Episode 256: The Problem With The 5 Love Languages

“The Five Love Languages” is a wildly popular, bestselling book that came out just over 30 years ago. Since its arrival, the love languages have become a massive cultural phenomenon. However, despite enormous popularity, there’s a surprising lack of scientific backing for the concept. In fact, research suggests that the key principles and ideas behind the love languages just don’t hold up. So is this still a useful framework for understanding love? Let’s talk about it.

My guests today are Drs. Amy Muise and Emily Impett. Dr. Muise is an assistant professor and York Research Chair at York University. She is director of the Sexual Health and Relationship (SHaRe) Lab. Dr. Impett is a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto and director of the Relationships and Well-Being lab. Amy and Emily have been close collaborators for nearly 14 years and they have published over 60 papers together on sexuality and relationships!

Some of the topics we explore in this episode include:

What are the five love languages?
What’s the problem with claiming that there are only five languages to communicate love?
Is there any evidence supporting the idea that people who speak their partner’s love language are happier in relationships?
Are there more scientifically sound ways of understanding love than the love languages?
Is it okay to still like the love languages idea even if the data don’t support it?

Make sure to check out the Instagram pages for Amy and Emily’s labs, @share.research and @utmrawlab.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology

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Thank you to our sponsors! 

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

It’s a new year, and I’m excited to announce a new edition of my textbook, The Psychology of Human Sexuality! This is the third edition of the book, and it’s the biggest and best version yet. The Psychology of Human Sexuality is a comprehensive guide to the major theories and perspectives on sexuality and the vast diversity in sexual attitudes and behaviors that exist around the world. You can check it out here.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.