SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse

Ending SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse Podcast

This podcast episode is about business. Specifically, My Business. And the fact that it’s not working. Warren Buffet is the third richest person in the world…he has owned and started businesses that have not worked.  Here is one of my favorite Warren Buffet quotes: “In a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.”– Warren Buffett You know that I have changed my mind, changed my life, changed my name, changed...

I Created A New Stronger Me! Jitka Bernardova

My guest today is Jitka Bernardova.  Jitka grew up in the Czech Republic behind the Iron Curtain. Despite the confines of living in communism with very controlling parents, she was a very happy and active child. Her parents were very strict and she didn’t feel loved enough, so she was constantly seeking love from babies and animals. Jitka loved to play outside and take care of all the neighbors’ kids on the street.  She was so blinded by looking for love that she didn’t see the problems sh...

You May Be the Exact Inspiration Another Woman Needs with Mickie Zada

You never know the influence you have on someone’s life.  As you deal with your reality, feeling like you are drowning in emotions and responsibility, someone else’s view of you is that of inspiration, strength, and success. My cousin died last week.  She was a favorite cousin, my big sister by proxy.   She was the one I ran to when I left my abuser for the very first time. At that time, she was recently divorced, had emotional and financial responsibility for two young sons; she was a fu...

You're Not Crazy; You Were Abused

People often see the victim of narcissistic abuse as “crazy” and full of fear and doubt.  The narcissist shows up cool, calm and collected.  Right? Why is that? Because the narcissist has the ability to make their victims responsible for any and every negative thing.  Even things they make up…using our words!  They convince us we are crazy.  They convince us we are the abusers!  They separate realities and stay calm, while the light us on fire. You are not, and were not, crazy.  You ...

Childhood Violence and Emotional Domestic Abuse did not Deter this Dynamic Author with Laurel Anne Hill

Laurel Anne Hill grew up in San Francisco, with more dreams of an adventure than good sense or money. Her close brushes with death, love of family, respect for honor and belief in a higher power influence her writing and life. Her early home life included a happy-drunk Grandfather and a mean-drunk Dad:  So mean and violent that she, her Mother, Grandmother, and brother often hid in the basement to escape his wrath. This life pattern, of course, set the stage for the first marriage to a...

Lessons in Life and Love with Riana Milne

It was the lies and emotional abuse that lead my guest to research and discover that BOTH her Exs had extreme childhood trauma.  She said “This fact was something NOT taught in a triple Masters program in Psychology!” After 2 years of research, she discovered childhood trauma leads to emotional abuse and that made total sense, for her healing and the healing of her psychotherapy and coaching clients as well.   My guest is Riana Milne.  She is a certified, Global Life, Dating & Relati...

God Must See So Much Strength in Me

Her abusive marriage mirrored a made-for-TV movie.  Then she decided that God must see so much strength in her; she shifted her focus from victim to thriver. Kim Lyons describes domestic abuse as emotional terrorism and says what we all know to be true: If you haven’t lived it, you just don’t get it!  Thrivers are a sorority of sisterhood. (Not a sorority in which we want to be Members, but in a sisterhood of support, encouragement, and inspiration.) Now Kim works with people who want ...

There is Always an Upside

Many of us can relate to Rena Romano’s statement that for many years, on the outside her life looked perfect.  She was a successful business woman, friends were envious, her Mother was proud. On the inside she was dying, a broken soul. Harboring a horrific secret since childhood, no one knew the pain she was suffering. Then she chose to become a Thriver: she created and embraced her truth that there is always an upside no matter what you’ve been through. In October 2009 Rena was ...

How Foolish I was – I Thought He Was Perfect
 Christine Cristina

Raise your hand if you have you said this about your abuser: “How foolish I was.  I thought he was perfect.”?  My hand is up! Christine Cristina shares her story of shocking awareness of being undermined by a narcissist.  She sold her home and her business because he encouraged her to live the life he had created.  They decided to build a new home.  She chose to travel with him, to spend a lot of time on his boat, to give up her own life to embrace his. She was 60 years old.  She had ne...

YEA! I Finally Got 50/50 Custody of My Daughter!

A 90-day temporary order took two years to resolve…YEA!  I finally got 50/50 custody of my daughter! This conversation is not to discourage anyone.  It is to validate that right can eventually prevail, even in custody cases with abusive Dads. Amber went to court without an attorney and everything her abuser and his attorney told the Judge was believed.  Her abuser was given full custody of their daughter, then and there. The lies he told were that she was addicted to drugs and alcohol...

I Was Wrong! I Thought I was Safe from His Violent Behavior

Jacqui Oh is a career teacher, student and vocalist who loves to ask questions, from dumb to inappropriate and often introspective.  Jacqui likes to have fun. She is passionate about education, diversity and culture.  All of those areas are addressed on her podcast, StartDis.  She is also a victim turned thriver of domestic abuse.  Her story in this interview is openly shared with heart-felt honesty and emotion. While Jacqui’s abusive relationship did not last many years, the trauma wa...

Hope When There Was None
 Melinda Kunst

My guest just celebrated 10 years out of abuse…she created a Facebook video and titled it her “Survivor-versary”! A long hard road that began as a young child through abuse by her step-father, she was conditioned that being treated poorly was “normal”. My guest is author Melinda Kunst. At 17 Melinda moved into teen dating violence … like most of us, she ignored the red flags.   Now, she teaches teens and parents to pay attention to their daughters’ behaviors and words, to listen for...

I Wanted to Be That Adoring, Loving Wife

My guest’s favorite quote is:  You can’t change where you have been, but you can change where you are GOING!! When she was in her 20′s, she thought she had met her soul mate, the love of her life. He was a very successful businessman who owned an advertising/direct mail business. They married and she soon became his right-arm partner in business. In September of 2001, The World Trade Center collapsed: their business income fell 90% that year. Her husband was able to choose retirement, ...

Just You and Your Thoughts in the Midnight Hour

Just you and your thoughts in the midnight hour:  What are you thinking about?  Can’t sleep because you worry, you’re still fearful, you’re wondering if you REALLY can make it on your own, were you really abused? Sheila Malloy-Hall talks about carrying the shame, pain and hurt of abuse, knowing these emotions are not who she is or who she was meant to be. Still the feelings kept her awake at night. Sheila is now an Empowerment Speaker, Advocate, Survivor Strategist, Best Selling Author,...

Magic Words to Use with a Narcissist

Wouldn’t you love to have magic words to use when communicating with your narcissist…or any abuser?  My guest, Lindsey Ellison, tells you exactly what to say on this podcast and in her book by the same title, Magic Words.   Lindsey is an author, a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc.  She specializes in helping people break free from narcissistic abuse, navigate their divorce or break-up, and find happiness and peace. Originally stemming from her own personal ex...

Your Most Abundant Year

How is it possible for this to be your most abundant year?  That’s what I wondered…then I thought about what “abundant” really means! Abundant is finances, of course.  And much more than that!  I discovered that this being my most abundant year included changing my perspective, releasing even more negative self-talk, recognizing and letting go of undermining beliefs tied to the Imposter Syndrome.  I spent the past few weeks changing my attitude and my energy.  This is my most abundant ...

I Easily and Effortlessly Smile

I easily and effortlessly smile!  Why?  Because smiling is the quickest way to increase positive energy. Several women in my Community have asked this week how to change their negative moods and attitudes…they were feeling sad, guilty, lonely, frustrated, angry, alone.   We all feel negative emotions now and then. Having left domestic abuse does not mean everything is good now…no more sad days, living in the past or fearful of the future.  Right?  We still carry all that negativity wit...

One Thing You Don’t Know About Living in Domestic Abuse

There is a pervasive reality described and discussed by women who have lived in domestic abuse…it is generally only talked about after we leave.  We don’t want to accept the reality of our lives when we are still living in abuse. Here’s the one thing: You did not know you were an abused wife, significant other or girlfriend.  For months, years or decades you did not know, did not believe, did not accept that you were abused.  Your mind told you that you were the strong one, that you were ...

Your Ripples Will Change Someone’s World

As kids, we threw rocks into water to watch the ripples…I still do!  I like to see how far they will travel.  We know that ripples of light and sound travel into infinity. The same is true of what we say (sound) and the energy we release (light).  Our words and energy are felt and heard.  They affect objects they bump into…like our family members, co-workers, and friends. We are totally responsible for the ripples we send into the Universe and into our little space of life.  The ques...

Your Abuse was Not About You


My guest’s Mission is to break the stigma of being abused by breaking her silence.  One of the realities that empowered her and that she teaches other victims of abuse is that your abuse was not about you.  It was about your abuser.  In our conversation, she shares that her former step father abused her physically, psychologically and sexually. He told her every single day, from the age of 2 til 12, that she was ugly, stupid, useless, worthless, and unlovable.  She believed him, not just b...

I Created My Own Name

When I decided to create my own name, I apprehensively told my grown, very conservative, son.  His response on the phone, when I invited he and his wife to dinner to talk about me choosing a new name:  “OH, this is gonna be good!” At dinner his response was “Mickie Zada?!  That sounds like a hippie name.” My answer to his concern: “Well, you know me as your Mom, as your Dad’s wife.  You don’t know “Me”… and I AM an old hippie!” Listen to this podcast to learn more about my motivation ...

3 Steps to Choosing New Direction in Your Life

Dr. Wayne Dyer described life changing perception the best I’ve ever read:  When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change! Today you are at a milestone in your Life.  Today, choose to change the way you look at things. Doing the same things over and over, expecting different results is what? Some people say it’s insanity.  I say it’s a victim state of mind.  We can whine and cry, be angry and feel drained.  We can “wonder why” our lives are “like this” when other...

Aimee Cabo: God is the Answer

Aimee Cabo’s life is a testament to the power of honesty, love, belief, faith and survival. At age 15, she was part of what the Miami media dubbed "The Case from Hell"—a sexual abuse case that pitted her parents against her and her sister. Beaten daily by her Mother, it’s no wonder she was attracted to abusive partners. To this day, Aimee credits her faith in God and the love of her support network for getting her through. Years later, she would need that same faith and love when he...

Anything the Boys Did Was OK

Like the fact or not, each of us has a life pattern, some “program” deep in our brain that creates our attraction to abusers.  My lesson, my program, was “Anything the boys did was OK.”   Practically from the time my first brother was born (I was 15 months old), I was taught that males were granted more leigh way, were not held to the same levels of responsibility as girls and could do whatever they wanted to…while girls made excuses for their poor choices and negative behavior.  My paren...

He Broke Me Down So Much…
I believed he was the only one I needed

Traumatized by molestation when she was a youngster, raped when she was 18 and then choosing a violently abusive partner, Amber Elizabeth had a lot to overcome. But, overcome she did!  And now she is the leader of a group of women who also are dealing with the results and agony of moving forward in their lives after abuse. How has she made the transition from abused victim to thriving and vocal leader?  Self work…personal growth… and dedication to applying the lessons she learned. Co...

Encore: Public Lies VS Private Life

Executive Producer of the film “The Last Time”, author of Authentic Me: a Story of Strength, Perseverance and Faith, a keynote speaker, and an employment law attorney and legal advocate for increased awareness of domestic violence, my guest is Tiffany

She had a Vision for a Life of Value, Dignity and Worth

After her third marriage spiraled into violence and ended in divorce, Beverly Wilkinson had an epiphany.  She realized the common denominator in her abusive relationships was herself!  She had a vision for a life of value, dignity and worth.  She also had the dogged persistence to see THAT life come to fruition. Born and raised on a cotton field in Mississippi, Beverly endured physical and emotional abuse through most of her developmental years.  In 1991 she escaped Mississippi, with 3 yo...

She had a Vision for a Life of Value, Dignity and Worth

After her third marriage spiraled into violence and ended in divorce, Beverly Wilkinson had an epiphany.  She realized the common denominator in her abusive relationships was herself!  She had a vision for a life of value, dignity and worth.  She also had the dogged persistence to see THAT life come to fruition. Born and raised on a cotton field in Mississippi, Beverly endured physical and emotional abuse through most of her developmental years.  In 1991 she escaped Mississippi, with 3 yo...

Live in Your Power

As professional women we are strong in our careers as entrepreneurs, CEOs, attorneys and doctors; proficient, well-skilled women.  At work we live in our power. When we lived in abuse, that powerful person morphed into someone else.  The emotional, financial and physical abuse at home caused us to abandon our business power…we changed into someone else.  Someone our abuser created. Now that we are out of abuse, we have the option to create our authentic lives 24/7/365.  We have the choic...

A Daughter’s Perspective of Her Dad’s Domestic Abuse 
Rosie Aiello and daughter, Sunny

My guest is Rosie Aiello.  History is being made today on Surviving Abuse Podcast.  It’s the first time I’ve hosted two guests…and it’s the first time I’ve had the opportunity to gain the perspective of domestic abuse from a child who lived it.  Rosie is joined today by her daughter, Sunny.  Yes, she’s the daughter who plead with her Mom…”get me away from my abusive father.” Learn more at www.TheLoveisKindNetwork.com  

Abuse is Defined as Repeated Mistreatment

Abigail Manning is an Awareness Coach who speaks, writes, and conducts workshops on Authentic Health, which defines abuse as repeated mistreatment. Having experienced childhood abuse by both parents and domestic violence as an adult, she combines firs-hand experience with five years of intensive research on abuse and mental health.  With a light-hearted, empathetic approach, Abigail creates awareness and moves all forms of abuse out of the silent darkness where they start and thrive, into...

The Other Person in Our Marriage - 
April Tribe Giauque

My guest escaped the abyss of abuse through pinpoints of light.  Her analogy is being in a pitch-black cave, when a tiny pinpoint of light is seen…and it grows…and leads us out of the darkness. It’s a perfect metaphor for our journey into, through and out of the abyss of abuse. My guest is April Tribe Giauque.  She is a Mother to nine children, an author, a teacher and a coach.  She also shares her amazing story of living in abuse, escaping with five children in tow, and creating a safe, h...

Life is Like a Bag of Popcorn

Feeling silly in this episode… a cute analogy of life being like popping popcorn. When we pop popcorn, we have to make decisions…timing of our decisions is important, or we’ll burn it, right? You’ve got to listen to the kernels pop, paying attention until the popping is far apart, and you have to stop the microwave before the popcorn burns. Just like life, we have to keep our eyes and ears open to the opportunities in front of us.  We have to be patient and time our decisions as best w...

Pocket Full of Dreams

Like many of us, Justine said a lot the early signs of abuse were just missed.  Her guy was her Russian tutor…he was exotic, charming, bright and caring. Those are the traits she chose to pay attention to.  She was a young college student, 19 and vulnerable. Justine Wentzell transformed from domestic abuser to an advocate for survivors.  Her book, Pocket Full of Dreams, is available on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=a+pocket+full+of...

I Was a Primary Target :Suzanna Quintana

  “Hello, I as Suzanna.  I’m too Emotional.  I’m also too Sensitive, too Needy.  I’m Incapable. Unqualified.  I’m Like a Sailor (if I cuss). Life a Virgin (when I play innocent). Like a Whore (when I play).  I’m often Mistaken and very often Wrong…unless I’m right, then I’m Out of Line.  Then I Have it Coming.” My guest is Suzanna Quintana.  The words above resonate with me…you, too?  We can’t do anything right…and when we do, we are out of line, aggressive, we “have it coming”. Suza...

Who is Mickie Zada?
What is Surviving Abuse Network?

Who is Mickie Zada?  What is Surviving Abuse Network?   We are part of a growing wave of change…Join us in refusing to accept status quo! Women are not equal in lots of places…but especially not in many of our homes and, certainly, not in the court system.  Do you know that 70% of abusers manage to come out ahead in our court system today?!? The goal of Surviving Abuse Network is to bring the reality of domestic abuse out of the closet and on to center stage. Equally as important is m...

How Do I Heal from Sexual Abuse?

My guest says, in person and on her website, “I want to put a stop to survivors of abuse feeling broken, unfixable and absolutely frustrated because it seems nothing they do is helping. Honestly, it really pisses me off when survivors are not able to have the lives and relationships they deserve. Whenever I hear stories of survivors giving up, falling deeper and deeper into despair, or worse, being further traumatized by people who are supposed to help, I get so upset. It also reminds me of ...

Now You’re My Wife, You’ll Do as You’re Told

He swept her off her feet, even bought her a house with a big back yard for her two lovely daughters.  She believed she had fallen deeply in love with an ideal partner. On the first day of their honeymoon, he grabbed her hand, squeezed it very hard and said “Now that you are my wife, you will do as you’re told, how you’re told and when you’re told.”  The relationship deteriorated quickly.  A few months later she literally ran for her life. Susan Ball used her traumatic domestic abuse exp...

Christen Sacco
You Don’t Have to Stay in That Dangerous Space

My guest, Christen Sacco, is a shining beacon of Light for women treading the darker paths of Life.  She is proof positive that we can make different choices, that we do create our realities and when we decide we deserve better, our lives will change. At 20 years old she had quit college because she was pregnant.  With a 5 month old infant, feeling like she had no marketable skills, and her abuser telling her there was no chance she could make it on her own (and that no one would want her...

I Was Never Going to be Good Enough

Oh, how often I thought that, while living in abuse; “I am never going to be good enough!” Gia is open, honest, raw and descriptive of her abuser’s behavior toward her.  She is the same about her actions, doing everything she could not to incite his anger, fury, dangerous actions toward her.  Walking on eggshells.  Living in fear. She tells us how she tried so hard to love him enough, to not say things that would make him angry, to be home immediately after work, to leave work when he ...

From Abused Wife to Family Law Attorney

Mother, wife, family law attorney, business owner, woman rights advocate and philanthropist are a few of the hats Rania Arwani wears. Her goal is to educate women in abusive relationships to identify the signs of abuse and motivate them to speak up for themselves and their children. Rania has domestic abuse in her past; tragic, violent abuse.  She endured a long and costly battle for custody of her children and embraced her Mission to become an attorney and help other women the way her...

What is a Hijackal®?

A Hijackal® is a person who hijacks relationships, for their own purposes, while scavenging them for power, status, and control. Hijackals® make you question your sanity and constantly second-guess yourself.  That’s their game … and they are very good at it!  They play to win … at any cost. Sound familiar?  Of course! My guest is Dr. Rhoberta Shaler and she coined the word Hijackal®.  Her Mission is helping people identify emotional abuse and learn that there is a safer, saner, bett...

You're Not Crazy; You Were Abused

People often see the victim of narcissistic abuse as “crazy” and full of fear and doubt.  The narcissist shows up cool, calm and collected.  Right? Why is that? Because the narcissist has the ability to make their victims responsible for any and every negative thing.  Even things they make up…using our words!  They convince us we are crazy.  They convince us we are the abusers!  They separate realities and stay calm, while the light us on fire. You are not, and were not, crazy.  You ...

If We Don’t Change, Nothing Changes
 Revisited

There are two statements I make that some people take personally…statements that they feel are demeaning and insensitive to women who have live in domestic abuse. I disagree. The statements are:  “If we don’t change, nothing changes” and “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.”  A third one attracted the ire of a couple of my community members, too: “You don’t attract who you want.  You attract who you are.” Each of those statements addresses victims o...

I Was Looking For My Way Out

For 22 years, Chandra Bachu knew what it was like to live in domestic abuse. She tried to escape; staying in shelters three different times, but without money saved, she returned home….to daily abuse. She said, “I was looking for my way out and didn’t get it.  I gave up and stayed because I wanted my kids to sleep on a bed, go to school, and we would not have to fear for our lives, because it would be worse if we left.” After many years volunteering with Cynthia Pinkney Ministries, she n...

No One Else's Footsteps Lead Where You're Going

  You are creating your own reality…so am I!  How do we do that?  We gather information, embrace what resonates with us and apply that lesson to our lives. No one has your exact experience.  No one lived the exact same abuse that you did.  No one stayed for the same reasons you did…and no one left for the same reasons, either. Many, many women have lived in abuse.  Many, many women have chosen to create wonderful, safe and healthy lives after leaving abuse. Listen to them, ask questi...

If You Don’t Change, Nothing Changes

Public Lies VS Private Life

Executive Producer of the film “The Last Time”, author of Authentic Me: a Story of Strength, Perseverance and Faith, a keynote speaker, and an employment law attorney and legal advocate for increased awareness of domestic violence, my guest is Tiffany Hill.  Her company, TH Authentic LLC inspires survivors to move past the pain of domestic abuse and into their authentic purpose. Well known for teaching, “Nothing is more valuable than embracing one’s Truth”, Tiffany practices what she preac...

Lisa Vogt: “Ever Better”

People represent themselves as who they have been told they are…not who they really are…not who they aspire to be.  My guest, Lisa Vogt, helps people create more fulfilling careers and lives by working and living in those areas that cause their Lights to shine.  Her unique ability to expose and empower her clients to step into their strengths and joy, is evidenced in our high-energy discussion and the examples she shares. Considering changing careers, exploring job opportunities, updating ...

Hope’s Story
: You Think Your Situation is Different

It’s a common scenario.  High school sweethearts.  He treated her like she was precious, said all the right things, and she ignored the red flags. The military sent him overseas so they got married so she could go, too.  One night while dancing, he misunderstood something she said and he punched her in the mouth.  She was taken to the hospital.  The military’s resolve to his violence was to send her back stateside! Back in the States, during an especially brutal attack, Hope dialed 911. ...