Russell Wilson is a bad Tough Guy, Broken Toes, Unlucky Shark Attack - Sparks Radio Podcast Ep 222

Today we're talking: Russell Wilson is a bad Tough Guy, Broken Toes, Unlucky Shark Attack

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Stories:

Russell Wilson

◦ NFL players usually get thrown into 3 categories - guys you’ve never heard of - guys that beat their wives - and pro bowlers...that beat their wives.

◦ However, there’s now a new category of “wholesome tough guy” and that where Russell Wilson lives

◦ Play audio

◦ Classic wholesome tough guy

◦ Let’s break this down

◦ He starts by saying everyone has to have an alter ego.

◦ This is simply not true.

◦ This is the logic of a sentient being who studied human culture based only Halloween and comic books

◦ He’s like nfl version Leeloo from the 5th element

◦ Next he chooses “mr unlimited” as his alter ego which is so sad it’s kind of uncomfortable really

◦ Mr Unlimited is a great choice if your nemesis is a cell plan

◦ Also, Mr Unlimited, is a great choice if your side kick is breadsticks

◦ Is that his super hot wife Ciara yelling random questions nobody in their right mind would ask in the background?

◦ Who brings you motivation Russell?

◦ Mr. Unlimited

◦ Who forced me to yell these questions Russell?

◦ Mr. Unlimited

◦ Who need to limit their access to the internet during quarantine Russell?

◦ Mr. Unlimited

◦ Russell Wilson wants us to make fun of him to use it as motivation

◦ Refuse to do it any longer

◦ Im Mr. LIMITED

Broken toes

◦ An Austrian tourist Broke the toes of a statue in Italy

◦ He’s in a museum posing with it and accidentally broke the toes off of the sculpture

◦ Because of Covid and contact tracing he had to leave his information when he went into the museum

◦ they used this information to contact him

◦ Then his wife sold him out and admitted he broke it

◦ First of all your wife throws you under the bus

◦ Boy if there was ever signed this was a loveless marriage

◦ Do you think of Russian wife would’ve admitted it?

◦ I think in Russian wedding vows when I asked you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband

◦ the first thing the Russian bride thinks is deny deny deny

◦ My wife is Venezuelan there’s no way she would’ve admitted this

◦ They’re not even from the same country. I would just Say no and then hang up

◦ Here’s the most important detail about the story

◦ It’s a plaster mold of the actual marble sculpture

◦ It’s not even the real sculpture it’s a replica

◦ Italians are thinking of pressing charges because he broke a fake replica of a sculpture?

◦ This is how you know Italy has gone over covid

◦ This is a total pre-pandemic problem

◦ Two weeks ago they’re worried about thousands of grandmas dying and now they’re stressing out about broken manikin toes?

◦ If I was this Austrian guy, I just wait it out. He didn’t know the weight of these sculptures toes.

◦ What I mean is the statue of limitations

Shark attack

◦ Florida man is attacked by shark

◦ Same Florida man was also attacked by alligator

◦ no one is that unlucky and lucky at the same time

◦ He Must be an elf- Legoless

◦ Jesus Christ that was a long walk to get that joke

◦ These jokes are getting worse

◦ I know I can’t stand them either

◦ now it’s become a running joke

◦ Oh my God I’m addicted it’s like I can’t kick it

◦ Honestly this knees to stop

◦ This is barely about legs anymore. I should cap this off

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