408 Shine, shine! It's bald time. Finally us bald folks can see ourselves represented on screen in this rhythm game packed chunker of Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth! Plus you can finally donate to a non-Patreon related Matt bank account for some reason and solve a challenging boat puzzle. Also: - Paid in Beefaroni - Bring me pictures of Truman Capote! - Matt the Grumpy Libertarian - Is Japan the Idaho of the world? - Dasmalchian Syndrome This Week: We finish Chapt...
Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 2 - A Massive Tifa Moment
April 01, 2024 10:20 - 2 hours - 144 MBSquare Roots - Episode 407 Johnny's out so it's another All-American episode, full of America's favourite passtimes: ball punching! Very long X-Men tangents! Chadley! Boob punching? Also: - Midwest Emo - Wrench Cheeseburger - Who's Galactica's Mom? - More Like Pottycast - "I love living in Rocket Town!" Vs "Fuck Shinra!" - Chadley in a Wig This Week: We finish Chapter 3! Next Week: We finish Chapter 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris...
Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 1 - Matt Wants This Episode To Be Called Sluttiroth
March 25, 2024 11:50 - 1 hour - 106 MBSquare Roots - Episode 406 Square Roots plays a totally new game! Okay, not TOTALLY new. Some of it is a quarter century old. But it's somewhat new! And it just came out! This is different! This is strange! Change is bad! But we're rolling with it. So we are playing Square Enix's Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, and get through the Nibelheim Incident in Chapter 1 and Matt tries to make Sluttiroth happen. Also: - Bones Knitting - Avengers Persona Game For Grownups 😉 - A Perfect Pooping Game -...
Bayonetta Part 3 - A Pair of Dorks
March 18, 2024 12:21 - 1 hour - 105 MBBayonetta Part 3 - A Pair of Dorks Square Roots - Episode 405 Johnny doxes everyone in this eventful episode of our Bayonetta playthrough! We finish the game. Questions are answered, except maybe the question "is Bayonetta her own mother?" as Matt refuses to listen to any answer other than "yes". Also finally Johnny is cancelled. Also: - More Like Baldur's Gay - Is Less Than Jake Better Than Ezra? - Jim's Withering Looks to Camera - The Opposite of Gay Panic Is Lesbian Love - Mountai...
Bayonetta Part 2 - We're Too Punk Rock For Ads
March 11, 2024 08:29 - 1 hour - 90 MBSquare Roots - Episode 404 The Bayonetta loving will continue until podcast output improves. In this glamorous episode of Bayonetta, we feel like f***ing celebrities as we're recognized by weird angel statue robots with Mystery Science Theatre tube arms. And Matt paraphrases an email! Also: - Solid Mike and Naked Mike - An Unpaid Ad for Canva - Nothing Wrong With Using A Parasol To Hit Enemies - Every Game Has To Go To Space - Life Is Like A Passing Breeze This Week: We finish Chap...
Bayonetta Part 1 - Lethal Weapon Joe Pesci
March 04, 2024 11:06 - 2 hours - 125 MBBayonetta Part 1 - Lethal Weapon Joe Pesci Square Roots - Episode 403 Hooray! Everyone is loving Bayonetta! Sure, Vanessa is off due to injury and Matthew may be loving it only under duress, but that's good enough. Because loving Bayonetta is MANDATORY. And this week we start out the Platinum Games classic and learn all about the lore of the Lumen Sages, Umbra Witches, and just how close a video game camera can get inside a human body. Also: - Matt Is Rinoa's Mom - Superman is a Big Ma...
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 7 - Hot Butt Office
February 26, 2024 09:35 - 2 hours - 142 MBSquare Roots - Episode 402 Finally, truly, we are in the age of Dragons. And we've really finished Dragon Age: Inquisition. Sure, we rolled credits last episode, but this one has Super Credits, with extra special Cassandra narration! Plus we may or may not lose a fan favourite character in this chunker, depending on your choices. Also: - No Spiders Man or Lasts of Us - Senshi Upskirt Shots - Weird Christopher Eccleston Hate - Passing Notes in Class - Invernerable Draygons This Week:...
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 6 - Canadian Psycho
February 19, 2024 08:06 - 2 hours - 145 MBSquare Roots - Episode 401 I don't know how else to say it, but this episode should be kept far from your little ones. Why? Gazzie talk. Just. Lots of gazzie talk. Gazzies everywhere. Wall-to-wall gazzies. I swear that we've got it out of our system and next week you won't ever hear the word Gazzie again. Also: - Sony Has to Make A Game About Miserable People Watching Their Friends Die - Everyone's Favourite Character, Krattos - I Just Made Her Sleep With Alistair Once - Your Favourite...
The Square Roots 400th Episode Spectacular!
February 12, 2024 11:34 - 59 minutes - 56.3 MBSquare Roots - Episode 400 We interrupt this season of Square Roots for a very special 400th episode in which we talk about the ups and downs of our nerdy lives since 2016, and constantly try not to get mired in talking about politics. THEN THE ROBOTS ARRIVE! Also: - The Rootin' Rootin' Cowboy! - BLEEP BLOOP GIVE ME THE SLOOP! - Johnny Has A Stupid Game! This Week: We Have A Bonus Time Fun Time Next Week: We Finish the Main Story Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast ...
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 5 - Get This Lady Away From My Grey-Ace Crossbowsexual
February 05, 2024 11:49 - 2 hours - 123 MBSquare Roots - Episode 399 Uh oh, it seems like something has turned Johnny into beserker mode, where he's all fists and elbows. And that is Bianca. Johnny goes red-pill in the face of destroyed head canon in this terrifying episode of Square Roots as we drink from the Well of Sorrows. Also: - Could You Sing That Like Dio? - Ghosts Have Birthdays - King Shark, Doo-doo-de-doo-doo - Jim's Secret Fruit Roll-Ups Stash - A Don Knotts Moment - Our Pitch for Frankenmommy This Week: What P...
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 4 - Taking Two Barbie Dolls And Smushing Their Faces Together
January 29, 2024 08:18 - 2 hours - 154 MBSquare Roots - Episode 398 There's mystery afoot as Johnny, Matthew and eventually Vanessa battle some possessed Wardens and fall into the Fade on this magical chunker of Dragon Age: Inquisition. Plus a battering ram shaped like a fist! Also: - Abblegation - Too Good Of A Singer - Countess Undercut - Who Is Celine Dion - 100% Nude Cullen Unlocked This Week: Here Lies the Abyss Next Week: What Pride Has Wrought (And Crestwood, Romances, Companions) Our Patreon: http://patreon.c...
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 3 - #YouGotGazooed
January 22, 2024 09:38 - 2 hours - 150 MBSquare Roots - Episode 397 Finally we close the breach, and everything is perfect. Except that that dang ol' Corypheus has to go and ruin it all with a demon dragon and one of two possible henchpeople. Meanwhile Jim decides to start the internet hashtag goof of the decade! Also: - Just arctic - Jodie Pasta and Jane Fondue - Talking in hushed whispers - Far dragon age future is mass effect - Oil of Orlais - I'm with Crypheus - Random references to people in Canada - The Slow Clap...
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 2 - You're Missing Out On Voice Number 2
January 15, 2024 12:09 - 1 hour - 93.5 MBSquare Roots - Episode 396 It's a PATRIOTS ONLY podcast. Our three hosts are RED, WHITE and BLUE. And these colours aren't busy at work. On this AMERICANS ONLY episode of Square Roots the fierce flag smoochers talk about what's up with the Templars mission Champions of the Just and recruit Vivienne, Iron Bull, Blackwall and Vanessa's nemesis Sera. Also: - Bronnie Jandon Is Always Ready For A Kiss - The Merits of Showing Hole - A Pooltergeist - Have You Tried Equipping A Better Weapon? ...
Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 1 - Fresh from the Phylactory
January 08, 2024 08:59 - 2 hours - 131 MBSquare Roots - Episode 395 You've got to hand it to the Herald: their hand certainly is glowy, and has superpowers too! In this gripping first chunker of BioWare's Dragon Age: Inquisition we close gates to the fade, meet a horse man, stare at chest hair, and leave the hinterlands as soon as Solas tells us to, because we wouldn't want to disappoint Vanessa's dream elf. Also: - Carol Vorderman's Math Skills - A Naturalist, Not a Naturist - How Many Games Make Your Mom Turn Into A Frankens...
Final Fantasy I Part 2 - Cozy Goodtimes
January 01, 2024 10:16 - 1 hour - 99.7 MBFinal Fantasy I Part 2 - Cozy Goodtimes Square Roots - Episode 394 Don't you just love having legs? You can waggle them, you can crisscrossapplesauce them, they have leg hands! And we use our JRPG legs through all the long walks and long dungeons of this limb-filled Square Roots episode ending our Final Fantasy I season. Just two episodes? You better believe it. Also: - Advent Children Chose The Most Boring Option - Ouroboros Burgertime - His Name Is Tyler - Magical Canoe of Destiny ...
Square Rooots Versus (An?) 8-Bit Christmas
December 25, 2023 09:28 - 1 hour - 58.4 MBHello friends! It's The Holiday Wintertime Goodtime Week so we are off carousing, carolling, controlling and blu cantrelling, and not podcasting. But that doesn't mean you can't have this fresh piece of Square Roots fruitcake from our archive! We watch the NPH 80s retro feature and give you our HOTTEST takes. Enjoy! This Week: We watch a movie! About video games! Next Week: We Finish Final Fantasy 1! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his ...
Final Fantasy I Part 1 - I Would Never Use THAC0 In Public
December 18, 2023 13:44 - 1 hour - 101 MBSquare Roots - Episode 393 Oh wow! This is the oldest RPG we've done for a season! But none of us were ready for the adorable sprites and price-gouging magic dealers of Final Fantasy I! Also: - The Brown Crystal - Paul Giamatti Kisses a Woman - Super Into Creed - The Manana Origins - Margot Robbie Could Go Into Anyone's House - The Opposite of Downtown Brown - A Walken Shower This Week: We defeat the Lich in Final Fantasy I! Next Week: We Finish Final Fantasy 1! Our Patreon: ...
Final Fantasy IV Part 5 - The Moon is For Boys
December 11, 2023 12:19 - 2 hours - 134 MBSquare Roots - Episode 392 Even after his Retron5 deleted all his saves, Johnny and the rest of Square Roots Podcast really do finish Final Fantasy IV! There's some kind of whale on the moon, and some crystals I guess, and then the game decides to beat the last boss for you which was a bit of a shock. Also: - Zeromus, Zero Fuss - Vanessa Leisure - I Have Another Recipeh - Am I The Asshole For Watching This? - Sing the Song In Your Heart - Do Prayers Rhyme? - Do airships go up? - Sq...
Final Fantasy IV Part 4 - Everyone Loves a Penultimate Episode
December 04, 2023 12:55 - 1 hour - 76.8 MBSquare Roots - Episode 391 Sadly Jim is missing on this party killing episode of Square Roots! So Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew finally get to visit a matriarchy, experience Rubicante's Sexy Leg Peek, and swap a few airships. Also: - Taskmaster VR - Scott Pilgrim Starring Mae West - Final Fantasy's Least Successful Party? - Bloodthirsty for Party Members - He Can Use Two Swords at the Same Time! This Week: We defeat the Demon Wall! Next Week: We finish Final Fantasy IV! Our Patreo...
Final Fantasy IV Part 3 - Let Baigans Be Baigans
November 27, 2023 10:51 - 2 hours - 123 MBSquare Roots - Episode 390 Much to Jim's delight things take a tragic turn in this dramatic chunker of Final Fantasy IV! There's self-sacrifice, double bump amnesia, betrayals, de-trayals, and even a fantastic journey to the center of the earth! Also: - Women Love Men Who Jump - Lussy - The Under a Dark Influence Defense - Long Flowing Jareth Hair - A Water Plane - The Watermelon Cagnazzo This Week: We meet the Dwarves in the underworld! Next Week: We defeat the Demon Wall! Our...
Would You Eat This Bird 2023
November 20, 2023 09:21 - 52 minutes - 50.3 MBHappy American Thanksgiving! Or, if you live elsewhere, the second to last week of November! In celebration of this holiday, and due to all of us travelling this week, please enjoy Johnny asks Matthew, Jim, Vanessa and Doctor Steven Stone: Would You Eat This Bird? Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twi...
Final Fantasy IV Part 2 - The Pasta Elemental
November 13, 2023 13:19 - 1 hour - 101 MBSquare Roots - Episode 389 On this second chunker of Final Fantasy IV, Cecil drops the dark sword for something a little lamer. And the Square Roots crew, minus Vanessa who is spiralling into the air due to a malady, delights in the change and in the introduction of Milon / Scarmiglione. Oh, and there's the adorable twins Palom and Porum! Also: - Congrats Gen-Z For "Mid" - Chuck E Cheese, Child Casino - I Got Zucked! - The Office of Relief - Karate Man This Week: Cecil does his cla...
Final Fantasy IV Part 1 - All Nut November
November 06, 2023 12:11 - 1 hour - 88.6 MBSquare Roots - Episode 388 Anything could happen on Halloween! Silent Hill could turn into a show. We could all start playing Final Fantasy, the fourth just so you know. Number Five has its butts! Number six destroys the world! But on Halloween, your BLOOD begins to CURL. Something spooky's going on! Also: - Is This The First Good Final Fantasy?! - That's Why They Call It Default! - Is That A Tampon Joke? - Tellah Says the Line! - Vanessa's on-location research! This Week: We retrie...
Fallout: New Vegas Part 9 - He Died Doing What He Loved
October 30, 2023 08:56 - 2 hours - 136 MBSquare Roots - Episode 387 We did it! We finished Fallout: New Vegas! Matthew fades in and out of consciousness throughout this epic journey, but in this chunker we play through the DLC "Lonesome Road" as well as finishing the main campaign! There's radio negging, stopping (or helping) an assassination, nuclear whoopsies, and maybe even a robot throwing someone off of a tower! Also: - Grandma Dry Eyes - Vault Suit Barbie - Wizards of the Coast's Basement - A Thoughtful Discussion of Pa...
Fallout: New Vegas Part 8 - Wing House Versus Wings Etcetera
October 23, 2023 10:17 - 2 hours - 141 MBSquare Roots - Episode 386 It's time for the silly, Portal Inspired companion piece of DLC, Old World Blues, on this chunker of Fallout: New Vegas. Sure, we meet some robots terrified of our disgusting erect hand penises and Johnny kills more dogs, but that's just how Fallout is. Also: - Turn Them Off From Behind - Juu'ls Van in Alaska - Accidental Sondheim - Switch or Phone! - Is Horny an Emotion? This Week: We Finish Old World Blues! Next Week: We finish Fallout: New Vegas! Ou...
Fallout: New Vegas Part 7 - Turtle! Turtle! Turtle!
October 16, 2023 11:53 - 2 hours - 146 MBSquare Roots - Episode 385 Finally wrapping up Dead Money we tackle the most important quest in Fallout: New Vegas: becoming Best Friends with Best Friend Tabitha! Or not, depending on how things play out for you. Also: RAUL! Also: - Anti-Circumcision Pokemon Stickers - A Human Head Shaped Lamp - Taskmaster Heckling - Playing Persona on Stage - Vanessa's Fly Updates - Dean: Alive or Undead - I'm Going to Kill Father Elijah - Matthew's Jojo Siwa Defense Squad - Jim Cheats Death T...
Fallout: New Vegas Part 6 - Fat Bear Weak
October 09, 2023 08:48 - 2 hours - 152 MBSquare Roots - Episode 384 We put off meeting Best Friend Tabitha for another week and instead learn all about the casino of the Sierra Madre, where a real Andrew Ryan takes us through the BioShockiest chunker of Fallout yet. Oh yeah, and Johnny gets a whole lot of people killed by the Brotherhood of Steel because he failed some speech checks. Also: - Why Wouldn't Dommy Mommy Want to Look Like a Dinosaur? - Jim Makes a Lateral Move - Doctor Edward Crane - Terminal Betrayal - Is BioSho...
Fallout: New Vegas Part 5 - Liza with a P
October 02, 2023 10:41 - 2 hours - 117 MBSquare Roots - Episode 383 Okay, we didn't hit our goal for this chunker again - we'll save dealing with the Brotherhood until next time. But this time on Square Roots we explore different methods of dealing with the Boomers and the Great Khans and continually tease how great Vault 34 is without actually getting there. Also: - Vanessa Describes the Best Scene from Retribution - Matthew's Origin Story - You're Legally Allowed to Kiss Them Whenever You Want - 2 Jacks at the Same Time - ...
Fallout: New Vegas Part 4 - Google, Where is Ouch Ditch?
September 25, 2023 13:06 - 2 hours - 135 MBSquare Roots - Episode 382 Hey, jazz cats. It's time to meet some ring-a-ding broads and bears for a swinging time on the strip! We explore the White Glove Society's very secret secret that you'll never guess, the Rat Pack era Chaimen at the Tops, and Vegas's naughtiest casino, the Gamorrean Guards. You'll note we didn't end up making friends with the Boomers, so there are no Boomer jokes this episode. Also: - Johnny'z Orbeez Tangent - More Sexy Options - The Homestuck Gem - Becoming t...
Fallout: New Vegas Part 3 - A Lady Never Fists and Tells
September 18, 2023 13:38 - 2 hours - 127 MBSquare Roots - Episode 381 Okay, let's get this out of the way first: in this chunker Johnny mixes up Doc Mitchell and Doc Bailey. One is voiced by Michael Hogan and is the doctor in Good Springs, who came from a vault, and the other is the doctor from Vault 22. Michael Hogan played Commander Bailey in Mass Effect, so it's a simple mistake anyone could make. Right? RIGHT?!? Also in this chunker we figure out the best way to get inside New Vegas. Also: - Matthew Hates The King - Everyone...
Fallout: New Vegas Part 2 - Five Ways To Be Brought Into A Sci-Fi Story
September 11, 2023 10:57 - 2 hours - 137 MBSquare Roots - Episode 380 On this chunker of Fallout: New Vegas, the Square Roots gang get a fourth member in the posse, and triple the number of Vanessas possible. We also meet Caesar's Legion and may or may not end up on bad terms with them, get spooked by a dinosaur, make friends with some ghouls and nightkin and turn on the power! Also: East Nippletown Not All Lesbians Are Snipers But All Snipers Are Lesbians A Real Treasjie A Metafloorical Gaythrough Just Fantastic Th...
Fallout: New Vegas Part 1 - Difficult Pete
September 04, 2023 10:25 - 2 hours - 128 MBSquare Roots - Episode 379 It’s been seven years in the making but now we finally, finally shake the dust out of our boots and get on the long road to New Vegas. That’s right, the Fallout game that uses the Bethesda engine but has Obsidian developing. Is it the best of both worlds? Also: Gambling Puns! The Johnny Guitar bit Air Bud 3: The Chess Muttster Jim watches Scary Movie 2 The Canadian Vault Cuck George Jetson This Week: We instate a new mayor sheriff in Fallout: New...
Lunar: Silver Star Part 7 - Talk For Your Vanessa For Help With TMWS
August 28, 2023 13:13 - 1 hour - 107 MBSquare Roots - Episode 378 Finally! We’ve worked through Lunar in admittedly probably one too many episodes. But hey, we finished it! And we get to see just what happens when your moon girlfriend actually is a goddess. Like. A real one. Not metaphorical. Also: - The Grandia Pile - I’m Gonna Digest All Your Clothes - Offishul - PlayStation Porthole - Jeopardy! Untucked - Sheryl Kyle This Week: We finish Lunar! Next Week: We instate a new mayor sheriff in Fallout: New Ve...
Lunar: Silver Star Part 6 - Downtown Brown
August 21, 2023 11:36 - 2 hours - 124 MBSquare Roots - Episode 377 UPDATE: Johnny’s computer got dead enough that it is being fixed by the Geek Squad! Yay! On this Jimless episode of Square Roots Johnny, Vanessa and Matthew get frequently derailed by asides to the point where they forget what they’re supposed to be doing, but what they’re doing is recording the penultimate episode of our book club style playthrough of Lunar! That’s right, there’s every kind of reveal. Was Matthew correct? Also: - Johnny and Vanessa Fail ...
Lunar: Silver Star Part 5 - Peenomorph
August 14, 2023 11:17 - 2 hours - 118 MBSquare Roots - Episode 376 It's a Jim Edit, so you know what that means: NOTHING GETS CUT OUT. This is Square Roots the way THE MAN won't let us do it: RAW and UNCUT. No one's diffusing these TRUTH BOMBS as we play through a seemingly uncontroversial chunk of Game Arts's pleasant RPG Lunar: The Silver Star. In this chunk we're heading through a couple of lost woods, talking to a dragon who may already be dead, engaging in tricky relationship dilemmas, and experiencing the taste of betrayal ...
Lunar: Silver Star Part 4 - I Would Simply Say No Thank You
August 07, 2023 09:12 - 1 hour - 98.4 MBSquare Roots - Episode 375 Oh boy! We get to meet so many dragons, and yet... not in time? Yeah, we get a lot of very brief dragon encounters, but not the Bad Dragon kind, in this chunker of Game Arts's Lunar. Sadly no Matthew's game because we were on a tight time schedule. Also: - A Campaign of Terror Against My Friends and Family - I Was A Drunk Six Year Old - The Secret Origin of Duran Duran's A View To A Kill - We Don't Like Slapping Music - He Smiled To Make Vanessa Melt - You ...
This is Squoopardy!
July 31, 2023 08:52 - 48 minutes - 44.2 MBWe're running a bonus episode from last year as a confluence of events stopped us from recording, so please: enjoy a Johnny's Stupid Game from 2022! Squoopardy is the hottest new game show craze! Play along with our hosts in the bonus episode using these three boards: Squoopardy: https://jeopardylabs.com/play/squoopardy Double Squoopardy: https://jeopardylabs.com/play/double-squoopardy Final Squoopardy: https://jeopardylabs.com/play/final-squoopardy
Lunar: Silver Star Part 3 - Justin Fied
July 24, 2023 10:47 - 2 hours - 147 MBSquare Roots - Episode 374 Are you ready for an action packed episode of Lunar: Silver Star Something? Oh boy. So much happens on this episode of Square Roots, from double betrayals in the game to Matthew's Stupid Game finding its special groove. So join us on a Bromide packed journey! Also: - We Pitch "The Jewell Thief" - Jem Wasn't Outrageous - The Beach Is The Best M Night Shyamalan Movie Of The Past 20 Years (Derogatory) - Lunar Non-Pervy Run Challenge Level: Impossible - Mascot N...
Lunar: Silver Star Part 2 - Frot With Peril
July 17, 2023 11:17 - 2 hours - 113 MBSquare Roots - Episode 373 MORE DIAL OF DESTINY SPOILERS AT 25:10! *SORRY* We all get seduced by an elf man with some kind of lyre in this deeply erotic episode of Square Roots. We're looking at the second chunker of Lunar: Silver Star where we find pornography in Vane's magic library, meet Austin Powers, and become landlords. Also: - Star Wars Courtroom Drama - Woiked for the Weapers - Wolverine, the Twink With the Claws - That's What Working Designs Does - The Translator Was Very ...
Lunar: Silver Star Part 1 - If You Open Them There's Bees
July 10, 2023 12:23 - 2 hours - 153 MBSquare Roots - Episode 372 Alright, it's back to real retro RPGs now! And we've got Game Arts's Lunar: Silver Star. Or Silver Star Story. Or Silver Star Complete. Or Silver Star Harmony? Or Silver Star Touch? It's complicated and we don't totally understand. Also: - Matthew's Game 1, Everybody Else 0 - The Father Looks Like *REDACTED* - Johnny Loves His Frame Rates - 90s Waynes World Speak - The Job of Women is to Ruin Men's Fun - They're All In Love With Dyne And They're Doing It ...
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 7 - Ramsay Is Out, We're Into Mermaids Now
July 03, 2023 09:35 - 2 hours - 149 MBSquare Roots - Episode 371 We plow through another gazillion hours of games (if you're Canadian, 2.5 hours if you're Jim) as we finish Final Fantasy 7 Remake and the Intermission DLC. There's a lot to go through, like Matthew and Vanessa hating the swirling tornado of fate, Johnny and Jim on team defendy, and a zooming close up on a pom. Also: - Guess Whodo? - Johnny Flubs His Game Again - The Metaverse Is So Hot Right Now - A Sexy Stocking Bomb - Jim's Amazing Prank - Final Fantasy...
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 6 - I've Looked At Cloud From Both Sides Now
June 26, 2023 07:58 - 2 hours - 120 MBSquare Roots - Episode 370 Johnny's back and has two weeks pent up of his usual Scary Movie / Family Guy style reference humour. The other hosts grudgingly tolerate it. But it's a great chunk of the game, cut a little short because it turned out to be super long. We've got the sneaky climb up Shinra tower, office politics, a bored mayor, our first chunk of Jenova, a pointless dungeon, and so much lore to figure out. Also: - The Most Boring Opening Tangent Ever, According to Jim - Johnny...
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 5 - No One Cares About The Emperor's New Groove
June 19, 2023 09:53 - 2 hours - 126 MBSquare Roots - Episode 369 It's a rare Johnnyless episode today but Vanessa, Jim and Matthew pick up the slack! That's right, Matthew has his own stupid game! Vanessa pushes along the quest log! Matthew licks Pringles! On this chunker of Final Fantasy 7 Remake: NOTHING HAPPENS, but somehow it takes 11 hours of game time. Also: - Labe Flapping - Ramsay Can't Solve Alcoholism - It's Mako Town - The Hat Guy Fandom This Week: We finish Chapter 15! Next Week: We finish the main game! ...
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 4 - The Flamingo Dress
June 12, 2023 12:32 - 2 hours - 149 MBSquare Roots - Episode 368 We get an exclusive VIP pass to the Honeybee Inn, but where we really want to go to is Haunted House. We hear they even have a trap door! On this chunker of Square Roots we get derailed talking about this chunk of Final Fantasy 7 Remake because Jim has watched too much I Think You Should Leave and Vanessa ponders the wisdom of doing her own solo podcast like You Must Remember This. Also: - We Can't Come Up With Our Own Things - Jim Saw Mr. Boogedy - He Got Pu...
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 3 - The Second Tallest Moogle I've Ever Seen
June 05, 2023 09:51 - 2 hours - 126 MBSquare Roots - Episode 367 On this chunker we get into the pridiest, queeriest, most flamboyant portion of Final Fantasy 7 Remake: The Wall Market! Also: - James Burke and Celebrity Crushes - Michelle Pfieffer as Aerith's Mom - Tanktops and Salmon Shorts - What If They Find Out Cool Ryder is Roche? - What Else Am I Gonna Do With a Robo Hand? - Tuba Harassment - That's the Patriarchy For You This Week: Cloud gets a hand massage to completion at the Wall Market! Next Week: We fi...
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 2 - A Love Square
May 29, 2023 12:00 - 2 hours - 157 MBSquare Roots - Episode 366 On this chunker of Final Fantasy 7 Remake, it's all about Roche. Who is Roche? Who does his hair? What other games has Roche been in? What movies does Roche like? If you were going to get Roche a gift, what should you get him? Also: - Sloppy Steaks - I'm Talking About Shafts - Matt is a Shinra Truther - That's What The Horns Are For - We Didn't Talk ABout Politics - Sympathetic Back Pain - So Horny For Cloud This Week: We finish Chapter 7 in Final Fanta...
Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 1 - Super Overpowered Lads Doing Interesting Errands Repeatedly
May 22, 2023 11:28 - 2 hours - 136 MBSquare Roots - Episode 365 It's a new game! Or maybe an old game. But it's new to some of us, and that's the important part. Except that we've all played Final Fantasy 7. But is this a remake? It's complicated. On this life blood of the planet sucking episode we do the first reactor bombing run, get derailed and run into someone who shouldn't be there, and find some cats. Also: - The Worst Kind of Admiration - A Time Usage Breakdown of 60 Minute Man - Johnny's Overrated Game (JOG) - T...
Baldur's Gate Part 8 - A Lethite
May 15, 2023 11:16 - 2 hours - 112 MBSquare Roots - Episode 364 We finally finish Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear and everyone gets smooches! Except Jim. We all meet our ideal matches that we'd descend to the first level of fantasy hell with, and then do just that! But none of us expect the... extended finale and one heck of a cliffhanger! Also: - Being Insistent About Your Apathy - Either Vaguely Threatening Or A Wet Blanket - Shakira & DJ Khaled - Matthew Just Likes The Attention - Zelda's So Hot Right Now This ...