Sexvangelicals

Episode #67: Banned Books: Non-Toxic Masculinity, by Zach Wagner, part 2 of 2

What are the messages that we wish we learned about masculinity? What are messages that we'd like to teach younger generations about masculinity, and in conjunction, how we might do relationships more effectively, more collaboratively?   We are thrilled to have Zach Wagner (@zacharycwagner), author of Non-Toxic Masculinity, on Sexvangelicals this week. Zach talks with us about: The Books of Deconstruction The Narrative of Sex and Conquest Broadening the Script Male Sexuality Inj...

Episode #66: Banned Books: Non Toxic Masculinity, with Zach Wagner, part 1 of 2

Healing from Purity Culture involves conversations of how Evangelical communities have created undue amounts of anxiety and pressure for men as well as women.   We talk with Zachary Wagner (@zacharycwagner), author of the new book Non-Toxic Masculinity, about the importance of deconstructing simplistic, reductive practices of manhood and reimagining new ways that men can conceptualize themselves and create meaningful relationships.   Zach talks with us about: Why Does the Book Matte...

Episode #65: Banned Books: A Well Trained Wife, with Tia Levings, part 2 of 2

Are you interested in writing a memoir? Then this episode is especially for you!   We're excited to have Tia Levings @tialevingsswriter, author of the upcoming book A Well Trained Wife, as our guest for Sexvangelicals this week.   Tia talks with us about: Hero’s Journey Not Exploiting Your Own Story  Babies and Resilience The Nuance in Deconstruction  Finding Light in the Dark  Honoring Our Instincts  Slowing Down  Write the Book  The Books of Deconstruction  Check...

Episode #64: Banned Books: A Well Trained Wife, with Tia Levings, part 1 of 2

"While this story is my own memoir, the situations in this book are far from unique. With me stands a choir of invisible fundamentalist women, too silenced to tell their stories for themselves."    We're honored to have Tia Levings (@tialevingswriter), author of the upcoming book A Well Trained Wife, as our podcast guest this week. Tia shares her research, wisdom, and immense bravery with us; we focus our conversations around: How the Evangelical Church is a Microcosm of a Bigger System...

Episode #63: Banned Books: The Exvangelicals, with Sarah McCammon, part 2 of 2

There's a lot of memoirs, social media comments, and dialogue about leaving the evangelical church. However, as our guest, Sarah McCammon (@sarahmccammon_journalist) says, "you can't really understand the leaving without understanding loving and living the evangelical church."   Sarah is the author of the new book The Exvangelicals. She talks with us about: The history of Christianity and politics What religion may offer The Bill Clinton Era and Purity Culture Evangelical Relation...

Episode #62: Banned Books: The Exvangelicals, with Sarah McCammon, part 1 of 2.

It's been really fascinating to watch the ways that Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal (EMPish) cultures have begun to be deconstructed and discussed on a wider cultural level.    While some still struggle to accurately name the direct correlation between EMPish cultures and the construction of the modern-day Republican Party, NPR national correspondent Sarah McCammon (@sarahmccammon_journalist) discusses the strategy and implementation of rigid conservative values in her new book The ...

Episode #61: Banned Books, When Religion Hurts You, with Laura Anderson, part 2 of 2

One of the most common relational processes that the deconstructing world talks about is boundaries. Evangelical circles encourage the elimination of boundaries. Sexuality is public, as Purity Culture invites people in leadership positions to make a variety of comments about people's bodies. Accountability groups and testimonials favor people who describe the most intimate parts of their stories.    When making sense of these harmful systems, it's easy to go the opposite direction with bo...

Episode #60: Banned Books: When Religion Hurts You, with Laura Anderson (part 1 of 2)

What is religious abuse? Dr. Laura Anderson, in her new book When Religion Hurts You, defines it as:   "The improper use of religious beliefs, teachings, doctrines, and relationships against another person. This might include harassment, humiliation, mind control, psychological abuse, isolation, threats, intimidation, minimizing, denying, blaming, asserting spiritual authority, and making it difficult to leave the religious community."   If you're experienced one or more of the above,...

Episode #59: Banned Books: The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, with Deesha Philyaw

Purity Culture is largely embedded within White social and political systems intended to dominate and control bodies through a hyper-moralistic, anti-sex landscape.   However, in this last week of Black History month, it's imperative that we talk about the ways that Purity Culture has impacted Black communities.   To help us, we are sharing our interview with Deesha Philyaw (@deeshaphilyaw), author of The Secret Lives of Church Ladies, about how the values of Purity Culture have infi...

Episode 58: Banned Books: A Brief History of How the Christian Publishing Industry Promotes Myths About Relationships and Sex.

Julia begins, "Unlearning the messages from the church archive is only part of the healing process. The next step is learning new ways to engage relationships and sexuality.    So, together, we are going to begin creating a new library with literature that can support us in building better, more sustainable, and thriving relationships."    In order to unlearn unhelpful messages, we have to understand the systems that propagated these messages.  "If I had a dollar for every time a cli...

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Episode #57: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: Things to Consider When Disclosing Spiritual Abuse, with Sarah Stankorb

The Roman Catholic Church, Southern Baptist Convention, and Acts 29 Churches have all had significant challenges with sexual, emotional, and spiritual abuse in their systems, something that becomes even more pronounced when religious systems become intertwined with private and home schooling, sex education, and the expectations of rigid gender norms.   Sarah Stankorb, author of Disobedient Women, interviews women who have been victimized within Evangelical systems. And while online space...

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Episode #56: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: How Anger Can Be a Vital Resource for Processing Trauma and Beginning Change, with Sarah Stankorb

It's well documented that reporting abuse to larger systems is a daunting process. The Southern Baptist Convention is the latest organization to have been outed for the ways that it protects perpetrators of violence, especially against women and children, two categories of people whose stories are commonly dismissed in our larger society.   We're thrilled to have Sarah Stankorb on our podcast. Sarah Stankorb is the author of the national best-seller Disobedient Women. The award-winning, ...

Episode #55: Three Ways to Call Audibles and Transition Well in Relationships, with Julia and Jeremiah

Transitions are a natural part of life. There are big transitions, such as a person leaving home or a child aging into adolescence. There are smaller transitions that happen everyday, such as leaving to go to work or switching from topic to topic in a conversation.    A family system has to be adaptable enough to respond to transitions, and many relationship and family problems are rooted in challenges transitioning.   In this episode, Julia and Jeremiah discuss three strategies to h...

Episode #54: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: How Romantic Comedies Can Reinforce the Worst Parts of Evangelical Culture, with Katherine Spearing

“Romantic comedies and chick lit reflect messages that are prevalent in both secular culture and religious spaces. Although Christian spaces give lots of lip service to being counter cultural, they usually repackage the same message from popular culture with a different wrapping paper.” We continue our mini-series Let’s Kick Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse, with Katherine Spearing, co-founder of Tears of Eden and author of Hartfords, a historical romantic comedy. Katherine talks with...

Episode #53: Kicking Off the New Year with Spiritual Abuse: How to Leave a Controlling Family Environment, with Katherine Spearing

Happy New Year! January is Spirtual Abuse Awareness month, and so we're kicking off the New Year with a couple of episodes with Katherine Spearing (@katherinespearing), host of the Uncertain Podcast (@uncertainpodcast) and founder of the nonprofit Tears of Eden.    Katherine defines spiritual abuse as "invoking a religious text or deity as a way to maintain power and control over both individuals and communities." In this episode, we describe the multiple systems in Katherine's life that...

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Episode #52: Holiday Horror Stories: How to Recover from the Holiday Season, with Maddie Upson

Happy New Year! We hope that you had a safe, peaceful, and festive holiday season with family and friends!   For most of us, this week will be about transitioning out of the excitement and chaos that comes with the holiday season and into the rhythms of everyday life. That transition process can be really challenging on individuals and relationships.   To help us, we invited our marketing and communications extraordinaire, Maddie, to be our first guest of 2024. Maddie talks with us a...

Episode #51: Holiday Horror Stories: Ten Tips for Navigating Infertility, with Dr. Niko Wilson

One in six people worldwide experience infertility, according to the World Health Organization.    As the holiday season focuses on the celebration of children and families, infertility creates its own holiday horror story for individuals and relationships who experience it.   We're excited to have Dr. Niko Wilson, director of the Couples and Family Therapy program at William James College, join us for a special episode of Sexvangelicals.   Dr. Wilson's research focuses on the qu...

Episode #50: Holiday Horror Stories: How the Holidays Reinforce Gender Norms, with Kelley, Kelly Anne, and Emma of the Woman Being Podcast.

What would holiday celebrations be without women?   No really. They would not exist without women. The holiday season often represents the worst part of Christian relationships, where gender roles define behavior and eliminate collaborative dialogue in the process.   Julia notes, "Even Hallmark movies join the nativity story, relying on women sacrificing--either their singleness, their autonomy, their career, or all the, for the sake of the relationship."   This week, we're joine...

Episode #49: Holiday Horror Stories: How to Reclaim the Joy of Christmas, with Kelley, Kelly Anne, and Emma of the Woman Being Podcast

The Christmas story starts with a teenage girl, Mary, and an angel of God.    Kelley Werner, co-host of the Woman Being Podcast, explains: “She's portrayed as this passive participant in her faith. There's an edification of her. "Lord, whatever you say, I will do. So be it." She's passively impregnated by an angel, and becomes this side character in the narrative of Jesus.    That angle was always impressed upon us as young women: Keeping our posture very open to whatever God or men ...

Episode #47: Partnership Building: How To Discover The "We" In Your Relationship During The Deconstruction Process

In the initial stages of what we typically call deconstruction, folks tend to focus heavily on meeting individual needs, self-advocacy, engaging the body in different ways, and finding new personal connections.  And while all of this is fantastic, much of the resources within deconstruction communities, and popular psychology for that matter, use the language of boundary setting.  Just set those boundaries. And, if we're not careful, individuation comes at the expense of our most importa...

Episode #48: Holiday Horror Stories: How to Survive Christmas Eve Services, with Nicole Marinescu

While individual growth and self-discovery are vital to our healing and human evolution, we live in the context of a myriad of relationships. And the end-of-year holidays are a time of year in which many folks are engaging in a lot of different relationships at the same time or in close succession.   This December, we're presenting a series called Holiday Horror Stories. The holiday season replicates the most narrow practices of family, gender, and relationships; spend three hours watchi...

Episode #46: Partnership Building: How the Self-Discovery of Deconstruction Can Impact Relationships

Deconstruction can be an exciting time for folks. We read new books. We explore the world and build relationships with a more diverse group of people. The world gets bigger. We see numerous amounts of options for living a happy life. However, especially for folks in long-term relationships, deconstruction can result in some really challenging relationship dynamics. As we talk about in this week’s episode of Sexvangelicals, individuation, the practice of self-discovery for the sake of l...

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Episode #45: Partnership Building: How to Manage Differences in Sexual Desire

Desire discrepancy is a set of differences about the quantity, quality, or types of experiences that a couple or a group want to have. As we mentioned in the last episode, desire discrepancy is not inherently a source of conflict. The difficulty or inability to negotiate these differences is what leads to conflict. So how can we talk about the different ways that two (or more) partners might access sexuality? And not just who wants it more? But the different fantasies, preferences, sce...

Episode #44: Partnership Building: How the Church Encourages Conflict Management through Conflict Avoidance

Desire discrepancy is one of the most common challenges that we see in sex therapy.  Desire discrepancy is ultimately a difference in a couple or a group's interest in frequency, quality, or types of sexual interactions. Desire discrepancy does not necessitate conflict. Conflict occurs when folks are unable to manage those differences, which is a necessary skill inside of and outside of sexual interactions.  However, what happens when you grow up in a system (i.e. the church) that both...

Episode #43: Partnership Building: How to Navigate Deconstruction as a Couple When One Person Starts the Deconstruction Process Earlier, with Nicki and Stephen Pappas

We did it! We just released our 100th episode! And we could not have a more fitting episode than with Nicki (@broadeningthenarrative) and Stephen Pappas. Nicki and Stephen answer the question: What happens when one person in a partnership begins the deconstruction process before the other partner? This can be a really intimidating, vulnerable process for a lot of folks, and Nicki and Stephen talk about their process of simultaneously navigating exploration, discovery, hope, grief, and ...

Episode #42: Partnership Building: How Evangelical Communities Limit Your Dreams, with Nicki and Stephen Pappas

What did you want to be when you grew up? In EMPish (Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal) settings, growing up is commonly centered around finding your soulmate, getting married, having kids, and enhancing the church community. Or, as Julia says, “A person's dreams must serve the greater purpose of evangelism.” “When we consider gender,” she continues, “the complications get worse. Women support the “dreams” of their husbands. Husbands support the “dreams” of the larger church dictat...

Episode #41: How Purity Culture Informed the 90s and 00s, with Teddi and Nick from Oh God I Forgot About That

Purity Culture isn’t just a collection of pithy quotes and misappropriation of Scripture about bodies and relationships.    It’s a creation of a myriad of businesses, media, and political systems that work together to showcase and reinforce the existence of particular types of relationships.   We’ve learned that understanding the larger context of Purity Culture, from the intersection of theology and American history to the cultural icons and legislative processes that these create, ...

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Episode #40: Pentecostalism and Purity Culture, with Teddi and Nick from Oh God I Forgot About That

While much attention has been given to the Evangelical contingent of American conservative Christianity, it's important to note that even though systems of worship may be different, Pentecostal Christians navigate sexuality, relationships, and bodies in similarly troubling ways as Evangelical and Mormon communities do. This week, we're thrilled to have Teddi and Nick, co-hosts of the podcast Oh God I Forgot About That, to talk more about how their upbringings in Pentecostal communities imp...

Episode #39: Partnership Building: How to Celebrate Differences in Your Relationship, with Jeremiah and Julia

SHOW NOTES   Positive Perspective (4:00): “Let's very quickly review what we mean when we say the positive perspective, specifically as it relates to sexuality. As you may be, and are probably intimately aware, folks from Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal communities, EMPish communities, often struggle to have a positive perspective about sexuality when dominant messaging from these communities focuses on no.” Julia starts us off by defining positive perspective in the context of EMPi...

Episode #38: Partnership Building: How Purity Culture Makes It Hard for Couples to Practice Positivity, with Jeremiah and Julia

We're back from our month off hiking the Alpe Adria in Austria, Slovenia, and Italy. And we pick up today where we left off, talking about the Sound Marital House model from couples therapy gurus John and Julie Gottman.   For a friendly reminder, the first three levels of the Sound Marital house are curiosity, appreciation, and leaning toward your partner. And this week, Julia and Jeremiah talk about the fourth value: the positive perspective, including: Defining Terms (10:00): “For the...

Summer Rewatch Series: The Sex Ed We Wish We Had: Consent, with Jeremiah and Julia

After our month-long foray into the disturbing literature from the Evangelical Christian publishing industry, we continue our new series The Sex Ed We Wish We Had. Last month, we interviewed Doug Braun-Harvey, who describes the six sexual health principles that we and many other sexual health providers use as their rubric for co-creating healthy sexual encounters. We begin with a two-part series on consent, which, to quote the Harvey Institute (8:40): “Consent means voluntary cooperati...

Summer Rewatch Series: How Purity Culture is Uniquely Damaging to Teens and Young Adults, with Linda Kay Klein

16 years ago, Linda Kay Klein embarked on a storytelling journey that would change her life (and the lives of many others). In her 2018 book Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free, Linda captures the experiences of hundreds of women, herself included, who grew up within and confronted the consequences of the Evangelical purity culture movement in the 90s and early 2000s. Through Pure and her nonprofit, Break Free Together, Linda ...

Summer Rewatch Series: How to Prepare Yourself to Leave a Fundamentalist Community, with Tia Levings

Tia Levings is a writer and content creator whose work explores the female narrative in patriarchal spaces. A survivor of church-sanctioned domestic violence, Tia shares the realities of Christian Fundamentalism, and sheds light on the strategic influence high control religion has on our society and headlines today. Her memoir releases in 2024 with St. Martin’s Press and you can find her videos on Instagram and Tiktok. We are thrilled to have Tia share her experience of surviving and escap...

Summer Series Trailer: Summer Rewatch Series

This week we highlight a few of the reasons we began Sexvangelicals and what is to come in the following weeks. We will be doing a Summer Rewatch Series highlighting three of our favorite episodes, which include new content at the beginning of each episode. It is important to reflect and realize how we have grown and evolved and we want to share that with you. In this mini-episode (or trailer) we reflect on some of the reasons we started this podcast to begin with and what episodes we will b...

Episode #37: Partnership Building: Turning Toward Your Partner in the Face of Adversity, with Luke and Lauren from Flourish Therapy

We are continuing our summer series called Partnership Building, where we discuss how sexual health is relational health, and relational health is sexual health. We’re talking about seven principles of healthy relationships, according to relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. Last week, Luke and Lauren from the amazing podcast Filled to Flourish talked with us about the ways that Purity Culture encourage turning toward God, and as a result, away from oneself and one’s partner. T...

Episode #36: Partnership Building: How Purity Culture Teaches You to Turn Away from Yourself, with Luke and Lauren from Flourish Therapy

We are continuing our summer series called Partnership Building, where we discuss how sexual health is relational health, and relational health is sexual health. We’re talking about seven principles of healthy relationships, according to relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. In the first four episodes of this series, we’ve discussed two foundations of healthy relationships: curiosity and admiration/appreciation. In the next two episodes, we’ll talk about the third principle of hea...

Episode #35: Partnership Building: How Rigid Gender Norms Negatively Impacts Appreciation

We are continuing our series on Partnership building by comparing the messaging from a classic relationship book in Evangelical/Mormon/Pentecostal (EMPish) circles, Love and Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs, alongside the work of couples researchers John and Julie Gottman, and their principle of nurturing fondness and admiration. As we talked about last week, practicing this principle can be challenging when you've grown up learning that admiration and fondness exist along problematic gender...

Episode #92: Partnership Building: How Relying on Rigid Gender Norms Negatively Impacts Appreciation

We are continuing our series on Partnership building by comparing the messaging from a classic relationship book in Evangelical/Mormon/Pentecostal (EMPish) circles, Love and Respect, by Emerson Eggerichs, alongside the work of couples researchers John and Julie Gottman, and their principle of nurturing fondness and admiration. As we talked about last week, practicing this principle can be challenging when you've grown up learning that admiration and fondness exist along problematic gender...

Episode #91: Partnership Building: How to Create More Appreciation

This summer, we’re talking about seven principles of healthy relationships, according to relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. In the last two weeks, we’ve discussed the foundation of healthy relationships: curiosity. And in the next two episodes, we’re talking about the practices of admiration and appreciation. Be curious. Be positive. Sounds simple enough. Except EMPish (Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal) communities identify the success of the relationship not based on the w...

Episode #34: Partnership Building: How to Create More Appreciation

This summer, we’re talking about seven principles of healthy relationships, according to relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. In the last two weeks, we’ve discussed the foundation of healthy relationships: curiosity. And in the next two episodes, we’re talking about the practices of admiration and appreciation. Be curious. Be positive. Sounds simple enough. Except EMPish (Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal) communities identify the success of the relationship not based on the w...

Episode #33: Partnership Building: Games that Help with Curiosity

We are continuing our summer series called Partnership Building, where we are discussing the work of John Gottman. Last week, we discussed how curiosity is the foundation for healthy, sustainable relationships. Gottman uses the term “cognitive room”—the ability to spontaneously recall details about positive qualities about their partner and their relationship. Cognitive room is fueled by curiosity, the strong desire to learn or know something. Cognitive room is something that continually d...

Episode #90: Partnership Building: Games that Help with Curiosity

We are continuing our summer series called Partnership Building, where we are discussing the work of John Gottman. Last week, we discussed how curiosity is the foundation for healthy, sustainable relationships. Gottman uses the term “cognitive room”—the ability to spontaneously recall details about positive qualities about their partner and their relationship. Cognitive room is fueled by curiosity, the strong desire to learn or know something. Cognitive room is something that continually d...

Episode #89: Partnership Building: How Evangelicalism Stifles Curiosity

This summer, we’re exploring the seven characteristics to healthy relationships, through John Gottman’s Sound Marital House theory of relationships. Gottman suggests that curiosity is the root of a strong foundation for a relationship. Curiosity, according to the Oxford Dictionary, is the strong desire to know or learn something. In this episode, we talk about how EMPish (Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal) communities discourage curiosity, and the ways that people can learn and practi...

Episode #32: Partnership Building: How Evangelicalism Stifles Curiosity

This summer, we’re exploring the seven characteristics to healthy relationships, through John Gottman’s Sound Marital House theory of relationships. Gottman suggests that curiosity is the root of a strong foundation for a relationship. Curiosity, according to the Oxford Dictionary, is the strong desire to know or learn something. In this episode, we talk about how EMPish (Evangelical, Mormon, and Pentecostal) communities discourage curiosity, and the ways that people can learn and practi...