Sexual Craftsmanship
27 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 3 years ago -Sexual Craftsmanship is the podcast for men in STEM who struggle with dating, sex, and relationships. If you’ve ever suspected you’re being lied to about how dating and sex work, if you’re caught up in analysis paralysis and wish you knew what to do to move forward, or if you just want to start having awesome sex already, you’re in the right place. No experience necessary! Goodbye frustration and uncertainty, hello fun and pleasure! Your host, Certified Sex Coach, sociologist, and total nerd Sarah Martin is here to bust myths, share high-quality, evidence-based information, and offer up actionable steps to help you live your best sex life NOW. Download a free guide to Avoiding the Friendzone for good at www.sexualcraftsmanship.com/friendzone
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Episodes
Should You Play Hard to Get?
January 07, 2021 14:10 - 19 minutes - 18 MBThere are many assumptions made in the realm of sex and relationships - I'm talking the idea of "common sense" or advice that just "feels true" when you hear it. We're all susceptible to familiar things seeming "right." One such truism is the idea that playing hard to get will help you in dating and sex. So, will it? On today's episode, we'll cover: Dispelling the myth that playing hard to get is something only women do Look at the downstream effects of playing hard to get in your relat...
Her Side Interview with Sarah
December 31, 2020 10:00 - 52 minutes - 48.1 MBWith pleasure, we're bringing you something special for the last episode of 2020. As with every Her Side interview, this episode features the experience of a woman who dates men in STEM. This is your opportunity to catch a glimpse from the other side. What resonates with you? What can you take from this story to apply in your own life? Unlike other Her Side episodes, you likely know something about today's guest. With the help of special guest host Kincaid McMinn, we'll meet the host of th...
Explaining ASD to Neurotypicals In Sex and Relationships
December 17, 2020 10:00 - 41 minutes - 38.5 MBTo be frank, communication can be really challenging between people with different neurotypes and nowhere is that more true than within the intimate sphere of dating, sex, and relationships. Recently, I was invited to speak to the wonderful women at Village Virago to answer their questions about relationships with men on the spectrum. I am so thrilled to share this conversation with you today. Together with Certified Sex Coach AJ Locashio, we explore topics like: The differentiating betwe...
How to Spot Good Sex Advice
December 10, 2020 10:00 - 1 hour - 59.4 MBThe world as we know it right now is experiencing a boom in information. For men who struggle with sex and relationships, there is no shortage of people and philosophies offering solutions to that problem. But, as with all things, not all support is created equal. On this topic, there's no one quite like Dave Booda to share about the journey through many different approaches to sex and relationships as a man living in today's world. In today's episode, we cover: Pickup Artists, both the p...
Dignified Hedonism AMA
December 03, 2020 10:00 - 18 minutes - 17.4 MBThere's a world of difference between theory and practice. Recently, I shared the Dignified Hedonist framework for the first time, and people had questions. It's one thing to do an assessment. It's another thing to integrate this practice into your life. Listen to hear questions asked by others just like you about how a Dignified Hedonist could approach several real life situations. Today, you'll discover: If Asking Audaciously is really just a numbers game If dating is worth it when you...
Her Side Interview with Mari
November 26, 2020 10:00 - 30 minutes - 27.6 MBAs the month draws to a close, it's time for the next episode of a recurring feature of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast: Her Side interviews! Each Her Side interview features the experience of a woman who dates men in STEM. This is your opportunity to catch a glimpse from the other side. What resonates with you? What can you take from this story to apply in your own life? In this episode, we'll meet Mari, a 32-year-old woman from Finland who identifies as a huge nerd. She shares about the...
What is Dignified Hedonism?
November 19, 2020 13:39 - 27 minutes - 25.2 MBOn this International Men's Day, it's shocking how much men's dating, sex, and relationship advice is stuck in the stone age, regurgitating the same tactics that keep men stuck. The worst thing about this type of advice, the kind structured by rigid interpretations of gender roles and peppered with evolutionary psychobabble, is that it keeps men separated from deep pleasure and connection. It's not the only way. Far from it. What's more, an approach to sex and relationships that combines di...
The Secret to Awesome Sex and Relationships
November 12, 2020 10:00 - 20 minutes - 18.4 MBBefore going any further, yes, Kant was problematic in some respects. And, yes, he was very much an eccentric. He himself isn’t the secret or any sort of model for how to be an amazing lover. Instead, what Kant gives us in his moral philosophy is the essence of dignity in a really easy to understand way. And, if you wrap your mind around it, it is the single most powerful thing you can learn for your sex and relationship life. In this episode, we'll cover: The types of sex and relationshi...
Open Relationships 101
November 05, 2020 10:00 - 59 minutes - 54.7 MBA listener wrote in with a fantastic question about open relationships: "I'd like to hear about long term relationships that also have open sexual relationships with others. My long term partner and I have been flirting with this idea but there are so many people who say it's a bad idea and a sign the relationship is ending..." Who better to help answer this question than Damien Diecke, head coach at School of Attraction. Damien is a life, business, and dating coach. He's been a guest sp...
Her Side Interview with Polina
October 29, 2020 09:00 - 29 minutes - 27.3 MBWe've reached the end of another month, and you know what that means! It's time for the next episode of a recurring feature of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast: Her Side interviews! Each Her Side interview features the experience of a woman who dates men in STEM. This is your opportunity to catch a glimpse from the other side. What resonates with you? What can you take from this story to apply in your own life? In this episode, we'll meet Polina, who grew up in Russia before moving to West...
The Power of Sexual Autonomy
October 22, 2020 09:00 - 1 hour - 55.4 MBFiguring out who you are as a sexual person is process - your sexuality is dynamic, and everyone seems to have an opinion about what you should do and what your sexuality should be like. You receive messages from family, friends, and your society at large. Men should do this. Women should do that. Should. Should. Should. The murkiness of "should sexuality" is evident when it comes to discussions of consent and the discomfort that can accompany them. But, what if consent wasn't a means to t...
How to Understand Body Language
October 15, 2020 09:00 - 29 minutes - 26.9 MBBody language is as rich and nuanced as any spoken language. You are always talking with your body, even when you're not conscious of it. Everyone else? They're always talking with their bodies, too. Learning the basics of body language will serve you throughout your life, and in the arena of sex and relationships in particular. It takes time to get fluent in body language, and it's hard to know where to start. The internet is full of deep, dark body language rabbit holes - if you go lookin...
Touch Communication Basics
October 08, 2020 09:00 - 33 minutes - 30.3 MBWe have all sorts of weird messaging in society around touch, in part because touch is often framed as inherently sexual. In reality, touch is as inherently sexual as English - you can say some extremely erotic things with touch, sure, but you can also make small talk and have heartfelt conversations. In today's episode, we'll cover: * Where people consistently go wrong with touch and why * Environmental and social factors that influence touch communication * The 5 Main Messages you can se...
Is Emotional Vulnerability Unattractive?
October 01, 2020 09:00 - 30 minutes - 27.6 MBEmotional vulnerability is a polarizing topic. And that's because, like all polarizing topics, it sits on top of a tension. On the one hand, all humans have emotions. We want to be fully ourselves, and that includes our emotions. On the other hand, we’ve all been told what we *should* do when it comes to emotions, and this is doubly so for men. In short, men want to be able to express their emotions in relationships, and also receive the message that to do so makes them seem weak. Fear ...
Her Side Interview with Ieva
September 24, 2020 09:00 - 22 minutes - 20.3 MBIt's that time again! Here's the next episode of a recurring feature of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast: Her Side interviews! Each Her Side interview features the experience of a woman who dates men in STEM. This is your opportunity to catch a glimpse from the other side. What resonates with you? What can you take from this story to apply in your own life? In this episode, we'll meet Ieva, who has an affinity for, and an attraction to, hardcore Linux users. She shares with us her frustrat...
Death Grip - A Sex Positive Approach
September 17, 2020 09:00 - 33 minutes - 31.1 MBIt is entirely possible to resolve death grip without needing to give up masturbation or porn, and to do so coming from a place of sexual empowerment that prioritizes your pleasure. In this episode, we'll cover: The prevalence of sex-negative advice related to death grip The origins of our negative attitudes toward masturbation How masturbation is the pathway out of death grip, rather than the problem The 6 step approach to resolving death grip One trick you can use when it comes to po...
Make Sex Exciting Again
September 10, 2020 09:00 - 23 minutes - 21.9 MBIt's true - without conscious attention paid to stoking desire, desire will wane in longer relationships. So many people move through life feeling a frustrated nostalgia for the early days of effortless passion with their partner. Others wonder if something is wrong with them because they normally don't stay in relationships for longer than 6 months. Here's the thing - there's nothing magical or mysterious at work. Rather, excitement fading in a longer relationship is a consequence of biolo...
Ask Anyone for Anything
September 03, 2020 09:00 - 30 minutes - 27.7 MBThe sad reality is that no one can read your mind. Everyone has different types of fear around asking for what they want. Your fears didn’t come from nowhere - they have biological, social, and cultural origins. What's more, these fears are part of larger structures that RELY on you remaining afraid of acting on your desires. Therefore, asking for what you want is a revolutionary act. In this episode, we cover: What gets in the way of asking for what you want Ask vs Guess culture and ho...
Her Side Interview with Marta
August 27, 2020 09:00 - 25 minutes - 23.8 MBGuys, I am so excited to bring you the next episode of a recurring feature of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast: Her Side interviews! Each Her Side interview features the experience of a woman who dates men in STEM. This is your opportunity to catch a glimpse from the other side. What resonates with you? What can you take from this story to apply in your own life? In this episode, we'll meet Marta, who has a lifetime's experience dating men in STEM (well, apart from that first boyfriend whe...
Get What You Want Out of Relationships
August 20, 2020 09:00 - 15 minutes - 13.9 MBThe most common way relationships of all types don’t work out is through a mismatch of desires. This is true for all relationships: from one night stands through friends with benefits and short term dating to long marriages. The place to begin is with defining your own desires for relationships in concrete terms. Today we cover: Ways to tell if mismatched desires are present in your relationships The 3 Levels of any relationship Questions to ask yourself to define your desires at each o...
Dirty Talk 101
August 13, 2020 09:00 - 17 minutes - 15.7 MBDirty Talk is one of those things that a lot of people like the idea of, and yet aren't sure how to do it. Where do you even begin? Won't it be awkward? What if I say something that offends my partner? In today's episode, we nail down the basic of dirty talk to help you get started. It's simple, and it's fun! Together we cover: What NOT to do How to have a conversation about dirty talk with your partner Four solid approaches you can use to start dirty talking NOW, including examples If...
Is NoFap for Me?
August 06, 2020 09:00 - 23 minutes - 21.1 MBThere's nothing inherently harmful in taking a masturbation vacation. Where you need to be careful is in your intentions. Not masturbating won't hurt you, but feeling coerced or acting from a place of sexual shame definitely is. Today, we cover: What is NoFap? The history of similar practices throughout time, paying some particular attention to sexual mores during the Victorian era Reasons why people choose NoFap Things to consider in deciding if NoFap is right for you If you want to g...
Her Side Interview with Maple
July 30, 2020 09:00 - 27 minutes - 25.6 MBExciting times, Craftsmen! Welcome to a NEW recurring feature of the Sexual Craftsmanship podcast: Her Side interviews. Each Her Side interview features the experience of a woman who dates men in STEM. This is your opportunity to catch a glimpse from the other side. What resonates with you? What can you take from this story to apply in your own life? In this episode, we'll meet Maple, who met her current partner at a maths conference, and learn more about the amazing, and not so amazing, p...
I Want You to Want Me
July 23, 2020 09:00 - 23 minutes - 21.2 MBThere's no denying it: seeing someone who is hungry for you, who desires you as a sexual being, carries a unique and potent erotic charge. It's totally human to want to feel wanted. The big issue is the way most of us go about trying to feel desired is temporary at best, and actively damaging at worst. Today, we cover: The four negative side effects of chasing after being desired The two questions you need to ask yourself to start feeling sexy AF What you can start doing every day to bec...
Rejection is Awesome
July 16, 2020 09:00 - 33 minutes - 31 MBI feel like shouting from the mountain tops: rejection is awesome! And, it's not rejection itself that sucks, but our fear of rejection. I mention two studies: first, that the pain social rejection causes is real (Kross, E. et. al., 2011) and that we feed our fear of rejection by making rejection mean something about us (Blackhart, G. et. al., 2014). From there, we dive into: The 5 reasons rejection is wonderful and something to welcome into your life 6 ways you can become more comfortabl...
What Do You Desire?
July 09, 2020 23:53 - 16 minutes - 15.2 MBWe start off celebrating - this is the inaugural episode of Sexual Craftsmanship and I'm just bursting with excitement! We quickly get down to brass tacks and cover: A working definition of desire for the purposes of Sexual Craftsmanship Why it matters Three ways you can start becoming aware of your desire The Reduction Technique: a method you can use when you're really clear on what you don't want... but less clear on what you do want If you want to get involved with the Sexual Crafts...
Welcome to Sexual Craftsmanship
July 09, 2020 23:52 - 9 minutes - 8.87 MBFirst, you'll hear from several different men as they speak aloud the challenges that they face in dating, sex, and relationships. Does any of this sound familiar? If yes, you're in the right place! Then, Sarah Martin will introduce the podcast and why it's been created. You'll also hear from three of Sarah's clients about the results they've experienced. The episode closes with a mission statement and a call to arms: to celebrate your sexuality and move forward toward sexual confidence an...