The 60-second Apple Earnings Summary returns, cadets, and because we didn't waste time on pundit pontifications this week's crew briefing is a little on the spare side -- but our erstwhile co-cap'ns still hit on all kinds of news, including the launch of Apple TV+ and the Airpods Pro, new features in the Apple Card, a tiny bit of Mac and iOS gaming news, upgrades for retro gear, a HomePod fix (with new features!), and some comings and goings in the streaming video arena. Oh, and Google burns both a couple billion dollars and calories by buying Fitbit rather than just hitting the HoloGym!

All this and Ming-Chi misses, fishy growth claims, a stupid (counter) lawsuit, intriguing hardware and software, and an analyst who confirms the Forbidden Truth of Punditry -- they're just guessing! All this and more, cadets, so strap in and do not adjust your VR set it's tuned for the full opti-audio sensurround experience!